True fans of the Evil Dead franchise have seen Ash wrestle with his own hand or exclaim “This is my boom stick” hundreds of times, but they’ve never seen him spontaneously break into song … until now.

Following in the tradition of “Spamalot” and “The Producers,” “Evil Dead: The Musical,” which is currently playing at New World Stages in New York City, takes the franchise made famous by Sam Raimi and Bruce Campbell and sets it to music.

The story, which combines elements from both Evil Dead movies, centers around five friends who spend the night at an abandoned cabin in the woods and unwittingly unleash a pack of Candarian demons using the Necronomicon, or “Book of the Dead.” One by one, all five are possessed by these demons and it’s left up to the hero, Ashley J. “Ash” Williams, to defeat the demons. He receives help from Annie, the daughter of the man who originally lived in the cabin, who arrives at the cabin with her boyfriend Ed and a local hillbilly named Jake.

While the first Evil Dead film was more of a true horror film, the sequel injected a lot of humor and slapstick into the franchise. “Evil Dead: The Musical” takes the concept a step further, acting as almost a parody of the films by using inside jokes about Raimi and Campbell and by openly acknowledging plot elements that didn’t necessarily make sense. And, of course, there are the musical numbers, which include Annie singing “All the men in my life keep getting killed by Candarian demons” and Jake and Annie giving an “Ode to an Accidental Stabbing.”

Deadites from across the country will surely flock to New York to experience their favorite films in a brand new way. Evil Dead fan Ryan Ward came all the way from Winnipeg, Manitoba Canada for the show. Of course, Ward had a good reason to make the trip – he stars as Ash in the play.

Ward’s involvement in the project began three years ago in Toronto. “I was still in school at the time,” Ward said. “I was trying to get some acting work in the summer in Toronto. I saw a flyer and said, ‘Oh, Evil Dead. I love Evil Dead.’ ”

Ward didn’t exactly have high expectations for the project going in. “I figured it would be a bunch of guys putting it on who were just Evil Dead dorks. I was pretty sure it wouldn’t be any good.”

Still, being an “Evil Dead dork” himself, Ward went in and tried out for the show. “I didn’t think I’d get to play Ash, I figured I’d play ‘Wiseman’ or some small character.”

But, he believes his knowledge and respect for the film helped him win the lead role. “I think I was really the only guy who tried out who kind of understood what Ash should be,” Ward said. “After I read ‘boom stick’ they jumped up and cheered.”

Ward was cast in the lead role and was actually able to give creative input as the show evolved and was refined over time. Through trial and error the show was eventually tightened up and, due to its success in Canada, was brought to New York City. Ward was the only original cast member kept on when the project moved to the U.S., most likely because of his ability to truly capture the essence of the role and his resemblance to Bruce Campbell.

Ryan Ward as Ash

When he tried out for the play, he didn’t think he looked much like Campbell, but most people who see the show see a striking resemblance between the two.

“I think I look a bit like Bruce Campbell. I have dark features and I’m tall. I’m sure I’m not as big as Bruce Campbell was,” Ward said, “I think it’s more the facial expressions.”

After studying the films, Ward was able to effortlessly recreate the trademark eyebrow arching and facial expressions, but he also has tried to establish a delicate balance between simply mimicking the role that Campbell made famous and giving the character his own interpretation.

“I wanted to make it half my own thing, but I knew what was expected of me,” Ward revealed. “I tried to get the right bits of what Bruce Campbell did to try to satisfy people who liked Evil Dead because I know what I would want to see if I watched the play.”

Ward has also been able to recreate some of the famous physical comedy bits from the films, including smashing bottles over his head and wrestling with his hand before chopping it off. Ward has always been comfortable with physical comedy, citing John Ritter and Jim Carrey as inspiration. He was also able to draw from a one man show he wrote and performed called “Noctürnal Müsical,” which centered around a man trapped in his own dream whose alter ego is trying to kill him.

While recreating the physical aspects and mannerisms of Campbell were important, Ward knew there was one thing he absolutely had to know by heart.

“My biggest concern is: don’t screw up the important lines,” said Ward. “I know that everybody in the theater is probably saying them with me.”

Of course, he has screwed up the important lines from time to time, including the famous ‘boom stick’ line. However, fans of the franchise have still embraced him and he has received a lot of praise in the role, include praise from Bruce Campbell’s wife.

