Hobo Stu

Hello everyone,

Here’s what’s new on HoboTrashcan.com this week:

One on One with Alan Dale
Based on the characters he plays on TV, you probably think Alan Dale is an intimidating jerk. It turns out that that couldn’t be farther from the truth. The New Zealand actor best known in America for his roles on The O.C., 24, Ugly Betty and Lost is actually a nice guy in real life. Luckily, this popular misconception doesn’t bother Dale too much since it affords him a certain amount of privacy.

We recently had to opportunity to sit down with Dale and pleasantly chat about the final season of Lost, his tragic history of on-screen heart attacks and his sweet 1970s afro.

Lost: Down the Hatch – The Spanish Prisoner
For years Lost fans have wondered why Richard Alpert can’t age (the popular theory at Hobo Headquarters was that the island decided he was just to man-pretty to ruin that face). We all finally got a definitive answer to this question in “Ab Aeterno.” Chris Kirkman recaps the episodes, provides theories on what it all means and shares a Richard-inspired drink recipe.

Murphy’s Law – What I’ve learned from watching eight seasons of 24
Earlier this week, before Fox officially announced it would cancel 24 after this season, Joel Murphy shared the valuable life lessons he learned from watching the show. Who knew Jack Bauer was so educational? Perhaps someone at PBS will see this column and attempt to revive the show next season.

Outside of the In-Crowd – Oh absolutely not
Courtney Enlow is generally a very tolerant and loving person, but the one thing she simply cannot abide is someone doing harm to one of America’s most beloved celebrities, Sandra Bullock. When word broke that Jesse James had been unfaithful to Bullock, only weeks after she publicly thanks him at the Oscars, Enlow was understandably livid.

Positive Cynicism – Jessica Simpson and the Price of Hypocrisy
Jessica Simpson’s new show, The Price of Beauty, is being billed as a program that examines standards of beauty around the world and empowers women to be comfortable in their own skin. Unfortunately, Aaron R. Davis sees both the show itself, and its host, as being both juvenile and hypocritical.

Hobo Radio 124 – Going highbrow
Hobo Radio has often been called the Frasier of podcasts. Week after week, Joel Murphy and Lars engage in a level of intellectual discourse that makes the average NPR show sound like the ramblings of drunken frat boys. So it’s no surprise that our dynamic duo is back with another thoughtful, intelligent show … no, we’re just kidding. This week, they discuss porn and Jesse James’ choice in women.

From the Vault – One on One with David H. Lawrence, XVII
While Heroes‘ Eric Doyle can certainly be a very creepy and unsettling character, there is something likeable about the puppetmaster who controls other humans with the flick of his wrists. Perhaps that likeability comes from David H. Lawrence, XVII, the charismatic actor who portrays Doyle on the show. Last year, we had a chance to talk to Lawrence about Heroes, his work on Saints Row and his short film My Name Is Wallace. If you missed it then, enjoy it now.

- Hobo Stu

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• Introduction
• Jesse James
• 10 most likable celebrities
• Odds and ends
• Contractually-obligated Batman discussion
• “I’ll Never Be An Astronaut” by Straight Outta Junior High

Hobo Radio 123 - Going highbrow [ 1:00:00 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Week 124 Spotlight: Going highbrow

Hobo Radio has often been called the Frasier of podcasts. Week after week, Joel Murphy and Lars engage in a level of intellectual discourse that makes the average NPR show sound like the ramblings of drunken frat boys. So it’s no surprise that our dynamic duo is back with another thoughtful, intelligent show …

No, we’re just kidding. This week, Joel and Lars ponder John Malkovich’s love life, Jesse James’ choice in women and the inner workings of a porn shoot. They also examine the top 10 names on the 2010 Performer Q study, which rates celebrities on their name recognition and likability.

Who are the most liked celebrities in America? What decision could threaten the future of 3D films? Why are Joel and Lars so juvenile? The answers to these questions and more are in this week’s podcast.

Hobo Radio is the official podcast of HoboTrashcan, brought to you by The Podcast Network.

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Chris Kirkman

“Ab Aeterno” Recap and Analysis …

Previously, on Lost: Richard built a ship in a bottle and was so bored by the experience that he wanted to kill himself.

This week, on Lost: We open on a mummified eye. Well, the eye itself isn’t mummified, it’s just attached to a person who looks mummified. It’s Ilana. She’s a little busted up. Jacob walks in and says hey sugar, he needs some help. She’s gotta bodyguard the six remaining candidates and he hopes he can count on her.

