Aaron R. Davis
Thanks to budget mismanagement in Illinois, I’ve found myself with an awful lot of free time lately. Did that sound bitter? Good, it was.
Here in the town where I live, competition for substitute teaching gigs has gotten out of control. Teacher assistants were all laid off last year, so the pool of subs got larger. Now there are more layoffs coming, which just makes competition that much worse, and with the governor of Illinois proposing even more education cuts to make up the billions of dollars that our state keeps mysteriously misplacing, it looks like another 13,000 school workers will lose their jobs before the next school year begins.
(How bad is it? They’re cutting sports programs. You know things have gotten bad for the schools when the sports programs are being cut.)
So, with all of this free time on my hands, and less work available, it’s time to pull myself up off the couch and get serious about filling my time up with something constructive and beneficial.
First though, I’m going to blog on my regular blog; those pictures for Kristen Bell Monday aren’t going to post themselves, you know. And I have to write my new Positive Cynicism column so I can get it in on time. And I need some breakfast, too: something really mature like Fruity Pebbles or Smacks in my Hannah Montana bowl. I’ll watch cartoons, too, while I’m eating. My TiVo keeps recording Tom and Jerry. My TiVo is a good boy.
Okay, now it’s time to get serious. Although, I haven’t looked at Tumblr yet this morning, and that’s always fun. Let’s do Tumblr, instead. It should only take, what, an hour to catch up on the stuff I missed last night, so why not?
But then I’ve got to post to my Tumblrs, plural. All seven of them. I’ve got a new one, Godzilla Haiku, that’s getting a surprising amount of attention, so I want to make sure to update that one every day. Not that I need validation from the Internet, of course. I just really like it.
Jeez, is it noon already? Time for some lunch; just a sandwich or something. Or maybe I’ll just cook for myself. All I need is a telephone and a credit card …
Oh, right, I DVRed some TV shows this week. I should catch up on those so I can clear some space. Turner Classic Movies is showing Kurosawa movies this month, and I want to make sure to catch all of them, so I need the room. I’ll order pizza and sit and catch up on episodes of Modern Family and 16 and Pregnant for some reason.
Okay, so, this afternoon, it’s time to get serious about finding work and taking care of this place. Hmmm … but I am really immersed in New Super Mario Bros. Wii, and I’m so close to finally getting through this third world and defeating Lemmy Koopa. Stupid ice worlds, they take forever. Alright, I’ll play that for a while. And maybe some Mario Kart while I’m at it.
Damn, I feel bad about all of that wasted time. I should get out of the apartment, go for a walk, enjoy being alive, get the blood flowing. By which I mean play Wii Sports for an hour.
Wow, did I shower today? Okay, well, I need a shower after this workout, so I’ll do that now. And then I’ll catch up on what Tumblr stuff I missed while I was off the computer. Oh, and maybe play a game on Sporcle or something.
Oh, no, pal, you did not tell me that my inner child was dead because I thought Avatar was a cliché-ridden, overrated, unimaginative, hackneyed, awkwardly racist, bland, borderline offensive, self-admiring, ridiculous, White Savior-Hero myth for Furries and gamers clicking their heels and wishing they could just copulate with their Internet server and wake up in Pandora. We need to have a discussion about this right effing now!
Jeez, the computer is really eating up a lot of my time. Maybe I’ll read for a while, instead. I’ve been trying to do a lot of reading since so much of my time is open.
Whoa, did I fall asleep there? Where did this day go? Jeez, it’s not like I’m really — oh! Desperate Housewives reruns on Lifetime!
Man, my wife is going to be home from work soon. Maybe I should do some dishes and clean up a little so she doesn’t have to walk into a messy apartment after a long day at the figurative cracker factory.
Let me just check my email first.
And finish this chapter of The Plague.
Hmm … quick round of Mario Kart? Damn devil machine, why do you own my soul? Alright, I’ll just do the Leaf Cup really quick. Super quick.
Oh, honey, you’re home.
So, what’s for dinner?
Aaron R. Davis lives in a cave at the bottom of the ocean with his eyes shut tight and his fingers in his ears. You can contact him at email@example.com.