Hobo Stu’s Weekly Recap

Weekly Recap No Comments
Hobo Stu

Hobo Stu

Hello everyone,

Ghosts, vampires and Nazis are all mentioned in articles on HoboTrashcan right now, making it a rather eclectic week here on the “Bum Receptacle” (as Courtney Enlow calls it). It makes me wonder if anyone here at Hobo Headquarters broke into my desk and stole the horror manuscript I’m working on since the villain in my story is actually a Nazi vampire ghost who attacks KHL hockey players while listening to Coldplay.

Dean Koontz said it was one of the best horror stories he’s ever read … well actually, he told me to stop following him around and to get off his lawn before I called the cops, but I think he only said those things because he was kind of jealous that my manuscript was one of the best horror stories he had ever read.

Here’s what’s new on HoboTrashcan.com this week:

One on One with Carrie Preston
On True Blood, Arlene Fowler is unlucky in love. The mother of two has been married four times and found out last season that her fiancée Rene Lenier was not the man she thought he was. Fortunately for Carrie Preston, who plays Arlene on HBO’s hit show, she’s done better in the love department. Preston has been married to fellow actor Michael Emerson, who plays Benjamin Linus on ABC’s Lost, since 1998.

We recently got the chance to talk with Preston about her work on True Blood, her love of Lost and how she came to play Emerson’s mother.

Murphy’s Law – Mother puss bucket!
On Tuesday, a Ghostbusters video game was released and the original Ghostbusters film came out on Blu-ray. So while it is a good time to be a Ghostbusters fan, this week Joel Murphy takes a look at the recently announced Ghostbusters 3 and shows how it could easily become an epic failure.

Note to Self – Turning a negative into a positive
While some see the KHL and the UFL as a bad things, Brian Murphy thinks that the alternatives to the NHL and NFL could be good for their respective sports by luring away aging veterans with big contracts, which will help free up cap space.

Outside of the In-Crowd – I want to understand
There are some things in this world we aren’t meant to understand like the Bermuda Triangle, The Taos Hum and the feeling of déjà vu. However, this week Courtney Enlow tries to get to the bottom of one of life’s great mysteries by attempting to figure out why so many people hate Coldplay.

Positive Cynicism – Vainglorious bastard
As the head of Miramax and Dimension, Harvey Weinstein was one of the people responsible for the independent film boom in the nineties. However, while Weinstein is considered a champion of indie films, he also can be very hands on with projects he feels are in need of improvement, something Quentin Tarantino is now learning the hard way.

From the Vault – Karen’s photo
“Let’s just be friends.” Most guys try to avoid those words at all costs, but our editor, Joel Murphy, hears them all the time. In 2006, he scoured the Internet looking for some new friends and he found the lovely Karen. If you missed it then, now is your chance to welcome her into your “friend zone.”

- Hobo Stu

Hobo Stu’s Weekly Recap is also available as an email newsletter. To sign up for the newsletter to ensure you never miss an update, send an email to newsletter-subscribe@hobotrashcan.com.

  

Hobo Radio 89 – Meet me at The Hut

Hobo Radio 1 Comment
  • Introduction
  • iPhones and “The Hut”
  • Pasta at pizza chains
  • Contractually-obligated Batman discussion

Week 89 Spotlight: Meet me at The Hut

Some people know how to be cool. Other are simply clueless.

Apple has made a career out of marketing itself as the cool computer company. Their iPods and Macs are desired by hipsters everywhere and today they just released a new iPhone, which isn’t much different from their iPhone, but people flocked to buy it nonetheless.

Pizza Hut, on the other hand, has never been cool. They sell greasy food to lonely people who aren’t worried about their health. However, this week they tried to market themselves as a hip company by rebranding themselves “The Hut.”

What do Joel Murphy and Lars think of Pizza Huts name change? Are they impressed by the new iPhone? What do they really think of Dan Aykroyd? The answers to these questions and more are in this week’s podcast.

Hobo Radio is the official podcast of HoboTrashcan, brought to you by The Podcast Network.

