Bacon and Legs – I am Groot’s food

Fontina Turner

Fontina Turner

I’m a Marvel girl (though sadly, I’m not Marvel Girl), but I don’t have a lot of experience with Guardians of the Galaxy. I stuck around X-Men and the Avengers and never really ran out of material to read, watch and be entertained by. When the Guardians film was announced a couple of years ago, I started reading bits and pieces here and there and getting god damn excited about it.

First of all, Marvel has just been hitting it the fuck home with their movies that I have given up any apprehensions I might otherwise have and now have complete confidence in their development of this series and any others that they pursue. They have not faltered. Aside from that, I have put together a short list of reasons why a Guardians of the Galaxy n00b like myself is so pumped. Ready?

  • Ripped Andy Dwyer. Lovable, cuddly Chris Pratt of Parks and Recreation fame got … ahem … less cuddly. Drool-worthy, in fact. He dropped 60 pounds in six months and bulked up to a very fit and chiseled young gentleman. Makes me wonder what his wife (Anna Faris) thinks of her new hard-bodied husband.
  • Rocket and Groot. A fast-talking, bad ass racoon and a sweet-yet-dangerous anthropomorphic tree? Yes please. I’m very much looking forward to their interactions and friendship and especially excited to see how Bradley Cooper and Vin Diesel bring these personalities to life.
  • The Moment. That special moment in the movie, just before things climax, when Star-Lord and the endearing group of misfits decide to get along and work together to best their enemy. I’m sure it’ll be heart-warming and it’s that part of every movie that gets me to well-up, without fail.
  • Captain Reynolds Cameo. God, I wish it was more than a cameo. It’s been confirmed that Mr. Nathan Fillion, pilot of the good ship Serenity, will be making a cameo in the movie. Nothing bad there!
  • Evil Amy Pond. My dearest Amelia. Sweet, redheaded, spunky and adventurous Amy Pond will be playing the evil, bald and blue villain, Nebula. I think it’s a great opportunity for Karen Gillan to break past her typecast days of Doctor Who and show what she’s made of. I for one, can’t wait to see her kick some ass … even if it’s not her I’m rooting for.
  • Groot Bark. Oh you know, just this little dish I threw together in celebration of the film’s release on August 1st. Knowing that Groot has no qualms about nibbling on himself, I decided to make something we’d all enjoy nibbling on. A double-chocolate bark with pecan pieces and candied mint leaves. Make it, tuck it in a Ziploc baggie and sneak it into the theater. Just don’t blame me when you get caught.

I know a ton of you are going out to see the film. Please leave comments and let me know what you think! I hope it’s everything we dream it will be.

Groot Bark

  • 12 oz. milk chocolate
  • 12 oz. dark chocolate
  • 2/3 cup chopped pecans, divided
  • candied mint leaves (recipes below)

Line a baking sheet with wax paper.

Using a double boiler, melt the dark chocolate. When melted, add in 1/3 cup pecan pieces. Spread the mixture onto the wax paper. Let dry slightly.

When the dark chocolate is slightly dry, but still tacky to the touch, melt the milk chocolate in the double boiler. Once completely melted, spread it over the first layer of chocolate.

Press candied mint leaves into the chocolate and sprinkle the remaining pecan pieces.

Refrigerate until it is completely set. Break into pieces.

Candied Mint Leaves

  • 18 mint leaves
  • 1 egg white
  • 1/2 cup sugar

Using a blender or stand mixer, whip the egg white until completely foamy and liquid no longer remains beneath.

Using a pastry brush, coat each mint leaf (front and back) with the whipped egg white. Dredge in sugar. Set aside.

Let dry for at least 4 hours before using.

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