The art of the quickie

My lover and I indulged in a quickie early in our relationship. It was very late at night and I'd kicked him out, skipping sex in hopes of getting some beauty sleep. The intent was there. But after shoving him against a wall in the hallway, and several minutes of passionate kissing and groping, we dashed back to my bedroom and had our very brief and immensely satisfying throw-down.

Not to brag, but we typically clock in around 30 - 40 minutes several times a week, and boast a very equitable mutual satisfaction rate. I always finish. Always. I'm a very active participant because I have something to gain from being active. Reciprocity has always been a priority for me, and because of that, I've never been overly fond on the concept of a quickie. So we've only had one trip through the express check-out, and it was purely by necessity.

Some weeks ago, I picked up good-ol' John Gray's book Mars and Venus in the Bedroom. I'm a big fan of his original book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, which stresses the differences in how men and women communicate. I found that many of the examples and exercises he suggested have worked wonders in my relationship. However, as I paged through Mars and Venus in the Bedroom, I started to get angry. He stopped just short of suggesting that any time a man wants sex, a woman should, at the very least, offer up a quickie. He also mentioned that women don't always desire orgasm, so quickies can – essentially – shut the man up for a while. I was more offended than anything else, because even if I didn't want an orgasm (who doesn't want orgasms?), it boggles my mind that I might be game to roll over and lay there for a wham-bam-thank-ya-ma'am.

The topic of quickies came up over the weekend, and it started because we both expressed the desire to have sex more often but, being the workaholics that we are, we sometimes lack the energy to work the hips for a half hour to achieve Victory. So we started discussing how we would go about having a quickie.

It started out innocently enough, wanting to make sure that all bases are covered for the inevitable. We started with minor ground rules – how to express that you were looking for a quickie, and not a marathon – simple: "I'm tired but I want to do it. How about a quickie?" Obviously, then the other person could say ay or nay. Perhaps because we'd not indulged in quickies in the past, it seemed necessary to discuss emotional precautions first. Establishing an intention before getting it on stops certain sexual foibles (the oh-so dreaded premature ejaculation!) from being concealed in an excuse like, "Oh, but I thought we were having a quickie." I'd have said it was an unnecessary base to cover with this particular lover, but like many Type-A's, he's as thorough with his base-covering as he is with his ... well you get the point.

Then the topic continued to sexual satisfaction, most specifically mine. I typically need the duration of our regular scheduled time to get there, so it would be unlikely that I'd be able to finish via drive-thru only. I wanted to be certain that our quickie didn't inadvertently turn into a not-so-quickie, so I polled some of my friends. Of the limited responses I got, one claimed that both partners could climax most of the time. The rest shared my opinion, which is that although only one partner finished most of the time, it still satisfies the craving, and that's what's important. Most also agreed that intentions for rapid sex can often unintentionally beget epic sexploits. So I decided to go with the approach that we'd call it a quickie and disregard who finished, as long as it was short. John Gray would have been proud.

But my lover rebutted, insisting that unless I climaxed, he wouldn't. Then it could unequivocally remain a quickie for quickie's sake.

Ann Marie Weinert is a Chicago based fashion and pin-up model, as well as Internet radio host for http://annmarieandkaty.com. More of her work can be seen at http://annmarieweinert.com.