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One on One with Carrie Preston

Celebrity Interviews No Comments
Carrie Preston

On True Blood, Arlene Fowler is unlucky in love. The mother of two has been married four times and found out last season that her fiancée Rene Lenier was not the man she thought he was. Fortunately for Carrie Preston, who plays Arlene on HBO’s hit show, she’s done better in the love department. Preston has been married to fellow actor Michael Emerson, who plays Benjamin Linus on ABC’s Lost, since 1998.

We recently got the chance to talk with Preston about her work on True Blood, her love of Lost and how she came to play Emerson’s mother.

How did you get into acting? When did you decide it’s what you wanted to do for a living?

I’ve pretty much known it all my life. I grew up in Macon, GA and probably when I was in the fourth grade my brother was doing a community theatre play in my hometown. I went and saw it and he was up there and I was fascinated and I thought, “I want to do that too.” So I auditioned for the next play and then my brother and I, and my brother is still an actor, were doing a lot of plays in the community theatre. Then I started my own street theatre company when I was in seventh grade, with all the neighborhood kids – directing and acting. I was definitely bitten by the bug.

So you were just focused at that point? You knew that’s what you wanted to do?

Yeah. I didn’t know at that time that you could do that for a living, but I knew that that was what I wanted to do with my energy. Other kids wanted to do sports, I wanted to go and rehearse plays. I would sit backstage and I would memorize the entire play – not just my part, but the entire play. So if anyone was ever absent, I would jump in; a character actor from the beginning.

And I was lucky because I had parents who were very supportive and never questioned that. Then one day I said to my mom, “Hey, do you think you could do this for a living?”

And she was like, “Well honey, somebody’s got to do it, I don’t know why it can’t be you.”

Once you decided to make a living acting, how did you pursue it?

Well, of course, I was in Macon and nobody really knew that. There were no actors that anybody knew that were doing it professionally; so we were kind of at sea. It took me a little while. I went to a handful of schools. I started out at this little college in Charleston, SC because I knew a girl who had gone there. And I got there and pretty quickly realized that it wasn’t going to be serious enough for me as far as a theatre department.

Then there was a teacher there who said, “You should go to this little school in Southern Indiana.”

And I was like, “What? No, I don’t want to go there. I want to go to New York.”

So I auditioned for Julliard and didn’t get in. And he was like, “I’m telling you, go check this school out.”

So I went to this school called the University of Evansville and this teacher there told me, “You come to my school, I’ll get you into Julliard.” And I went to his school for two years and got into Julliard. So he wasn’t lying. A very bold statement since they take about seven women a year, but Julliard does take a high number of students from University of Evansville. Like in my class of 20 people, there were two of us from the University of Evansville. And actually one of my costars on True Blood, Rutina Wesley, who plays Tara, she went to the University of Evansville.

I trained a lot. I liked school. I went to Julliard and from there I got hooked up into the industry.

Did you work fairly steadily from there? We would imagine Julliard is a pretty good thing to have on your resume when you are starting out.

It does help. You do have the advantage of agents seeing you before you get out of school and if you’re lucky you get hooked up with one; most people do. I was very lucky. I started working almost immediately doing plays. One of the first things I did out of Julliard was go down to the Alabama Shakespeare Festival to do a production of Hamlet with my brother and that’s how I met Michael [Emerson].

Shortly after that, I made my New York debut in a production of The Tempest with Patrick Stewart. I was playing Miranda. We did that at Shakespeare in the Park and then it moved to Broadway, so I was lucky, I got to make my Broadway debut doing Shakespeare.

After that, I thought, “All right, I guess I better go see about this film and TV thing.” So I made the trek out here to LA and started doing the whole back and forth bicoastal thing, which I still do now. Actually, we’re tricoastal now with Hawaii in there.

You had guest roles on a variety of shows like Sex and the City, Numb3rs, Arrested Development and Law and Order: Criminal Intent. What were those experiences like for you? Were you someone who enjoyed the variety of the work and getting to visit all of these different shows?

Oh yeah yeah yeah. Even when I was like a little ingénue, I always considered myself a character actor. You can see on True Blood, I don’t look anything like that. I haven’t, thankfully, been pigeonholed or typecast really. So to do the guest spots is where you really get to have your variety and do your different kind of parts. It’s a little nerve-racking when you walk in to an established family of actors and crew and you’ve got a very slim margin of error as far as you’ve got to be able to get in there and nail it immediately. I like that kind of challenge though. I’m someone who really does like to have a lot of things coming at me. I’m a multi-tasker to the nth degree.

