Positive Cynicism – Ashley Judd’s breasts disqualify her from running for public office

Aaron R. Davis

With the unconfirmed rumor swirling around that Ashley Judd may run for the US Senate in Kentucky, the trashing has already begun. The mouthpieces and the mouthpiece wannabes are out trying to tear down Ms. Judd’s reputation just in case she actually ends up running. And because this is America, they’re not tearing her down because of anything she’s said, they’re tearing her down because she’s had an acting career. One that involves nudity.

A certain Fox News wannabe took it upon themselves to scratch out a scolding opinion piece about how Ashley Judd has appeared in films during her career as a professional actress. Films with nudity. Full frontal nudity. We’ve seen her boobs. Boobs. And as well all know, you can never take a woman seriously about anything when she has boobs. I mean, you can’t, right? You can’t follow any cogent point a woman makes when she has the poor taste to just go having boobs right there in front of you. And it’s even worse when you’ve seen her boobs, right? It is physically impossible to concentrate on any point a woman makes because boobs. Boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs. And unclothed boobs? That’s the boob. Because boobs that you’ve boobed will boobs every boobs up. There’s no boobing boobs when you’ve boobed boobs. And also when you’re stupid. Actually, only when you’re stupid. It’s not the boobs that are the problem so much as the stupidity. Stupidity is the real problem.

You know why men think that? Because we’re all so precious and insecure about the size of our penises. That’s why you don’t see anywhere near as much male nudity in movies; because men seriously think that no one will take them seriously or respect them anymore if you’ve seen everything. Seriously. Admit it, men. Sometimes it’s subconscious, and sometimes we know that in America we think that way. You want to hide it because you think you’ll lose all your power or something. We’re embarrassed.

And I think it’s also true to some extent that men think about women that way: like they’ve got some kind of power over a woman because they know what she looks like naked, so they don’t have to take her seriously anymore. They don’t have to be threatened by her.

It’s really, really, really, really, really dumb.

Look, you know I don’t look to dive into politics here, because I don’t have the energy for the trolling that talking about politics brings. And honestly, I don’t have any idea what Ashley Judd’s politics are. That’s not what this column is about.

What concerns me more is hypocrisy. I can’t stand hypocrisy. I can’t stand seeing someone get torn down for their career simply because there’s now the slightest possibility that they might get involved in politics.

But, yeah, it’s the hypocrisy of Republicans this time. Because they’re always the ones who shit themselves with anger whenever an entertainer wants to talk politics … if that entertainer is a Democrat. When it’s a Republican, they’re great Americans who have put their career aside to serve their country. When it’s a Republican who had an acting career, Ronald Reagan’s the greatest President of the past 50 years. When it’s a Republican who has done R-rated things in films, they want to rewrite the Constitution so that Arnold Schwarzenegger can be President.

But when it’s someone who leans even a little left, it’s all “shut up” and “actors shouldn’t get involved in politics” and “you don’t know what you’re talking about” and, now, “we’ve seen your breasts, so, you know, think about that, because it makes it impossible to take you seriously.”

And to be fair, that opinion piece didn’t say Ashley Judd was unfit for office because she’s been nude in films. It just pointed out that she’d been nude in films. They don’t need to come out and say it. They know that, for a certain kind of person, that’s all they have to say. The rest is automatically filled in. It’s not controversial that she was an actor. Ronald Reagan was an actor. But Ashley Judd was an actor, say it with me: with boobs.

The implication is obvious: I’ve seen you naked, so I don’t have to listen to your ideas.

It makes me sick.

And, again, I’m not being political about this. It’s not about politics. It’s about hypocrisy, misogyny and bullying: three things I cannot fucking stand for. And I hope she runs for office just because it would be a way of standing up against these lame attempts to tear a person down simply for having a career and an opinion. And that’s not political, either.

If I wanted to be political, I’d point out that not re-electing Mitch McConnell is enough of a reason to vote for Ashley Judd. But why get into that?

Aaron R. Davis lives in a cave at the bottom of the ocean with his eyes shut tight and his fingers in his ears. You can contact him at samuraifrog@yahoo.com.