Courtney Enlow

As everyone’s aware by now, there’s a bit of a fatwah on the heads of Matt Stone and Trey Parker due to their 200th and 201st episodes, and an A-story involving the Muslim prophet Muhammad.

I don’t mean to sound in the slightest bit as though I’m making light of this situation. As fans of South Park know, this was not the first time we’ve dealt with this. Last time, it was the “Cartoon Wars” two-parter. This episode was in response to the controversy involving the censorship of a Danish newspaper’s cartoons depicting Muhammad, and the existence of this new taboo. Of course all most people remember from that pair of episodes is that they ripped on Family Guy, but Comedy Central censored the images of Muhammad then, as Parker and Stone put it, because they didn’t want to get bombed.

Of course, earlier than “Cartoon Wars” was the “Super Best Friends” episode in which we saw Muhammad in all his glory palling around with Jesus and Buddha and Seaman and their friends. This pre-9/11 episode was streamed on Comedy Central’s website without notice until a few days ago when, because people kept saying, “Hey, why was SBF okay and not this?” they had to pull it offline.

Of course what “200″ and “201″ were all about was censorship and intimidation. It’s not really ironic that these two episodes ended up being completely censored as a result of intimidation.

As Jon Stewart pointed out, Revolution Muslim, the extremist group making the threats against Matt and Trey and Comedy Central, is actually based out of New York. That means theses radicals who are spreading this hate are doing so with OUR freedom of speech. They are using American freedoms to take down American rights. They probably got this smart idea from their leader, a born-’n-raised American.

You know those idiots in college who got so, “Ugh, I hate this country so much; we’re so bourgeoisie. I just want to move to Europe and stay away from this pathetic cesspool”? Imagine that asshole went to Israel and changed his whole worldview and decided that America sucked so bad that he just wanted to bomb the shit out of it, all while living in the hustle and bustle of its most beloved city.

What a fucking hypocrite.

Look, I know people are out there throwing around the line, “Come on, it’s just a cartoon.” I think we all know that’s not the case. We live in the Pixar age – there’s really no longer such a thing as “just a cartoon.” Animation is a legitimate art form, able to tell as powerful a story as any other medium. For thirteen years (well, technically the first two or three seasons didn’t really do this as much) South Park has used itself as a bit of a soapbox for the First Amendment, and its arguably done so better than any other weekly fictional TV show out there. Sure, sometimes the show gets up its own ass and preaches too heavily, but other times there’s Randy Marsh jumping around on his balls like a Hoppity Hop.

You can call the show crass, you can call it stupid, you can even call it worthless drivel, but the fact stands that this show, thirteen years in, is still as controversial and talked about as it was in 1997 when they first killed Kenny. But while its courted its share of controversy, they’ve never wanted anyone killed over it. Because when it comes to matters of life or death, “Come on, it’s just a cartoon.”

If anyone out there is going to be bummed about an episode getting censored under intimidation from extremists, it’s Matt and Trey. More than anyone else in television perhaps, those two have really pushed the envelope when it comes to saying, “Oh yeah? Bring it.” Only they say it less Kirsten Dunst-y. And as bummed as they are, they’re no doubt mad that Comedy Central censored their work under fear of what is most likely all talk. The end, with Kyle’s speech about what he learned today, was just one big bleep. That speech was supposed to be all about fear and intimidation. Does this mean the terrorists won, or are Matt and Trey being reckless?

I’m prone to think the former. I want to believe that the power of our rights and liberties are stronger than threats from some group that shames its own purported religion. I want to believe that at the end of the day our amendment rights are safe and protected, even when it’s hard, because that’s when they truly matter.

At the same time, I don’t want anyone dead. Certainly not Matt and Trey, because as some know, they’re the reason I wanted to go to film school (an ultimately aborted but still very future-forming piece of my life). Mostly it was because I was desperately and awkwardly in love with Trey and just wanted an in of some kind, but it’s also because I respect them, both as artists and as people.

Revolution Muslim, you’re nothing. You’re just another group of people talking shit on the Internet, hiding behind your god because you’re not able to back up your beliefs any other way.

And of course if they’re reading this, please utilize the below blurb and believe that I still live in Chicago. Check no further. Thanks.

Courtney Enlow is a writer living in Chicago and working as a corporate shill to pay the bills. You can contact her at courtney@hobotrashcan.com.

