Lost has officially come to an end, which means it’s time to start rewatching it from the beginning and rereading all of Chris Kirkman’s old recaps to see how many of his crazy theories actually panned out. To help you on that journey, here’s a complete list of every column Kirkman has written for HoboTrashcan.

Lost – Season Four

• 2.07.08 – “The Beginning of the End”
• 2.14.08 – “Confirmed Dead”
• 2.21.08 – “The Economist”
• 2.28.08 – “Eggtown”
• 3.06.08 – “The Constant”
• 3.13.08 – “The Other Woman”
• 3.27.08 – “Meet Kevin Johnson”
• 5.01.08 – “The Shape of Things to Come”
• 5.15.08 – “Cabin Fever”
• 5.29.08 – “There’s No Place Like Home: Part One”
• 6.12.08 – “There’s No Place Like Home: Part Two”

Lost – Season Five

• 1.23.09 – “Because You Left” and “The Lie”
• 1.30.09 – “Jughead”
• 2.06.09 – “The Little Prince”
• 2.13.09 – “This Place is Death”
• 2.20.09 – “316″
• 3.27.09 – “The Life and Death of Jeremy Bentham”
• 3.06.09 – “LaFleur”
• 3.13.09 – A little intermezzo (Bonus Column)
• 3.20.09 – “Namaste”
• 3.27.09 – “He’s Our You”
• 4.03.09 – “Whatever Happened, Happened”
• 4.10.09 – “Dead is Dead”
• 4.17.09 – “Some Like It Hoth”
• 5.01.09 – “The Variable”
• 5.08.09 – “Follow the Leader”
• 5.15.09 – “The Incident”
• 5.21.09 – Flashbackin’ (Bonus Column)

Lost – Season Six

• 2.04.10 – “LA X” (Recap)
• 2.05.10 – “LA X” (Analysis)
• 2.11.10 – “What Kate Does”
• 2.18.10 – “The Substitute”
• 2.25.10 – “Lighthouse”
• 3.04.10 – “Sundown”
• 3.11.10 – “Dr. Linus”
• 3.18.10 – “Recon”
• 3.25.10 – “Ab Aeterno”
• 4.01.10 – “The Package”
• 4.08.10 – “Happily Ever After”
• 4.15.10 – “Everybody Loves Hugo”
• 4.22.10 – “The Last Recruit”
• 4.29.10 – Meanwhile (Bonus Column)
• 5.06.10 – “The Candidate”
• 5.13.10 – “Across the Sea”
• 5.20.10 – “What They Died For”
• 5.25.10 – “The End”

And if that isn’t enough Lost-related goodness for you, here are a few other site features to help you cope with the loss of this iconic show …

• One on One with Michael Emerson
• One on One with Alan Dale
• One on One with François Chau
• One on One Mark Pellegrino
• Murphy’s Law – What happened to the remaining Lost survivors after the finale?
• Murphy’s Law – Jack Shephard’s redemption
• Murphy’s Law – Lost action figures I’d like to see
• Positive Cynicism – Possible endings for Lost
• Hobo Radio 133 – Saying goodbye to Lost
• Hobo Radio 116 – Going Ben Linus on your hatch

Chris Kirkman

“The End” Recap and Analysis …

Previously, on Lost:

Goodbye to all my friends at home,
Goodbye to people I’ve trusted,
I’ve got to go out and make my way,
I might get rich you know I might get busted,
But my heart keeps calling me backwards,
As I get on the 707,
Riding high I got tears in my eyes,
You know you got to go through hell,
Before you get to heaven,

Big ol’ jet airliner,
Don’t carry me too far away,
Oh big ol’ jet airliner,
Cause it’s here that I’ve got to stay …

This week, on Lost: LA X. Christian Shephard has finally reached his destination – or at least a package with his name in big, bold stencils indicates as such. While his coffin is loaded on board a truck by a pony-tailed baggage handler, AlternaJack sits in his office, going over x-rays. Jack prime washes his face, and ponders his wet, aged hands. AlternaBen steeps some tea with his good arm, while Ben loads a cartridge and ponders how long he’ll have to continue killing people. AlternaLocke takes one last look at his wheelchair as he’s wheeled away on a gurney toward his healing surgery. AlternaSawyer wraps up his day in the police force, as Sawyer takes a seat next to Freckles on a log and checks her gunshot wound. AlternaKate sits in the AlternaCamaro as the Oceanic delivery truck pulls up to a church, and AlternaDesmond meets the pony-tailed delivery guy and signs for the package. The two lift the coffin onto a dolly and Desmond asks pony-tail to wheel it around back. As Desmond heads back to the Camaro, we know it’s time to start. Let’s get to it.

“His name is Christian Shephard? Seriously??” Seriously, Freckles.

Kate wants to know why she’s here, but Desmond can’t tell her that – and he especially can’t tell her why she’s here. As for why he’s here with her – well, Des has to show her. I’d like to have a nickel for every time Kate Austen has heard that line.

On Island Prime, Jack is shin-deep in a pool of water, either zoning out or realizing his destiny – it’s tough to tell which. Sawyer shows up, wondering what the hell just happened all up in here, but Jack has absolutely no idea. All he does know, however, is that Jacob said they have to head over to the local Home Depot, just past their bamboo forest, because that’s where the light at the heart of the Island resides. Sawyer postulates that Desmond is key, because Ol’ Smokey needs him to snuff out the light. Jack says that Jacob didn’t say anything about Desmond, but Sawyer shuts Jack up real quick-like, saying that it doesn’t seem like Jacob said anything about anything. YEAH. “It’s kind of true, dude … he’s worse than Yoda,” says Hurley. DOUBLE YEAH.

Sawyer heads out into the brush to find Desmond, and Hurley admits that he has “a bad feeling about this.” Star Wars geeks around the world rejoice.

Cue the last swirling Lost!

LA X. The Flightline Hotel. Hurley’s Hummer pulls into the parking lot, and Hurley shows Sayid a tranquilizer gun to try and jog his memory. It doesn’t work. Hurley jumps out, telling Sayid to stay put and to trust him, dude. There’s no indication of trust just yet, but Sayid does as he’s told. Upstairs, Hurley knocks on a door and Charlie answers, looking like Richard Alpert, wearing a ton of mascara. Hurley grins like a sodding idiot, announcing that he’s there to pick him up for the concert, and Charlie tells him to bugger off. Hurley apologetically tranqs his bass-playing ass.

Downstairs, Hurley loads the hobbit into the trunk. Sayid asks what that was, to which Hurley responds, “That was Charlie.”

On Island Prime, Jack, Kate and Hurley trek along with the Giacchino trekking music in the background, and Kate and Jack have a little moment about destiny versus free will. Hurley notes that it would all be so sweet if they weren’t all about to die.

Over at the well, Locke is curling some rope, while Sawyer looks on from the bushes. It’s not long before he pulls a Kate and finds himself at the business end of Ben’s rifle, becoming a hostage. Sawyer and Locke engage in some witty repartee in which Sawyer admits that he knows Smokey needs Desmond in order to destroy the Island. Then Sawyer realizes that Ben’s most recent bruises are starting to clear up, so he elbows him in the face and exits stage left. Ben wonders why Locke isn’t going after Sawyer, but there’s no need – oh, and he’s really sorry about destroying the Island, but Ben is more than welcome to join him on his little boat when it all sinks to the bottom of the sea. Sounds fun.

Locke kneels, noticing tracks. “I think there was a dog here,” says Locke.

I really want a Vincent.

VINCENT! Rose, Bernard! Desmond! It seems as though Rose and Bernard rescued the Scot from the well, but Rose doesn’t mince words, telling Des that as soon as he’s up and able, he’s able to get the hell out of their camp. She and Bernard are through with the A-Team’s adventures. It’s about that time that Bernard returns from fetching breakfast, and he’s caught more than fish – Locke and Ben come slithering into camp. Locke whips out his giant knife and informs Des that if he doesn’t follow his every word, he’ll gut the lovers and make it hurt. Des has no choice but to do what Smokey demands.

Locke, Des and Ben trek off through the Jungle of Mystery, past some banyan trees. Smokey eyes them warily. He remarks that Desmond has no idea where he’s taking the Scot, but Des says it’s probably somewhere with a bright light. Just a hunch, says he. There’s a burst of static, and Locke asks what that was. “What was what?” asks Ben, his usual cat-that-ate-the-canary look across his face. Locke turns to walk off and Ben hides the walkie talkie in his pocket. Smooth, Benjamin. Real smooth.

Miles is on the other end of the walkie, wanting to know where Benjamin is lurking. Seems he’s founds something. That something is Richard Alpert, who has seen better days. Richard tells Miles that they need to stay on mission – they need to blow up the plane.

Over in LA X, Miles sees Sayid drive by in the HurleyMobile and gives Detective Ford a call. They need to keep Sun safe, since she’s the one who identified the Iraqi. James heads over to the hospital to check on the Koreans.

At the hospital, Sun and Jin are discussing the suckier parts of being shot, when Juliet pops in for a visit. Wait, JULIET?? Yes! It seems as though Juliet Carlson is alive and well in LA X, and an acting OB/GYN. Juliet squirts some of that magical sonogram gel on Sun’s pregnant tummy and they all have a look-see. That’s all it takes for Sun and Jin to have a full-on awakening, as they get the mystical flashes from their lives on Island Prime. The lovers are ecstatic, and Juliet doesn’t know quite what to make of it. They inform her – in English! – that the baby is a girl, and her name is Ji Yeon. It’s pretty awesome that the awakenings can even transfer language skills. It’s sort of like the Matrix. I half expect the next person to “awaken” and say “I know Kung Fu.”

“Okay, whatever you say … crazy Asians.”

On Island Prime, Sawyer reunites with the other Candidates and fills them in on Locke’s plan. Jack says it doesn’t matter if Locke gets Desmond first or not, they’re all going to the same place, so they might as well head to the bamboo forest and end it all.

In LA X, Locke is getting ready to go under the knife, and he and Jack share a moment. Jack is confident that the procedure will work, and Locke asks if the doc is sure. Jack tells him that there’s always a chance that he could kill him, but he’s trying to make ol’ baldy feel better. Everyone has a big sitcom laugh. Locke asks if they ever found Jack’s dad, and Jack affirms that they have. Locke hopes that’ll bring him some peace. Jack tells John that if he can fix him, that’ll give him all the peace he needs.

Isn’t putting a skull cap on Locke a tad unnecessary? It’s not like he’s going to shed during the operation. Also, not to give anything away, but this sure as hell must be heaven, because there’s no way Locke could walk into Jack’s office in the morning and then go under the knife in the same afternoon.

On the dock on Island Prime, Miles picks a grey hair out of Richard’s head, showing that the pretty old Spaniard can age. Richard smiles, saying that he just realized that he wants to live. Miles quips that it’s really good timing. They untie the outrigger and head out to see toward Hydra Island.

On the way, they bump into something – a dead body – then hear a call for help in the distance. LAPIDUS! Son of a bitch, the old cantankerous pilot is still alive! They haul him in the outrigger and fill him in on the plan to blow up the plane. Lapidus says that’s kind of unnecessary – they should just leave on the plane and make sure Smokey’s not on board. How we gonna do that? says Richard. “In case you haven’t noticed,” says Frank, “I’m a pilot.” Hell yeah you are, Chesty.