Carrie Preston

So I do enjoy those things and have been able to do some really fun ones like – many years ago, do you remember that show Spin City? One day I happened to be in my manager’s office. I never go over there, but I happened to be there and she gets this call and she’s like, “Yes, she’s standing right here. Okay, let me talk to her about it. Let me call you back.” She hangs up and she goes, “Spin City just called. Jennifer Esposito has been fired and they rewrote her part as a temp/secretary. It’s shooting in three hours and they want you to come down and do it.”

So I was like, “Great.” I go down there. I walk onto the set with a full rehearsal having never looked at the script and I had the first line of the thing. I was in the first scene and in several scenes in this thing and I had to memorize it and get hair and makeup and costume, that whole thing, in three hours. Then seven o’clock, live audience and I’m shot out of a cannon.

I love that kind of thing. Michael didn’t even know where I was. I called him at the end of the night and said, “Guess what I just did?”

He was like, “I could have never done that.” And it’s true, he needs a lot more time and focus on only one thing. I like to have about six balls in the air, then I’m happy.

You were in two Oscar-nominated films last year – Vicky Cristina Barcelona and Doubt. What was it like working on those films and at the time you were making them, did you have a sense that you were working on something special that could end up winning awards?

Well, in the case of Doubt, it was based on a great play. I knew the play, so I knew there was potential for it to be brilliant, especially with that cast. I really thought that one was going to turn out well and it did. Unfortunately, I had a much bigger part in that and they had to cut it out for time or they found out they didn’t really need the story.

You know, it’s based on a play with four characters and then he opened it up and he added these other little storylines and tributaries and things that were contributing to it and then he realized once he got in the editing room – oh no, the story with the four people works just fine. Then he kind of culled it away. That’s the kind of thing that happens a lot. But when I saw the final product, I completely understood. Nonetheless, I’m still in it and was very, very proud to be a part of it and once again I get to sport another hair color – brunette in that one.

As far as Vicky Cristina Barcelona, I mean Woody Allen, come on. Chances are it’s going to be interesting, if not fantastic. I had not auditioned, so I just got this call: “Woody Allen wants you to do a couple of scenes in the movie and it’s in Barcelona.”

And I was like, “What?” That’s like a dream. I just woke up and that happened. That’s incredible. But it was really nerve-racking too having to go, fly all that distance to Barcelona and go on a Woody Allen set having never met him. In my mind, I’m like, “What if he sees me and goes, ‘That’s not what I cast. Who’s that? What am I thinking?’” Of course, he wasn’t like that at all. He was very kind and very matter of fact and on that movie, our first scene was like the Fifth Avenue of Barcelona, packed, and there were what felt like a couple of hundred people just watching the shoot because they were obsessed with the stars and whatnot and they were looking for Scarlet and screaming “Woody! Woody! Woody!”

Then you walk on set and they wire you and pictures up, there’s no rehearsal. It was the quickest day of shooting I’ve ever had on a feature film except for the super indie ones where you have to shoot like 13 pages in a day. I mean, he was so fast and just really clear and his crew clearly has been working with him. It was a really cool experience and I’m standing there and he came over and said, “Okay, just say whatever you want.”

I was like, “What?”

“Just don’t worry about the script. Just say whatever you want and it will be great and we’ll do a master and then that will be that.”

So suddenly you are standing there in Barcelona improving with three other actors and you’re like, “Oh my god, I’m in a Woody Allen movie. That’s awesome.”

Are you someone who enjoys improv? Is that one of your strong suits?

I wouldn’t say it’s my strong suit. I don’t like seek it out. I don’t do those improv troupes or anything like that, but I’m comfortable with it. I like doing it. If someone says it’s okay to do that, it’s always a little fun to kind of go off text and sometimes some really fun things happen. Sometimes they let us do that on True Blood and it’s fun to kind of add your own kind of spice to it.

You play Arlene Fowler on the HBO show True Blood. How did you land that role and how was the character described to you originally?

Well, I worked with Alan Ball on Towelhead, his feature film that came out this past year. I played Aaron Eckhart’s wife in that and she’s Texan, so southern. And Alan’s from Georgia and I’m from Georgia, so when I met him in that audition, we kind of hit it off. While I was working on Towelhead, I said, “What’s next?”

