Bacon and Legs – Body shots … sort of

Fontina Turner

Ladies are hot. Lots of people think so. So obviously, a good marketing technique, no matter what your product is, is to involve hot ladies. Bonus points for hot naked ladies. Yes?

That seems to be the thinking behind the line of liquors by G-Spirits. Three kinds of liquor are poured over the breasts of nude models.

“To create the perfect taste we let every single drop of our spirits run over the breasts of a special type of woman …”

So all the hotness is just absorbed into the flavor and every sip tastes like sexy. I made that last part up. I’m just trying to justify it in my head. I have severe doubts that it’s actually doing anything positive for the flavor. (I really hope she showered that day.)

I guess what you actually get out of buying this liquor is knowing that something on your tongue was on a Playboy model’s breasts … and that might be the closest you ever get to having your mouth on a Playboy model’s breasts. I’m sorry, I hope that didn’t burst your bubble.

I’m not judging. I’m a huge fan of Playboy. I collect the magazine and I follow a lot of the culture. I can totally see where some people would pay more money for this specialty liquor. Just fess up to the fact that you’re buying it cause you wanna lick playmates, and we’re all good here.

So what’s the deal on these things? Why let me tell you.

G. Whiskey No. 1 is a barrel-aged whiskey poured over the breasts of 2012 Hungarian Playboy Playmate of the Year, Alexa Varga. It will cost you about €139 (about $190) plus shipping for a bottle.

G. Rum No. 1 is a tropical rum poured over the breasts of Maxim, Penthouse and Playboy cover model, Amina Malakona. It will cost you about €129 (about $177) plus shipping for a bottle.

G. Vodka No. 1 is a sextuple distilled vodka poured over the breasts of Playboy Playmate and Miss International Hungary finalist, Evelin Aubert. It will cost you about €119 (about $163) plus shipping for a bottle.

There were 5,000 bottles made of each kind of liquor and they all come with a photograph of the lady it was poured over, a numbered certificate of authenticity signed by the sexy ladies AND a nude photo of her pouring the liquor on her body.

So there you go people, for just half a grand or so, you can metaphorically lick THREE Playboy models. That’s six breasts! Only about a hundred dollars per tit.

I actually won’t be buying these, but as your pop culture foodie news source, it was my responsibility to inform you of them. I’d hate to deny my readers an opportunity to spend buttloads of money on something that will get them drunk and horny. Cheers, friends!

Hot Dame
(recipe adapted from BartenderApp.com)

Ingredients

• 1/2 oz G. Whiskey No. 1
• 1 oz G. Rum No. 1
• 1 oz G. Vodka No. 1
• 2 oz orange juice

Shake all ingredients in a shaker, serve in a shot glass. (Adjust the amount of orange juice to your liking.)

Fontina Turner, a food blogger and graphic designer from Philadelphia, makes classy-as-fuck comfort food and consumes an unhealthy amount of cheeses and craft beers. She can be found in the kitchen, at the bar, on Twitter or trying to make H. Jon Benjamin love her. Contact her at thelegs@baconandlegs.com.