Frank doesn’t need to transcend – he’s just too damned cool for that kind of stuff.

Over near the old golf course clearing, Jack and Co. meet Locke and Co. and Kate opens fire. Must be PMS. Ben and Desmond hit the ground – after all, Kate’s usually on the other end of a rifle – but Locke keeps on trucking. “Better save your bullets,” he says. Oh, the irony in that statement, Smokey. Just you wait. He walks over to Jack and they have a little talk. Jack tells Locke that he knows all about his little plan with Desmond, and that instead of stopping him, he wants to go with them. Locke thinks that Jack’s a bit loopy, but Jack is clear about what has to happen. He’s going to go with them, and let Desmond do what Desmond needs to do, and then Jack is going to kill Locke. Well, naturally, this makes Locke pause for a moment, until he asks Jack how he plans to go about. “That’s a surprise,” says Jack. Seems ol’ Doc Shephard has a little Kobayashi Maru up his sleeve. Aww, yeah.

Over in LA X, Jack and Juliet share a moment with young David at the hospital. It seems as though Juliet and Jack were married once upon a time, and produced the virtuoso pianist. Jack hands his ex tickets to the concert and tells David that he should take his Aunt Claire, mentioning that Juliet should like her since she’s extremely pregnant. A little prenatal humor there. Chortle.

Jack sure does like his pretty blondes. It’s amazing that he ended up with a brunette. Still, like the saying goes – “Gentlemen prefer blondes, but they marry brunettes.”

As David and his mother get on the elevator, Sawyer steps off, and he comes this close to reconnecting with his Island sweetheart.

On Island Prime, Jack, Locke and company trek through the Jungle of Mystery towards the bamboo forest. Sawyer inquires as to Jack’s plan, and Jack actually has no idea, other than he suspects Desmond was brought to the Island as a weapon. “Hell of a long con, Doc,” says Sawyer. And how, says I.

The group reach the bamboo, and Locke says it’s the end of the road for everyone except for him, Jack and Des. As they all set off into the thicket, Hurley tells Jack that “I believe in you, dude.”

Jack, Locke and Des reach the golden hole, and Locke ties a rope around a tree while Jack secures the other end to Desmond. Des tells Jack that all this doesn’t matter – he’s seen the other side, and that he’s going to go there. It’s a place where they can all be with the ones they love. Maybe there’s some way that he can bring Jack over there, says Desmond. Jack, in his last bit of protesting, tells Desmond that it all matters – that what happened, happened. Then he and Locke lower Desmond down, down, down … toward the heart of the Island.

Once again, Jack and Locke look down a deep hole, wondering what’s below. And both times, Desmond is the one in the hole. Great symmetry.

In LA X, Hurley and Sayid sit in the dark outside a bar in the Hurleymobile, and the two share a moment. Hurley tells Sayid that he’s a good dude, despite what everyone’s been saying about him. Just then, there’s commotion outside the bar, and a woman is in trouble. Sayid leaps to the rescue, beating the snot out of the guy, and helping the damsel in distress. It’s Shannon! The duo do the little sideways reminiscing two-step and are instantly in love. Back at the Hummer, Boone tells Hurley that it was a pain in the ass getting his sister here from Australia. Hurley says yeah, but that it was totally worth it. Maybe I’m a sap, but this was a totally awesome scene.

At the edge of the bamboo forest, Ben picks up a transmission from Miles. Miles tells Ben that they’re going to fly the plane off the Island and that they all need to haul ass over to Hydra Island so they can escape. This is about the time that crazy Aussie Claire comes out of the brush with a loaded rifle and starts making them all do the meringue. Richard tells her to pipe down, so she does, reluctantly, sitting down to sulk in the sand.

It took six seasons, but I finally discovered the most awkward screen cap in the history of Lost. I have no words.

At the concert in LA X, Juliet is wearing a particularly fetching little black number. If anything else happens in the scene, I’m not really aware of it.

Over in the band tent, Charlotte wakes Charlie up and he gets to drinking. Daniel is there, and introduces himself to Charlotte. They exchange flirty glances, but there’s no shiny Island flashback between the two. I guess they have a few more lives to live before they get their own montage.

David and Claire make their way to table 23, where Desmond and Kate are already seated. Kate and Claire are surprised to see each other. We, however, are not. Up on stage, Pierre Chang introduces Daniel Widmore on piano, with Drive Shaft in accompaniment. Daniel takes his seat and starts up the classical piano, while Charlie and his band look out, awkwardly, into the audience. Charlie spots Claire and the two share a brief moment before little baby Aaron decides he’s had enough and starts the delivery proceedings. Claire makes a run for it, with Kate and Charlie hot on her heels. Has anyone else noticed how big Claire’s stride is? She walks like she’s playing Twister. Is it just me? Maybe it’s just me.

On Island Prime, down in the heart hole, Desmond starts making his way toward the fun part. There are lots of old skeletons strewn about, like in a Dragon’s den. A little further in is a shiny pool, with what looks like four or five handmade ports in the cave wall, feeding water into the pool. It’s all very mystical. Even the music says so.

Anyone ever read It? Deadlights, man … deadlights. We all float down here, Georgie.

Desmond, being all mutant and stuff, steps into the shiny pool and a surge of electromagnetic force wracks his body in pain. He suffers through it, pulling the giant drain plug that keeps all the water from seeping through. Suddenly I’m reminded of a similar scene in Star Trek II, when a certain Vulcan sacrifices himself in order to stop the radiation escaping from the warp core. Anyone … anyone? At any rate, the water starts draining out of the pool and the whole thing starts shorting out and winding down like somebody flipped the switch over at ConEd.

Suddenly, it’s dark. Des tries to pull himself from the pool, but can barely make it from the lip. From the hole where the plug use to sit comes an eerie orange glow, and Desmond screams NOOOOO. Jack and Locke, at the top of the waterfall, look down and hear the screams. Locke points at Jack and tells him that it looks like the good doctor was wrong. He bids Jack adieu. And then the Genesis device kicks in, the whole Island shakes and shimmies like it’s quickly dying, and all hell breaks loose. Does anyone else feel like they’re watching Star Trek II and III, or is it just me?

Outside the heart hole, there are all manner of styrofoam rocks flying about. Locke emerges, but Jack is quick on his heels, jumping on his back and driving him to the dirt. After impact, Locke notices blood on his lips. “Looks like you were wrong, too,” says Jack. Hell yeah! Then Locke knocks his ass out with a rock and gets the hell out of dodge.

If it bleeds, it can die. This is so epic I might just pee myself.

Backstage at the concert in LA X, Claire goes into labor and Kate delivers the baby with Charlie looking on and they all have an awakening and it’s quite beautiful. Whatever. Meanwhile, outside Eloise confronts Desmond, saying that she told him to stop this. Desmond tells her that he chose to ignore her, and that after this, they’re all leaving. Eloise looks up at her son and asks, woefully, if he intends to take her son. Desmond holds her hand and tells her “not with me, no.” The old time lord is appeased.

Back on Island Prime, all hell is continuing to break loose. The whole shack is shimmying, when everybody’s moving around and around and around … ahem, excuse me. Anyways, the cameraman is getting time and a half with all the shaking, and everyone falls to the ground. A tree breaks free and Ben shoves Hurley out of the way, sacrificing himself and becoming pinned. It’s all really touching. Over at the heart hole, rain starts to pour and it wakes up Jack. He heads into the hole, calling after Desmond, but there’s no answer. He runs out into the jungle.

At the entrance to the bamboo jungle, everyone’s trying to get the log off Ben. Shit’s flying everywhere, and it’s raining cats and dogs. Suddenly, there’s a voice on Ben’s fallen radio. It’s Miles. He and Richard and Lapidus are working on the plane and he suggests that they all hightail it over to Hydra Island so they can get the heck off this doomed rock, cuz they’re leaving in an hour. Sonofabitch, says Sawyer, appropriately. Ben tells them they can get there because Locke has a boat. Suddenly, getting Ben out from under that tree seems to be a top priority.

“What the hell is going on, Kate?”

“I’ll tell you what’s going on … there’s a SEVERE THUNDERSTORM WARNING IN CENTRAL MINNESOTA!” God bless lost-media.com for their awesome screen caps through the years.

Speaking of Locke and his boat, old baldy is standing on the cliffs at Jacob’s ladder, rain is coming down in sheets. He’s smiling. Suddenly, Jack screams his name, and Locke turns around. He’s not smiling anymore. He draws his knife. The two old adversaries start toward each other – Jack running down the slope, while Locke tracks close to the ground, skirting upwards. The two meet in the middle, and Jack leaps high in the air, one fist coming down strong, as if it were suddenly apparent that he had read a few X-Men comics in his youth.

Wolverine would be proud, Jackie boy. Berserker rage!

An epic fight ensues, far too grand for this mere mortal to express in words. It’s Shakespearean in theme, Homerian in scope and Bruckheimerian in execution. Basically, they kick the snot out of each other for two or three minutes. Eventually, Locke gains the upper hand and drives his trusty blade deep into Jack’s side. Understandably, that hobbles Jack just a bit. He rolls over and Locke pins him, thrusting the blade toward Jack’s neck. He fends off the newly-humanitized smoke monster, just barely, as Locke carves a wound in his neck. (See, I italicized that so you all would realize that’s the reason why Jack’s been battling a neck wound in LA X.)

Just at the moment it seems that Locke has the upper hand, and old Jack is a goner, a shot rings out. Locke collapses, revealing Kate behind him with a rifle. “I saved you a bullet,” growls Freckles through gritted teeth. HELL YEAH, GIRL! It’s good to see you behind a rifle instead of in front of one.

Locke rolls over, grimacing, pulling himself to all fours. He looks up at Jack, blood pouring from his lips, and tells him, weakly, “You’re too late.” Jack rolls his eyes as if to say “whatever, dude” and kicks his bald ass over the cliff and down to the jagged rocks below.

Sucks to your assmar, Piggy.

In LA X hospital, Locke is out of surgery. Jack is with his nurse, wheeling John to the recovery room. The nurse makes a comment about his neck, and Jack wipes away a bit of blood from the wound that doesn’t seem to heal. Jack wants to shower and catch up with his son, but Locke is already coming out of anesthesia. Locke tells Jack that it works – he has feeling in his legs. Jack is stunned. He says that the probability of that is unlikely and uncovers Locke’s feet. Locke wiggles his toes, and gets his shiny Island Prime montage. He cries. Jack gets a brief glimpse of the Island, but snaps back. Locke is beaming, and is ready to move on, asking Jack to come with him, but Jack says he has to get to his son. “You don’t have a son,” says Locke, shaking Jack to his very core.

Back on the cliffs of Island Prime, Kate helps Jack. He says he’s alright – “Just find me some thread and I can count to five.” Nice pilot reference, dude. Sawyer and company show up to help, and they think it’s over. The Island shakes as if to tell them that they’re so very wrong.

In LA X, Sawyer visits the Kwons. He offers them protection from Sayid, but they just grin and say it’s not necessary. As they leave the room, Jin tells Sawyer that they’ll “see you there.” James is understandably confused.

On Island Prime, Lapidus is resetting the electronics on the plane and flipping a lot of switches, but something isn’t right. He sends Richard and Miles down below with a roll of duct tape to make sure everything is hooked up alright.