And he said, “Well, I’m doing this pilot for HBO about vampires.”

And I thought, “Wow, that’s quite a departure from Six Feet Under.” I guess they’re both about dead people, but different kinds of dead people.

He was like, “Yeah, I might have something for you in there.” So they sent the script to my agents and we read it and I didn’t know what part he was talking about. I had no idea. I can’t be the buxom redheaded waitress, I can’t do that. So I don’t know, maybe he thinks it’s a guest spot. I mean, I really didn’t know. And they were like, “No, it’s Arlene.”

I was like, “Okay.”

So I went in and, I mean, I know that kind of woman. Like I said, I grew up in Georgia; I totally know what that woman is. I just don’t particularly look like that woman. So I went in and did my thing and Alan went to HBO and said, “This is the girl that I want to do this.”

And they were like, “Okay, we’ll just put a wig on her.” Because it’s based on these books so the characters are described pretty fully in these books and Arlene is definitely this redheaded buxom ballsy woman. And he just does that. When you read about Sookie Stackhouse, you don’t think Anna Paquin, but they made her into Sookie Stackhouse. He’s really big on casting actors and just having them create the character and having them just find it. He just wants to use the actors. So that was a big compliment.

Carrie Preston

Did it take a while to get the right look for Arlene? Did they have to do a lot of tests?

Yeah, they did, they did. We had a whole other wig that just wasn’t working. It looked like I was wearing a wig, so therefore it looked like Arlene wears a wig. And that just wasn’t quite right. I mean, it was an interesting idea, but it just didn’t quite work. So then we’re scrambling, you know, because you do all this stuff a day or two days before you shoot. It all comes together really quickly, but luckily they found this other wig and they rented it and it was a lace front wig with European hair. It’s a really excellent wig and we just put it on and it just came to life.

And then you have the makeup artist who’s creating this – I mean, really I wear a ton of makeup, fake eyelashes and really, I almost feel like a drag queen. And then I have the crazy clothes that are all a little bit too small and a little bit too tight. Then you put the spray tan on and the fake nails and the fake boobs and there it is.

We would imagine that it’s got to be a great feeling to get out of the Arlene look once you are done shooting for the day.

(Laughs.) Yeah, it is. And it’s so funny though because we’ve been working on the show for two seasons, still when I come to work no one knows who I am, most people just look at me like, “Who are you?” And then I’m Arlene and everyone’s like, “Hey Carrie.” Then I take it all off and I say goodbye and they look at me like, “I don’t know who you are.” So it’s really weird. I feel like Clark Kent or something. I go into the phone booth all day and then I come out completely different. But yeah, it is a relief, especially to get out of the wig if you’ve been wearing it for like 14 hours.

Obviously, you can’t say much, but can you give any indication of what’s coming up in the show or what people can look out for with Arlene?

Well, I’ll just say this – Arlene is not really a person who goes very long without a man. You know, she’s one of those women who’s just always going to have one. And then the show I think is getting ready to go to some really wild places. We’ve shot some crazy, crazy scenes where some other supernatural phenomenon are at work. So that’s about all I guess I can say. It is departing from the second book in a lot of ways.

Let’s talk a little bit about Lost. Your husband Michael Emerson plays Benjamin Linus on the show, but we know that you’ve been a fan of Lost before he even joined the cast.

I watched it from the very first airing of the pilot – live airing. I kept seeing the trailers for it and I thought, “Well, this one is going to be good.” So I literally put it in my datebook so I could watch it. And then I was hooked. That was the most genius pilot, one of the most amazing pilots I’ve ever seen, and I was just completely hooked.

And Michael wasn’t watching it at all. He would come in and say, “Oh, is this that show on the island? It seems cheesy.”

And I would say, “You’ve got to sit down and watch it. It’s not.” And sometimes he’d sit down and watch it and he wouldn’t say anything and I could tell he liked it.

Then, when he got the offer, he came in and told me, “I just got an offer for one of your favorite shows.” I’m a TV junkie. I watch a lot of TV, I like it. I put it on my iPod, take it to the gym. I like to watch TV, sometimes even more than movies. I like the whole kind of serial – you get attached to characters and you get to watch them every week. Then we he told me he got this role on one of my favorite TV shows and it was Lost, I was screaming. I couldn’t believe it, I was so excited. So I had to fill him in. And he got completely engrossed in it. They gave him like the first season and he watched it and he got even more excited about being on it.