Campbell and his wife attended the show on the first two nights. After the show, Campbell’s wife told Ward, “It was so weird sitting next to Bruce because I was looking at you playing Ash and it looked like Bruce 20 years ago.”

Campbell himself was also impressed with the show. “He really liked the show, he thought it was funny,” Ward said. “I was a little bit nervous. I was keeping my eye on him. I was trying to see if he liked it or if he was bored.”

Renée Klapmeyer, who plays both Annie and Shelly in the show, really enjoyed Campbell’s presence. “It was awesome having him there, just knowing he was out in the audience and hoping that we were all representing something that he did that was close to his heart,” Klapmeyer said.

Klapmeyer, who is originally from Stillwell, Kansas, wasn’t familiar with the Evil Dead franchise when she began working on the play, but has since become a fan. “I had never heard of Evil Dead. I didn’t know anything about the movies,” Klapmeyer admitted. “I just saw the audition and it said, ‘Come prepared with your best horror scream.’”

Like Ward, when she landed the role she watched the films to help develop her two characters, but found that the musical had changed them quite a bit.

“The character of Shelly in the movie is really different from the character I play in the show. They’ve expanded it,” Klapmeyer. “The role of Annie is different as well. So, I definitely watched the movies and studied the movies a lot, but I also tried to bring my own creativity to the role.”

Nonetheless, Klapmeyer has developed a real appreciation for the movies and their fans. “It’s just been so amazing. I’ve never done a show like this before where the audience is so involved,” she said. “Everyone seems to enjoy it so much. They love what we are doing up there, which makes it that much more exciting.”

Of course, one of the things the fans really love is Shelly’s breakaway costume. Throughout the show, pieces of her outfit are ripped off, leaving her scantily clad by the final curtain. “I’ve actually never played a part before where I’m ripping off articles of clothing. It’s fun,” Klapmeyer said. “It’s more fun when the audience is in to it and they’re screaming and yelling as I’m taking off the articles of clothing.”

One aspect Ward and Klapmeyer might not enjoy is the copious amounts of blood that end up filling the stage by the end of the night. Much like a Gallagher show, “Evil Dead: the Musical” actually has a “Splatter Zone” in the front rows, where some audience members try to hide behind plastic ponchos to stay clean while others wear white t-shirts that they keep as blood-soaked souvenirs.

Starting out, the blood was a bit of a challenge for Ward and the creative team from Toronto. “It was a pretty steep learning curve when we first did it. We didn’t really know what to expect,” Ward said. “They used Super Soakers. I was soaked in blood and we didn’t have any wash basins or anything like that or any real clue how we were going to get it off in time for me to get back on.”

Musical Numbers Act One “Cabin in the Woods” “Housewares Employee” “It Won’t Let Us Leave” “Look Who’s Evil Now” “What the … ?” “Join Us” “Good Old Reliable Jake” “Housewares Employee” (reprise) “I’m Not a Killer” Act Two “I’m Not a Killer” (reprise) “Bit-Part Demon” “All the Men in My Life” “Ode to an Accidental Stabbing” “Do the Necronomicon” “It’s Time” “We Will Never Die” “You Blew That Bitch Away”

Over time, they were able to develop a better “blood-delivery system” and Ward was able to adjust to the splatter. “I’ve learned how to dodge the blood so it doesn’t hit my mic,” Ward said. And the blood really doesn’t bother him anymore. “I’m kind of used to it,” he said.

Sometime though, the blood can actually be dangerous for the performers. “We have the huge blood fight, then we still have one more number,” said Klapmeyer. “That’s very challenging for all of us because there is blood all over the stage. A couple of cast members have actually slipped on the blood and fallen.”

Still, the blood, the rabid fans and the cheesy musical numbers help to make “Evil Dead: The Musical” a unique experience.

“It’s unlike any theater show you’ve ever been to,” Ward said. “One word I would describe it as is ‘raucous.’ It’s like a rock concert.”

“From the minute I did it, I knew it was something special,” he added. “I challenge you not to have a good time at this show.”

Klapmeyer agreed, “It’s the kind of show that you leave all of your inhibitions at the door and walk in and just say, ‘I’m going to have a really good time’ and just go with it because the ride that we take the audience on is a crazy ride, but it’s a lot of fun.”

