Burn Notice: Season Two (Blu-ray) Release Date: June 16, 2009 Own it on Blu-ray and DVD Created by: Matt Nix Stars: Jeffrey Donovan, Gabrielle Anwar, Bruce Campbell MPAA Rating: Unrated HoboTrashcan’s Rating:

While summer is a wonderful time for outdoor fanatics who enjoy things like picnics, hiking and barbecues, it’s a rather bleak time for those of us who prefer to spend our days inside an air conditioned house watching television.

Luckily, the USA Network is doing its part to entertain the lazy masses with the best original summertime programming on television. One of USA’s top summer show is Burn Notice, which is the story of a spy named Michael Westen (Jeffrey Donovan), who wakes up in his hometown of Miami to discover that the agency he worked for has blacklisted him and frozen all of his assets.

Westen reconnects with his ex-girlfriend Fiona Glenanne (Gabrielle Anwar), who is a former IRA member, and Sam Axe (Bruce Campbell), an intelligence operative and former Navy SEAL who used to rat out Michael to the FBI. The three join together to form a freelance team of unlicensed private investigators who help people get out of tough situations with criminals in Miami. In many ways, they are a modern day A-Team, surviving “as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help and if you can find them, maybe you can hire” Michael Westen’s team.

While the show is definitely a throwback to great 70s and 80s shows like The A-Team, it is shot and edited in a very modern way. The show also uses voiceovers from Westen, which help to advance the plot and also offer entertaining “do-it-yourself” tips on things like evasive driving and planting bugs in people’s homes. Since Westen’s assets are frozen and he no longer has access to top-of-the-line spy equipment, he is constantly forced to improvise weapons and equipment to aid him on his missions and he is also kind enough to take the time to explain how the viewers can make these items themselves.

Each episode features a new client who hires the team to help get him/her out of a jam. While the episodes are typically self-contained, Michael’s desire to discover why he was burned and to get himself re-instated as a spy serves as the show’s overarching plot. The show also finds a way to make the most of its basic cable budget and manages to offer explosions, car crashes, gunfire and other eye-catching action scenes on a weekly basis.

Season two picks up right where season one left off, with Westen driving off to finally meet face-to-face with a woman named Carla who works for the group that got him blacklisted. Carla informs our hero that he was burned by her group so that he would work for them. Throughout the season, Michael must balance his freelance work with assignments given to him by Carla, all while trying to figure out who she is working for and what they are using him for. It’s a good way to keep the show’s overall plot moving and the writers do a good job mixing in Carla’s missions with the regular do-gooder missions that have become the show’s trademark.

Jeffery Donovan does a great job playing Westen. While the makers of the show could have easily cast a pretty boy James Bond type, it’s refreshing to see an unconventional-looking actor like Donovan playing the role. Instead of simply getting by on looks, Westen uses his intelligence and charisma to solve his clients’ problems. Donovan is also good at using various accents and mannerisms to create different cover identities while on cases.

The supporting cast is also very strong on the show. Sam Axe, the aging ladies man who Michael isn’t quite sure he can trust, is a perfect role for Bruce Campbell and it’s really great to see the iconic B-movie actor finally get a role on a lasting TV show, after so many of the promising shows he worked on were canceled after one season. Gabrielle Anwar brings a lot of intensity to the role of Fiona, who is portrayed as a somewhat unstable soldier who loves blowing things up. Sharon Gless is also quite enjoyable as Madeline Westen, Michael’s nagging, chain-smoking mother and Tricia Helfer is a great addition as Carla.

The box set of season two comes with audio commentary, deleted scenes and a gag reel. There is also a featurette called “Nixing It Up on Burn Notice,” which focuses on the episode “Do No Harm,” which was directed by series creator/writer Matt Nix.

Nix does a great job giving you a behind-the-scenes look at the making of “Do No Harm” and it was also really endearing to learn that he gave his own six-year-old son a starring role in the episode. The last disc also has an unadvertised bonus feature called “Boom Notice,” which is a satirical piece spotlighting a boom operator on the show. “Boom Notice” goes on a little too long, but the concept is rather entertaining.

I would recommend getting the Blu-ray version of this series if possible. The bright Miami skylines really pop in high def and all of the explosions and gunfire sound great. But whether you go Blu-ray or DVD, I definitely recommending picking up season two (and season one) and catching up on the show so that you can spend the rest of your summer watching season three, which is currently airing Thursday nights on USA.