Back on the Island, Ilana, Jack, Hurley, Sun, Ben and Lapidus are sitting around a fire, telling ghost stories. The topic of conversation has shifted to the candidates, and Sun explains to Jack that the candidates are a list of people that could replace Jacob. Jack and Hurley are on the list, and she says that Ilana told Sun that she was on the list. Way to play telephone there, Sun – she said a Kwon was on the list, and she didn’t know if that meant you, Jin or both. Lapidus says that’s great and all, but what now? Ilana doesn’t know. Jack wants to know who does know what to do.

Cut back to the hospital. Ilana’s face no longer looks like a ten-day old persimmon and she’s asking Jacob what she should do after she brings them all to the Temple. Ask Ricardus, says Jacob. He’ll know what to do next.

Back on the beach, Hurley wants to know about this Ricardus fellow. Ilana turns around and motions at Richard, sitting in the shadows – that’s Ricardus. She asks him what they should do next. Richard let’s out the craziest little laugh ever and tells them all that he’s clueless, too. He then starts telling them all that he was about to kill himself and now everyone’s looking to him for a plan. Not a smart decision.

Seriously, Richard’s tee hee is almost Joker-worthy. Or maybe he could play the Riddler in the next Batman movie.

Ilana asks why Jacob would say what he did and Ricardus tells them that everything Jacob says is a lie. Jack, of course, is totally confused, so Richard leans in and says he’ll let Jack in on a little secret. He’s dead. They’re all dead, everyone of them. And the Island, it’s hell. Richard says that he’s tired of listening to Jacob and that it’s time to start listening to someone else. Then he picks up a torch and heads off into the jungle of mystery.

Cue the swirling Lost!

On the beach, Ilana wants to go after Richard, but Jack says there’s no use because Richard doesnt’ know anything and is now a few fries short of a Happy Meal. Ilana insists that he does. Jack states that if he knew and believed in Jacob, he wouldn’t be talking about listening to someone else. Ilana gives a worried look and walks away, leaving Jack confused. “Wait, do you know who he meant?” Jack calls after Ilana. Ben mutters under his breath, “Ohhh this should be interesting.” Good call, Ben. Let’s watch Jack’s tiny head asplode.

Hey girl, you’re looking fine in this campfire. Besides looking damn cute, I thought it was awesome that Sun was like the Oracle during this episode – she knew everything about everybody.

Sun explains that Richard meant Locke. But Locke’s dead, states Jack. Ben then puts his brilliant two cents in and tells Jack that if it’s any consolation, it isn’t exactly Locke. Jack gets the glazed look again, and then notices Hurley off in the shadows talking to someone in Spanish.

Jack goes over to Hurley and wants to know what Jacob is saying. Hurley tells Jack that he should just mind his on beeswax and that this isn’t called The Jack Show, so not everything revolves around him. Then Hurley turns and walks off.

Around the campfire, Ben tells them that there’s no use in going after Richard, because he’s known him since he was 12, so it should count for something. Lapidus assumes that they both met as kids, but Ben straightens that out for him. Lapidus wants a little clarification – is Ben saying that this guy doesn’t age? That’s exactly what Ben is saying. Lapidus furrows his brow and wonders, “Now how exactly does something like that happen?” Hold onto your butts, friend. We’re about to find out …

Continue reading this post

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Joel Murphy

Most people know what a fun, action-packed show 24 is, but not everyone realizes just how educational it can be too. Now some of you may read fancy newspapers and watch liberal networks like CNN, but I prefer to learn everything I need to know about terrorism and American politics from this show. And I’ve already learned so much, including how to kill an armed assassin in a stairwell using only a fire axe.

Since HoboTrashcan is primarily an educational website and since this may very well be the final season of this informative show, I figured I would share some of the valuable things I’ve learned from 24 with you fine readers this week …

Always trust Jack Bauer. There’s a reason he’s still alive after all this time. He knows what he’s doing. Besides, the guy has singlehandedly thwarted seven terrorist plots (and in his free time, rescued African school children from drug lords). He’s had a direct line to every single president since David Palmer. He did time in a Chinese prison to protect this country from war. He’s America’s greatest hero. Yet every time a new boss takes over at CTU, they always roll their eyes at him when he offers them advice as if he’s the CTU janitor butting into their conversation while he should be scrubbing the toilets. He’s Jack fucking Bauer. He’s never been wrong. You should probably hear him out.

