Last week, Joel discussed the “Save Chuck” movement. As the other die-hard member of the HoTrash Team Chuck, I’ve decided to further the movement by doing what I do best: ranting, making lists and speaking in gross hyperbole filled with empty threats. Join me, won’t you?
I remember back at the beginning of the first season, before I was the huge fan and Jeffster Groupie I am today, my best friend told me with great disdain and disgust that her boyfriend was obsessed with that stupid Chuck show. Cut to about nine months ago when I delayed-reaction yelled at her for it. So for those who have not yet been indoctrinated into the ways of the Nerd Herd, let me yell at you a bit too:
WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU, YOU CRAVEN FOOLS? Why are you willingly watching that chick who mattered for five seconds when that Bachelor person dumped her and Denise Richards dance badly while dressed like Cher when you could be watching one of the best shows on television? (Two, for that matter, as Chuck is up against my other favorite show, How I Met Your Mother, but I digress.) Chuck has everything. It’s hilariously funny, has the most heart I’ve seen in eons, there’s awesome kickassery, Sarah’s superhotness and so much more. Do you hate funny things, feelings, action and hotness? Well then I can’t help you. But if you do like those things, you should be watching.
As of the posting of this article, NBC should have released the word on Chuck‘s renewal or cancellation. Former Girl Scout I am, I come prepared with two reactions.
[READ THIS IF RENEWED]
NBC has always been my favorite network. This year ratings have been failing for them, but not for lack of content. When 30 Rock was failing in ratings, NBC pushed and it worked out and now that show is beloved by everyone and an actual hit. Now they’ve given Chuck that same chance. Classy network. Thank you, NBC, thank you.
[READ THIS IF CANCELLED]
Fuck NBC, you sons of bitches. Oh, hi, I’m NBC, I’m so cool with my Heroes and The Apprentice. COOL SHOWS, ASSHOLES. Die in a fire.
Eternal optimist I am, I feel pretty strongly that the show will be renewed. I mean, I’ve gotten enough Five-Dollar-Footlong Veggie Delites in the past three weeks that I think I’ve basically paid for the effects budget. So if, nay, WHEN the show returns for its third season, I’ve got some helpful tips for Josh, Chris and everyone else behind Chuck.
Seven Ways To Make Season Three Awesome
1. More Awesome
With this show, it’s impossible to pick a favorite character. Every single cast member is hilarious and they’ve all gotten great storylines and moments. But I’ve developed a real affinity for Devon, a.k.a. (more like o.k.a. [only known as]) Captain Awesome. Now that Awesome knows Chuck’s (and Sarah’s and Casey’s) secret, he can get in on the spy-iness and dare to be truly awesome.
2. Better storylines for Ellie
There seems to be a wave of Ellie-annoyance on the ‘nets that I don’t quite understand. For some reason, people don’t quite like her. I happen to love her, and while it might be because Saved By The Bell: The New Class and Sarah Lancaster’s character Rachel were integral to my Saturday mornings (when she helped Bayside win the gymnastics competition by doing a cartwheel into the splits, it reminded me that I can do anything if I put my mind to it), it’s also because the relationship between Chuck and Ellie is the heart of the show as far as I’m concerned. Not enough TV shows have a believable brother-sister relationship and this is the best I’ve ever seen. So while I’m fine with her, I want everyone else to be too. So I think more drunk Ellie is probably the answer, because she’s a precious drunk.
3. Bryce Larkin: Keep him dead
Please don’t bring Bryce back again. I really love the character, wish he could have come back in the future and I’m pretty sure my mom actually cried when he died in the finale (she thinks he’s the most beautiful thing she’s ever seen. Sorry, dad), but he already came back to life once (in a very River Tam kind of way even). Do it again, and we’re in soap opera territory.
4. Please do not under any circumstance make Chuck’s long-lost jailbird brother appear and fight with him, forcing Sarah to have to shoot him while Imogen Heap “Hide and Seek” plays as he bleeds in slo-mo, subsequently getting her kicked out of Harbor and forced to go to Newport Union public school
Actually, do that. Other people might not like it, but it would be the greatest thing that ever happened to my life. Speaking of the other greatest show ever made …
5. Adam Brody: Guest Star
We’ve had Rachel Bilson and Melinda Clarke, and I would love to see some other former-Newpsies in the mix (get Peter Gallagher on the phone, stat), and none more than Chuck Bartowski beta version himself, Seth Cohen. Brody has suffered from a bit of the post-OC career lag, save for his great role in the genius flick The Ten, but this year will see him in the new Diablo Cody movie and I think a little new Schwartzy dialogue could remind people why we love him so much. Though I worry that watching Adam and Zak together on the same screen would cause some kind of neural burst in my brain. Too much nerdy cuteness. Fetish overload.
6. Harry Tang: Where is he now?
It does not need to be a whole story arc or anything, but maybe a line or two to let us know what happened to the guy after he was shipped to Hawaii by the NSA. I didn’t love the character, but when I think of him in his cowboy costume in the Halloween episode, I smile a happy smile.
And last, but most importantly …
7. Dear god, please do not let us lose the Buy More team
With Chuck and Morgan (and I presume Anna) quitting, I don’t know how they’ll do this. I mean, they will, and if anyone can do it well it’s them, but I’m worried. I don’t know what I’d do without weekly doses of Big Mike, Jeffster and Emmit.
So, friends, nerds, countrymen, please do yourself a favor and watch Chuck if you haven’t. And NBC, please do not make me unleash the Casey on you.
Courtney Enlow is a writer living in Chicago and working as a corporate shill to pay the bills. You can contact her at email@example.com.