Hobo Stu’s Weekly Recap

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Hobo Stu

Hobo Stu

Hello everyone,

I’m really having a tough time choosing which of the two powerhouses I should go with for the “big game” on Sunday …

No, I’m not talking about the Pittsburgh Steelers or the Arizona Cardinals. I could care less about either one of them. I’m trying to decide which delicious appetizer I should eat during the Super Bowl – nachos or chicken wings.

While chicken wings certainly are the favorite (and they certainly would be tasty alongside the delicious meat lovers pizza I plan on ordering), I love a good underdog story, so I’m tempted to go with the nachos.

Ugh. Why does this have to be so tough?

Here’s what’s new on HoboTrashcan.com this week:

Lost: Down the Hatch – And nary an Archie in sight
Chris Kirkman is back this week with a brief recap and in-depth analysis of the Lost episode “Jughead.” After reading his theories, make sure to pour yourself a nice tall Long Island Milkshake, which Kirkman offers up as this week’s episode-inspired drink recipe.

Murphy’s Law – The Too Much Information Age
There are many perks to living in the Information Age, but Joel Murphy believes that we are faced with an overabundance of useless information these days. Everything from what Barack Obama’s daughters had for lunch to the itineraries of the Arizona Cardinals and Pittsburgh Steelers is reported to kill time on the 24-hour news cycle and to keep RSS news feeds active.

Note to self – A battle of champions
All eyes may be on the Pittsburgh Steelers and Arizona Cardinals, but Brian Murphy believes that the most exciting action taking place this weekend will happen inside of the Octagon when Georges St-Pierre squares off against UFC lightweight champion BJ Penn at UFC 94 on Saturday night.

Outside of the In-Crowd – Things Assholes Like: The first in a series
This week, Courtney Enlow introduces a new and innovative feature entitled “Things Assholes Like.” For her first installment, Enlow talks about her upstairs neighbor, who likes to loudly play Wii at 3 a.m. despite the fact that the sweet columnist living below him is attempting to get her beauty rest.

Overrated – Joe Torre
Former Yankees manager Joe Torre is set to release a tell-all book talking about his time with the storied franchise. Not only does Ned Bitters believe that Torre shouldn’t gossip about what happens inside the clubhouse, he also believes that Joe Torre’s success as a manager is highly overrated.

- Hobo Stu

Hobo Stu’s Weekly Recap is also available as an email newsletter. To sign up for the newsletter to ensure you never miss an update, send an email to newsletter-subscribe@hobotrashcan.com.

  

Hobo Radio 74 – This time with feeling

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  • Introduction
  • Super Bowl Sunday
  • The Wrestler
  • Contractually obligated Batman discussion
  • Shout out to Callburner and the TPN Pledge Drive
  • “Better Off” by Car 54

Week 74 Spotlight: This time with feeling

This Sunday, the world’s oldest man will square off against a defrosted caveman in what is sure to be a memorable Super Bowl. Joel Murphy and Lars Periwinkle break down the game and give their predictions on who will reign supreme.

After that, the dynamic duo laments the fact that they are the only two people in the country who haven’t see The Wrestler yet. Joel especially is feeling the pressure, since he is a lifelong pro wrestling fan. But he vows to rectify the situation as soon as possible. Then they wrap things up this week with a contractually obligated Batman discussion and some shameless whoring out.

Why is Joel in a better mood this week? Why did Batman get busted in Tampa while eating sushi? What would Joel and Lars do if they were rich? The answers to these questions and more are in this week’s podcast.

Hobo Radio is the official podcast of HoboTrashcan, brought to you by The Podcast Network.

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Lost: Down the Hatch – And nary an Archie in sight

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Chris Kirkman

Chris Kirkman

“Jughead” Recap and Analysis …

Previously, on Lost: Ben spins the big wheel and wins a free trip to Tunisia, while Daniel, Juliet, Sawyer and the gang get a free trip to the Twilight Zone. Speaking of Daniel, while he’s on one of the many jumps through time, he finds Desmond in the old Hatch and tells him to find his Mum in Oxford. Back in the present – OUR current present, and the present of the Oceanic 6 that got off the island, not the other survivors left behind because it’s actually three years earlier for them, well, kinda sorta since they’re skipping around through time … oh never mind – Desmond wakes up in a sweat next to Penny and suddenly remembers Daniel visiting him in the hatch. The chase is on.