In the absence of Jack, listen to Chloe. There’s a reason she’s still alive too. And it’s not like CTU keeps her around for her sparkling personality.

There’s always a mole. If there are more than four people in a group, one is required to be a secret terrorist. Seriously, look around the room you are in right now. Chances are one of the people in it is planning on blowing up your city with black market nuclear rods. And it’s probably the person you least suspect. Or the foreign guy.

The government does not do background checks. Ever. CTU should probably pay attention to the above paragraph, since they have managed to house at least one mole in every single season they have been around for. My brother edits a military magazine and the government performed an extensive background check before hiring him, digging deep into our family history and interviewing our old neighbors. But somehow, the government doesn’t feel the need to do the same kind of background check when hiring employees for its Counterterrorism Unit. Even the most basic check would have been enough to out Dana Walsh, the mole with a criminal past working at CTU under a fake name.

CTU is incredibly easy to find and take down. Every terrorist group has been able to easily locate this secret government facility and take it out of commission with a minimal amount of effort. They might as well put a big neon sign outside the place since even civilians like Dana Walsh’s ex-con former boyfriend and his probation officer can just show up and get on the premises. Seriously, why even go to the trouble of recruiting someone like Dana to aid you in your terrorist plot? Save your resources and just send a pizza guy with a bomb.

At CTU, there is only one shift. It doesn’t matter what time a day an attack occurs, the same team will always be there working and at no point will the night shift show up to take over. Everyone works 24 hours straight without stopping for food or bathroom breaks. Come to think of it, this may explain why so many moles slip through the cracks and why CTU is so easy to take down – everyone is sleep-deprived.

You should probably stop trying to attack the city Jack Bauer is in. Seriously terrorists, I don’t want to tell you how to do your job, but have you noticed that every time you attack the city Jack is in, he stops you? The guy quit CTU two seasons ago, he doesn’t even want to be chasing after you. But you keep attacking nearby and forcing his hand. It’s like you want to get caught.

Politicians are generally backstabbing, manipulative, self-centered blowhards who care more about their careers than the good of the nation. Wait, I think I learned this one on C-SPAN …

No president will ever be better than David Palmer. Seriously, I loved that guy. I’m sure he’s up in Heaven playing baseball with Bill Buchanan right now.

If you’re in a disagreement with a co-worker and/or boss, simply point a gun at their head. Sure, they’ll be upset at first, but as long as you continue to shout loudly and threaten to kill them, they will eventually come to realize just how right you are. You’ll get to do whatever you want and they’ll be so happy with the results that there will be absolutely no repercussions for your actions. Hell, you’ll probably get promoted.

Tony Almeida can grow a mean soul patch. He may have betrayed America, but he sure looked smooth doing it.

Incurable life-threatening diseases can be cured with stem cells. I’m still not sure if Jack Bauer was injected with stem cells at the end of last season or what. In fact, I don’t even think the writers know what stem cells are. They simply realized that if you just mention the phrase “stem cells” enough, eventually your audience will begin to zone out, allowing you to offer a completely nonsensical explanation for Jack’s miraculous last minute recovery.

Unless 24 hours have passed, the threat is not over yet. I know it seems like you caught the guy and America is safe once again, CTU. But these terrorist are crafty. They never launch an attack on the U.S. without having a backup plan. And that guy you have either killed or arrested that you thought was in charge of the whole operation – he really works for some other guy; a powerful, sinister man who waits at least 12 hours before making his presence known.

Kim Bauer, in addition to being sloppy seconds, gets a gun pointed at her head nearly as often as Kate Austen. Apparently Jack was way too busy saving the world to teach his daughter the most basic of survival skills. Hell, she managed to get kidnapped twice in the first season alone. She couldn’t even be a nanny without having a cop draw a gun on her and mistakenly arrest her for murder. I wonder what would happen if she and Kate ever went after each other. I think the world would end.

Joel Murphy is the creator of HoboTrashcan, which is probably why he has his own column. He loves pugs, hates Jimmy Fallon and has an irrational fear of robots. You can contact him at murphyslaw@hobotrashcan.com.