Across the way, the Island is still getting the shakes. Jack determines that he has to turn on whatever Desmond turned off. Kate wants Jack to come, but he knows he can’t. Sawyer and Kate make their way toward the Elizabeth, while Ben and Hurley decide that they’re going with Jack. Jack says his goodbyes to Kate, and they kiss deeply. They profess their love for each other. Then Jack turns and is gone, forever. At least until the next life, anyway.

Back at the plane, Miles tapes up some sort of electrical line with duct tape. Richard asks if he can fix it. Miles responds with the best line of the episode: “I don’t believe in a lot of things, but I do believe in duct tape.” Amen, brother.

Sawyer radios in, telling Chesty to cool his jets until they get there. Lapidus tells them they need to get their asses in gear. Sawyer sonovabitches and tells Kate that they’re gonna have to go cliff diving. So they do, and swim off for the Elizabeth.

In LA X hospital, things get interesting. Sawyer asks Jack where he can get some grub, and the doc directs him toward the nexus of all hospital-related activity – the magic vending machine. Sawyer tries to buy an Apollo bar, but it gets stuck. Enter the lovely Juliet.

“Can I tell you a secret? If you unplug it, and then plug it back in, the candy just drops right down.” Whatever you say, darlin’.

Sawyer does as blondie tells him and the lights go out, making it all romantic-like, and then they touch and there’s the shiny Island Prime moment and she asks him if they could get some coffee sometime, just like down in the pit when she dies – they could go dutch – and they embrace and kiss and it’s pretty much wonderfully awesome. The end. Aww, crap, there’s more show. Isn’t this what it’s all about, anyway?

Jack finally shows up for the concert, but everyone is tearing down. Kate’s there in her hot little black number. Jack feels like he knows her from somewhere, and it’s not just a line because she’s in a hot little black number. Kate tells him that they know each other better than just flight 815, and then she takes his face in her hands and he gets flashes of Island Prime. Jack takes a breather, not knowing what’s happening. Kate urges him to come with her. He considers it.

On Island Prime, the Genesis device is in full swing, wreaking havoc on the planet, ummmm, Island. Jack, Hurley and Ben are at the heart hole, and Jack is going down. Hurley is concerned with Jack’s survival, but it’s becoming pretty evident that Jack isn’t going to make it back alive. This doesn’t sit well with Hurley, but Jack tells him that this is the way it’s supposed to happen. Jack tells Hugo that it needs to be him to protect the Island – that of all of them, he is the best candidate. “Hurley, I believe in you,” says Jack. We do, too … we do, too.

Hurley reluctantly agrees. Jack asks for a receptacle, and Ben has an old Oceanic bottle. Jack walks over to a stagnant, malaria-ridden puddle, fills the bottle and asks Hurley to drink it. Insanely, he does. “Is that it?” asks Hugo. Jack smiles and puts his hand on Hurley’s shoulder. “Now you’re like me,” says Jack.

That is one poor choice for a grail cup.

At the plane, Lapidus throws some switches, kicks the tires and lights the fires, big daddy.

At the heart hole, Hurley and Ben lower Jack down. The Island shakes and the lose their grip, dropping Jack to the bottom. He unties the rope and heads toward the pool, finding Desmond passed out. Des comes around, blabbering about the light, and how he was supposed to move on after extinguishing it. Jack helps him to his feet, affirming that it was the stone in big hole that did the trick. Desmond tells him yah, but that it’ll kill him, so it has to be the Scot. Jack tells Desmond that he’s done enough, and it’s time for him to go home to his wife and kid.

“I’ll see you in another life, brother,” says Jack.

On Hydra Island, Sawyer sees part of the main Island sink into the Pacific, and all of a sudden we’re at the climax of a Stephen King novel. Lapidus barks some orders. Kate finds Claire and begs her to come with them, while the Ajira plane starts to taxi, off in the distance. Claire goes apeshit, telling Kate that she can’t leave because the Island has made her crazy and Aaron can’t see her like this. Kate says she’ll help her, and that Aaron can have two moms, if that’s cool. It is, and they all lope off toward the plane.

Lapidus is all set to go, and guns it forward. Sawyer, Kate and Claire manage to hit the runway before takeoff, and Lapidus orders Miles to open the door for the late arrivals.

Down at the heart, Jack grits his teeth and struggles mightily and manages to place the ornate stone back into the power hole. He collapses, exhausted and wounded, as the reddish glow slowly dims.

At the plane, Sawyer, Kate and Claire are ushered on board, and Lapidus guns it as the ground cracks beneath them. The plane speeds along the makeshift runway, and the passengers grip their armrests. Lapidus grimaces and coaxes the plane to go faster, faster, the runway running out quickly, telling it to come on, come on, until, just at the last second, he’s able to guide the plane up and into the air, narrowly missing the end of the line. “Amen,” says Frank. Rock on, says we.

Down at the heart, the Island quakes are subsiding. Jack is still wounded, but water soon starts to flow into the pool and the peaceful, powerful golden glow returns to the centerstone. Up at the top of the waterfall, Ben remarks that Jack did it, and Hurley orders that they should pull Jack up. They tug at the rope, as heroic music plays. Down below, the pool fills with water and the golden glow swells. Jack leans against the sides of the pool, laughing, joyous at the thought that he has finally found his destiny and it is fulfilled.

Yeah, I’m always happy when the hot water finally kicks in, too.

Up top, Hurley pulls on a hand, believing that it is Jack, but Desmond is pulled up instead. Hurley yells down below for his old friend, but it’s no use. Jack is gone.

In LA X, Locke’s cab pulls up to the same church that Desmond ushered Christian’s body into earlier. The cabbie helps him into his wheelchair, and he rolls off toward the entrance. Ben sits on a bench out front, and Locke says hello. He asks Ben if everyone is inside, to which Benjamin replies that most of them are, yes. Ben stops Locke and apologizes for what he did to Locke – he was selfish, jealous and wanted everything that he had. John doesn’t quite understand and asks Ben what, exactly, John had. “You were special, John … and I wasn’t,” replies Ben.

“If it helps, I forgive you,” says John.

Ben agrees that it does help. Locke grins his Lockian grin, and asks what Ben will do now. Ben tells John that he has some things to work out, and that he’ll probably stay awhile. Locke starts to wheel away, but Ben tells John that he doesn’t need to be in the chair anymore. Locke pauses, then pulls one leg after another out of the chair, standing and casting the chair aside forever. “Goodbye, Ben,” says Locke, as he heads up the stairs and into the church.

On the Island, Ben and Hurley are out of the hole, now, Ben braces Desmond’s head with his pack, while Hurley contemplates the future of things. Hugo is fretting about his place on the Island, wondering how he will fill Jack’s shoes. Ben chimes in and tells him that Hurley will do what he does best – take care of people. Hurley can start by helping Desmond get home. “But how,” asks Hurley. “No one is supposed to leave the Island.”

“That’s how Jacob ran things,” says Ben, being awesome. “Maybe there’s another way. A better way.”

Hurley asks Ben for his help, which takes Ben aback. Hurley needs someone with experience, at least for a little while, and Ben is the best candidate for that job. Ben agrees, saying that he would be honored. “Cool,” says Hurley.

In LA X, Hurley comes out the front door of the church, noticing Benjamin sitting on the bench. He urges Ben to come inside, but Ben is reluctant, saying that he thinks he’ll stay out there for awhile. Hurley considers it and moves back toward the door, pausing for a second to tell Ben that he was a “really good number two.” Ben tells Hurley that he was a “great number one” and Hurley tells Ben “Thanks, dude” before turning to head back into the church.

Jack arrives at the church in his old Bronco, with Kate riding shotgun. She asks if he recognizes the place and he does – it’s where he was going to hold his father’s funeral. Kate tells him that he is still holding his father’s funeral there, and that he can go around back – she’ll be waiting for him inside.

On the Island, Jack wakes up on the same rocks that the Man in Black was found after his foray into the heart of the Island. He clutches his side and weakly gets to his feet.

At the church, Jack heads through the back door. He enters a chamber, and notices a coffin. Hesitantly, he circles the coffin, afraid to acknowledge what might be within it. Eventually, he pauses and reaches out a hand, pressing it against the wooden frame. Instantly, Jack is filled with images of his awakening on the Island, and the subsequent moments that made up the most important part of his life – the bamboo forest, his rescue of Claire and the survivors, Boone’s death and most notably, his love and time with Kate. Suddenly, it’s very clear to Jack – he’s lived another life, and it’s time for him to come to terms with the memories and the love from that experience.

Shocked, Jack backs away, then lifts the lid of the coffin, peering inside. The coffin is empty. He sighs, and closes the lid. “Hey, kiddo, ” says a voice behind him. Dad? asks Jack.

He turns. It is, indeed, Christian Shephard. “Hello, Jack,” says Christian.

Jack is very, very confused. “How are you here?” questions Jack.

Christian says, very clearly, “How are you here?”

Jack pauses for a moment, contemplating his father’s words, then doubles over with realization. “I died,” he says, with a sinking finality. Christian comforts him, telling his son that it’s okay. They embrace, and profess their love. Jack asks if his father is real, and Christian says he hopes so. Everything is real – everything that’s ever happened to him is real. All those people in the church are real, too.

“They’re all dead?” asks Jack.

“Everyone has to die sometime, kiddo,” replies Christian. Some before, some long after, says Christian. Jack asks why they’re all here now.

“Well, there is no ‘now’ here,” explains Christian. “This is a place that you all made together so that you could find one another. The most important part of your life was the time that you spent with these people. That’s why all of you are here. Nobody does it alone, Jack. You needed all of them, and they needed you.”

“For what?” asks Jack.

“To remember,” says Christian. “And to let go.”

Jack says that Kate mentioned they were leaving. No, says Christian – not leaving … “Moving on.”

“Where are we going?” asks Jack.

“Let’s go find out,” says his father, with a grin.

Jack and Christian walk out from the side entrance and into the main vestibule. All of the main players are there, smiling and reminiscing. Old lovers have been reunited – Hurley and Libby, Sawyer and Juliet, Sayid and Shannon.

On the Island, in the jungle, Jack hobbles along, bleeding.

In the church, Jack greets Locke, and the two smile and shake hands. “We’ve been waiting for you,” says Locke.

Jack continues his Island trek through the bamboo.

Jack turns to see Desmond, with Penny. He shakes his hand, and the two share a cherished moment. Boone makes his way over, and embraces Jack.

Jack stumbles through the bamboo grove, slowly now, inching toward the spot where he began, passing by his father’s white tennis shoe, suspended on a branch.

Jack and Hurley embrace, Hugo wrapping Jack in a huge bear hug. Charlie and Claire hold baby Aaron so tight while Shannon and Sayid look on with love. Sawyer and Jack hug it out, too. A long road, down a crooked path, but straighter than true with friends like you.

Finally, Jack and Kate find each other, and she brushes the hair from her face and smiles deeply. He takes her hand and walks into the group.

Jack, finally exhausted, reaches his destination in the bamboo jungle and collapses.

Jack and Kate take their seat in the pews. Slowly, everyone else does, as well. There are many smiles and kisses, the warmth and comfort of old friends and deep love abiding. Christian walks amongst them, and grips his son’s shoulder in fatherly love.