Written by Joel Murphy. Burn Notice: Season Two is available now on Blu-ray and DVD.

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Aaron R. Davis

You know who I hate? People who don’t hate anything.

You know who I’m talking about. You see them all the time on your own blog, or on message boards, or on any website with a comments section. Those people who can never help themselves from seeing your profession of hate for Heidi Montag or Michael Bay or bran muffins and leaving a comment just to say “I don’t hate anyone. Hate requires too much passion and if I didn’t like someone or something, why would I devote so much emotion and mental space to them or it? Hate is a relationship.”

Don’t you just hate those people?

I mean, now not only are you taking out your frustration with Heidi Montag or Michael Bay or bran muffins or Cartoon Network or Stephenie Meyer, but now you’re frustrated because your attempts to vent the original frustration have been frustrating by someone equally frustrating.

Someone who is scoring cheap ego points for themselves be reminding you how much better they are than you. How much more evolved and enlightened they are than you.

Doesn’t anyone just talk like a person anymore?

I mean, seriously, do those people think you’re staying up late at night, sharpening a wooden stake, completely obsessed, with pictures of Heidi Montag or Michael Bay or bran muffins or Cartoon Network or Stephenie Meyer or Dick Cheney or Heroes on your walls, writing manifestos and trying to figure out what your next move is going to be? Doesn’t that seem a little ridiculous? But when people leave those comments, that seems to be what they think of you. Are you as sick of it as I am? The Ned Flanders’ of the world, out there never hating anything like a normal person.

These are usually the same people who, when you make an offhand remark or joke, need to sweep in and remind you how much more clever they are than you. Or who, when they like a movie that’s dumb-but-fun, need to let you know that they already know it’s not a smart movie, but they liked it anyway. Because what a stranger on the Internet thinks about their intelligence is very important to them. Why, I have no idea. But it’s getting to the point where you can’t tell a joke about a horse ordering a drink anymore without someone “reminding” you that horses can’t actually talk and wouldn’t want to drink alcohol. Oh, but they were still amused by it. Ha ha?

While I’m on a rant, I should also mention those unfunny dickbags who think that your complaining about something you hate is somehow setting them up to score a joke off of you. “I’m incredibly sick of running into kids named Taylor – give your kids a first name instead,” you might say. And some dickbag will jump in and say “I’m going to name all of my kids Taylor T. Taylor!” Because they’re hilarious and not jackasses at all. Or you might complain that you hate people leaving nonconstructive comments like, “Your blog sucks and so do you!” and there will always, always be some dickbag who thinks he’s hilarious repeating those words.

The bottom line on all this is that those people are ruining the Internet with their jerkoff behavior. Instead of having some engaging conversation about something, you’re beset by people who want to make themselves feel better about themselves by showing you how much smarter/cleverer/more intellectual/funnier/more enlightened/more evolved/less human they are.

People, please: go out and be annoyed by something. Hate something for a second and then get over it. Stop worrying about what people who’ve never even met you think of you and your high opinion of yourself. If we’re just random strangers, why do you want our validation so bad?

Be a person for a change and get over yourselves.

Aaron R. Davis lives in a cave at the bottom of the ocean with his eyes shut tight and his fingers in his ears. You can contact him at samuraifrog@yahoo.com.

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Courtney Enlow

In the past week, we lost a feather-follicled angel, the second banana to end all second bananas, the effing King and the effing King of getting your clothes as white as can be. I think I speak for everyone when I say, “What the fucking fuck is going on?”

And that’s just in the last week. In addition to Michael Jackson, Ed McTheMan, Farrah Fawcett and Billy Mays, we’ve also lost Bea Arthur, Natasha Richardson, David Carradine, Bea Arthur, Jay Bennett of Wilco, Dom Deluise, John Updike, Ricardo Montalban, Bea Arthur, Ray Dennis Steckler (a loss for bad movie lovers), the last living voyager upon the Titanic, Danny Gans and Bea Arthur. Mostly Bea Arthur, really. You don’t even know the heart attack I had when I saw a Tim Curry having died April 24th, though luckily it was a different Tim Curry. Well, not luckily for that Tim Curry, his family or his fellow Texas attorneys … sorry.

I think we can all agree that 2009 has been a bummer year as far as celebrity deaths are concerned, unless you’re in a high stakes celebrity death pool. And no one is safe. The 2k9 Death March is ceaseless and unwavering. That is why I plan to fight it. In a barbed wire cage. With fire and bats. FIREBATS.