It’s certainly a show that is unlikely to be replicated. Unless, of course, they ever make a musical version of Army of Darkness. Ward said he believes the studio is keeping that option open. The original ending of the play featured a musical version of “Hail to the King,” but the studio made them drop the number.

Written by Joel Murphy, November 2006. Photos by Carol Rosegg. For more information on “Evil Dead: The Musical” or to purchase tickets, visit the official website. To read our interview with Bruce Campbell, click here.

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While the storylines may keep Sgt. Jay Landsman in the background, his surly demeanor and affection for porno magazines help him to steal most of the scenes he is in. Although entertaining, Delaney Williams, who plays Landsman on HBO’s critically-acclaimed drama The Wire, wants you to know that he is quite different from the character you see on your television screen. To help you learn more about the man behind the magazine, he recently sat down and talked with us about himself, his character and the real Jay Landsman.

Where are you originally from and where do you call home now?

I’m originally from the Washington, DC area and I split my time now between New York and the DC-Baltimore area.

How did you get into acting? How old were you when you started and what made you decide this is what you wanted to do for a living?

It’s one of the things my father did when I was about 12 or 13. My father did a little community theatre, I went with him just to find out what he was doing. I ended up auditioning for a small role – he ended up not getting a role in the show, but I ended up getting a role. I was hooked from there, I guess.

I did some things in high school and, of course, went to college for it for a couple of years. Then, while I held a day job for many years, I did a lot of stage work. I did mostly stage work for 20 years. Film and television started taking off for me in the last 10 years or so and has been the bulk of my work. But, I have been doing a show or two on stage a year.

What was it like starting out for you? Did you find it really tough to get roles or were you pretty lucky?

I worked fairly steadily on stage. It’s difficult for any actor. It’s not a career you would choose because the opportunities are enormous. If you are looking to make a lot of money and secure a future, you are probably not going to make this choice. You are going to make this choice because you love to do it.

Was there ever a point where you thought, “I don’t want to do this?” or “Maybe I should do something else?”

Every day. Because you live through the struggles of trying to find a job everyday. I don’t know if you’ve had the experience of looking for work and being rejected, but that comes with the territory. The hardest part is getting the job and you’re always doing that. But, for the last 10 years or so, it’s been fairly good, especially because of television and film.

You have a lot of experience working on David Simon projects. You appeared in an episode of Homicide and The Corner before being cast as Sgt. Jay Landsman on The Wire. What were those experiences like for you and did they lead the way for you getting cast on The Wire?

The Homicide job was just something that being in the DC-Baltimore area a lot of actors worked on the show. I don’t believe I worked on a show that David wasn’t involved with. Obviously, he wrote the book that the show was based on.

But The Corner and The Wire were connected. I was one of the people that was called in to read for a small role on The Corner and it turned out well enough that they wrote another scene in another episode of The Corner for the character. So I think they were pleased with my work on the show. And, of course, the miniseries did very well for HBO, so HBO picked up David’s idea for The Wire.

They called me in specifically to read for that role. Bob Colesberry and David Simon remembered me from The Corner and brought me back in. It’s actually kind of a funny story. I really tanked the audition, but I think afterwards I really begged and pleaded to do it again. By begging and pleading, I think they got what they wanted out of me. The audition process was an odd one, but it worked out well. The show is a great show and I’m glad to be on it.

How was the Jay Landsman character described to you initially? What kind of direction did they give you?

Absolutely none. There was no direction. It’s partially there in the writing and I knew that a Jay Landsman existed. I hadn’t met him until the end of the first season, actually. It’s not really based on that person. But, there is a Jay Landsman and he worked for the Baltimore City Police Department and now he works in Baltimore County.

But, it was one of those things where I could see in the writing how I thought they wanted it to go, my audition took it there and then when we started working on the show, I didn’t know it was going to recur as much as it did, but I think they were pleased with what I brought to the character. It worked out that the choices I made were something they were interested in having for the character. Of course, they’ve written to that since then. I think that’s true for a lot of the character traits you’ll see in Landsman’s scenes throughout the four seasons.

Do you know why they decided to name the character after a real person?

I think it was a shout out, sort of an homage. It was a person that David had known when he followed the homicide unit for a year in Baltimore before writing the book Homicide: Life on the Street.

When you met the real Jay Landsman, what was his impression of the show and what was it like meeting him?