On the Island, Jack lies in the loose bamboo leaves, his strength waning. He looks left and right, seemingly alone, until a familiar bark echoes in the background. Faithful Vincent is soon with him, and the dog lovingly kisses Jack’s cheek as he smiles at the appearance of his oldest friend. Knowing that Jack is fading, Vincent lies down beside Jack and brings him comfort.

In the church, Christian makes his way to the front doors. Gripping both, he opens them, bathing the inner church with bright, golden light. The dear, old friends look around at each other and smile, knowing that their next journey – no matter where it might be – will be taken together.

On the Island, Jack and Vincent lie together in the bamboo forest, just as they did when Oceanic 815 crashed on the Island so many years ago. Jack gazes up at the sky, his view obscured by the bamboo, swaying in the wind. Suddenly, the Ajira plane rockets past that visible pocket of sky, and Jack smiles, knowing that everything that he’s lived for, everything he’s been searching for – everything that’s real – exists forever in that moment, and his will is done.

The beginning.

FOUND

Needless to say, I found this episode of Lost very moving.

Although I steer very clear from the myriad Lost forums and blogs out there for fear that they will taint and twist the thoughts that spew forth in this column, I do spend a fair bit of time on Twitter. And from my time on Monday hearing the differing opinions bouncing back and forth about the finale, I have to wonder if some people out there were watching the same show I was for six years. There are many out there, like me, who thought that the series ended the way that it should, and that there were enough questions left – very personal questions that would leave you pondering the series and much more important beliefs for decades – but there are just as many out there that seem hurt, confused and, well, lost after Jack closed his eye and moved onto a higher plane.

Honestly, I liken it to a very similar finale from a few years past – that of Quantum Leap. Most thought that Sam Becket would finally leap home and live happily ever after, but the show delved deeper into the concepts of free will versus predestination. Sam was given a choice as to whether he would return home and live out his life, or if he could do one final good deed and then move onto another level of his journeys. In the end, Sam chose the honorable route, sacrificing the one thing he wanted – to go home – for the good of many. It’s the age old choice of the needs of the many outweighing the needs of the few, or the one. Jack made a very similar, personal choice when he volunteered to take on Jacob’s duties, and then again when he chose to relight the fire at the heart of the Island, even though it meant certain doom. How can anyone be disappointed in that ending? These are heady issues, far beyond those of the everyman – Jack didn’t have to sit at a bus stop and contemplate whether to take the #23 or #42 bus downtown, or agonize whether he should see Annie Hall for the fifth time or take a chance on MacGruber. Jack chose life or death – an epic, mythical choice that extends to the very roots of all our cultures and our existence. I can’t comprehend disappointment at that level; clearly it’s a lot of youthful souls crying out because they’re sitting on the bench outside the church, not yet ready to move on.

But enough of that. Let’s get some good old-fashioned religion, shall we?

THE WINDOW TO THE SOUL

You all remember this, right? Well, let’s break it down, from top, left to right: Islam, Judaism, Hinduism, Christianity, Buddhism, Taoism.

Islam. The crescent moon and star have many interpretations, and the exact origins aren’t defined. However, many scholars believe that early use of the icons comes from the Babylonian gods of Sin – the moon god, or father of time – and Shamash – the sun god, judge of heaven and Earth. The symbol was a metaphor for the mystical powers granted to the Babylonian king during his rule.

Judaism. The Star of David may originate from the shield of David mentioned in a blessing used on Saturday and holidays. This shield – basically God – protected David in battle. Of notable mention: the Hebrew word Olam Ha-Ba means “the world to come,” and refers to the age of the Messiah, as well as the afterlife. It is used in the Mishnah: “This world is like a lobby before the Olam Ha-Ba. Prepare yourself in the lobby so that you may enter the banquet hall.” Another text states that “the world is only like a hotel. The world to come is like a home.”

Hinduism. Hinduism is represented by the Aum – or Om – the most sacred symbol in the Hindu dharma. It represents a mantra, or uttered word, and symbolizes the infinite ultimate reality and the entire universe. The letters in the Aum each stand for something different: A is for creation, U is for preservation, M is for destruction. The three portions of the Aum relate to the states of waking, dreaming and deep sleep.

Christianity. The Christian cross represents salvation, redemption and sacrifice. God the Father sacrificed his only son, Jesus, so that everyone’s sins could be absolved. Jesus acted as the proxy for every person on Earth as he was crucified.

Buddhism. The wheel is one of the most important Buddhist symbols. Buddha was said to have turned the wheel of dharma, and thus the wheel is known as the dharmachakra, or wheel of law. The turning of the wheel symbolizes change and spiritual growth. It also represents the neverending cycle of rebirth – of which no one can escape without the teachings of Buddha. The wheel – and dharmachakra – have been a very large part of the Lost mythos since the very beginning.

Taoism. The Yin-Yang is a familiar symbol that most recognize as representative of balance, or opposite and equal qualities in a paradigm. The universe seeks equilibrium; without such balance, it will fall to entropy and cease to exist. The yin-yang is present in everything, especially nature, as plants and animals are born, live, procreate and die, fulfilling their cycle, but leaving a legacy to preserve balance.

YEAH, GREAT… SO WHAT’S IT ALL MEAN?
I believe that this finale – and, indeed, this series – has ultimately triumphed because it left itself open to personal interpretation. Most anyone could connect to a particular character, and be touched and live vicariously through their eyes. The finale – although mostly centered around Jack’s transition from one journey to another – is the greatest example of this quality. We didn’t get all the answers, but that’s fine by me. I would rather be left with a sense of wonder, and lots of food for thought, as that has been the nature of the series as a whole. Lost leaves a legacy of philosophy and introspection that will be talked about for many years to come, and will certainly be rediscovered by generations beyond ours.

For the final drink recipe there was only one clear choice, and just like this episode, it may be polarizing – especially for those whose minds aren’t so clean. I get the feeling that would be about 95 percent of you. So dry your crying eyes and get out your favorite cocktail glass; everything’s going to be just fine. THE HAPPY ENDING 2 jiggers vodka Fresh orange juice Club Soda Cranberry Juice Fresh lime Pour the beautifully crisp vodka into your glass with some crushed ice. Add a splash or two of fresh orange juice, then fill the rest with the sparkling club soda. Stir gingerly. Add a dash of lovely cranberry juice at the top for color and pep, and a squeeze of lime juice. Sip leisurely. Don’t worry, be happy; three or four of these, and you’re bound to transcend.

Although I believe that everyone should take what they will from Lost and the finale, I will share my reflections with all of you because, well, it’s my column and I can do what I want. Also, it’s going to be the last time I get to ramble on incoherently about the Island and its mysteries. Let’s do this!

This dimension or plane of existence represents the culmination of many lifetimes and connections – this was the most important time in the lives of those touched by the Island and they were all intertwined intimately. It didn’t matter what time they ultimately died, as this was the pivotal point of their lives – the hub of the wheel. So even though Hurley stayed on the Island and may have died many, many years later, his consciousness shifts to this moment because this is the moment; the moment from which everyone was moving toward and from which their experiences would move away had they not died on the Island.

The beauty of the arc of the series is that this ending is completely open to interpretation. Many believe that everyone died and this is the transition area – purgatory, if you will – before they get to move onto heaven, or achieve nirvana, or whatever afterlife you may believe in. But because the story also involved time travel and quantum mechanics and introduced the possibility of the existence of multiple dimensions, it can also satisfy those that would rather prescribe a more scientific explanation. This other world could be a parallel dimension, and an area where their consciousness would migrate toward when they died. The migration would be independent of time and space, and represent a moment when the two worlds were at their closest. The Island was a conduit for that overlap, becoming a nexus where the consciousness of everyone could overlap. Desmond represented the full culmination of the traits of science and faith in one character – he is the Variable, able to shift his consciousness across time and, ultimately, dimension, but he was also a man of the cloth. He is the embodiment of a man of faith and a man of science.

Personally, I don’t think you have to interpret the end as one path or another. It’s not wholly a matter of faith or science – the two can meet in the middle, and support one another rather than being at odds. As a man of faith and science, the finale represents a brilliant culmination of these aspects. You can believe that this final staging area is the gateway to Heaven, or the final step before nirvana. Alternatively, you can postulate that the group consciousness was able to make the quantum shift to another plane of existence, another dimensional state. In the end, though, aren’t these seemingly-diametrically opposed paradigms actually one in the same? After all, what is heaven but another realm of existence?

In the context of what happened, memory denotes heaven – it’s a place where our greatest memories can live on, and we can reconnect with those people that meant the most to us. This area, the church, was nothing more than a gathering place – a transition spot where everyone’s consciousness could transcend and move onto the next level of existence. Those in the room know that they will be connected forever because they have found what they were looking for – whether that’s peace, love or redemption. Those, like Ben, who stay behind are those that haven’t quite made peace with their soul’s inner turmoil. Ben now has a chance to become a father and live another life, caring for his daughter and, perhaps, finding love and acceptance. Perhaps he will transcend in this life, and move on, or he may live several more lives before he truly finds what he’s looking for.

Could Island Prime have been a glimpse into another reality altogether, another plane of existence, and a stepping stone in the path that branches infinitely? Life – existence – is made up of these never-ending branches. Some choose the right path on their first try, but others stumble and walk down dark, dead-ends. They must retrace their steps. The characters in Lost have all been down those dark dead-ends, but the Island was the beacon that lead them out of darkness. The light that shone so bright from its interior was that which we all seek – it is the light of hope and of truth and of redemption. When it was said that if the light was allowed to go out, it would go out everywhere, that referred to the infinite power of the Island to bring about change – and change for the greater good. In the end, everyone who set foot on the Island found a bit more of that light inside them than was ever there before, and it illuminated everything. Most importantly, though, it showed them the way home.

THE LAST RANDOM BITS
A few quick shoutouts, separate from last week’s: To MeatyDoughnut on Hobotrashcan, thanks for reading through the years and for popping in from time to time with some really heady thoughts. For the record, though, I’m on top of the anthuriums. To makitt on LiveJournal, nicely done with the Juliet call. You totally nailed that. It’s almost as if you wrote that bit. Did you? On Twitter, @powlsy is the biggest Lapidus fan I know, and got a real happy ending on Sunday. I found this bit of fun in powlsy’s Twitter feed on Monday morning.

Speaking of Twitter, the feeds were alive with the sounds of kvetching on Sunday night, as Cleveland ABC station WEWS suffered technical difficulties, rendering much of the finale useless to viewers. For instance, during Christian Shephard’s “What’s it all about?” speech, it was complete silence, so viewers could see Christian was alive, but had no idea what the hell was happening. I can’t imagine being the station manager that night – this would be worse than the infamous Heidi Game. Twitterer and Hobotrashcan reader Stephen Foskett was part of the nightmare and provides a rather amusing reenactment of his Sunday night.

Crotch shot.

The only thing that disappointed me was the fact that Vincent wasn’t in the church. Unless he ultimately ends up with Walt again in this reality, in which case that’s okay. I also loved that Vincent stays with Jack at the end, because no one dies alone. I love that dog so much that I wouldn’t have been disappointed if it had all turned out to be his dream.

I doubt I’ll buy the extended collection that’s due out in August, as I have no desire to know any of the “secrets” that the producers want to share. I’d rather speculate for eternity, thank you very much.

Eloise has always been hip to the multiple dimensions and time. She is like Desmond and can see the paths ahead and behind. There may be others like her, and some may keep the secret to themselves, while others choose to spread enlightenment. This is a fascinating argument for some of the great spiritual leaders throughout human history.