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Hobo Stu

Hello everyone,

Here’s what’s new on HoboTrashcan.com this week:

Lost: Down the Hatch – My Jabroni Has a First Name
Kate got kidnapped for the 26th and 27th time, Desmond started to get a little creepy and we discovered who the last recruit is on this week’s episode of Lost. If you found yourself lost during the episode, Chris Kirkman has you covered with a recap, expert analysis and a tasty episode-inspired drink recipe.

Murphy’s Law – We should have just asked mom how you two met
How I Met Your Mother began with a rather clever premise – a father sitting down his two children to tell them how he and their mom met. However, after five seasons and 108 episodes, Ted Mosby still hasn’t gotten around to telling that story. Joel Murphy thinks the show’s premise is beginning to wear a little thin.

Outside of the In-Crowd – In praise of sluts
In the words of Coop from Wet Hot American Summer, “Sluts rock.” So this week, Courtney Enlow pays tribute to some of television’s greatest sluts, including Kathy Santoni from Full House, Kelly Bundy from Married … With Children, Suzanne Sugarbaker on Designing Women and Sue Ann Nivens on The Mary Tyler Moore Show.

Positive Cynicism – What passes for a bold stance on the Internet
When Aaron R. Davis went on Tumblr and posted “Kesha > Lady Gaga,” he had no idea he was walking into an Internet firestorm. Lady Gaga fans were quick to defend their favorite singer, but Davis can’t quite figure out is why. He simply can’t understand the need to prove someone else wrong for having a different opinion.

Hobo Radio 128 – Hitler, zombies and jorts
While this week’s podcast sadly does not have a discussion about a jort-wearing Zombie Hitler, it does tackle those three topics – Hitler, zombies and jorts – individually. Creeps on Craigslist, Sam Jackson’s inability to turn down movie roles and the old “Hey, look over there” trick also all find their way onto the show this week.

From the Vault – Getting to Know … Mary Roach
Mary Roach had already conquered death in Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers and Spook: Science Tackles the Afterlife, so in 2008 the bestselling author decided to take on sex in her book, Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex. If you are unfamiliar with Roach and you missed our story on her in 2008, take the time to get to know her now.

- Hobo Stu

Hobo Stu’s Weekly Recap is also available as an email newsletter. To sign up for the newsletter to ensure you never miss an update, send an email to newsletter-subscribe@hobotrashcan.com.

• Introduction
• Hitler videos
• Craigslist and group sex
• I ain’t afraid of no ghosts
• Joss Whedon and The Avengers
• Contractually-obligated Batman discussion
• “Til This Goes Away” by Kelly Harper

Hobo Radio 128 - Hitler, zombies and jorts [ 1:08:33 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Week 128 Spotlight: Hitler, zombies and jorts

While this week’s podcast sadly does not have a discussion about a jort-wearing Zombie Hitler, it does tackle those three topics – Hitler, zombies and jorts – individually.

In case you are wondering how these topics all made it on to the show, allow us to break it down for you. Hitler gets mentioned because the company that owns the footage used in all of the hilarious Hitler parody videos on YouTube has sadly issued a cease and desist order. Zombies are brought up after Joel tells a harrowing ghost story, which somehow leads into a discussion of zombies and our dynamic duo’s chances of survival. And jorts (a.k.a. jean shorts) come into play during a tragic tale involving Craigslist, group sex and indecent exposure.

Why is everyone on Craigslist so damn creepy? Will Sam Jackson ever turn down a movie role? Has anyone ever fallen for the old “Hey, look over there” trick? The answers to these questions and more are in this week’s podcast.

Hobo Radio is the official podcast of HoboTrashcan, brought to you by The Podcast Network.

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Chris Kirkman

“The Last Recruit” Recap and Analysis …

Previously, on Lost: Seriously, if you don’t know what’s been going on up until this point, you might as well just go watch American Idol.

This week, on Lost: Not a whole lot happens. Okay, so that’s not entirely true; Kate got kidnapped again (for the 26th and 27th time), the crew continued to blow the hell out of Hawaii and Desmond is starting to get a little creepy. But in a delightful way. Oh, what the heck, I’ll fill you in on the rest.