This week on Lost: The left-behinders jump once again and find themselves eyeball-deep in trouble, as usual. Daniel, Charlotte and Miles almost get blown all to hell by some Claymore anti-personnel mines along a creek bed, so, naturally I think they’ve jumped back no further than the Vietnam era. Well, wrong, they eventually find out they’re in 1954, which is verrry interesting because the M18 was in VERY limited testing production at that time and it’s unlikely that some military engineers hanging around the asshole of the Pacific are going to be carrying ANTI-PERSONNEL MINES that are rarer than a three-dollar bill. But, you know, we’re dealing with a time-traveling island and a thousand-year-old man here, so I guess we’ll just let that one go.

Claymore mine
Claymore mine. See that text on the front, there, that says “FRONT TOWARD ENEMY”? Yeah, well, that wasn’t on the M18 available to the military in 1954. Hey, I’m just sayin’.

Ahem, anywho, they all get captured by some early Others and taken back to a military camp lead by, who else, Richard Alpert. Meanwhile, Locke, Juliet and Sawyer capture some Others of their own. They’re speaking in a secret Other language, known as Latin. Juliet speaks it. Cuz she’s an other, natch. They extract a little info. Juliet demands to see Richard, and one of the Others jumps up and snaps the other guys neck and runs off into the jungle. Well, then.

In honor of this week’s episode, I present to you all a drink recipe that succeeds on two levels. First off, it honors everyone’s favorite beanie-wearing, hamburger-scoffin’, Archie-lovin’, Riverdale resident, Jughead. After all, that’s the title of this episode and this drink would go particularly well with a nice medium rare burger served up hot and fresh – sort of like Veronica.

On another level, this drink supposedly originates not too far from my favorite town of Chapel Hill, NC, so I like to give some props to the Old North State when I can. Remember with this recipe that with great power comes great responsibility. Don’t drink a couple of “Long Island Milkshakes” and drive. Believe me.

Long Island Milkshake

  • 1 shot of vodka
  • 1 shot of rum
  • 1 shot of gin
  • 1/2 shot of tequila
  • 1/2 shot of triple sec
  • 1 shot of creme de cacao
  • Half a regular-sized cup of crushed ice
  • 2 ounces of cream or Half & Half
  • 4 tablespoons sugar
  • Vanilla extract to taste (optional)

Throw the ice, sugar, creme de cacao and vanilla extract and creame or Half & Half into a blender, then mix for 5 to 10 seconds. Then add all the alcohol and use the whip button on the blender for 15-20 seconds, or until the ingredients are blended well without overblending the ice. Pour into a large Collins glass or a milkshake mug. Drink it on down, it’ll taste just like a milkshake, trust me. You can make this drink with ice cream, too – just substitute the cream, ice, sugar and vanilla extract with whatever flavor you’d like. Serve up with some fine hamburgers and don’t forget your beanie!

Back with Desmond and Penny, they’re in jolly old England now and, to make a long story short, Desmond goes to Oxford, gets some clues, finds the girl (Teresa) that Daniel fucked up with some time travel experiments, gets a bit fed up with it all and finally just goes and sees Charles Widmore like he should have done in the first damn place. Charles tells Desmond that Daniel’s mum is in LA – of course – and off Des goes. Oh yeah, and Desmond and Penny have a son now, named Charlie. It’s touching, really it is.

Back on the island, Daniel has convinced Richard and the others that he can help them with their little “problem” – an H bomb left on the island by the military, named Jughead. He goes off with Ellie, a spunky little blonde with a ‘tude and a rifle. He promptly tells her to bury it and her problem is solved. She queries and he tells her he knows because in 50 years the island is still there. Yup, he’s a time-traveler. Put that in your pipe and smoke it, blondie.