And how funny is it that he’s now become such a big part of the show?

I know, I know. It was only supposed to be like three episodes or something. It’s kind of a big thing to accidently happen, where suddenly there’s this seven months out of the year where you’re on the other end of the universe on this island. Hawaii’s a long way away from New York, where we live. So once he became a regular, I said, “Okay, I’m going to have to park it in LA more so we can get to each other easier.” And that has worked much better because the first season he was on, I was in New York doing a show, so we hardly saw each other. It was pretty brutal. And it was up to him to do the traveling because I was in a play, so he was constantly having to come back on that 12-hour flight with the six hour time change, but these are good problems to have.

Carrie Preston

What is it like to watch the show and see your husband be so disturbing and manipulative all the time. Some of the lines he delivers are rather creepy and chilling. Is that ever strange to watch?

Well, the thing that’s hard for me is when they beat him up.

Which they do a lot.

Yeah, that’s when I kind of step away from it and it always takes my breath away because they do such a brilliant job with the makeup and he’s got the big black eyes and bloody face. I can’t stand it. I gasp sometimes. But as far as the creepy stuff, I look at him as a craftsman. As a fellow actor, I look at what he does and I picture the line on the page and I say, “Honey, that was a great line reading” or “Oh my god, what a great scene.”

But most of the time, I just get caught up with the characters. I know all those actors now, but I still watch it as if I’m watching the characters. I’m pretty easy as far as suspending my disbelief. But yeah, there are a couple of times where he has a creepy look on his face and I say, “Don’t you ever, ever look at me like that.”

You played Ben Linus’ mother in a flashback, a role that you had expressed an interest in playing before they had even written Ben’s mother into the show. What made you want to play Mrs. Linus and what was it like filming that scene?

Well, I knew that the producers were looking for something for me to do on the show and I didn’t want to just show up as some random person. I wanted to be somehow connected to his character. Then, I thought, “I know they’re going to do his backstory at some point. They’re going to have to do his flashback.” What a creepy, cool kind of Freudian thing would it be to have me be the mother and have me do something that maybe only the fans would pick up on? Most people don’t know that I’m his wife. I guess they do know now.

But it kind of fit in to the whole mythology of Lost where they plant these secret, twisted little things in the show that only fans would know. They call them Easter eggs. I thought that would be a cool little Easter egg. We were sort of joking about it and Michael jokingly mentioned it to the producers and they totally did it, so it was really cool. I’m lying in the jungle giving birth to my husband.

One of the things your husband mentioned when we interviewed him was that you are a “Lost purist” who doesn’t want the show spoiled for you, so you don’t let him talk about the things he does on set. Is that true?

Yes, I don’t want him to tell me things. Like I’ve been on the set visiting him and I don’t do that very much, but a few times I’ve been there and he’ll come over and go, “If you don’t want a spoiler, you should go.” And I go. “Bye, I’ll see you at home.”

And he watches True Blood that way too. I don’t tell him much about what goes on with True Blood. When Michael found out who the killer was at the end of last season, he was completely shocked because I hadn’t told him. I think it’s just more fun that way.

That’s got to be good for you to have it reversed where you get to be the one who knows what’s going to happen.

It has been interesting because now I’m getting a little glimpse into what it feels like to be on a show that people get obsessed with. Because I’ve been watching that from Michael’s point of view for three years now or whatever and now there are a lot of people who are really, really into True Blood. And no one recognized me, but when they find out that I’m on the show, they’re just like at me. And they want to talk about all of the characters. The vampire obsession is not a small one.

You have executive produced three films – Ready? OK!, Feet of Clay and 29th and Gay (the latter two you also directed). How did you get into executive producing and what is it that appealed to you about it?

That’s my production company, Daisy 3 Pictures, and it’s me and James Vasquez, who I went to Julliard with, and his partner, Mark Holmes. Yeah, about five years ago, James wrote this script called 29th and Gay about a guy who’s turning 30 and he’s trying to find love and life and career. It’s sort of a coming of age part two movie. And he asked if I wanted to direct it. And no one would give us any money for it, of course, so we just did it ourselves and ended up doing great. We sold it and you can get it and rent it.