Speaking of the Quantum Leap finale (which you should all watch – what’s wrong with you?), when Sam is taken to his “lobby” to talk to what many assumed might be God in the guise of a simple bartender, the barkeep gave him some sage advice: “Sometimes ‘that’s the way it is’ is the best explanation.”

Watching the finale live was a treat, mostly because of the amazing Target commercials. I think the failing Dharma keyboard was my favorite.

I couldn’t go a whole season without putting fitting this damn thing in somewhere.

There were many unanswered questions after the finale, so I’ll go over some of them very briefly …

Where was Walt and Michael? Michael was not yet ready to move on, much like Ana Lucia. They were both pretty awful in their lives on Island Prime and, even though Michael sought redemption on the freighter, his consciousness was not yet ready to transcend. As for Walt, his time on the Island was important, but brief, so it’s likely that he went on to bigger and brighter things in his life, creating a new transcendence nexus for his afterlife.

Who said “help me” in the cabin? Your mom.

What’s up with the Dharma food drops? Well, Desmond and Kelvin had to keep the Swan stocked with something, right? It’s likely that the Initiative was still functioning in some sort of capacity in order to keep the Swan operational, and after the purge, there was no way in hell anyone was going to set foot on that Island without the Marines in tow.

What about the numbers? It’s likely that they point toward a connection with a reality that’s a “step back” along the journey of the survivors. Each iteration of a lifetime brings with it certain connections that grow and multiply with successive iterations. The numbers are representative of those iterations – they’re simply connective baggage that is tossed about in the Island’s nexus. We’ll probably never know where they originated, or their true significance, but that’s okay by me.

What about the sickness? Either a rumor perpetrated by Dharma for control, or spread by the Others for somewhat nefarious purposes. Still, the sickness could have been real – the sickness relating to being mentally ill and transformed, like Rousseau’s science team. Just a guess, really – they really let this one slide as the seasons wore on.

Yeah, well what about the baby thing? Electromagnetic interference. It was used to explain just about everything else on the Island.

It’s about time to wrap things up, but before I go I thought I would share some future plans with all of you. Although Lost is at an end, Down the Hatch will live on as a column on Hobotrashcan. Joel and I are still working out the kinks in the format, but imagine me taking a different, random TV show or series each week and dissecting it, Lost-style. Yes, that could mean Two and a Half Men or Jersey Shore, God help me. It’s very likely that I’ll rely on readers to supply me with viewing suggestions, so check back in a couple of weeks and see what we come up with. Also, if there are any games enthusiasts out there, I’ve recently become the Durham Games Examiner over on Examiner.com. The articles I write over there might not change your life, but at least they’re guaranteed to be shorter than an unabridged War and Peace. Oh, and don’t forget to tune into the Hobo Radio podcast this week – I’ll be on there, bringing some class to the proceedings for a change.

THIS IS THE PART WHERE I CRY
The end is near; time to pack my things and learn to let go. More than any other show, Lost has profoundly affected my life in ways far greater than this weekly column and the great people who have shared their thoughts, support and affinity. I’ve been with the show since the very beginning, and for over six years I’ve watched these characters rise and fall, suffer and triumph, love and be heartbroken. In a way, Lost has been my constant during those years, as I have done a lot of living in that time, just like the survivors of Oceanic 815. This show has seen me through four job changes, five moves, the loss of two dear friends and four relationships. When Jack’s eye opened in September of 2004, so did mine; I started to let go of an old life and embrace a new one as I applied for a job in Boston. Four months later, I was there, on a new path and beginning a new journey, one which would become a long trek down a crooked path. I’ve come full circle now, and like those intertwined survivors I am ready to let go and to move on – not only from Lost, but from the struggles and heartaches, mistakes and missteps of my past. I’m ready. I’ve opened the door and the light is warm and bright, and full of hope.

For all of you out there who have come along on this journey, I wish you all the best. And as I’ve come to realize, remember always: even though the jungle may be dense, the path strewn with peril and your destination not wholly known, you’re never truly lost if you’ve found yourself.

See you in another life. Namaste.

Chris Kirkman is a graphic designer/photographer/journalist/geek extraordinaire with way too many Bruce Campbell movies in his library. Michael Emerson, Lost’s Benjamin Linus, called Kirkman’s recaps “one of the smartest articles I’ve ever read about what goes on on our show.” Thanks to Jimmy Kimmel, Kirkman almost got his wish of Lost ending with Bob Newhart waking up next to Suzanne Pleshette, complaining of a strange, strange dream. You can contact him at ckirkman@hobotrashcan.com.

Chris Kirkman

“What They Died For” Recap and Analysis …

Previously, on Lost: Sawyer screwed the pooch on the sub, sabotaging Shephard’s straight-shooting speech and subsequently sending Sayid towards suicide. The sub shook and shimmied and Shephard saved Sawyer, while Sun and her suitor sucked seawater and said sayonara. Shephard and the sole survivors soon sobbed.

This week, on Lost: As many a time before over the past six seasons, we open on an eye. Jack’s, to be exact. We soon see that he’s not waking up in a jungle, or trapped inside a Dharma aquarium, or bearded and hopped up on goofballs. No, this is AlternaJack, and he’s got quite the life, now. It’s morning in LA X, and Dr. Shephard makes his way to the bathroom. Once there, he notices something very peculiar, indeed.

Dude, you really need to stop eating PB&J in bed.

Little Jack Jr. interrupts his pop and says he’s made breakfast. They sit down to a big ol’ hearty bowl of Super Bran and it becomes quite obvious how Jack got his neck wound – he probably blew out a vein in the bathroom after all that fiber. David asks his dad if he’s coming to the concert tonight, and Jack says absozooberutely.

Soon, not-so-crazy AlternaClaire waddles out and they all have a shiny, happy family moment before the phone rings. Jack picks it up and a voice informs him that Oceanic has found his lost luggage – in other words, Papa Shephard has finally reached port. Jack says thanks and we are soon treated to the identity of the voice on the other end of the line – Desmond, who speaks American pretty darn well.

Meanwhile, over on Island Prime, it’s morning on the beach and Jack is pulling some stitching out of his underwear in order to sew up Kate’s wounded shoulder. Sawyer is up and about, and sits a bit dazed on the beach with Hurley. Kate grimaces and mourns for the Kwons while getting her stitches, saying that Jin hadn’t even met his little girl yet. “Locke did this to them,” says Kate, gritting her teeth in a slight snarl. “We have to kill him, Jack.”

To be such a pretty girl, Kate sure can make some messed up faces.

Jack calmly looks down at his patient, nods his head slowly and simply says, “I know.” Awwww yeah!

Cue the swirling Lost!

With Kate all stitched up, the four survivors stand solemnly on the beach and watch the debris from the sub wash ashore. Kate leans her head on Sawyer’s shoulder. Jack breaks the silence and says that they should head to the well that Sayid told them about before he pulled an Arzt. Inside that well is Desmond, and if Locke needs him, says Jack, then they’re gonna need him. They all mount up and move out.

Back in LA X, Desmond is in his POS rental again, checking out the school parking lot. AlternaLocke is back in action, and some students welcome him back as he rolls across the lot. Desmond starts up the car, but Dr. Linus flings himself across the hood, yelling bloody murder. Desmond gets out of the car and proceeds to beat the ever-loving snot out of Benjamin – as usual – saying that he’s not there to hurt Locke, he’s there to help him let go. During the beatdown, Ben gets a flash or two of times in another life, brutha where he is getting a similar ass kicking at the hands of the Scot.

I half-expected Desmond to start belting out “Singing in the Rain.” Too obscure, my droogs?

Desmond hightails it out of there, leaving Dr. Linus beaten, bloodied and bewildered.

Let’s stick around LA X for awhile and see what shenanigans ensue, shall we?

Smoking Stinks. Hah, get it? God, I love the set designers on this show.

AlternaBen gets all patched up in the nurse’s office. She makes the mistake of calling him Mr. Linus, and he quickly corrects her that it’s Doctor Linus, showing a tiny bit of the Island Prime prick we’ve all come to know and love. She runs and grabs an ice pack, and Locke wheels in, wanting to know what happened. Ben fills him in about the beatdown, about Desmond, and most importantly about the feeling. Locke tries to call the police, but Ben stops him, telling John what Desmond said – that he was trying to get Locke to let go. John is stunned. “Does that mean something to you?” asks Ben. Locke puts his phone away.

Over at LAXPD headquarters, Desmond walks in and asks to see a detective. They take him over to Detective Ford and Des turns himself in for the hit and run and, more recently, the assault and battery that occurred earlier that morning. Sawyer books him and throws him in the hoosegow with Sayid and Kate. What a coincidence! Desmond is very pleased, indeed, wishing both Freckles and the Iraqi a good day with a wry smile.

Later that day, Ben’s leaving school for the day and bumps into Alex. She says that he shouldn’t drive because he only has one arm and looks a bit like Napoleon. Yeah, Dynamite. Zing! He says she has a point and they mosey over to the car where Alex asks her mom if it’s okay if teach tags along for awhile. But of course, says Danielle Rousseau, looking decidedly non-crazy and very happy to see Benjamin. The two even invite Ben over for dinner since it’s coq au vin night – you know, since coq au vin is the only thing that French people know how to cook.

“We insist, even if we have to kidnap you.” AlternaDanielle is funny, pretty and charming. It’s amazing what happens when you actually run a brush through your hair every other year.

Over at chateau Rousseau, things are going swimmingly. While Alex does her homework, Danielle and Ben get better acquainted over dishes. Ben asks about Alex’s father, and Danielle tells him that he died when she was two. It’s also probably the reason why she’s so attached to Ben, since he’s taken a real interest in her. He’s the closest thing to a father she’s ever had. Ben looks in on Alex as she studies and gets a bit choked up. Danielle asks if he’s okay, but Ben plays it off, saying it’s probably just the onions. Danielle says that she’ll put in less next time. Ben laughs as if to say “Oh, that’s funny,” and then the light dawns and he looks up as if to say “OHHHHH hell yeah.” Get you some, Ben.

Over at the hospital, Jack is doing some paperwork in his office. John Locke comes wheeling in, and Jack is glad to see him, but wants to know what he can do for John. Locke pauses for a moment and then lays it all out – they were both on Oceanic 815, Jack gave him his card, John threw it away, John gets hit by a car, he happens to get Jack as a surgeon, Jack wants to fix Locke, Locke doesn’t want to get fixed, yadda yadda yadda. All that’s great, says John, but check this crap out: the moron who ran him down earlier showed up at the school today and beat the snot out of Benjamin Linus and told Ben that he wasn’t there to hurt Locke, he was there to help him let go – the exact same thing that Jack said to John the last time they saw each other.

Jack is a bit confused, and thinks that John is suggesting that Jack sent Desmond to run Locke down in the first place. Locke quickly denies that and stumbles a bit before suggesting that all of this is truly happening for a reason … maybe all this is just a sign, pointing out that Jack is supposed to fix him. Jack, still maintaining some of his obstinance even in LA X, says that perhaps John is mistaking coincidence for fate.

The only thing missing from this smile is an orange peel.

Call it whatever the hell you want, says John – but he’s pretty sure he’s ready to get out of that chair. Jack smiles.