The neck-snapping Other has made it back to camp now and so has Locke, Juliet and Sawyer. Locke goes off into camp to confront Richard, where he promptly tells him his tale and shows him the compass given to him by Richard in the future. A whole big can of temporal worms just got opened up right there. Locke tells Richard that if he doesn’t believe him, he should come visit Locke when he’s born – two years from now. Cool. Oh, and just so you know, the guy that snapped the Other guy’s neck before running back to Richard? None other than Charles Widmore. Uh huh. Total Lost moment there. I got damn near giddy.

Before Locke can get Richard to tell him how to get off the island, there’s another flash and they’re in another time. Pretty soon, beautiful Charlotte is face down in the dirt and getting ready to dance the rumba with the Grim Reaper. Locke, meanwhile, has leaped into the body of an early-’60s lounge singer whose pantyhose is riding up something fierce and whose manager wants his cut and wants it now. Oh, boy.*

Cue the thonk!

A quintessential Lost episode, through and through, with lots of nice twists and turns and a lovely surprise at the end. My childlike, adventurous side was completely enthralled. My brain, however, was a bit more concerned with this episode’s introduction of some classic temporal paradoxes – and I’m not just talking about out-of-place Claymores.

I’M MY OWN GRANDPA
Unless you’ve never watched any sort of movie or television show that deals even remotely with time travel, or didn’t pay attention in philosophy class, you will have heard of the grandfather paradox. This paradox was popularized by sci-fi writer Rene Barjavel in the early ’40s and proposes the quandary of thought where one could travel back in time and murder their grandfather before they were born, thus ensuring their birth never happened, and therefore making it impossible to travel back in time to murder the grandfather in the first place. This is one of the most classic philosophical questions regarding the possibility of time travel, and a derivation of this paradox is in play on the island: Hedges Theory.

Hedges Theory states that time travel is impossible because if one were to have a reason to travel back in time, and one changed things to make a correction to the timeline, then there would no longer be a reason to go back in time to make the fix. Got that? In essence, any changes that may be made to the timeline in the past would affect the present time that the traveler experienced, giving them no reason, and possibly no means, to travel back in time. In some ways, this is happening with Locke and Richard in their exchanges. The more Locke shares with Richard in the past, the more it affects Locke and Richard’s timeline in the present/future. We can beat this paradox, however, with the Novikov self-consistency principle.

This principle is pretty much what Daniel was spouting off about in the season premiere. He explained to the left-behinders basically that “whatever has happened has happened, and you can’t change it.” Some call it destiny, but temporal philosophers call it sell-consistency. Here’s how Locke and Richard’s strings (if you will) are entwined in such a way to be self-consistent within their timelines:

Locke and Richard timeline

  1. Richard gives Locke the compass sometime in the past/present/future (or at least sometime during “The Lie.”
  2. Locke, now back in the past before he was born, tells Richard about the compass and gives it to him. He also tells Richard that he is his leader and that he’ll be born in two years time.
  3. Richard visits Locke when he’s five years old (we look at this more closely in my recap/analysis of “Cabin Fever” last season) and wants him to choose among six objects which of them are already his. Locke chooses the granules of sand and the compass that Locke, himself, provided for Richard in the past. Locke also claims the knife, which was not a wise choice. Richard immediately knows that Locke is either not ready or not the chosen leader, after all. He grabs the compass and leaves. Sometime in the future, after the White Event and all the jumping, Richard gives the compass to Locke (1), and the pattern starts anew.

This temporal pattern is indicative of the self-consistency principle. Locke needs a certain push at a young age to search out his purpose and eventually find the island. The push is provided by Richard Alpert, along with some items, one of which is a compass. Years later, Locke comes across the very same compass and is provided an opportunity to go back in time and share his story with Richard. Richard takes his information and the compass and sets out to see if Locke is who he says he is, and monitor Locke’s progress and possibly offer a push when needed. Thus, Locke becomes the man he needs to be to find the island and become the Other’s new leader. Self-fulfilling prophecy, if you will. Or, destiny, by another term that Locke might prefer.

