The Hazzards Anne Harris and Sydney Maresca

When Sydney Maresca attended a friend’s party in 2000, she had no idea it would change her life. Sydney had recently purchased a ukulele, her first musical instrument, and she was eager to brag to her friends about it.

“I was wandering around a party in Williamsburg telling everyone about my awesome ukulele and they all said, “Yeah, that’s really great. Go talk to Anne Harris, she just got one too,’” Sydney said. “We hung out and Anne was like, ‘We should start a band and it should be called The Ukes of Hazzard.’ And I was like, ‘Yes, now we have to because that name is so good.’”

And just like that, a new band was formed. The duo later shortened their name to The Hazzards “to stay on the right side of the law.” The Hazzards, who describe themselves as a “novelty indy pop band,” have been winning over audiences with their catchy songs and perky demeanor ever since.

One might wonder why ukuleles are their instrument of choice. For the girls, the decision was a simple one. “I know I got a ukulele because it looked really easy to me,” Sydney explained.

Anne followed up with, “I thought it looked really easy too. I’m not good at practicing, so I really wanted an easy instrument. I played viola and I played clarinet for two weeks. I guess ukulele is the instrument I’ve played the longest. Besides voice. And tambourine.”

But their decision goes deeper than that. “Another reason I got the ukulele is Marilyn Monroe plays it in Some Like It Hot,” Anne said. “She’s really pretty.”

Throughout our interview, the perky duo seemed to be having a great time. They were giggling and finishing each others sentences, like two schoolgirls enjoying a sleepover. Their giddiness is infectious. Of course, their schoolgirl charm should come as no surprise, considering they promote their shows by writing “Dear Diary” entries in an online blog. It’s also no surprise they consider themselves to be a modern day Laverne and Shirley.

When asked about their musical influences, Sydney responded with, “Wow, musical influences. That’s like a real band question.”

After considering the question for a moment, Anne had an answer, “I try to deny this so hard and I shouldn’t even be saying it now. Sydney busts me all the time on secretly liking musical theater, but I don’t.”

“She does, too,” Sydney quickly added.

“But I do think it informs my work,” Anne said.

“I, 100 percent hate musical theater,” Sydney responded, “but we went on a trip to England and she went there two days before me. And, I got there and she was like, ‘Oh my god, I just had the best time staying up all night and singing Le Mis.’”

“Oh my god, that’s so embarrassing,” Anne said while laughing.

“I just busted you. I’m sorry.”

Their biggest hit is “Gay Boyfriend,” which was one of the first songs they wrote together. The song was downloaded over a million times within its first three months on their site. The song was a bit hit in the U.K. as well, debuting at number 67 on the British singles charts, beating Seal. That lead to a promotional tour of England, including a cooking show, a morning talk show and a chat with the The Sun. “We were like Q List celebrities for like three weeks,” Sydney explained.

However, “Gay Boyfriend” still gets its share of air play. “If you go to a gay German disco, you will hear our song,” said Sydney.

The Hazzards are far from a one hit wonder. Their EP So Pretty, features five other songs, including “SexySpirit4U,” which is made up of real lyrics from a personal ad their friend received.

“We just took all of these emails that my friend got on Nerve.com,” Anne explained. “She was getting all of these Nerve personal responses from this dude in her neighborhood. They were all from the same day during a blizzard. He was so desperate. We were like, ‘Amazing. Cut and paste.’” They did make one change in the lyrics, though. “We changed his email address. People can’t really email him at magicianlover@yahoo.com.”

“Hotmail,” Sydney said.

“No, it’s totally Earthlink,” Anne clarified. Then, after a pause, “Netzero.”

The CD also features the song “Just a Temp,” which depicts life as a temporary employee in an office building. The song includes the lyrics, “The secretary’s got a cake for Cheryl’s birthday party. They’re all in the conference room. No temps aren’t invited.”

“I didn’t even change the names in that,” said Sydney. “That’s Cheryl Mintz’s birthday party.”

Of course, listening to their CD isn’t as much fun as seeing them live. According to Anne and Sydney, their live shows feature a ton of high fives and matching outfits. Their live shows also include a full band.

They have a regular gig in New York, their “Wednesday Night Make-Out Party” at Galapagos in Brooklyn. They also recently played at the Kennedy Center’s Millennium Stage on the night Steve Martin received The Kennedy Center Mark Twain Prize for American Humor. To celebrate
the occasion, The Hazzards even wrote a special song just for Martin.

The band has now turned it’s attention to the future. They toyed around with the idea of tapping into the lucrative children’s music market by forming a kid-friendly band called The Blazzards. They are also planning on recording more music videos and working on another album in the spring.

The Hazzards Anne Harris and Sydney Maresca

What would be their ultimate measure of success? “Originally we said we wanted to have a Japanese beverage commercial,” Anne said, “But I think now we want to have either a cartoon show or maybe, we’re trying to write a movie.”

When asked about the plot of their cartoon show, Sydney explained, “We’d probably solve a lot of mysteries.”

In the meantime, the two are just having fun and honing their sound. They added a rap battle to their set and Sydney recently acquired an electric ukulele.

“I’ll probably come up with some sweet soloing,” Sydney said, “once I learn how to do that.”

Written by Joel Murphy, November 2005. You can keep up to date on The Hazzards upcoming shows, read thier blog, watch their music videos or purchase their CD at http://www.hazzards.com.