Over at LAXPD, it’s time for the prisoners to be transferred to county lockup. Sawyer bids them farewell, but lingers by Freckles’ cage. She makes one more play, acting all cute and charming and asking Sawyer to let her go, but he can’t do that – he’s a cop. “Nice knowing you,” says James, walking away, but still looking back over his shoulder at the brunette he just can’t seem to get off his mind.

Desmond, Sayid and Kate are bouncing around in the back of the paddy wagon, when Desmond speaks up: “I think it’s time to leave.” Kate wants to know who Desmond is, and Sayid says that Des is a crazy person. Crazy or not, says Des, it doesn’t matter – they all still want to get out of there. Kate asks if Des is just going to ask the driver to stop, but Des says that the driver already knows where to stop – and when that happens, Kate and Sayid have to promise that they’ll do what Desmond asks of them. Sayid says “Oh, absolutely” and they all laugh a little, and Des asks Kate, and she says sure, and they all grin. That’s about the time the van slows to a stop and all of a sudden Kate and Sayid aren’t smiling any more. The back of the van pops open and a familiar face peers in.

I’m fairly certain that Michelle Rodriguez has been on the flip side of this scenario more than a couple of times.

Ana Lucia wants her money or else she’s gonna have to shoot them all as if they were trying to escape – or as if they were all Maggie Grace. Desmond tells her to keep her pantyhose on, that his guy will be there soon. She lets them out and uncuffs them, and soon Desmond’s guy is there. It’s Hurley. He’s sorry he’s late, dude … and he’s also shocked that Ana Lucia is there. “Do I know you, tubby?” she asks. Hurley says no, that they’ve never met, then hands her an envelope full of cash and she splits. Hurley asks if she’s going with them, but Des says that she’s “not ready yet.” Awesome.

Hurley brought along his Camaro for Desmond – the same one he smashed through the fruit stand back in season five, only this is the AlternaCamaro. Desmond says excellent, and asks if Hurley knows where he’s taking Sayid. Absolutely says Hugo. Des says they should get going and that Kate is coming with him. Kate gets her best scrunchy face on …

See?

… and wants to know what Desmond means. Des nonchalantly pulls a little black dress out of the trunk of the Camaro and tells Kate that they are going to a concert. Kate takes the dress, perplexed, and Desmond opens the passenger door. “Let’s go!” grins the Scot.

Thus concludes this portion of the adventures in LA X. To be continued Sunday!

Meanwhile, on Island Prime, we finally learn what Richard, Miles and Ben have been up to – apparently trekking through the jungle toward New Otherton. That is one long hike, let me tell you. And to top it all off, Ben says that they’re taking a shortcut! That has to be an in-joke. Speaking of jokes, Miles questions Ben’s directions and he says to trust him, that he lived in these houses for a very long time. Oh yeah? quips Miles. “Well, I lived in these houses 30 years before you did – otherwise known as ‘last week’.” Greatest line of the episode, by far.

The trio soon exit the Jungle of Mystery and head onto main street of New Otherton, making their way toward Ben’s bungalow. Miles’s dead Spidey sense starts tingling, and he pauses and kneels by a patch of ground. Ben wants to know what’s up, but Miles doesn’t think he should say anything. Richard says it for him – it’s Alex. He buried her there after Keamy blew her away and Ben left the Island after turning the great wheel. “Thank you, Richard,” says Ben solemnly.

The trio enter Ben’s bungalow and Ben opens up his secret room behind the bookcase, entering, and shoving some clothes out of the way. Miles notices the stone door covered in heiroglyphs and asks “What’s that? A secreter room?” Okay, I lied, that is the best line of the episode. Anyways, Ben explains that it’s where he was told he could summon the monster, but little did he know it was the monster that was summoning him. Lesson learned, Ben – smoking stinks.

Ben opens up his secret safe and peers inside. The C4 he stashed there a while back is still intact. He asks Richard if they intend to cripple the plane or blow it all to hell. Blow it to hell, says Richard. Better take it all, then, says Ben.

Mmmmm, brownies. That’s Good Eats. (That’s a little Alton Brown humor there for the four of you who might actually get that joke.)

They shove the C4 into Richard’s knapsack – no need to treat it gingerly like old Black Rock dynamite – when they hear a noise in the kitchen. They investigate. It’s Zoe. Ben wants to know who the hell she is, but Widmore soon pops out and says she’s with him. “Hello, Benjamin,” says the old bastard with a grin. “May I come in?”

Chuck pours himself a glass of water and tells Ben to put the gun down. He then gives Zoe orders to head to the dock, get the equipment, and sink the outrigger. Ben says that she’s going nowhere, but Charles warns him that if he shoots him, Ben’s chances of surviving on the Island are very slim. He then sends his lackey off to do her chores.

Ben wants to know how Chuck got back to the Island, and Widmore tells him that Jacob invited him. Ben says that Chuck’s pants are certainly on fire because there’s no way that Charles has seen Jacob. Uh huh, have to, says Chuck – Jacob appeared to him soon after they blew the freighter all to hell, and he told Chuck everything he needed to know to fulfill his purpose.

They’re interrupted by Zoe on the walkie, informing them all that Locke has landed at the dock and he’s hightailing it up to New Otherton. Run back, says Chuck. She does. Chuck suggests that they all, you know, hide.

Out in the Jungle of Mystery, Jack and company are trekking toward the well. Sawyer takes a metaphorical seat on the analysts couch and asks Jack if he really killed everyone on the sub. No, says Jack – he killed them. He being Locke, of course.

Hurley and Kate take up the rear, and Hurley soon stops, seeing young Island Matt Damon off in the brush. Kate asks if he’s okay, and Hurley says he’s fine. She walks off. Hurley turns around and jumps at the sight of the young boy. The boy demands the ashes in Hurley’s pocket, and he pulls them out, asking what the boy wants them for. The boy wastes no time, grabbing the pouch and running off into the jungle. Hurley gives chase.

Not to be cruel, but if Hurley’s been carrying that bag around in his pocket for several days, is little Jacob even sure he wants his ashes anymore?

Hugo comes upon a clearing. Jacob’s there. Hurley asks if Jacob saw a little boy run by with his ashes. Jacob explains that his ashes are there in the fire, and that when it all burns out then he’ll never see Jacob again. Hurley is perplexed, as are most of us – but these are the rules of the Island. Jacob says that he should run off and gather his friends, because they are very near the end. Yes, we are, Jacob.

Back in New Otherton, Zoe shows up and she and Chuck make a break for the secret room. Ben, however, wants to stay and confront the monster because he’s gonna find him sooner or later. Miles thinks these are both wonderful plans, but he plans to exit stage left – right quick and in a hurry. Before he goes, he grabs Chuck’s walkies and hands Miles one – just in case he needs the Asian for any reason. Chuck tells them all that they’re gonna die and Ben says that he guesses this is goodbye. Chuck and Zoe hide in the closet.

Ben asks Richard if he’d like to wait outside for the inevitable, and Richard says that he’ll just talk to Locke – that he knows this man and all he wants is for Richard to join him, and by talking, it might buy the rest of them time. Good luck with that, says Miles, as he hauls ass out the door and into the Jungle of Mystery.

Outside, Richard walks slowly through the Dharma compound. Ben watches from a distance. It’s not long before we hear the clickety cricket sound, and the battle horn of Ol’ Smokey sounds off and soon Richard has a face full of smoke monster. Ol’ Smokey sends Richard rocketing to the moon, and leaves Ben standing there, staring, his face full of shock and awe.

Dude, weren’t you paying attention when we were saying that “smoking stinks?”

Hrm … guess not. See you around, Ricardus.

Ben slowly walks over to his porch and takes a seat and waits. He doesn’t have to wait long, as MiB comes around the corner and takes a seat next to Ben, telling him that Ben is just the man he’s looking for. “Well, you found me,” says Ben quietly. “Can I get you a glass of lemonade?”

MiB sits and picks at his fingernails with his favorite, large hunting knife. “I need you to kill a whole bunch of people,” explains Locke. And if Ben does kill a whole bunch of people, he can have the Island all to himself when MiB leaves the Island. Sounds good to Ben. MiB inquires about the outrigger, and Ben fills him in on Widmore – even going so far as to tell him that ol’ Chuck is inside, hiding in Ben’s secret closet.

The duo head inside, and Ben opens up the closet for MiB. He warns Locke that Chuck’s ladyfriend is armed, but he guesses that’s not a problem for Ol’ Smokey. As Ben opens the door, MiB tells him to wait outside, that Ben doesn’t need to see this. Oh, but Ben really wants to see this. MiB seems a tad impressed.

The door opens and the light goes up, and Zoe and Charles are standing there like two little kids, suddenly caught before olly olly oxen free has been called. MiB says howdy and declares that it’s nice that he and Chuck can talk face to face without those pesky sonic fences in the way. MiB turns to Zoe and asks who she is. She starts to answer, but Chuck stops her, telling her not to talk to MiB. Ol’ Smokey doesn’t really take kindly to that, so he whips out his pigsticker and slits her throat. She collapses in Widmore’s arms.

When thinking of a caption for this, my fevered brain could only repeat over and over – “Big Mac, Filet o’ Fish, Quarter Pounder, french fries, icy Coke, thick shake, sundaes and apple pies!” I wish I could explain, but it is a dark and wondrous place up there.

“Why’d you do that?” pleads Chuck.

“You told her not to talk to me, that made her pointless,” says MiB, flatly.

It’s clear to MiB that Charles is not afraid to die, so there’s really only one way to motivate someone like that – once he gets off the Island, states MiB, the first thing he’s going to do is find Chuck’s daughter, Penny, and kill her. Chuck doesn’t much like that, but he also believes that MiB will kill her whether he talks to Smokey or not. MiB gives Chuck his word that he won’t, as long as Widmore tells MiB why he came back to the Island.

Chuck ponders for a moment, and then spills the beans. He explains that he brought Des back to the Island because he’s got this funky resistance to electromagnetism, and the Scot is a measure of last resort. MiB doesn’t quite understand, but Chuck says he’s not going to tell the old smoke monster anything in front of Ben. Ben hovers at the door, but then slowly turns around and shuffles slowly away. MiB suggests that Chuck whisper the secret to him, and so he does, leaning in and saying something under his breath that sounds an awful lot like “watermelon watermelon watermelon.”

And then Ben blows ol’ Chuck Widmore away.

RIP Charles Widmore. Cause of death: Lead poisoning.

Ben leans up against the door jamb. “He doesn’t get to save his daughter,” says Benjamin. How delightfully vengeful. MiB remarks that Ben never ceases to amaze him, and that, fortunately, Chuck had already told MiB everything he needed to know, so no harm done. “Good,” says Ben, glancing at the floor. “Did you say that there were some other people to kill?” Dude, even in the face of damnation you are still the man.

Out in the Jungle of Mystery, it’s nightfall, and Hurley has gathered Jack, Kate and Sawyer and taken them back to see Jacob. And see him they do – all of them. Somehow burning his magic ashes enabled all of them to see the dead protector. Soon, secrets of the Island start coming out, as most secrets this season have tended to – while seated around a campfire, making s’mores. To make a long story short, Jacob screwed up when he tossed his little brother down a hole and created a monster, and ever since then that monster has been trying to kill him. He knew that someday the monster would figure out how to make Jacob pine for the fjords and so Jacob needed to secure a replacement. Hence, the Candidates.