Death is stupid. I mean, I’m an actual proper adult now, and I still don’t understand it. For the most natural thing in the world, it seems wholly unnatural. And that is why I’m going to make a special request from Lord Unicorn Jesus. Please, let us just keep the below five people.

The Five People I Must Respectfully Request Never Die

1. Elizabeth Taylor

One of the most beautiful women who ever lived, an American legend and a world-class maneater (which is old timey speak for seriously classy and fancy slut, which I respect in a lady), Liz has become crazy-awesome in her twilight years. If you need proof of that, just watch this clip. It will change your life.

The lady has had more heartache in her life than ____, and that line is blank because she is the gold standard and there is no one to whom we can compare her life of sadness. But she’s soldiered on and lived her life with grace and general awesomeness. Our lady of perpetual manslinging is up there in years at 77 years young, and it’s widely understood that she’s quite ill and weak. But I would be totally comfortable with her living another twenty, thirty years if that’s okay. Anything to put off the awkwardness of eternity with all of her ex-husbands (although that would be the hottest reality show I’ve ever heard of).

We also share a birthday. Don’t ever leave me, birthday buddy!

2. Cloris Leachman

Phyllis Lindstrom herself has had quite a career resurgence in the last few years. She used to be the Leslie Mann of her time, the hot funny lady. Then she had fancy spiky hair on Facts of Life when Charlotte Rae quit that bitch. Now she’s my favorite form of actress – the crazy old lady. Eighty-three years old, she is now known to the young bucks as the wacky old chick on Dancing With The Stars, and from roles like the school nurse in Sky High (I love that movie more than your life). But I know her best from growing up on the Mel Brooks movies and The Mary Tyler Moore Show and Phyllis reruns on Nick at Nite. She was neurotic, she was a bitch and she was hilarious. She was everything I wanted to be, and was already a third on my way there. Profane and amazing, I hope that Cloris is the proverbial cockroach and that she outlives us all, still dancing (terribly) well into her hundreds.

3. Mel Brooks

When Anne Bancroft sadly passed, my fear was that her husband of 40 years would be quick to follow. I have always had quite a fascination with this couple, and the story of their courtship, marriage and enduring friendship was always something that touched me and became my own personal marriage ideal. My love of Mel Brooks’s movies need no explanation or description, but I love them all, even the ones that no one else does, and when Young Frankenstein didn’t do so hot on Broadway, I felt really sad and angry towards theatergoers. “Go see the adorable old man’s play, you assholes!” is what I yelled out my window, hoping the sound of my voice would carry to New York (I like to think it did). People may judge, but I say the man has earned his right to turn his properties into whatever he wants. If he made High Anxiety: Degrassi High, I’d watch it in adoration. He’s given us enough laughs that he’s earned that.

4. Betty White

So help me god, the first thing I thought Thursday afternoon after half of Hollywood died was “get me on a goddamn plane to LA so I can create a human shield around Betty.”

Screw Rhode and Mare. My favorites on The Mary Tyler Moore Show were obviously the bitches. And between Phyllis and Suann, I had more than enough neurotic bitchery to handle. And don’t get me started on The Golden Girls. Seriously. Don’t. I will talk for days about the episode where Rose thought she’d died and moved out, or how I used to cry during scenes when the others were mean to Rose because she reminded me of my Grandma Audrey, or how I couldn’t get enough St. Olaf stories. This mortal coil already lost Estelle Getty and Bea Arthur. You’re not taking Betty. Seriously. Betty stays. The Proposal has shown that she’s still got it. She has years left of scene stealing and geniusness. And more St. Olaf stories. Please, more St. Olaf stories.

But as hard as it would be to lose Betty, there’s one person who I truly cannot handle losing …

5. Patrick Swayze

I’m dead serious. If for some reason I haven’t managed to prove my love for Swayze yet in my roughly 8,000 mentions of my affection, let me lay this out there: you take Patrick, you take me with him. And I will join him at the big Double Deuce in the sky, and we’ll dance and I’ll totally nail the lift. And there will be surfing and bank robbing and throat ripping and cross dressing and so much more. Ironically enough, there will be no Ghost references. Mostly because if he goes, I will be unable to watch Ghost for years. Swayze showed us during The Beast that even facing certain death, he can still kick your ass, my ass, anyone’s ass at anything. The world will be a worse place without him and we need him around. He’s like a bear fighting Santa Claus who delivers amazement and good times. Unless you’re too stupid to have a good time.