Hurley, Jack, Sun and Lapidus arrive via torchlight at Camp Black Hat and Locke/Ol’Smokey/MIB invites Jack out into the Jungle of Mystery for a little chit chat. Jack cops a squat and tells MIB he’s bothered because he doesn’t have any idea who the hell MIB really is. MIB tells Jack that he thinks Jack does know, all mysterious-like. Then Jack susses out that MIB took the form of John Locke because Locke was stupid enough to get himself killed and then Jack brought his body back so that MIB could assume Locke’s form – cuz Smokey can only look like dead people. Jack asks MIB straight up if he was masquerading as his daddy way back in season one, and MIB says yup, sure enough. Because he was trying to lead Jack to water. Just like that.

Sorry, I must interject for one moment: Kiss my ass, Lost. No, seriously. We go six seasons of everybody and their brother pussyfooting around important issues like they had explosives strapped to their gonads and the truth would set off the detonator, and now here MIB tells Jack to cop a squat and unveils that he was posing as Daddy Shephard so Jack could find water. That just ain’t right, people. I mean, we had to sit through a whole season and a half of the Others having a rice paddy refugee party, for cripes sake! We had two episodes on Tom Friendly’s beard. I go into this more later, so don’t go hating on me just yet.

Yeah, I’d say that one look sums it up for me too, Locke.

Anyway, I digress. MIB goes into his whole spiel about getting on a plane and jetting it to freedom, but they all have to do it together. Then Jack starts singing old Locke’s praises, about how he was the only one who believed in this place, and I can only sit in amazement that the man of science is exalting the man of faith. MIB cuts Jack of real quick, though, and tells him that John Locke was not a believer – he was a sucker.

Speaking of Locke, he’s having an awfully bad day over in LA X. He’s been run down by Desmond and is rushed to the hospital in an ambulance with Dr. Linus. Ben doesn’t have much information for the EMTs, other than John is a paraplegic – which the EMT somehow missed, despite the fact that he saw Locke’s wheelchair smashed to pieces. Ben doesn’t even know his emergency contact, but Locke manages to eke out Helen’s name, saying that he was gonna marry her. Ben tells him he still can, because he’s gonna live.

If Terry O’Quinn doesn’t win an Emmy for this season, there might very well be rioting in the streets.

Outside the ER, Sun is being rushed in on a gurney at the same time as Locke, and she has a little near-death vision, saying about Locke that “it’s him!” We can only assume that she’s seen Locke Prime’s true face.

Back on Island Prime, Jack and MIB wrap things up and Jack and Claire have a little brother-sister reunion. They catch up on old times and current news – like how their dad is really an ancient smoke monster from either hell or another dimension. You know, things like that. Claire says it’s good to have Jack on the team, and Jack says he hasn’t decided yet if he’s joining Team Black Hat. Claire says that Jack sure has decided – he made the decision the minute he let MIB talk to him. Then she gives him the ol’ creepy stare.

At dawn, everybody’s sitting around Camp Black Hat, drinking coffee, making “people to kill” lists, and pretty much just acting like it’s a boy scout jamboree. Sawyer fills in Hurley about the plan to steal Widmore’s sub, but Hurley wants to know why Sayid’s not invited. James informs Hurley that Sayid has gone over to the dark side, but Hurley says that people can always be brought back from the dark side – remember Anakin? Oh, Hurley, you rock in so many ways.

“So … Jack and Claire are brother and sister, right? And their dad turned out to be the smoke monster who’s, like, evil and stuff and on the Dark Side. Dude, that means Locke is like Darth Vader! Wow, I’m really glad we never caught Jack and Claire making out or anything …”

Claire comes over and she and Hurley hug it out while Sawyer makes faces.

Back in LA X, Officer Ford has AlternaFreckles in custody, and they do the usual flirty song and dance while James reads off her rap sheet. James thinks it’s awful weird that they keep bumping into each other, and Kate wants to know if he’s flirting with her and why he let her go at the airport. James just says all he saw was a pretty girl that needed a door held open for her. Kate calls him on his bullshit and says that he was in Sydney doing secret stuff that nobody needs to know about. James grins and tells Kate he likes her.

Miles interrupts and says they have a little situation. We all get a little taste of the buddy cop procedural that will spin off into its own show in the fall.

Continue reading this post

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Joel Murphy

We all love a good “how we met” story. It’s the first question we ask when meeting your new girlfriend/boyfriend for the first time. Whether you were high school sweethearts, prison penpals or simply two customers at a grocery store who both reached for the last bag of Cheetos at the same time – your eyes meeting and you both instantly knowing it was meant to be –your first encounters are usually sweet and fun to hear. (Unless you met each other on one of those online dating sites – that’s just sad and boring, so just lie and say you met at an orgy or a monster truck rally or something.)