That issue seems to be all wrapped up snug and cozy, doesn’t it? Well, not really. The next question that should be coming into all of your minds is where did the compass come from?. If Richard gave Locke the compass in the “future” and Locke brought it back with him to the “past” to give to Richard so that he could use it throughout Locke’s life and then give it back to Locke in the future so he could bring it back to the past … where does the compass originate? Herein lies one of the greatest paradoxes inherent in some self-consistency scenarios. One possible answer is that the compass has always existed in the same time loop. That’s a pretty deep concept to wrap your mind around, and it won’t help you sleep at night, believe me. Another answer is that this particular thread of time has been evolving with each successive loop. Wait, what do I mean by each successive loop?. Well, that’s another rabbit hole I considered jumping down this week, but it’s getting late and that’s a major box that would make Pandora jealous. So … I will save that bit of temporal philosophy for another week, after I see more of the compass’s fate.

DECEIT LIES IN WAIT WITH THE YOUNG
So … Charles Widmore was once an Other. We all might have suspected as much. It’s no wonder that he wants to get back to the island so desperately. Obviously, Widmore was ousted from Richard’s timeless bosom at one point in the past, but for what we know not. I’m guessing his mean streak of snapping necks at a moment’s notice may have had something to do with it.

As for Miss Ellie – she of the golden hair, the ‘tude and the rifle – Daniel seems to think she looks like someone, someone he knows very well. Since she seems to be about the same age as Widmore while on the island, and Daniel is roughly the same age as Penny, my best guess is that Ellie is Daniel’s mum – which is more than likely Mrs. Hawking. I’d love to hear any other theories, if you have them, as this young lady was provided with far too much screen time and armaments to just be a throwaway character.

Ellie
Oh, uh … hey gurrrrl. You’re way too pretty to grow up to be so damn scary.

THE CONSTANTLY CHANGING CONSTANT
Last week I posited my theory on the island being the constant for most of the left-behinders, and the Oceanic 6 filling in the gap for all the of the survivors to act as the island’s constant in return. I still have faith in my theory, as wacky as it may seem. However, I’m starting to entertain an alternative. Certainly, it seems as though Richard has become Locke’s true constant, as Locke is not concerned with jumping about since he knows there’s one person that will always be there on the other end. There is a possibility that Richard may act as the constant for the other left-behinders, as well. The reason Charlotte is not affected by Richard is probably because of her lack of knowledge of Richard. She truly is lost amongst the rest, and her personal story and journey to the island does not intimately entwine her with the rest.

Charlotte’s only hope, it seems, is Daniel. Daniel, obviously, has the greatest grasp of the temporal shenanigans going on, and, as evidenced by his appearance down in the Swan during its Dharma heydays, has done more than his fair share of jumping about. There is a small chance that Daniel will be able to jump outside the rules, as he stated about Desmond. In doing so, Daniel could harness the jumping to appear to Charlotte in her past and her future, thus giving her a constant. Of course, Daniel could also have another plan for all this involving his mother, which we may see unfold in a bit. Then again, Charlotte may just end up like all the poor Dharma bunnies, after all. Let’s hope not. She’s pretty.

DO YOU HAVE ACCESS TO LOTS OF CONCRETE?
And, lastly, Jughead. Where have we seen lots of concrete before on the island? Particularly concrete surrounding a large electromagnetic force that could either contain a large atomic blast or use its power to force open a temporal gate that sends the energy into a loop until it dissipates? Yup. As for how it all ties into what the hell’s going on, I’ve got nothing. Just yet, mind you. Give me time.

And that about wraps it up for this week. I promised some extracurricular studies for those interested in temporal theory from other media, but I will only give you a small taste and save the rest to sprinkle out among the other weeks. For now, the footnote I left here from above “*” should provide you with a good start, or if you’re itching for some good Dr. Who action, check out “Horror of Fang Rock” (available on Amazon for $14.99) which has a lot of ghost story overtones present in Lost, or, for more of an indepth look at being a Time Lord and the inner workings of a TARDIS, try “The Invasion of Time.”

Until next time, keep thinking those crazy thoughts, and if you come up with something profound, write and tell me something good. Namaste.

* Please, for the love all that’s holy, go buy or rent some Quantum Leap DVDs. You’re gonna love ‘em.

Chris Kirkman is a graphic designer/photographer/journalist/geek extraordinaire with way too many Bruce Campbell movies in his library. He is still hoping that Lost will end when Bob Newhart wakes up next to Suzanne Pleshette, complaining of a strange, strange dream. You can contact him at ckirkman@hobotrashcan.com.

