Tara’s photos - Bring out your dead

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Benjamin Franklin once said, “Show me your cemeteries, and I will tell you what kind of people you have.”

Nice one, Benny.

While I understand where Mr. Franklin was coming from, to me the concept of cemeteries is an intriguing and somewhat perplexing subject. Why do we bury our dead in such places? What is the point? What is the goal?

Okay, so I can understand the need to bury the bodies of our loved ones to keep them from becoming food for scavengers and to attempt to maintain a certain level of environmental hygiene. And certainly, I am sure, magical mystical reasons were thought up as an excuse for burial in these days of old timey yesteryear. (Silly ancestors make me laugh.) But why not cremate the physical bodies of our loved ones? If at the time of our death, the soul is released up into the sky to hang out with all the other souls or something of that nature, what need would there be to enshrine the corporeal bodies of our friends and family in boxes, to be buried in the ground amongst a sea of other corpses? Are our bodies that important, or even that impressive? Do our physical bodies contain something of our essence, our nature, our personality? Or are we just big hunks of meat that these “souls” live in? Are we big Duracell batteries? When we die, does our energy get released like a power surge? Or like a whimper? Does this energy join up to form a hunk of a bigger energy ball? Who shot JFK? Why do I suddenly feel like a five year old tugging on her daddy’s shirt, asking him, “Why the sky is blue? Where do babies come from? Why are clowns so goddamn terrifying?”

Because they really do scare the bejeezus out of me. Them and Catholic priests.

But I digress.

Anyway, back to my thoughts on the matter at hand. In my mind, the concept of “ashes to ashes, dust to dust” seems like an argument for cremation. Or even an argument for burying the bodies of our loved ones directly into the ground, rather than placing their embalmed and made-up bodies (Queer Eye for the Dead Guy?) into borderline impenetrable receptacles which will slow down this process of transformation back into earth. What are we looking to preserve through caskets and crypts and all that jazz? How much money do funeral homes make? Yes, I have seen My Girl, but that didn’t explain jack squat. Some might balk at the idea of burying a loved one’s corpse directly in the ground and envision wild carnivores sniffing out the flesh and digging it up for a meal. Gross, but that’s nature at its finest. However, I really don’t believe that we are currently burying our people in cemeteries because we are terribly concerned about animals devouring them.

And in this strip mall country in which we are living, aren’t cemeteries just a waste of space? Why do we create intricately laid out, crowded fields and parks full of dead people? Don’t get me wrong - in some cities, cemeteries are some of the only open spaces left. And if a field full of dead peeps keeps another Wal-Mart from being built, then so be it (and rock on). And while I understand and subscribe to the concept of memorializing those close to us upon their passing, isn’t a permanent shrine to them a bit … much? Are memories not enough? So, we visit Auntie Ruth’s grave so we can remember her, and while we are placing flowers or hankies or cards or other paraphernalia on her headstone, she is becoming worm food below our feet. Isn’t there a better, classier, not-so-potentially-scary way (note: Thriller?) to celebrate the people whom we love who have passed away than sticking them in the ground amongst the bodies of strangers? Yes, I am aware that strangers are only friends who we haven’t met yet, Reverend … but I am not sure that sunshiny concept applies in particular situation.

By all means, we should remember our loved ones every day, and think back on them with all love and colors of emotion on our human palettes. I just don’t believe that we need cemeteries to do this, or maybe that is just how I operate personally.

So, all of these thoughts raced through my head this past weekend, as I took a stroll through the Forest Hills Cemetery in Boston amidst New England’s fall foliage. Forest Hills, established in 1848, is one of the country’s most historic burial grounds. Sitting on over 275 acres, the site is a park, a museum, an arboretum and an art exhibition all rolled into one. In the midst of this beautiful and yet, well … sorta creepy … landscape, I snapped some photos as I tried to contain my Jack Handy-esque deep thoughts and attempted not to come into contact with any zombies.

So ponder, peruse and enjoy.

Yours in life,

- Tara

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Tara’s photos - Hobo Tara

Boxcar Betties, Tara No Comments

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Hey there, boys and girls!

As you all know, HoboTrashcan has now officially entered the Terrible Twos, kicking and screaming and careening headfirst into the next year. And guess what? I am still a hobo at heart.

When I was originally asked to be the official website girl for HoboTrashcan, I was beside myself. Me? How did they know I was a really a down and dirty vagabond underneath this glamorous exterior? Is it because they noticed that I eat beans out of cans? Or because I classily chug diesel-fuel-smelling vodka from nippy bottles? Or because I keep a switchblade in my back pocket, just in case I need to cut a dude’s ear off for ganking my sleeping bag or bogarting the community bonfire?

All I know is that this hammy chick likes to ride the rails. Thus, in honor of HoboTrashcan’s two-year anniversary, I dug out my camera, donned my best cotton bandana and snapped some photos down at the train yard to show that I am still a Boxcar Betty, hopping trains and bouncing from one boxcar to another.

As always … catch you on the next train to anywhere!

In whiskey we trust.

xoxo
- Tara

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Just Friends - Karli

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Click on a photo to enlarge it or click here to start a slideshow.