As much as we love these stories, what we want most from them is brevity. Sure, we like to hear the important details and it’s nice if you can paint a vivid word picture, but if the story takes more than five minutes to tell, you are doing it wrong. “I was a repo man and she was just so beautiful that I couldn’t bring myself to take back her home entertainment system.” Bam! There it is – everything we need to know in one concise sentence.

Simply put, if you spend 54 hours telling me (admittedly amusing) anecdotes about you and your friends, only occasionally throwing in references to your future wife’s umbrella or her old roommate, but never even getting to your first actual conversation with her, eventually I simply stop caring about how you met your wife altogether.

Unfortunately, that seems to be exactly what Bob Saget is doing to his poor children on the hit CBS comedy How I Met Your Mother. The premise of the show was that Saget’s character, Ted Mosby, was sitting down his children to tell them how he met their mom. It was a clever and original idea. However, after five seasons and 108 episodes, he still has yet to meet her. As I mentioned above, so far he’s spent 54 hours telling his children various anecdotes and not a single one of them has anything substantial about his actual first encounter with their mom. I’m all for giving some background information, but that’s ridiculous.

This past week’s episode, he told the story of how he bought their house. The week before was a non sequitur that involved Marshall getting mugged by a monkey. Occasionally, he remembers to work in a vague reference to the mother, but for the most part he just prattles on about the hijinks he and his friends get into.

For the record, I am a big fan of How I Met Your Mother. I was late to the party on this show, but once I started watching it, I plowed through the old episodes the way Tiger Woods plows through porn stars and pancake waitresses (Zing!). When the show is at its best, the writing is really sharp and the narration is clever and amusing. I’m invested in all of the characters, especially Barney Stinson (who I ranked fourth on my “25 Most Memorable TV Characters of the Decade” list). It’s a great show – a network sitcom that actually feels innovative and genuinely funny most of the time.

But I do feel like the show is now a bit hamstrung by its premise. The setup of telling the children how he met their mom, which seemed like a great hook when the show began, is now getting in the way of the show itself. I get the sense that the writers never really anticipated this. They probably didn’t expect the show to go on for five seasons (or six, its already been renewed), so chances are they really didn’t plan out ways to keep the mom storyline going this long.

The big issue is that Ted can’t actually meet his future wife because that would mean the show is over. So the show’s success become both a blessing and a curse – it’s great that people want to see more of these characters and their adventures, but it continues to undermine the original premise. The writers are then forced to come up with near misses and vague mentions of the mom in order to keep the suspense building, but ultimately, it starts to get old. This week’s “how I met our house” episode was particularly grating.

I don’t know that there is any way to fix this problem, but as weeks go by, I find myself hoping that the mother is not mentioned at all on the show. I realize the show is called How I Met Your Mother, but until they are ready to pay off that storyline, I think it’s best to mention the mother as little as possible. Nobody likes a tease, so either tell us how you met her or stop bringing her up altogether, Ted.

I don’t mean to single out this show. It’s still a shiny needle in a haystack full of mediocre sitcoms. But I feel like they need to figure out a long-term plan for how to deal with the mother storyline without annoying their audience. This is always a challenge for shows. Friends had to figure out what to do with their Ross and Rachel storyline, which was a huge hook early in the show. After stringing it along as long as they could, they had the two finally date and eventually break up (leading to the classic “We were on a break” line). If Friends had tried to keep stringing Ross and Rachel along for the entire series run, never letting them get together, I think fans would have eventually turned on them. (Although, this is not always the case – The X-Files managed to never have Scully and Mulder get together until the recent – and utterly forgettable – movie and Castle would be best served to keep Beckett and Castle apart.)

I hope the writers are working to solve this problem. It’s definitely something that needs to be addressed soon to keep the show going. And hopefully, when the payoff does come, it will have been worth wading through the world’s longest shaggy dog storyline to get to it. Honestly though, at this point I’m just hoping they don’t meet on one of those online dating sites.

Joel Murphy is the creator of HoboTrashcan, which is probably why he has his own column. He loves pugs, hates Jimmy Fallon and has an irrational fear of robots. You can contact him at murphyslaw@hobotrashcan.com.

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