I don’t enjoy sounding like some elitist, but I really think this world is getting dumber.
Please do not think me rude for saying so, because for once in my life I’m not saying it with an air of superiority from atop my bespectacled, Chuck Taylor-wearing high horse. The world has taken a turn for the stupid and I don’t like it.
It wasn’t long ago I was calling Chris Brown the piece of shit that he is. Well, on some mild bright side, his tour is not selling well. Good. But that’s the only bright side. Chris Brown has a new song that is currently, as of blogpress time, sitting at a solid number 23 on the charts, a spot where artists like Wilson Picket and Aldo Nova once peaked.
This is in no way a low charting. His career is fine. He’s not selling a lot of tickets, but he is selling tickets. He is selling tickets despite the facts that he, only a few months ago, beat his girlfriend to the point of almost disfiguring her, and then, allegedly/probably/dude, he totally did it, leaked nude photos of her to shame her for revenge. He beat this small woman within an inch of unconsciousness and he still has a career.
Now, let’s consider Kanye West.
Kanye West interrupted someone one time.
The end. That’s about it. The dude took a mic away from Taylor Swift. Pah-reeetty much end of story. And yet people were so outraged that his career hasn’t recovered yet. His tour with Lady Gaga had to be shitcanned because of low ticket sales because of that time he said Beyonce was awesome. I repeat: a tour headlined by two of the biggest artists of the decade had to be CANCELLED because Yeezy had too much to drink and upset the tiny country singer.
Chris Brown: pretty much fine. Kanye: permanent punchline.
In fairness, Kanye does have a song on the charts right now, a big hit, but it is a collabo with Jay-Z and Rihanna. Who’s to say what would have happened if he had a new album?
Chris Brown does have a new album coming out. Next month, he’ll drop a brand new album, sure to be a pretty big seller considering. Because he has truly dipshit fans.
Please do me the favor of Googling Rihanna and Chris Brown. Go to any page that has a comments feature, and you will find countless idiotic comments blaming her. I hate everyone.
In “people are still stupid, but not ‘forgiving a violent abuser’ stupid” news, unrelated to beat downs because they make me sad, you know that Kardashian sham wedding from last weekend? If you’re unfamiliar, and I wish I was, let me fill you in: a complete nobody – no, worse than that, not even a nobody, just the sister of a nobody, got married to a basketball player she’d known for a month. They’ve spouted to any second-rate tabloid that would listen how they got married because they are so in love and when you know you know, but in reality they only got married so they’d make the season cutoff for the girl one’s lame reality show. Not even a lame reality show. The sister show of a lame reality show.
So now that you’re with me here, that show? The one I just talked about? The one that spit in the face of marriage and then rubbed that spit on long-suffering gay couples everywhere and said: “Eat it, suckers!”? Yeah, that had a million more viewers than the Mad Men season finale.
At this point, I’d like the Kardashi-fans to explain themselves. No, seriously. Go down to the comments section immediately and tell me why you’re watching this drivel. Because here’s my theory why you’re watching it: because you’re not smart enough for television with plot and a proper storyline not dictated by an E! producer.
Look, I’m not saying Mad Men is for everyone. But the Kardashians are for NO ONE.
By the way, a bit of a tangent here, but if I read one more word from Kim Kardashian proclaiming to weigh 110 pounds and how she used to weigh 125, I will set my TV on fire. There is no bigger pet peeve of mine than celebrities lying about their weight. Shut up, Kim, no you do not weigh 110. Quit it, Sheri Shepherd, you are not a size 6. Don’t start with me, Nicole Eggert in last week’s People saying you weigh the same as me when you’re clearly at least thirty pounds more than that. Stop telling lies to people with eyes.
Sorry, I was filled with rage / the spirit of Johnnie Cochran (who, coincidentally, helped free OJ with the assistance of the father of the Kardashian girls. Nice job, all involved.)
I’m not trying to be mean. I just genuinely want everyone to be smart and awesome. But if that were the case, I guess the number one podcast on iTunes would be Fresh Air, not an hour about New Moon and how Taylor Lautner keeps his shirtlessness quite so shirtless.
I hate everyone.
Courtney Enlow is a writer living in Chicago and working as a corporate shill to pay the bills. You can contact her at firstname.lastname@example.org.