The New Black – Thinking outside the heart-shaped box

Brandi DeLancey

Brandi DeLancey

It’s Valentine’s Day, once again. I’m sure all of you love birds have gone all out for your significant other. Me? I’ve been married for eight years – what’s Valentine’s Day?!

The news last week reported that studies showed the majority of searches done online were from women searching for gifts for their men. This is contradictory to what the people I spoke to thought. Albeit, most of these people were men, they all believed that Valentine’s Day was a holiday just for women. Seriously?

So maybe it IS a holiday that is heavily marketed toward what men should buy their women, but do men actually believe that it was created just for them? I guess I’m out of the loop because I have always gotten something, even if it was small, for the guy I was nearest and dearest to on February 14th.

What is Valentine’s Day? Wikipedia claims that Valentine’s Day is a day to celebrate “love and affection between intimate companions.” Then my question is, why do we do this with roses (barf), boxes of chocolate (heart shaped, of course – again, barf), teddy bears (because these are always useful) and sexy lingerie (boys, it’s like getting a tie for Father’s Day)? If I’m looking for a celebration of love and affection from my intimate companion, I’m only looking for one thing and it’s nothing you’re gonna find on the shelves of a damn Hallmark store! Call me easy … it’s ok, I don’t find it offensive.

Even still, this is the first year that I won’t be giving my husband a gift for this, the day of love. Like I said before, we’ve been married for eight years and if he doesn’t know I love him by now no amount of roses and chocolates will convince him otherwise.

Speaking of roses and chocolates, how lame are you to show up at your girl’s house with a dozen roses and a box of chocolates? I’ve never liked either and if you showed up with them, I’d know instantly how much you hated me. It’s not that I don’t like flowers or candy, but they’ve not really upped the ante in the way of Valentine’s gifts in my lifetime. Why? Why are we stuck on this limited variety of ways to show our love for someone?

Have you seen the Russell Stover’s commercial recently where they are roaming the streets asking women about getting chocolates for Valentine’s Day? Beside these women, who are being paid by Russell Stover’s to say these things, how many women have you spoken to that have said “He better have that box of chocolates when he comes home tonight or no boom boom in the Champagne Room for him”? Exactly.

Where’s the creativity? Where’s the true reflection of how you feel about these people in your life? I may have bought into the whole gift giving fever revolving around the holiday for most of my life, but at least I put myself into it. I didn’t just grab the first bouquet of crummy roses off the first dude who came up to my car at a stop light on my way home from work. No, I think about it a little bit, and I’d expect the same from my guy.

Wouldn’t you be happier if you knew your significant other had actually thought about what to get you and didn’t just stop and grab whatever was left at the store 15 minutes before your dinner date?

What should you get? I don’t know, but the best Valentine’s gift I ever received was a pair of Perfect Circle concert tickets! Not exactly romantic, but he knew what he was doing and I rewarded him properly for it. That’s all we want boys, someone who will give us that perfect sentiment whether tangible or not.

You think I’m yankin’ ya? Take it from a chick, ditch the flowers and candy this year. Be a little creative. Think outside of the box. See how things go. Just please, whatever you do, don’t forget about it! As much as I’m not a fan of the cliché gifts, I am not about to take the approach that “I show [him/her] my love all year, today is no reason to be different.” Don’t be THAT guy or girl. Even though I’m not getting my husband a gift, I do have something planned. I’m no hypocrite!

Though I’ve devoted the majority of this column to the pairs of the world, I have not forgotten about you singles out there. Go out and do something special for yourself today! You deserve it, because chances are you’ve either managed to dodge the meaningless relationship just for the sake of not being alone or you’ve been dumped so the person you were with didn’t have to go through all the trouble of figuring out what the hell to give you for Valentine’s Day (not at all due to reading this article, I promise)! Either way, no one would blame you for buying a huge heart shaped piñata just to bash it repeatedly with a Louisville Slugger until it bursts open spilling out all of your favorite candy which you will most certainly polish off before the night is up.

To sum up people, what are we NOT going to run out and buy today? That’s right! No stop light roses, gas station chocolates (even if they are in the heart shaped box) or card store teddy bear. The lingerie can pass this time, but only if you plan on using it! Just do it responsibly kids and have a Happy Valentine’s Day.

Brandi DeLancey lives in North Carolina, where she is taking over the Internets one website at a time.

Comments (1)
  1. Dan Smith February 15, 2011

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