We got kind of excited about that. Then we made a short that I directed and then James wrote Ready? OK! and he directed that and I starred in it and produced it and put my entire family in it. Michael’s a next-door neighbor and my brother plays my brother. James wrote it for the two of us. And that was really exciting to be able to work with my brother on screen in such a cool way, not to mention Michael.

It had a really wonderful message that is delivered very subtly and with a lot of heart. I mean, it’s a very positive film. Subject matter like that a lot of times is about a kid struggling and everyone hates him because he might be gay. This wasn’t like that at all. The kid in the movie who likes to wear dresses and likes girls’ cheerleading, he’s very comfortable with that. He doesn’t have a problem with that. It’s everyone around him that’s sort of struggling to come to terms with that and what that means.

But the movie takes great pains to never say, “Oh, my child is gay,” because one of the things we wanted to say was don’t sexualize a 10-year-old. Don’t do it. They’ve got to find their own way in the world. And it’s a wonderful movie because everyone’s coming from a really positive place, everybody’s trying to do the best that they know how. A lot of times in these movies, the mom is evil and oppressive and that’s not the case here.

All three of the films you have produced deal with homosexuality or gender roles. Is that a topic you specifically set out to tackle or were you just drawn to those particular screenplays?

What would you be doing for a living if you never got into acting?

Wow, I kind of feel like I would be doing something around the profession, even if it’s producing or directing or writing. If I hadn’t found the acting, I would have found some other way in because that’s why I really like doing the Daisy 3 Pictures things because I get to exercise all my passions. Like I said, I do like to do a lot of things at once.

Tell us something most people don’t know about you.

Hmm, I don’t know. I don’t have a lot of secrets or anything.

Carrie Preston

Interviewed by Joel Murphy. True Blood airs Sunday nights on HBO. For more information on Daisy 3 Pictures, visit the official website.

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Note to Self – Turning a negative into a positive

Note to Self No Comments
Brian Murphy

Brian Murphy

The USFL. The XFL. The WHA. The ABA. The WNBA.

What do each of these leagues have in common? For one reason or another, they each failed in their attempts to provide an alternative to one of the “Big Four” professional sports leagues.

And while the United Football League isn’t scheduled to begin play until this October, we can go ahead and add them to the list as well. For starters, the league will have only six teams – located in Las Vegas, New York, Orlando, San Francisco, Hartford and Los Angeles. So far, they have announced four head coaches to run these teams. They are Jim Fassel, Ted Cottrell, Jim Haslett and Dennis Green.

Fassel hasn’t been a head coach since 2003. And while he won more games than he lost in the NFL, he’s been unable to get another head coaching gig because of a reputation of womanizing and boozing (two characteristics that go well together in many professions, just not coaching).

Cottrell is a 62-year-old who has coached since 1973. Unfortunately, he’s never been given the opportunity to be a head coach. And unfortunately for him his first (and likely only) chance will come in a league that’s irrelevant.

Haslett won 10 games his rookie year in charge of the New Orleans Saints. He never won double digit games in a season again. His last two years coaching in the NFL (with New Orleans and then St. Louis) he went 5-23.

Green is who we thought he was. And by hiring him, the UFL let him off the hook.

So if you’re a masochist or a fan of shitty football and plan on tuning in to the UFL this fall, please cheer for the New York franchise. At least they gave an opportunity to a deserving candidate.

Honestly, if the UFL wanted to build itself as a viable alternative to the mighty juggernaut that is the NFL, they’d be wise to do their research and model their business plan after the Kontinental Hockey League. Formerly known as the Russian Superleague, the 24-team KHL is quietly becoming a league worth following.

Here’s a crash course on the KHL – 21 of the teams are based in the Russian Federation with the remaining franchises located in Belarus, Latvia, and Kazakhstan. Russian teams are not allowed to sign more than five foreign players and can only use four foreign players per game. Also, foreign goaltenders have a limit regarding total seasonal ice time. All of this encourages teams to build locally, which is always a good thing.