Name: Karli
Age: 20
Sign: Gemini

Karli claims she doesn’t have much of a life. She says she spends most of her time at college studying to be a veterinarian. She enjoys tattoos and piercings, going to a good show and long walks on the beach (no seriously) … and she is way out of Joel’s league.

1. Why should Joel be your friend?

The real question is: Why should I let Joel be my friend?

2. What are five random words that describe yourself?

Outgoing, passionate, intelligent, ambitious, unique.

3. If Joel gave you a gun with three bullets (and Leonardo DiCaprio was already dead), what three celebrities would you shoot and why?

I don’t think I would shoot any celebrities, I don’t keep up with them really. But … I would shoot Joel in the foot just for fun.

4. What would be the perfect way to spend a day with Joel (assuming he allows you to hang with him)?

I think we would have lots of fun shark fishing. No need for chum! We could just dangle Joel’s shot up foot in the water! If that doesn’t work, I still have two bullets left … I could shoot his other foot, too.

5. Joel just really pissed you off. You have ten seconds to tell him off. What do you say?

I’d tell him he’s pretty stupid, because I still have one bullet left.

6. Joel’s friends all have a really great sense of humor, so tell us a joke.

There once was pirate captain who, whenever it looked like a battle would be imminent would change into a red shirt. After observing this behavior for a few months, one of the crew members asked him what it meant.

“It’s in case I get shot. I don’t want you crew members to see blood and freak out.”

“That’s very sensible, sir.”

At that moment, the crew member spotted eight hostile ships on the horizon. The captain all of a sudden looked very concerned.

“Get my brown pants.”

7. Can Joel borrow five bucks?

No way, I’m one poor mo fo.

Joel Murphy is currently looking for new friends. If you would like to be Joel’s friend, send an email with photos to murphyslaw@hobotrashcan.com. You can find out more about Karli by visiting her MySpace Profile.

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Just Friends - Karen

Boxcar Betties, Just Friends No Comments




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Name: Karen
Age: 18
Sign: Libra

It should come as no surprise that Karen has worked at Hot Topic ever since she was old enough. She’s not a big fan of people in general, but she’s a sucker for piercings and tattoos. She’d love to either be a piercer or end up in the music business … and she is way out of Joel’s league.

1. Why should Joel be your friend?

Because I’m awesome.

2. What are five random words that describe yourself?

Crazy, fiesty, silly, cute, outgoing

3. If Joel gave you a gun with three bullets (and Leonardo DiCaprio was already dead), what three celebrities would you shoot and why?

Paris Hilton because - well, isn’t it obvious? Lindsay Lohan, again very obvious, and probably Britney Spears just because.

4. What would be the perfect way to spend a day with Joel (assuming he allows you to hang with him)?

Go to a crazy death metal show or maybe the beach … or maybe shopping in NYC.

5. Joel just really pissed you off. You have ten seconds to tell him off. What do you say?

“Fuck you,” and then I probably beat the shit out of him.

6. Joel’s friends all have a really great sense of humor, so tell us a joke.

What did one tampon say to the other?

Nothing they were both stuck up cunts.

7. Can Joel borrow five bucks?

I’m a poor college kid, so no. Sorry.

Joel Murphy is currently looking for new friends. If you would like to be Joel’s friend, send an email with photos to murphyslaw@hobotrashcan.com.

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Just Friends - Sarah

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Name: Sarah
Age: 24
Sign: Leo/Virgo Cusp

Sarah is a domestic animal trainer at Sea World, Orlando, so she has lots of experience dealing with wild animals, which may explain her friendship with Joel. She collects action figures and metal lunch boxes and spends her free time sleeping, eating junk food, watching crap TV and playing in as many amusement parks as she can. The former dancer says she is very bendy, but she claims to have ugly feet. Of course, we happen to think that she is drop dead gorgeous … and way out of Joel’s league.

1. How long have you and Joel been friends?

Hmmm… I guess a couple of years now.

2. What do you think of him?

He’s a disgusting pervert. I hate him.

2b. No, what do you really think of him?

That is what I really think of him …

3. If Joel gave you a gun with three bullets (and Leonardo DiCaprio was already dead), what three celebrities would you shoot and why?

First I would choose Scarlet Johansen. She litters. Next up, Katie Holmes. What an idiot! I want to punch her in the jaw to straighten her mouth out. Last but not least, Colin Farrell. He’s so dirty. I want to give him a bath.

4. What would be the perfect way to spend a day with Joel (assuming he allows you to hang with him)?

A long walk on the beach and a swim in the ocean … oh, wait. I’m scared of fish and those little thingies that dig in the sand. Um … dinner at a nice restaurant … er, I don’t like eating in restaurants. I’m going to go with eating ice cream and playing video games in our jammies.

5. What are five random words that describe Joel?

Dignified, squishy, metallic, hairy, energetic.

6. Joel just really pissed you off. You have ten seconds to tell him off. What do you say?

I’d just kick him in the nuts.

7. Can Joel borrow five bucks?

Five bucks?!? Please … I’m a poor animal trainer!

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