A Million Universes – Politics as usual

Nicole Alexandria

Once every four years or so the air begins to permeate with a pungent odor. Can you smell it? That’s the sweet, sweet smell of political bullshit being flung at you from every angle.

With the economy and the state of the nation currently, the one thing everyone can agree upon is that the public is hoping whoever is elected can fix it. Whether you think tax cuts for businesses is the answer or if better health care options will lead to a better quality of life, everyone depends on the government to guide us and we are all hoping things will eventually get better. Running a campaign in general has become the most cutthroat job interview in recorded history. Candidates travel the country kissing babies, shaking the hands of the elderly, swallowing local food and participating in local cultural activities. They debate on national television, allowing the world to judge them while fellow candidates attempt to belittle and sabotage all their efforts.

All this is done for a temporary position in which you’re life is pretty literally on the line should you go to a theater or drive down the street in Texas. A job in which you and your family will continually be critiqued and judged with each and every move all for the brief chance to possibly be remembered throughout history as a hero … if you’re lucky.

Within the political spectrum, there is a faction who feel the need to tell the country what they can and can’t do in an effort to be our self-appointed moral compass. Most of the time, this keeps civility and order to the country, but the concept of what is and isn’t acceptable is fluid and should continue and grow as times progress. Fifty years ago, if you told Martin Luther King that his walks, and a dream he once had, would one day lead the way for a black man to become president, his opposition would have scoffed at the idea. Even some of his supporters would have claimed it impossible. But times did change. The world became a more equal place whether everyone liked it or not.

In modern times, there are two widely-debated issues that will eventually change as well, whether you like it or not.

The first is that gay marriage will become legal. It’s going to happen.

And it’s going to save the concept of sanctity of marriage.

Heterosexuals have completely destroyed the concept of marriage being a sacred, time-honored tradition. I have Brandi Glanville, Kim Kardashian and Sinead O’Connor to thank for helping me be able confidently make this statement. Brandi Glanville got married over the weekend as a joke. Because it was on her bucket list of things to do to get married in Vegas at least once. Kim Kardashian exploited the very notion of marriage by quickly getting married and divorced as a money making enterprise to better sell ad space on her ridiculous television show. Instead of taking her husband to a bed chamber, Sinead O’Conner took her husband of 16 days – who is a drug counselor – to a crack house.

So in a world where a 51-year-old man named Doug Hutchinson can legally marry a 16-year-old girl named Courtney Stodden, the notion that a homosexual couple who has lived monogamously for their entire adult lives are really going to ruin the world seems ludicrous. Huh? And wait, you really think by not making a marriage legal, that it’s really going to deter any inherently gay man or woman from being in a committed homosexual relationship anyway? In what world do you think someone just decides to be attracted to something arbitrarily? Men do not wake up one morning and say, “Hey, I think I’m going to like penis today.” It’s ingrained the same way some hetero men like blondes. Or redheads. By letting more people become happily committed and married, you are protecting the concept itself by letting more people have a chance to prove themselves, instead of showcasing failed marriages, broken homes and joke Vegas marriages like the heteros do.

Putting aside your moral impositions for a second, the United States is a country in which was founded on separation of church and state. Having been kicked out of other countries for uncommon religious beliefs, the founding fathers revolutionized the concept of live and let live. Somewhere along the line marriage did in fact become a legal joining of two people who amongst other things pay taxes together. Because marriage became a legal right and there is a very distinct constitutional right of separation of church and state, any of your religious arguments towards marriage being a religious act are completely invalid. Go ahead and try to tell me the IRS is a Christian enterprise. I dare you. Homosexual marriage is going to happen because we are a country based on the core concept of live and let live. It’s a basic civil right anyone should have among consenting adults. And shit, letting two people who love each other spend thousands of dollars on a wedding can’t hurt the suffering economy either.

The second things that is going to happen despite all current debates is weed is going to become legal.

We could have won the war on drugs decades ago. Don’t believe me? All you have to do is look at history. Any effort by any government worldwide to prohibit the consumption of alcohol has failed miserably because people are going to do it anyway. Hollywood loves to shove this in the face of government leaders everywhere by showcasing what lengths people would go for the right to destroy their own bodies in whichever way they please. Most recently, HBO’s Boardwalk Empire showcases just how much money there was in taking product of which there is a demand and continuing to supply consumers with it. Money that is tax free and unregulated. Despite movies in which the FBI combats these millionaire criminals who were simply giving the people what they wanted, the only real way the government stopped new criminals from taking their places was by overturning prohibition. This took away the criminals ability to supply product because who really wants to buy bathtub gin from a guy with a gun? And more importantly, it renewed the government’s ability to regulate and control. And, of course, tax.

Drugs are the exact same thing. The entire nation of Columbia relies on meeting your cocaine needs. The city of Miami was built on confiscated money of drug lords who were meeting a demand just like the old Prohibition gangsters like Nucky, Capone and Bugsy. By simply taking away these drug lords supply and meeting demands themselves under heavy regulations while being taxed, the war on drugs is won. You completely destroy the need criminals to take charge.

Weed in particular is going to be legalized, because the demand for it isn’t going to subside. It can be controlled much like alcohol and people are going to do it anyway. You can set rules and restrictions and make it safer for mass consumption. And of course you can tax it.

Once every four years, your favorite politicians get to stomp around the country and debate like rock stars while skewing facts and data collections. Candidates get botox. Obama has shirtless photo ops while playing football on a beach in Hawaii. The winner goes down in the history books and the loser is forgotten. The times will change eventually either way.

Just be glad Donald Trump doesn’t get to decide whose fired at the end of this interview.

Nicole Alexandria is off doing cool things like a boss that you probably never heard of while not giving a single fuck all day every day. You can contact her through Facebook.