The New Black – They Put the UGG in FUGGLY

Brandi DeLancey

Brandi DeLancey

’Tis the season for bundling up in your parka and grabbing your toboggan to go out and play in the snow. So I’d like to give a nod to the ever- present foot warmers, UGGs. (Which, by the way, I would not recommend wearing in the snow unless you plan on waterproofing them first.)

Aside from being part of Britney Spears’ signature uniform, which consists of too short jorts with the pockets hanging below the “hem” line, some sort of see-through shirt with Cheeto stains down the front and UGGs that she’s been wearing religiously for the last decade (seriously, how bad must those things smell?); what’s so special about UGG boots?

This fashion faux pas has been a mainstay year round for the better part of 15 years! Trendy females worldwide wear these sheepskin boots with shorts, skirts, dresses, leggings and jeans.

For footwear that was designed to keep feet warm in cold climates, why do we feel it necessary to wear them with shorts and bikini tops in the dead of summer when we can barely stand to wear enough clothing to stay decent?

While these boots (and THAT look) are a coveted item for any teen girls’ wardrobe, they have also been the target of PETA’s finger wagging. Apparently, according to renowned PETA advocate Pam Anderson, UGGs does not shave their sheep “kindly”! *gasp* I’m sure the flax seed you down with every Vegan meal never saw that combine coming as it was sunning itself in some field somewhere either.

Now there ARE alternatives to these boots NOT made from animal skin, but my guess is if you are seen rockin’ the GUGs or some such nonsense you bought at Walmart, you will be forever banned from any fashion circle worth its salt. *ahem* The High School UGG Boot Club – “Like yeah, we’re like totally gonna wear these to the prom!” *insert valley girl accent here*

Most people do feel strongly about their stance on UGG boots. You are either for them or against them, and I’ve not seen much in the way of gray areas. There is The I Hate Uggs Club on MySpace, the Anti-miniskirts and Uggs and the Anti-uggs Club’s on Facebook. Also not to be forgotten is the WE H8 UGGS CLUB on Bebo, for those of us that either aren’t hip enough to see the appeal of or don’t have the cash flow to plunk down the $180+ for these monstrosities. Then there are the clubs for those fashionistas that wear their 10-year-old pale pink UGG boots to bed, in the shower and on late night runs to the local Rite Aid, ya’ll (i.e. Club Ugg Lovers The Ugg Club).

I’ll admit, I’m of the school of thought that when both the boots themselves and their name so closely resemble the word FUGGLY, they must be avoided at all costs. That being said, I do see the benefit of having these boots if you live in say, the Himalayas where the winter temperatures dip below the freezing point. But in these areas the boots are less of an item of vanity and more of a necessity to keep the frost bite at bay, and to insure that you make it to summer with all of your toes intact. You won’t catch these gals sporting the $795 Jimmy Choo UGGs for damn sure!

Speaking of ridiculous, recently Oprah gave everyone in her studio audience a pair of UGGs covered in silver, gold or black sequins! Have you seen these hideous things? They are the epitome of tacky, if you ask me. The gold ones are like road flares that you wear on your feet. And although I’d take just about anything GIVEN to me by Oprah, these would be promptly chucked out the window as I drove off at a high rate of speed. I’m fairly sure that even the most discerning hobo wouldn’t touch these things with a 10-foot pole. Even if I COULD afford to purchase them (which I certainly cannot), I can’t say that I would even if held at gun point to do so.

Yup, this is one trend that I definitely am not upset about letting pass me by all these years. It’s definitely not for lack of time to let them grow on me. But if I do ever decide to join the masses, you may as well just take me out back and put me out of my misery. Just promise me that you will make sure and take those damn boots off my feet before you bury me! I can’t spend eternity looking like that! You never know who you will come across in the great beyond … I just hope it’s not Britney Spears, because you know she’ll still be wearing that same funky pair of UGGS in the afterlife.

Brandi DeLancey lives in North Carolina, where she is taking over the Internets one website at a time.

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