“… and then the police called and said to grab the kids and run because THE CALL IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE!”

All of this doesn’t sit too well with Sawyer, and he says that Jacob had no right – that James was doing just fine before Jacob came along and starting mucking about. Jacob calls Sawyer on his B.S., telling them all that they were flawed and lonely before coming to the Island, and their time there has made them realize how much they need the place, as much as it needs them. All part of the process, I suppose. Kate asks why her name was crossed off. Because she became a mother, says Jacob, but it’s just a name in chalk – the job can still be hers if she wants it. Nice bit of creative cover-up there, if you ask me.

Jack asks for details about the job, and Jacob explains about protecting the light at the heart of the Island. He says that they have to protect it from the monster, and do what it is that he failed to do. So, basically you want us to kill him, says Jack. Yup, because if you don’t, he’s certainly going to kill all of you, says Jacob.

Hurley wants to know how Jacob is going to pick, but Jacob says he’s not going to – it’s up to those four to decide, and if they don’t, things are going to end very badly.

Before anyone else has a chance to respond, Jack raises his hand and goes “Ooh ooh! Pick me, pick me!” as if he was getting to be captain of the football team, not guarding the grail for then next millennia. It’s what he’s meant to do, states Jack. Well, duh, says we.

Jacob takes Jack out to a creek and tells Jack that the heart of the Island is out past the bamboo field that Jack woke up in when he first came to the Island. Jack says there’s nothing out there, but Jacob knows there is – and now Jack will be able to find it. Jacob asks for a cup from Jack and while he’s fishing around in his pack, Jacob pulls some water out of the creek and says some latin mumbo jumbo over it. He then takes the cup, dips it in the water and hands it to Jack. Drink up, he says. Jack wants to know how long he’s going to have to do the job. “As long as you can,” says Jacob.

Two guys, one cup.

Jack raises the cup and downs the whole thing. As he lowers the cup, his countenance changes, ever so slightly. He raises his eyes to Jacob, as if a sudden realization has come over him. Jacob smiles. “Now you’re like me.”

Further out in the Jungle of Mystery, Locke and Ben walk toward the well. Ben asks an excellent question – if Locke can just turn to smoke and fly around, why does he bother walking? Locke tells Ben that he likes the feel of his feet on the ground – it reminds him that he was human.

For this week’s episode-inspired drink recipe (the next to last one ever), I thought it would be appropriate to give us a little something special we could all sip for, well, an eternity. Trust me on this one – this is a delicious golden concoction that you’ll want to protect with your life for a very, very long time. THE GRAIL CUP 1 part honey liqueur (Barenjager or even Evan Williams Honey Reserve) 1 part sweet tea vodka (I recommend Jeremiah Weed) 1 part freshly-steeped tea (Lipton is fine, but make sun tea, if you can!) A bit of freshly-squeezed lemon juice Grab a simple cup from your pack – perhaps even something suitable for a carpenter – and fill it with ice. Combine the honey liqueur, sweet tea vodka, fresh tea and lemon juice, grab your special cup and swirl the elixir about, inhaling its intoxicating, life-infused aroma. Drink deeply. Repeat until you feel like you could live a thousand years.

The two soon clear the jungle and approach the well. Locke peers over the edge, telling Ben that this was the well he flung Desmond Hume into a few episodes back. Locke sent Sayid to kill Desmond, but obviously the Iraqi failed to do his job. Ben notices a rope leading down. “Looks like someone helped him out,” he says.

“No, Ben, someone helped me out, ” says Locke, taking a seat on the edge of the stone well.

This intrigues Ben and he asks what Chuck said to Locke before he died. Locke tells Ben that Widmore said Desmond was a failsafe – a backup plan set in motion by Jacob in case Locke was able to kill all the candidates. Ben is stumped, and asks Locke why he’s so happy that Desmond is still alive. The monster explains: because he’s going to find Desmond, and when he does, he’s going to get Desmond to do the one thing that the could never do himself. He’s going to destroy the Island.

Guess that means Ben doesn’t get to keep the Island all to himself.

Cue the THONK!

Typically, the transition episodes just before the finales of Lost tend to be a bit disjointed, and often filled with a lot of “let’s go here, while they go there,” that plays out rather slowly. It’s an inevitable, but necessary, part of the production process, setting things up for the big climax. This episode was, indeed, a transition episode – but unlike many of its predecessors, I thought it kicked some major butt. We saw the return of badass Ben, Ol’ Smokey snuffed out another major recurring character that we all thought might play a more important role in the scheme of things, and the happenings over in LA X ratcheted up to an awesome high. I have to admit that I’m far more excited and intrigued by what’s going on over in the alternaverse than I am on Island Prime right now, and that’s okay. As long as I’m on the edge of my seat about something then Lost is still doing its job.

There’s not a whole lot of analysis this week since everything that’s happened is pretty much prologue, but I have a few thoughts rattling around. Let’s get to it!

THROUGH A MIRROR, DARKLY
It appears as though AlternaHurley has quite the grasp on the happenings of Island Prime because he remembers Ana Lucia quite well. He’s gone far beyond just the few flashes he had when he and Libby had their picnic on the beach. Does he remember everything from his alternate life? Has Hurley’s two conscious minds merged somehow? Perhaps both Hurley and Desmond know what’s at stake – that there is a chance that the reality of LA X could be wiped out forever if actions aren’t taken.

If what we’ve seen recently about the light going out is true, and Ol’ Smokey is ultimately trying to destroy the Island, he is threatening everyone’s very existence. Jacob even said so himself this episode, pointing out to them all when they were telling campfire stories that they and everyone they know and love could be wiped out if Smokey succeeds in his plans. Since Desmond, and possibly Hurley, have the added advantage of knowing what’s happening/has happened/will happen in the alternate timeline, they are free to try and intervene by getting everyone together in LA X and making something happen.

“Let’s see, it’s just about butt-kick o’clock, so we’d better get moving.”

I’m not yet sure what that something is just yet, but I’d bet good money it has to do with the Island. Perhaps Jack fails to protect Island Prime, or he sacrifices himself in order to put an end to Smokey but it also sacrifices the Island. If this is true, then the only way to truly save “reality” is for AlternaDesmond and crew to somehow relight the fire at the heart of the Island. Right now the Island is at the bottom of the Pacific, so that might be a tad difficult. It could involve another submarine and some sort of kick-ass, James Bond-like underwater endeavor. Or perhaps there’s a portal to the Island somewhere in the world; if there’s an “exit” in the Tunisian desert, there may possibly be an “entrance” somewhere else.

These scenarios are very far-fetched speculation at this point, but it’s fun to think about how many ways the finale may play out. Have you all got some crazy ideas of your own? Let’s hear them!

OH, THE HUMANITY
So, Ol’ Smokey can be reminded of his humanity, can he/she/it? I’m speaking, of course, of Locke’s comment to Ben that he prefers to walk than fly about as a wisp of smoke. That can mean one of two things – one, that smokey was human at some point, or two, that he has assumed human form for so long that he feels and believes that he was once human. Either way, this bit of information could be used against him. In his human form, we haven’t witnessed any extraordinary strength – we only know that he appears to be impervious to bullets. If Jack and Co. can manage to keep Smokey in his Locke form – convince him that he should face them all like a man – then they could have a shot at taking down the smoke monster once and for all.

How can they take down an ancient smoke monster that has super strength and is seemingly impervious to harm? I’m glad you asked.

We all know that Ol’ Smokey is susceptible to sound, hence the sonic fences. I would imagine anything that is able to disperse and disrupt the particles that make up his semi-corporeal form would also do the trick. Hence, the shit-ton of C4 that Ben took out of his safe. Remember way back in the finale for season one when Smokey tried to drag Locke down into a Cerberus vent? Sure you do.

Ah, memories. So why was Ol’ Smokey trying to drag Locke away so soon, if he was just going to use him later? That’s a discussion that could drive us all mad.

Anyways, in order to “save” Locke when that happened, Kate threw a piece of the Black Rock dynamite back behind Smokey. When it went off, that seemed to upset the smoke monster, he released his grip on Locke and then took off into the Jungle of Mystery. Whether it was the actual explosion or simply the massive sonic shockwave that seemed to disrupt Smokey doesn’t really matter – the explosion made him let go and run away like a scared rabbit.

Now, let’s imagine that Smokey can be convinced to stay in Locke’s form for a final stand, and make sure that stand is right on top of a whole heap of C4. I imagine that if it that much C4 was detonated point blank on Smokey, the resulting blast would shred anything even remotely corporeal, and the sonic shockwave would scatter his semi-corporeal form halfway across the Pacific. But that’s just a theory.

One final downfall Ol’ Smokey that may be a final piece in the puzzle: despite all the death and destruction that he can wreak, Smokey seems to always have the need for a doomed lackey to do all his dirty work. At the end, it’s Ben again. Ben who has nothing to lose anymore. Ben who has taken care of his need for vengeance and now needs a shot at redemption. Ben who is probably tired of getting dicked around by everybody.

Ben who has a whole mess of C4 squirreled away for a rainy day. I’m just sayin’.

THE RANDOM BITS

The top is from last night’s episode, and the bottom is from “Man of Science, Man of Faith” right after they had blown open the Hatch. I thought this was great symmetry. Both times that Locke is peering down the hole, it’s about looking for Desmond.

I find it incredibly ironic that Desmond is the “failsafe” for the Island, since Desmond turned the failsafe key in the Swan and took the first step towards who and what he was supposed to become.

Why, if Ben was just going to shoot Widmore, did the whole conversation between the two of them occur back in season four in “The Shape of Things to Come,” as if they were the ones that would play out a lifelong game of Senet? That’s somewhat of a disappointing turn of events – that episode completely set things up for Ben and Widmore to be the millennia-long adversaries. Oh well.

So now we know that the golden hole is somewhere near where Jack woke up in the bamboo field. I imagine that will play out in the finale – or at least partly explain why we’re all being treated to the series pilot again on Saturday.

I found it interesting that the episode opened with the mention of Jack’s missing father, but we never see the resolution of that. I’m sure it’ll come into play in the finale, but Desmond sets it all up and then the next thing you know, Jack is talking to Locke in his office and Des is picking up Kate, telling her they have a concert to attend. Isn’t Jack going to wonder why Oceanic hasn’t called him back about the coffin before the concert?

THE LONG GOODBYE
That about wraps it up for this week. I wish I had more thoughts to throw out there, but I need to save some mental and emotional fortitude for the insanity on Sunday, and the week-long recap and analysis festival that’s sure to ensue afterwards. Speaking of emotional, since this is the next to last Down the Hatch ever, I wanted to start the farewells now. There are many, many readers and fans of this column out there, and I appreciate all of you. Over the years, there have been some amazing discussions, comments and wild theories thrown out there, and I want you all to know that, even though I may not always have time to respond, I read and enjoy every single one of them.

On HoboTrashcan, thanks to many of the usual suspects for sticking around through the years: Daniel, Bud, James, zetts, SFoskett, Randy, tld, jonathan, Derek, A in TX and The Baxter for always bringing out the good talking points, lostfan for usually making even my troubled mind hurt (I don’t always understand what you’re saying but I’m glad you’re saying it), Mimi for constantly pointing out something incredibly cool that I missed, everyone who has spread the love on other sites and forums like Slate, and, of course, Joel Murphy for convincing me that 16 weeks out of every year I really don’t need all that much sleep. Oh, and let me not forget Lars – without readers like him, I wouldn’t seem half as smart as I do. My sincerest apologies if I’ve missed someone – if I have, shoot me a comment and I’ll give you some props in the final column. You deserve it!