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Carrie Nations

Several weeks ago, we were sitting on the couch together watching television, when a random thought popped into my head. “Do you know how to make a paper football?” I asked Joey.

“Are you kidding me? That’s how I survived highschool.” Then he walked over to our computer desk and got out a purple sheet of paper and I watched as he folded and tucked it until it finally took on the familiar shape of a paper football.

“Set up your goal post,” he said. With my thumbs and fingers I mimicked the shape of the goal post and Joey set his paper football up for the field goal attempt. After several tries and still nothing, Joey was getting impatient.

“I guess I’m a little rusty,” he said. “I’ll get my groove back.” His eyes lit up as if he had a great idea. He ran to get an ink pen and I watched as he sat the paper football down on the table and begin to write on it. Several seconds passed, then he showed me the finished product. Written on the paper football were the words “Joey Loves Carrie” surrounded by a terribly drawn hearts.

“For good luck,” he said, then kissed the football and set it up again. This time, the kick was good.

Last week, while cleaning, I found the paper football tucked down into the couch cushions. Seeing “Joey Loves Carrie” was like a punch in the gut. I sat down on the couch and turned the paper football to the other side. Taking a pen, I wrote, “I really miss you Joey” and sat and stared at the words for the longest time. I tried feeling the words and then getting rid of the feeling, so that my hurt could be replaced by anger. No matter how hard I tried though, the fact was simple. I may have been really angry, but God, I missed him.

I suppose I got what I wanted. My sister, my friend Christin and I were sitting around chatting and watching television when a knock at my door brought me to my feet. I walked down my stairs to open the door, and there he stood. Joey. It had only been a week since I had seen him last, but it seemed so much longer. His hair was already starting to grow back, and there was the new addition of facial hair growth on his chin. His blue eyes met mine, then darted down to the ground, then met mine again.

We stood there for a minute before either of us said anything. Finally, he spoke up, “Can I come in to get my stuff?” I nodded. I felt myself start to shake as I followed him up the stairs. My heart was beating in a million different directions and for a few seconds, I fought back the urge to have a panic attack.

“Do you have something I can put everything in?” he asked, and I went to get the boxes I got earlier, when I had planned on packing it up myself. He looked at me again, biting on his lower lip, just as unsure of what to say as I was. I had a million things I had planned on saying to him when I saw him. I wanted to tell him how angry I was. I wanted to let him know how hurt I felt over the lies and the confusion I’ve experienced the last couple of weeks. I wanted him to know I would never forgive him for abandoning me. I wanted to be so strong. As soon as I saw him, those wants were forgotten. The strength I tried to gather all week for this moment was lost.

“Will you come into the bedroom with me while I pack?” he asked, so I followed.

I sat on the bed, trying to fight back tears and I watched him pick up shirts I had gotten him – attached with memories of good times when he wore then. I saw him get the red polo shirt he was wearing the night I met him, and stuff it into his box. He sat the box down and put his head down into his hands. He stood like this for awhile, and then sighed before looking over at me.

“You know, this is hard for me too,” he said. “My feelings for you haven’t changed. I care about you.”

“Please Joey, I don’t want to hear this right now.”

“I know, but it’s true,” he says, then goes back to packing. He stops again.

“I’m so sorry things had to end up like this. I’m so sorry this was the way I let things turn out.”

“Then why did you?”

“I felt smothered.”

“All I ever tried to do was care about you Joey. I just wanted to love you, and be there for you. I didn’t mean to take up any other space.”

“You’re right,” he said. “You’ve done nothing wrong. This is about me, and I should have handled this better. I’m a coward. The truth is, I’m just not ready to settle down like you are and I gave it a try, for you and for us, because I couldn’t imagine not having you in my life. I’m just not ready for it.” He went back to packing.

“I still can’t imagine you not in my life, and it would be easy for me to come back to you and beg you for forgiveness and ask for you to let me come back because that’s what I’m scared of losing, but it’s not fair to you. I can’t be the boyfriend you deserve, but I want you in my life. Please don’t hate me, and shut me out. Please try to maintain some sort of relationship with me. At least think about it.”

I walked out of the room, before I started crying, and sat down at the kitchen table. It hurt so much, I just couldn’t deal. My sister came into the kitchen to check on me.

“Whatever you do, don’t let him see you cry,” she said and hugged me. “You will be ok.”

After about an hour, all of his stuff was packed. He came into the living room, giving everything a once over before leaving. “I think I’ve got everything,” he said. I nodded.

“I want you to have this.” He handed me the picture that I loved of his niece. Hannah was my little angel, and definitely one of the things I will miss most about being Joey’s girlfriend. “I’ll call you soon.” He forced a sideways smile. “Things will get better, you’ll see.”

Before he left, I watched as he walked over to the table near his favorite chair. Sitting on the table was the paper football he made. He picked it up and stared at it for the longest time, reading “Joey loves Carrie” before finally flipping it over to read my cry out to him – “I really miss you Joey.” The tears started falling from my eyes without warning. I had been doing so good, too.

Joey turned around to meet my tear-covered face with his own, before kissing the paper football and sticking it down into his pocket. “For good luck,” he said through his tears. The kick was good.

Goodbye Joey.

Carrie Nations is terrible at paper football. You can e-mail her tips at sundaysgirl@gmail.com.