But when teams do go outside the Russian borders to find talent, they’re aiming high. In 2008, when Jaromir Jagr became a free agent for the first time in his career, he opted to sign with Avangard Omsk of the KHL for a reported $10 million a year (tax free). Sure Jagr is now 37 years old and isn’t the same player he was when he and Mario Lemieux led the Pittsburgh Penguins, but he’s still one of the biggest names in hockey. Getting him to play in your league provides instant credibility.

Alexei Yashin, Andrei Nikolishin, Darius Kasparaitis, Ben Clymer and Ray Emery are a few other names from NHL seasons past who spent last season in the KHL. We’re not talking about stealing away someone like Alex Ovechkin or Evgeni Malkin in their prime, but rather cashing in on name players on the down side of their career to make your league noteworthy.

And honestly, if I’m the NHL, I’m definitely noticing the KHL. If they ever get to the point where they can steal away a top-tier player in his prime, that’s when you worry. But for now, when they’re content to raid players typically 35 or older, then let them have at it.

For a team like the New York Rangers, who continually overpays for free agents, the KHL could be a blessing in disguise. When your payroll is maxed out and you’re stuck paying some over-the-hill forward five or six million a year, then you should pray at night the KHL gets involved and bails you out.

While the Washington Capitals are run by much smarter people than the Rangers, this offseason has been packed with stories involving their aging free agents contemplating playing in Russia. Since the season ended for the Caps, Sergei Fedorov, Viktor Kozlov, Donald Brashear and now Michael Nylander have all been linked to the KHL. While the first three are all free agents, who are able to make the move if they see fit, Nylander remains under contract.

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Anyone who watched Washington last season knows the team would love to move him, but that Nylander has a no-movement clause in his contract. So the second highest-paid forward on the roster (behind Ovechkin, but ahead of talented youngsters such as Nicklas Backstrom and Alexander Semin) was essentially paid to ride the pine the second half of the season and the playoffs.

Even though he has two years remaining on his NHL contract, it would be best for everyone involved if the Capitals and Avangard Omsk could work something out. Nylander can try to get his groove back playing alongside Jagr one more time and the Caps can have financial flexibility to set them up for sustained success.

Sure, the KHL is trying to become legitimate competition for the NHL, but those running NHL franchises would be wise to use the situation to their advantage. The way I see it, if you’ve got an over-the-hill player rotting away on your payroll, the KHL would love to have him. Think of it in terms of a yard sale. You get rid of your garbage and pick up a couple dollars in the process. Things might change down the road, but for now, this is a good thing.

Brian Murphy is an award-winning sportswriter who also goes by the name Homer McFanboy. Contact him at murf@homermcfanboy.com.

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Murphy’s Law – Mother puss bucket!

Murphy's Law 7 Comments
Joel Murphy

Joel Murphy

It’s a good week to be a Ghostbusters fan. Yesterday, the original Ghostbusters movie was released on Blu-ray and a new Ghostbusters video game featuring the original actor’s voices was released for the Xbox 360, Playstation 3 and the Wii. Also this week during the press junket for Year One, Harold Ramis talked about Ghostbuster 3, which is officially in the works.

Now, on paper, Ghostbusters 3 sounds like a fantastic idea. Reports indicate that all four lead actors will be back to reprise their role and the script is being written by Lee Eisenberg and Gene Stupnitsky, who both write for The Office. Original Ghostbuster director Ivan Reitman may even come on board to direct the film.

Sounds good so far, right? Unfortunately, when you dig a little deeper, you realize the project may not be as wonderful as it sounds. Sure, Eisenberg and Stupnitsky seem like good choices to write the project, since at its best, The Office is one of the funniest shows on television. However, that doesn’t mean that The Office writers can do no wrong.

While The Office ended on a particularly strong note this season, in the past there have been quite a few bad episodes of the show, many of them featuring Michael and Dwight being completely over-the-top and painful to watch (Michael driving his car into a lake because he’s too dumb to follow GPS and he and Dwight kidnapping a pizza delivery guy instantly come to mind). I’m too lazy to figure out if Eisenberg and Stupnitsky had anything to do with those episodes, but either way, the point remains that getting writers from The Office doesn’t automatically mean that the Ghostbusters 3 script will be funny. Besides, these two guys are the writers of Year One, which looks like an absolutely terrible movie. (Aren’t they supposed to give away all of the funny lines in the trailers? Why haven’t the previews made me laugh once?)

