There is nothing interesting going on in pop culture right now.
I’m not saying this to be a bitch or because I have nothing to write about this week. Frankly I could write a thousand words on how I sat at my work desk and tried to figure out how I could patent a pillow shaped like Christina Hendrick’s breasts to market as a cure for insomnia. Or how I was surprisingly turned on when I saw a picture of Michael Fassbender shaving and wondered if I could start a blog with pictures of him doing ridiculous things gorgeously like mowing the lawn or farting.Or how it’s ridiculous that Rick Santorum just realized his name means something else on the Internet about 10 years later (and he wants to be president?).
The media gods aren’t even trying anymore. Actually that’s an understatement. I think they are actively attempting to cash in and subsequently ruin everything that was great about my childhood. They are that asshole employee that realizes they can do anything they want because they won’t get fired, so they test every boundary possible just to fuck with everyone around them because they can. And you let them because it’s better then doing the work of trying to entertain yourself.
Everything that is popular right now is a regurgitation of things that were. Don’t believe me? The top movie of last weekend was released in 1994. But you know that the saddest part is? After a summer of many disappointing remakes like Conan the Barbarian and Planet of the Apes, I appreciate that it was the original, and not a reworked Hollywood retooling where some genius decided it was too traumatic for kids that Simba’s dad died and cut it from the film.
Every few months we, the people, are inundated with a series of superhero movies. The comic book movie has earned it’s place in mainstream culture and rightly so. But what originally made comic books so great was how relevant they were with showcasing social or political commentary masked in tights and swinging from buildings. You would have to search far and wide to find someone that disagrees with the notion that The Dark Knight was one of the best movies of the last decade. It was a rare gem in a sea of failed attempts. (Here’s looking at you Incredible Hulk.) But the first Batman movie was released in 1943. He was so prominent that Andy Warhol, who made a living making fun of pop culture, made a movie called Batman Dracula in 1964. And yet the world still gets excited each and every time someone does a reboot.
Batman is one of the more successful franchises, but tell me you didn’t die a little inside when you saw the latest Indiana Jones movie. Or when you heard Jar Jar Binks talk for the first time on screen. Or when you heard the Karate Kid was being replaced with a spoiled brat. With Hollywood announcing the new Ghostbusters and Beetlejuice movies, I didn’t hear a single cheer of glee, but many groans because the chances of it making you hate everything you once loved is greater then any feeling of nostalgia it could evoke.
Speaking of Glee, the small screen picked up on the trend of the silver screen and vomits all over your television each and every night with shows like Charlie’s Angels, 90210 and a plethora of CSI’s, Law and Orders or singing competitions to pick from. There is no escaping, but it gets so so much worse. Glee takes the cake. Television took it one step further and each and every week you get to hear children belt out songs that you once loved. None of which even try to be original. And these children have more number one singles then the Beatles and Elvis. By singing other people’s songs. And this isn’t a joke?
I’ll be nice to the music industry because making fun of the state of the record and radio businesses would be like kicking a cripple on his/her death bed. But I’ll just make one comment on whoever thought the world needed a new Nirvana Nevermind when they literally never stopped playing the songs on the radio. It’s almost like a twentieth year memorial services of when people used to actually buy albums pre-Internet era.
This is why reality television does so well. Sure it’s soul crushing. Sure it’s ridiculous. But you never really know whats going to happen next do you. We’ve seen everything else already.
So since the world has given up and we live in a world of deja vu, here is a list of things I think the world should actually bring back:
Freaks and Geeks
Sealab (the bizzaro episode is still my favorite)
Road House (as a TV show showcasing a great redneck ass beating each week from a star who is otherwise known for dancing)
Beavis and Butthead
Tales from the Crypt
Kids in the Hall
Nicole Alexandria is off doing cool things like a boss that you probably never heard of while not giving a single fuck all day every day. You can contact her through Facebook.