Ideally, starting next week I’ll be able to be funny* again. But there’s been too much death this week, and I’d very much like it to stop. So bright-side seeker I am, I will chalk these recent deaths up to necessary sacrifices for the harvest and hope this is it. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to fit Betty for her chain link dress and pepper spray hat.

* Assuming you find this ridiculousness amusing.

Courtney Enlow is a writer living in Chicago and working as a corporate shill to pay the bills. You can contact her at courtney@hobotrashcan.com.

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Hobo Stu

Hello everyone,

Wow, it has been a crazy week in the pop culture world. Perez Hilton finally got punched in the face and Ed McMahon, Farah Fawcett and Michael Jackson all passed away. I can’t even begin to wrap my brain around it all, but Joel and Lars attempted to in this week’s podcast, which I highly recommend you all check out.

I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m really hoping that next week we can get back to the normal celebrity news. Let’s get back to John and Kate and Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears and just move past all of the crazy stuff that happened this week … well, except the Perez Hilton thing.

Honestly, if he got punched in the face every week, I’d be totally fine with it.

Here’s what’s new on HoboTrashcan.com this week:

Murphy’s Law – Schadenfreude
When Perez Hilton was punched in the face after an altercation with will.i.am from the Black Eyed Peas, the flamboyant gossip blogger said that violence is never the answer. Joel Murphy disagrees and this week he shares how Hilton being attacked could be a good thing for the Internet.

Note to Self – The Selfies 2009
While things in the sports world begin to slow down this time of year, one thing all sports fans and athletes always look forward to is the annual “Note to Self Awards.” If you weren’t lucky enough to get invited to this year’s red carpet event, you can find out who took home a Selfie in this week’s column.

Outside of the In-Crowd – Saved By The Bell: Two decades of unanswered questions
Every child of the 80s loved Saved By the Bell unconditionally when it originally aired. While Courtney Enlow was no exception, as she has gotten older, she has begun to question some of the show’s ridiculous plotlines. This week, she finally lets all of her unanswered questions out.

Positive Cynicism – Todd McFarlane, don’t ever change
While the first Spawn movie was an absolutely terrible piece of cinema, Spawn creator Todd McFarlane is telling anyone who will listen that he’s planning on making a second Spawn film and he would like Leonardo DiCaprio to star in it. Aaron R. Davis is amused by McFarlane’s claims and hopes he keeps making them.

From the Vault – One on One with Enrico Colantoni
While most actors dream of overnight success, Enrico Colantoni took 10 years to hone his craft before trying to become a star. The hard work paid off. Colantoni made a name for himself with starring roles in Just Shoot Me and Veronica Mars. Last year, the Canadian actor landed a lead role in a CBS cop drama called Flashpoint.

In 2008, we recently talked to Colantoni about callous network executives, impatient youth and the fact that Flashpoint may be society’s only hope for salvation. If you missed the interview then, enjoy it now.

- Hobo Stu

Hobo Stu’s Weekly Recap is also available as an email newsletter. To sign up for the newsletter to ensure you never miss an update, send an email to newsletter-subscribe@hobotrashcan.com.

• Introduction
• Ed McMahon
• Farrah Fawcett
• Michael Jackson
• Contractually-obligated Batman discussion

Hobo Radio 90 - We're all Bootsy [ 55:11 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Week 90 Spotlight: We’re all Bootsy

To say that it’s been a tragic week in Hollywood would be an understatement. First, Ed McMahon passed away. Then, Farrah Fawcett lost her battle with cancer. And the biggest shock of all came hours after Fawcett’s death when the King of Pop, Michael Jackson, died after an apparent overdose on painkillers.

On this week’s show, Joel Murphy and Lars take time out to honor all three celebrities. They talk about how McMahon showed the world how to be a true sidekick, how Fawcett made quite a few boys into men and how Jackson revolutionized the music scene.

Can the show still manage to be funny in spite of all of the sadness this week? Why do our cohosts know such much about old Simpsons episodes? Is it time to bring back Bruce Wayne? The answers to these questions and more are in this week’s podcast.

Hobo Radio is the official podcast of HoboTrashcan, brought to you by The Podcast Network.

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