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Note to self – A battle of champions

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Brian Murphy

Brian Murphy

Sadly, the majority of the country will be focused on Tampa when the Pittsburgh Steelers take on the Arizona Cardinals in Super Bowl XLIII this weekend.

I say sadly because there’s a very real chance that the game will be a letdown and the only reason folks will stay tuned for the second half is the commercials. Although I like the Cardinals in an upset, the Steelers defense is good enough to win this game without the Pittsburgh offense ever having to take the field.

That’s why I am highly suggesting to my friends and family that if they only watch one sporting event this weekend they forgo the Super Bowl and tune in to UFC 94 Saturday night. Unlike the NFL’s title game pitting a five-time Super Bowl champ versus a perennial loser (three impressive playoff wins don’t negate more than 60 years of ineptitude), this card features a main event showcasing two of the most established names in the business.

For those not familiar, UFC welterweight champion Georges St-Pierre will square off against UFC lightweight champion BJ Penn for St-Pierre’s title Saturday night in Las Vegas. If this match lives up to the hype, then those who tune in will witness the fight of the year as two of the top names in the UFC step into the octagon for a rematch of their 2006 fight.

St-Pierre, who is originally from Quebec, Canada, has a 17-2 record in mixed martial arts fights and is basically a more bad-ass version of every character Jean-Claude Van Damme ever played. Penn is from Kailua, Hawaii, has a 13-4-1 record and is currently the number-one ranked lightweight fighter in the world.

Over his last three fights Penn has dominated his opponents, winning by knockout once and submission twice. The one noteworthy aspect of those three victories is that each came in the 155 lb. class. This fight however will be in the 170 lb. welterweight class, which hasn’t been as kind to Penn. His last two battles in that weight class were both losses – to Matt Hughes and St-Pierre back in 2006.

At UFC 58, St-Pierre defeated Penn via split decision to become the number-one contender for the welterweight title he currently holds. Penn dropped down a weight class after the loss and beat down Jens Pulver, Joe Stevenson and Sean Sherk. The Stevenson win earned Penn the lightweight belt and made Penn one of only two fighters to win a UFC title in two different weight classes. If he beats St-Pierre Saturday night, Penn will become the first champ in history to hold two different UFC belts at the same time.

St-Pierre may be soft spoken out of the octagon, but his skills in it speak for themselves. He can trade blows standing up for five rounds or he can hit the mat and make his opponent submit. At just 27-years-old, he’s easily one of the UFC’s most well-rounded fighters and yet somehow remains humble. He’s confident in his abilities, but never disrespectful.

While St-Pierre won the first matchup, a repeat isn’t automatically guaranteed. Both fighters have improved by leaps and bounds since their 2006 battle (people forget that they weren’t even the main event that night). These days, both fighters excel on the ground, whether we’re talking Jiu-Jitsu or old-school wrestling. Both fighters also possess above average abilities standing up, so it’ll be interesting to see how this one plays out.

I tend to think that St-Pierre will win by decision, mainly because he’s more comfortable at 170 lbs. But it also wouldn’t surprise me at all if Penn comes out and shows that he’s got the endurance to last five five-minute rounds against one of the best in the business. Bottom line, this is must-see TV.

And just because you don’t have 50 bucks laying around to spend on a pay-per-view doesn’t mean you’re out of luck. One of the best kept secrets is that most Hooters show the fights for free. You get great scenery, decent food and can use your money on beer instead of your cable bill. Seriously, what’s not to love?

Instead of getting your hopes up for an entertaining Super Bowl, do yourself a favor and plan your weekend around the St-Pierre-Penn fight. Even if you’re not a big-time UFC fan, you should tune in for this one. Unless the Carolina Panthers cheerleaders are in town again, it’ll provide way more action and excitement than anything happening in Tampa the following day.

Brian Murphy is an award-winning sportswriter who also goes by the name Homer McFanboy. Contact him at murf@homermcfanboy.com.

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Murphy’s Law – The Too Much Information Age

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Joel Murphy

Joel Murphy

“The problem is, after a week of intense googling, we’ve started to burn out on knowing the answer to everything. God must feel that way all the time. I think people in the year 2020 are going to be nostalgic for the sensation of feeling clueless.”