I think he liked the show a lot. It was kind of fun. We got a picture taken together and we’ve met several times since then. I think he enjoys the show a lot. It says a lot of the things he thought about working in the Baltimore City Police Department or any big city police department. He’s a much smaller man than I am, so I think that was sort of a joke played by David Simon on him. Of course, I don’t get the joke. (Laughs.)

One of your bigger moments on the show came during episode 28 in season three, when everyone gets together at Kavanagh’s Irish Pub to honor the late Ray Cole. Can you talk about filming that scene and also, is that something that really happens in the police force?

My understanding is that it’s a traditional thing. It may not happen exactly as depicted in the show. Our show is fiction, of course. But there are certain traditions that are carried on when someone passes away – just as in any tight-knit organization. It’s beyond my knowledge, but apparently there are some traditions that are carried through by the detectives and the police department that are just their own.

As far as that particular episode and that particular scene, I was very proud and honored to get a chance to do it. Ray Cole was played by Bob Colesberry, our executive producer. He was extraordinarily important to our show and a decent human being and I think he pulled our show together the first couple of years. The creative forces that David Simon brought to it were very important to it, but Bob was the guy that made it good television and good art. It was very sad when he passed. And it was absolutely my honor to honor him in that way. I’m glad we got the chance to do it. The scene kind of steps out of the show a little bit, just a little bit, but it ties back in to that part of the story. It was kind of an emotional and moving day. It took us many, many hours to shoot that. I think I recited the eulogy probably 50 or 60 times. It was a long, hard day, but well worth it.

And, of course, we just recently had an episode air where Col. Forester passes away and we had a similar wake for him. I had a smaller speech in the squadroom about him and that was also kind of a sad day for us because the actual actor, Richard DeSantis, passed away. That was the basis for doing that in the series. Richard was a really, really good guy and a good actor.

Do you think those episodes are cathartic for the cast to get to do?

I think a little bit. I know definitely for me they were. The cast is so broad and wide that it doesn’t affect everyone the same way, I guess, but certainly for me they were chances to say in public “Goodbye to our friend.”

Just to change gears a bit so this interview doesn’t get too terribly serious, how often would you guess Sgt. Landsman looks at nudie magazines while sitting at his desk?

(Laughs.) I kind of know when I receive a script that I’ll open it up and it will say “Enter your homicide unit daytime. Sgt. Landsman is looking at a nudie magazine and eating half a side of beef as he reams out one of the detectives.” That’s basically what I know will happen in every scene that he’s in. It’s kind of a running joke. But hopefully in the fifth and final season, we’ll see some of his more cerebral pursuits. Perhaps we’ll see him at a Mensa meeting or a chess tournament.

Are you a method actor? How many magazines did you purchase for “research” purposes to get a feel for your character?

(Laughs.) Yeah, I think if you ask David Simon, he’d say, “Well, we took all of this stuff from what Delaney does.” But, I’d say no, that’s all out of David Simon’s back pocket. I’m going to leave that all on him. He had personal knowledge and experience of all of that, obviously in depth, and that part of the character is actually written by the creator himself.

What is it like working on such a complex show? Obviously, as a recurring character, you don’t have to pay as much attention to what is going on with everyone else, but do you try to keep track of all of the different plotlines and intersecting stories?

The producers try to keep a reign on the story so it doesn’t leak out. So, I wouldn’t get every script necessarily. The difficult part about that was that I’d have to know information that happened in those scripts for the character in the following episode. Without that information, I wouldn’t know what the character was talking about. So I ended up having to get all of the scripts and keeping up with all of the storylines. It was important just for the character’s sake. As an actor, I would feel like I would look silly because I wouldn’t know what I was talking about in the following episode.

The hard part about that is you don’t necessarily get to watch the show and enjoy it the way someone who is watching it for the first time does because you know what is going to happen. Toward the end of this last season, I actually didn’t get a chance to read all of the scripts. Basically, my character was doing the same information, so it wasn’t really necessary. Actually, the last couple of weeks when I get a chance to see the episodes, I’m seeing things for the very first time. And I can see what a really interesting and brilliant show it is to watch. It would be one of my favorite televisions shows … and it is one of my favorite television shows.

Because you’re originally from Washington, DC, what is it like filming The Wire so close to where you grew up? Does it mean more to you working so close to home?