The concept of the film itself also worries me. Unlike Rambo or Live Free or Die Hard, which allowed their original stars to shine despite their advancing ages, the plan is to have the original team hand over the reins to a new generation of Ghostbusters. That sounds a lot like George Lucas and Steven Spielberg’s plan to have Shia LaBeouf eventually take over for Indiana Jones … and we all remember how well that turned out.

Ghostbusters 2 was tough enough to accept as a fan. It would be very disappointing if after all these years, the creative forces behind this project “George Lucased” the whole thing and made a terrible film.

Unless …

Perhaps that’s what they are going for. Maybe this is a genius plan by Harold Ramis, Dan Aykroyd and Company to make the worst Ghostbusters film imaginable. Most of these modern rehashes of classic 80s movies end up sucking anyway, so what if their plan is to make the worst 80s rehash ever? What if these comic geniuses have discovered a way, a la The Producers, to make a box office flop that under the right set of circumstances will actually make them a boatload of cash? What if Ghostbusters 3 is their Springtime for Hitler?

If that is in fact the case, then I’m here to help. I’ve given this a lot of thought and I think I’ve developed the perfect formula to make this new Ghostbusters film as awful as possible – a perfect shit storm if you will. So without further ado, here is how to ensure that Ghostbusters 3 is an epic failure …

Dane Cook as the new Dr. Peter Venkman. Bill Murray manages to be a special kind of asshole in Ghostbusters (and in most of his best films, actually); he is capable of being reprehensible and charming at the same time. Thanks to a string of terrible movies like Good Luck Chuck and My Best Friend’s Girl and a HBO documentary that showed what a tool he is in real life, Cook has the asshole part down, just not the whole charming thing, which makes him the ideal (terrible) replacement for Venkman.

Jack Black as the new Dr. Raymond Stantz. Jack Black actually tried to convince Ramis to give him a part in the new Ghostbusters film while the two worked together on Year One, so this could actually happen. For the record, I think Jack Black can be incredibly funny in small doses, but if he is not reined in properly, he has a tendency to be incredibly annoying and over-the-top. (Besides, having him play a Ghostbuster in this film may remind people of Be Kind Rewind, which was a really terrible and disappointing movie.) To ensure his performance is as painful as it needs to be, all they’ll have to do is feed him a few Red Bulls before each scene and allow him to improvise.

Rainn Wilson as the new Dr. Egon Spengler. Rainn Wilson would actually be a good choice to replace Egon if we were trying to make a not-terrible Ghostbusters 3, since he’s got the whole funny nerd thing down playing Dwight on The Office. But, as I mentioned above, some of the worst moments on The Office are when Dwight is dialed up to 11 and becomes a zany cartoon sidekick. As long as Eisenberg and Stupnitsky can recapture the dreadfulness of those bad Dwight moments, Wilson will be a perfectly horrible Egon.

A Wayans Brother as the new Winston Zeddmore. It doesn’t matter which one you choose, they will all be equally terrible.

Kirsten Dunst as the new Dana Barrett. She already ruined Mary Jane Watson in the Spider-man movies, so why not have her ruin Dana Barret? For good measure, let’s recapture some of the painfulness of Spider-man 3 by give her three musical numbers.

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Jimmy Fallon as the new Louis Tully. Because nothing will be worse than seeing him laugh his way through this painfully-unfunny script.

Eddie Murphy in a fat suit as the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. I think this one is self-explanatory.

And finally, let’s have Ray Parker, Jr.’s iconic theme song redone by Adam Lambert. Now, I know many of you out there are Lambert fans (and even I can admit that he sang the hell out of Gary Jules’ version of “Mad World,” which I dearly love), but you have to admit that the guy has a tendency to oversing songs. I think with the right guidance, he can butcher the Ghostbusters theme song worse than he did “Ring of Fire.”

There you have it, my plan for the worst Ghostbusters movie ever made. If the powers that be behind this film really are trying to make it an epic flop, I think we now know who they’re gonna call.

Joel Murphy is the creator of HoboTrashcan, which is probably why he has his own column. He loves pugs, hates Jimmy Fallon and has an irrational fear of robots. You can contact him at murphyslaw@hobotrashcan.com.

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