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Based on the characters
he plays on TV, you probably think Alan Dale is an intimidating jerk. It turns out that that couldn’t be farther from the truth. The New Zealand actor best known in America for his roles on The O.C., 24, Ugly Betty and Lost is actually a nice guy in real life. Luckily, this popular misconception doesn’t bother Dale too much since it affords him a certain amount of privacy.

We recently had to opportunity to sit down with Dale and pleasantly chat about the final season of Lost, his tragic history of on-screen heart attacks and his sweet 1970s afro.

How did you get into acting? When did you decide it’s what you wanted to do for a living?

I was probably in my 20s when I decided that’s what I wanted to do, but I had been doing it for years because my parents were involved in amateur theatre in New Zealand, where I grew up. They and some friends built a little theater at one point. I used to go in there and sneakily smoke cigarettes behind the sets and wind the wind machine when it was required and get involved. It was a place that I enjoyed.

When I got to my 20s, I was messing around. I sold cars and real estate, then I went back to university to do a law degree. And one day I thought, “I can be a lawyer or a judge. I can be a doctor or just be an actor. I’ll do it all.”

Did you work steadily as an actor early on or were you doing other things besides acting?

It was an odd thing because I was married at the time and I said to my wife, “Look, I’ve decided this is what I want to do” and in New Zealand, the population at the time was three million people – there wasn’t going to be much chance of making a living. But I did, for some reason. Fairly shortly afterward, I got a role in a series that lasted about nine months. Then I did have a period of a few months out of work, so I went to Australia and almost immediately went into a series there that lasted for three and a half years.

I also did a bit of radio along the way, so that was the sort of thing I used to do to fill in the gap. So I really had a good time, to be honest.

What made you decide to move to the United States? Did you come here to pursue an acting career?

It was for acting. I had been in a series that was very big in Australia, a series called Neighbours. Neighbours was a hit in Europe and Asia and Australia and New Zealand and I’d been in that for eight and a half years. That character that I played meant that it was very difficult for me to get a role in anything else in Australia.

So I fiddled around with it for a while, then in 1999, I did a movie of the week called First Daughter – an American movie made in Australia. I played the chief of Presidential security. I overheard the producer talking about what they were paying one of the American actors and I thought, “He’s getting about 10 times what I’m getting, I should go to America.” So I just picked up my wife and we had a two year old at the time and we just came across to see what would happen. It’s been fantastic, so that’s why I came and we find ourselves living here in California and very happy.

Three of your big American roles have been Vice President Jim Prescott on 24, Caleb Nichols on The O.C. and Charles Widmore on Lost, all of whom are powerful, tough men. Why do you think you keep getting cast in these types of roles?

Good question. I think part of it is because I can’t play the juvenile lead anymore. (Laughs.) I look like I do. It is interesting because before I came here, I didn’t play this sort of role very often in Australia. I became famous in Australia and New Zealand and England for this role in Neighbours where I was Australia’s most beloved father, really. But that was me when I was younger and I had hair and [this type or role] just seems to be the one that I’ve fallen into. I have tried out for other roles, but this is the one I seem to always get. So what do you do? It’s a living.

Three of your best known characters – Jim Robinson on Neighbours, Caleb Nichol on The O.C. and Bradford Meade in Ugly Betty were written out of their shows through fatal heart attacks.

It’s terrible. I think I should go into the Guinness Book of Records as the actor who has had the most heart attacks on television.

It’s got to be a little disconcerting.

(Laughs.) Well, I do wonder if that’s how I’m going to go.

If so, it will undoubtedly be a fantastic scene.

Well, yes and I’m hoping the cameras are rolling.

How did you end up with the role of Charles Widmore on Lost and were you a fan of the show before becoming a part of it?

I was. I had just been cast as Bradford Meade in Ugly Betty. I think we’d made the pilot and I’d just come back. I think we were still waiting to see if the pilot was going to be picked up and this role came up. I went to see the casting people and got the role. As far as I knew, it was just one episode. I didn’t know that it was going to continue on right through to the end of the series. But that was it. And they were looking for someone to play an Englishman. Well, in the end, he mostly sort of has my accent more than an English accent now, but these things evolve.

But that’s how it happened. It really was just one of those things. I wasn’t even sure if I was going to stay and in the end in 2008 I went to London and played the lead in Spamalot on the West End for five months. They had to come to London to shoot scenes with me because I couldn’t take the time off to come back to Hawaii. Each step along the way, I haven’t know that I was going to be in it for the next season, but it just has turned out that way. So that’s good.

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