It should have a universal appeal. There is some draw to the fact that no television shows are shot anywhere other than Los Angeles and New York, at least major network television shows. So there’s a different feel to it altogether. It should appeal to the rest of the country more, I would think.

It means a lot to me to get to work here because I have a four year old and a seven year old. I have two young sons, and their time is split between me and my ex-wife, who lives here in DC. So it makes it much easier on me, personally. I can be in DC and I can be at work in a half an hour. It’s not a matter of commuting across the country, which I’ve had to do in the past and most actors have had to do.

How accurately do you feel the show portrays Baltimore?

It’s fairly accurate about the things it addresses. Each individual scene is mostly shot on location in the city. The stuff that’s shot on the soundstage is meticulously remade from places in the city. Vincent Peranio is in charge of the look of the show and he’s a longtime Baltimore artist who has done this for many years. He knows Baltimore inside and out. For instance, the scenes that are shot in the homicide office, where I mostly am, are shot on a soundstage. It’s based on where we actually shot the first season which was on the fifth or sixth floor of 100 Northwest Charles Street. The first season, you’ll see the exteriors of that scene will be the actual buildings outside of 100 North Charles Street. When we had to go inside to a soundstage for the following season, they recreated every last detail of the exterior and the interior.

What has the response been like from Baltimore police officers?

The response I’ve gotten has always been positive. Especially while the show is airing, I’ll walk down the street and get stopped left and right. People will say how they love the show and they love the character. It reaffirms that you don’t have to kowtow to the lowest common denominator. You can make a thinking man’s show about the problems of a city that resonate with people who live there who understand what you’re doing is creating a work of art and something to think about. You are not trying to denigrate the city, what you are trying to do is create a dialogue.

It’s not bubblegum television. It’s not for everyone. I assumed that going in and I’m sure the producers did as well. HBO has apparently been good about that as well. They know that it’s not breakout television, it’s not going to be this neatly wrapped up hour’s worth of crime drama where the drug dealers are all bad and stupid and the cops are all smart and virtuous. It’s more like real life than that.

We know you can’t give anything away, but what is in store for Jay Landsman for the end of season four?

Jay Landsman, the character, not being part of the main thrust of any of the stories, he doesn’t have necessarily a through line of his character. There isn’t really any attention paid to what happens to his character. He affects the other stories in certain ways. But definitely look out for the last episode. There’s some interesting stuff for Jay there. The final episode of the current season was a lot of fun to do in a different way altogether from anything you’ve seen from Jay Landsman so far.

What do you do to unwind? What kind of hobbies do you have?

I’ve got the same hobbies as everybody else – watch a little good television; go to the movies; go out with friends to dinner; play a little tennis, believe it or not, and a little bit of basketball. That’s about it. I like to read a lot and I’m a big fan of the theater.

What would you be doing for a living if you never got into acting?

I don’t know. My day job for 10 years was I managed a bank. I know it wouldn’t be that. I would kill myself if I was still doing that. Which is not to say it’s not an honorable profession, it just wasn’t for me. It made a living for me for a while, while I was doing a lot of stage work in the evening, I was able to use banker’s hours to my advantage. So that worked out really well.

To tell you the truth, I really don’t know. I think it would probably be something creative, maybe even behind the camera somewhere. Backstage, maybe directing. I would still be in the arts somewhere, I would guess.

Tell us something most people don’t know about you.

I’m not the person they see on television. I’m not that character. You are the person they see in terms of your physical form, but you are not the person they see in terms of what you do and how you react to situations. I get a lot of comments about what the character has done and the person I’m speaking with thinks that’s a good thing or a bad thing. Of course, I always have to let them know that it’s not really me that does that.

As a matter of fact, I actually had nothing obviously to do in the storyline with getting rid of Stringer Bell at the end of the third season, but that caused a huge uproar in the fans. I actually had a t-shirt made up that said “I had nothing to do with Stringer Bell.” I was getting so much grief about it.

We’ve got one last thing for you here. I’m going to do a word association. We’ll just throw out a name and tell us the first thing that comes to your mind.

Baltimore.

Charm city.

Jimmy McNulty.

Dom is great.

Dozerman’s gun.

Where is it? Where the fuck is it?

Sgt. Jay Landsman.

Smarter than you think.

Delaney Williams.

Not quite as smart as you might think.

The future.

Bright.