- Douglas Coupland, J-Pod

The time we are living in is often referred to as the Information Age. However, I’m beginning to wonder if it should be rebranded the “Too Much Information Age.” I’m beginning to feel like we are too plugged in to each other and are too informed. Because we live in a world with 24-hour news cycles and RSS news feeds, media outlets are churning out stories even when they have nothing to report.

Last week, Barack Obama was sworn in as our 44th President of the United States, which was certainly a historic moment and worthy of the all-day coverage it received. However, the build up to the inauguration featured some of the most pointless and ridiculous stories I’ve ever seen. The weekend before the inauguration, CNN was featuring all-day coverage of Obama’s train ride to Washington, D.C. The entire story consisted of this – Obama and his family took a train from Pennsylvania to D.C. That’s it. That’s the entire story. Yet CNN devoted the whole day to covering it, giving updates along the way.

That’s not news. There is nothing interesting about it. He took a train ride. So what? Now, if Obama ran next to the train the whole way to D.C. (proving simultaneously that he was both faster than a speeding bullet and more powerful than a locomotive), that would have been newsworthy. At that point, endless hours of Anderson Cooper blabbering on would have been welcomed.

It also wasn’t a story when Obama’s kids went to school in D.C. for the first time. Kids go to school all the time. I don’t need to see creepy paparazzi shots of the two of them heading into their school and I certainly didn’t need to find out what their school was serving for lunch that week (yes, news outlets reported it).

This nonsense isn’t just focused on the front page of your newspaper either. Earlier this week, ESPN reported the following “very exciting” story – the Pittsburgh Steelers and Arizona Cardinals arrived in Tampa. Wow really? So the two teams that are playing in the Super Bowl this year flew to the city where the game is to be held? Well then, by all means stop the presses. What did they have to eat on the plane (or better yet, what did their kids eat for lunch that day)? Did they watch any good in-flight movies? Please, spare no details. (Then again, I guess there are only so many times the late-to-the-party ESPN sportscasters can hype up the “underdog” Arizona Cardinals).

But it’s not just the media outlets and sports sites that are reporting pointless stories just to kill time. Thanks to websites like Twitter and features like Facebook and MySpace’s status updates, each and every one of us can bore our friends with endless updates on our lives. Wondering what your coworker had for dinner last night? Curious about when that dude you only vaguely remember from high school that you only added to your Facebook list because you were trying to boost your total number of friends has his next dentist appointment? Well, fear not, because they will be more than happy to keep you updated. If you are really lucky, they might even post updates from their cell phone (and make a point to tell you that they are) so that you never have to go a single moment without knowing what they are doing.

I feel like as a society we are turning into one of those old couples that have been together for so many years that they’ve run out of interesting things to talk about, so they just sit there quietly staring off into space while eating their never-ending soup, salad and breadsticks. We all know too much about each other and, as a result, all of the mystery and intrigue has worn off.

Last night, I was thinking back to the early days of the Internet when I would use my dial-up connection to sign on to AOL and would wait for hours for a single video on Joe Cartoon to load up. I was thinking about how spoiled we’ve all become now and how these days I bitch and complain if it takes more than three seconds for a video to load up. Obviously, we can never go back to the way things were (unless, of course, Snake Plissken actually uses the “Sword of Damocles” to render all of our technology useless and send us back into the Stone Age like he did in Escape From L.A.).

But perhaps we can dial back the endless updates and the 24-hour news cycle just a bit. Look, don’t get me wrong – obviously, being informed on current events and keeping in touch with your friends are important things. But there is a fine line between being informed and having too much information crammed down your throat.

Now, I can’t speak for the rest of you, but the only thing I want crammed down my throat is never-ending soup, salad and breadsticks. I only hope I have something interesting left to say while eating it.

Joel Murphy is the creator of HoboTrashcan, which is probably why he has his own column. He loves pugs, hates Jimmy Fallon and has an irrational fear of robots. You can contact him at murphyslaw@hobotrashcan.com.


You can register for an online paralegal school and get yourself your very own online paralegal degree without having to leave home, and proper online paralegal certificates are just as legitimate as a normal one.

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