Interview by Joel Murphy, November 2006. The Wire airs Sunday nights on HBO.

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By Joel Murphy

(In no particular order.)

Christians who boycott Halloween because it is the “devil’s holiday.” Sure, Halloween is based on a Pagan holiday, but so are Christmas and Easter. Halloween isn’t evil – it’s an excuse to wear a silly costume and get free candy. Lighten the fuck up.

The fact that Fox keeps pushing The Simpsons Halloween special back until the week after Halloween. Look, it’s cute that baseball is still around despite the fact that Bud Selig is incompetent, everyone is either juiced up on steroids or using pine tar and most Americans don’t care about the sport because it’s not football. But, can’t they at least fix it so that it doesn’t screw up The Simpsons? Plus, the World Series didn’t go to game seven, so they actually could have aired the Halloween special this past weekend anyway.

Politics.

Kevin Federline. Turning Britney Spears into an unattractive mess while sponging off of her fortune is one thing. But, why can’t he just do it quietly? Why does he feel the need to record a rap album? Why did he show up on WWE Raw (at least he got booed worse than Sgt. Slaughter when he turned on America during The Gulf War)? Everyone bags on Paris Hilton for being famous in spite of the fact that she’s never done anything worthwhile, but at least she videotaped herself blowing a guy. What has K Fed ever done?

People who bought Kevin Federline’s album. Sure, his rap CD is currently only ranked 1,908 on Amazon.com’s sales chart, but that still means that some people are actually buying it. Are these people buying the wrong CD on accident? Are they masochist? I refuse to believe that he actually has any fans.

Shaun Alexander’s broken foot and it’s impact on my fantasy football season.

The car that parallel parks itself. Unless the car also has William Daniels’ voice and says things like “Danger Michael,” I’m just not interested. Besides, today the cars are parking themselves, tomorrow they are trapping us inside using the automatic locks, then forcing us to do their bidding. I’m sure it’s probably wonderful to be able to sip your soy mocha latte while your car parks itself you pretentious Lexus driving toolbox, but will it really have been worth it when the robots have taken over and we are all living in a Terminator 3-style post-Apocalyptic world?

The fact that HBO puts episodes of The Wire On Demand a week before they actually air them. That’s great for all of the people who have cable, but it definitely screws over me and anyone else who has DirecTV.

The service at Wendy’s. I seriously doubt “Dave’s way” is making me wait in line for 20 minutes because you only have one cashier working. It’s clear that your employees don’t have a sense of urgency about preparing my meal, but it is called “fast food” for a reason.

The names of cell phones. KRZR? Chocolate? Are you kidding me?

The special effects on Lost. It’s one of the best shows on television, so why not give them a bigger budget for special effects? That way, I wouldn’t have to watch an incredibly fake looking CGI polar bear or a cloud of black smoke slamming Echo into a tree in a Road Runner-like fashion.

People who don’t understand how a four-way stop works. If you and another driver pull up to the four-way stop at the same time, the driver to the right of you has the right of way. And, if there are a lot of cars waiting to go through the four-way stop at the same time, it doesn’t work like a traffic light – when the guy in front of you goes through the stop sign, you don’t get to follow him. You have to wait for the other three cars to go first. Obviously, you didn’t pay attention in driver’s ed, but you do get the concept of taking turns, don’t you, you self-centered asshole?

Black licorice.

Nip/Tuck. The show has always been crap TV, but at least it used to be enjoyable. Now, it is so over the top that there is a baby with claw hands, a dwarf who is in love with Julia and a whole season-long story arch about kidney thieves (and no, I don’t mean Free Dominguez). Plus, they go out of their way to ruin the best character on the show, Christian, by making him in love with Sean and having him bang Rosie O’Donnell. Did Julian McMahon sleep with a writer’s wife or something?

Day Break. This new show starring Taye Diggs is nothing more than a blatant rip-off of Ground Day. While the irony of copying a movie where the same thing happens over and over again is quite comical, it doesn’t change the fact that this is a terrible idea.

Jimmy Fallon.

Random thought of the week:
Bob Barker announced that he will retire from The Price is Right after 35 years. Once he is gone from daytime television, who will help control the pet population?

Joel Murphy is the creator of HoboTrashcan, which is probably why he has his own column. He also has some really hot friends. You can contact him at murphyslaw@hobotrashcan.com.