Over on lostdiscussion.livejournal.com, where Down the Hatch was born, I’d like to thank mancer, beekerzwhirled, asavitzk, kyaraelf, varenn, cgallivan, filigod, rexroof, ashmh, prattlingpeony, flummoxicated, tone_milazzo, feldegast, anonymooz, liz007 and the incomparable makitt for sticking around for a really, really long time, not only encouraging my mad ramblings, but helping the community to survive and flourish throughout the years. I can’t thank you all enough.

Much thanks to sl-Lost.com for spreading the love and word of the column, and reposting it every week. The readers over there have managed to provide some very interesting and unique perspectives over the years. I haven’t understood a lot of it, but I love it, nonetheless!

To all the twitterers who spread the tweet love (especially msrib, sparklej, amandamcpherson and rballen81), my undying gratitude.

To Michael Emerson, thank you for the greatest compliment I could have received as a columnist.

And to my partner in crime, Little C, thanks for pointing out all the little details I might miss and for keeping my crazy brain grounded. You will always give me butterflies.

I’d better go before I get all choked up. Until next week (or Sunday, at the latest), keep thinking those thoughts and if you have an epiphany, tell me something good.

Namaste.

Chris Kirkman is a graphic designer/photographer/journalist/geek extraordinaire with way too many Bruce Campbell movies in his library. Michael Emerson, Lost’s Benjamin Linus, called Kirkman’s recaps “one of the smartest articles I’ve ever read about what goes on on our show.” Kirkman is still hoping that Lost will end when Bob Newhart wakes up next to Suzanne Pleshette, complaining of a strange, strange dream. You can contact him at ckirkman@hobotrashcan.com.

Chris Kirkman

“Across the Sea” Recap and Analysis …

I’ll just leave this here:

Retcon - “Retroactive Continuity” v. to retroactively revise (a plot, storyline, character, event, history, etc.), usually by reinterpreting past events, or by theorizing how the present would be different if past events had not happened or had happened differently. See: Crisis on Infinite Earths; Wolverine’s bone claws; Greedo shoots first.

Once upon a time, there was an Island. It was a very special place. To this Island came a lady in red – shipwrecked and washed ashore, this lady was very, very pregnant. Although the lady in red survived her ordeal, she did not believe that her ship companions had, and so thought that she was alone. She wasn’t. Soon, thankful for finding a stream for fresh water, she bent to take a drink and was startled when she looked up and found that Allison Janney was on the Island, as well. She seemed shocked to also find that Allison Janney spoke Latin.

Allison took the lady back to her caves and fed her and tended to her wounds. She found that the lady in red’s name was Claudia. Allison’s meal seemingly did not agree with Claudia’s constitution and so the lady in red went into labor, popping out a little baby whom she named Jacob. The lady in red wasn’t quite done yet, though, and soon pushed out another little boy, whom Allison wrapped in dark, swaddling clothes. This little bundle would remain nameless, however, as Claudia had very little imagination and had only picked out Jacob’s name.

Baby Jacob and the appropriately-acronymed BiB – Baby in Black.

Claudia wants to see her babies, but Allison has another idea, and decides to show her a big rock up real close to her face, over and over. With the lady in red now completely in red, Allison could become mommy dearest to the yin yang twins.

A few years later, BiB – the Boy in Black – walks along one of the Island beaches and finds a wooden box. There are squares carved in the top, and ornate swirls along its side. Inside are six stones – three in white and three in black. Little Jacob wanders over and asks his brother what he’s got. BiB explains that it’s a game, and he’ll teach Jacob how to play if he promises not to tell mother.

This is an ancient Egyptian game called Senet – one of the oldest boardgames in the world. This is probably the coolest bit of research that the Lost team has turned up, and we’ll go over the finer points later, in analysis.

Back in the caves, mother is weaving. Mother questions Jacob about his brother, and Jacob pulls a George Washington, unable to lie about his brother and the game.

Mother heads down to the beach and finds BiB thinking deep thoughts. BiB knows that Jacob blabbed, and mother says that Jacob is incapable of lying, unlike BiB. The boy wants to know what he’s like, and mother explains that he’s – special. The boy wants to keep the game and mother allows it, saying she left it for him. He assumed it was from somewhere else, like across the sea. Mother explains that there’s nothing across the sea – there’s only the Island.

Later, in the Jungle of Mystery, the brothers are chasing boar when the boar is suddenly speared. The boys hide in the bushes and witness some Others field dressing the boar. These Others aren’t capri-loving, nor are they jungle hippies – these Others are dressed in field leather and brandish swords.

The brothers run back to mommy and tell her about the bad men. She tells them that they are not like them, and don’t belong on the Island. And then she decides that it’s a good time to blindfold the boys and take them on a nature hike through the same jungle wherein they said they had just seen sword-brandishing goons. Doesn’t seem like the brightest idea, but whatever mother wants, mother gets.

As the boys walk blindly through the jungle with their mother, they all chit chat. Mother tells them that the men they saw are dangerous because “they come, they fight, they destroy, they corrupt and it always ends the same.” BiB, wise beyond his years, deducts that if they are people and the Others are people, and the Others can hurt each other, then that means Jacob and BiB can hurt each other. Mother stops them, removes their blindfold and tells them both that she’s made it so that neither boy can ever hurt the other. Then she spins them ’round and let’s them take a gander at the heart of the Island – a cave at the end of the creek with insides that sparkle and glimmer like gold.

That’s right folks, now you know what’s at the heart of the Island – Marcellus Wallace’s soul.

Mother explains that this place is the reason they’re on the Island, and the boys can never go in there. Mother tells the boys that inside is light – the warmest, brightest light that they have ever seen or felt. A little bit of that same light is inside every man, and they always want more. She warns that if they take a lot of it, that light could go out – and if that light goes out here, it goes out everywhere. So basically it’s the fuse box for Earth.

Mother tells the boys that she has protected this place for a long time, but that she can’t protect it forever and that one of them will have to take over for her someday.

Sometime later, the boys are playing Senet. Jacob tries to make a move, but BiB informs Jacob that it’s against the rules. Jacob says that BiB made up the rules, to which BiB says that some day Jacob can make his own game of Calvinball and can make up whatever rules he wants. BiB then sees the ghost of his dead mother. We know he knows, because that’s what she tells him. He tells Jacob he’s going off on walkabout, and chases after her.

Ghost Claudia takes BiB on a little tour of the human settlement, and informs him that he and his brother are from those people and that those people came from across the sea. She also fills in BiB on the little bit of homicide that his current “mother” engaged in when she bashed Claudia’s pretty face right after they were born. Naturally, this does not sit well with little Blackie.

For the sake of my over-attentive mind, I’m going to pretend that I didn’t just see a ghost brush a piece of grass aside because it was ruining her take.

BiB returns to the caves and gathers Jacob, ushering him into the jungle and telling him the truth about their “mother” and the Others on the Island. Jacob gets a little upset and beats the stuffing out of little brother. Mother shows up and drags them apart. BiB informs his adoptive mother that he knows the truth about everything, and that he’s going to go live with the Others. Mother tells him it’s useless, because he can never leave the Island. The boy vows to someday prove her wrong.

At dawn, mother is sitting on the thinking log on the beach. Jacob joins her and asks for the truth. She tells him that she killed his mother, and did so because she would have taken Jacob back to the Others, and those people are bad. She wanted Jacob to remain good, to which Jacob asks if he truly is good. Of course, says his mother. Then why do you love him more than me? asks Jacob. Mother can’t really deny the truth in that, but tells Jacob that she loves him in different ways. Wow, that’s certainly something you wanna hear from dear old Mom. She asks Jacob to stay and he reluctantly agrees.

Thirty years later, BiB is now MiB and lives and works among “his people.” Jacob visits his brother and the two play a game of Senet while discussing the selfishness and evil that men do. Jacob thinks that men might not be all that bad, but MiB says that they are exactly what their “mother” said they were. He continues living with them, however, because they’re a means to an end – and he’s leaving, having found a way off the Island. Jacob balks at that idea, but MiB takes out his knife and hurls it forward until it sticks magnetically to the side of a stone well.

Look familiar? Yep, it’s the same knife that Dogen gave to Sayid many, many years later when he sent the Iraqi to assassinate MiB.

Jacob is amazed and MiB tells him that there are smart men amongst his people, curious men, and they like digging holes. Whenever they find a spot on the Island where metal behaves strangely, they dig down deep. Here at this site, they finally found something. MiB asks Jacob to come with him, but Jacob becomes petulant and refuses to leave his home.

Jacob returns to the caves where mother is preparing yarn for to weave. Jacob tells her that his brother has found a way off the Island. Mother is very displeased. She heads out into the jungle and over to the well, where the Others are grabbing their lunch pails and heading home for a brewski.

Deep down in the well, MiB is working a coal pit. He senses someone behind him and turns suddenly, pulling his knife. It’s mother. She asks to join him and he acquiesces. She’s worried, and MiB says that she should be – he’s searched the Island for 30 years for that golden cave she took them to when he was young, all in vain, until now when he realized he might be able to reach that place another way. And so he dug. And he found. And he says that he and some of the Others have some very interesting ideas about what to do with what they’ve found. Mother is agitated, saying he has no idea what he’s doing. MiB retorts that he doesn’t know, because she wouldn’t tell him.

He walks over to the stone wall and pries loose a stone. A shaft of bright, golden light pours through and illuminates what appears to be half of the great wheel that Ben and Locke turned to move and halt the Island. Mother is curious, so MiB enlightens her that he’s going to make a hole in the wall, stick that wheel in it, and attach it to a system that channels the water and the light so that he can finally leave the Island. Okay, then. Whatever, dude.

I would recommend rack and pinion steering, because the Island is going to be hard as hell to drive with that thing.

Mother asks what we’re all thinking and wonders how he knows all this. MiB reminds her that he’s “special.” She begs him to stay, but MiB says he doesn’t belong here. She says her goodbyes and hugs him tight – then screams and throws him up against the wall, bashing his head. Man, this Island sure can mess with some women’s heads.

Mother returns to the caves and gathers Jacob, taking him back to the cave of light. She says that it’s his turn to protect it, and tells him that it’s the source, the heart of the Island. Jacob has to to promise her that he’ll never, ever go down there, though, because down there lies a fate worse than death. I don’t know about Jacob, but that I believe that line would definitely keep me topside. She breaks out the old wine bottle that MiB would smash in agitation later, says some mumbo jumbo and pours Jacob a tall one. She explains that to drink of this would represent his commitment to protect the heart and he would guard it until he had to find his replacement. Jacob argues with her for a bit like a brooding child, telling her that she wanted his brother to guard the place. She tells Jacob that it was always supposed to be him as guardian, and that he really doesn’t have a choice, so he should shut his piehole and drink the damn wine. Relunctantly, he does. “Now,” his mother says, “you and I are the same.” Hoo boy.

Over at the well, it’s morning, and MiB is topside, lying on the ground. He awakens and finds that the the well has been filled in. Overnight.

Man, that woman was busy.

He glances toward the horizon, seeing smoke, and runs to his peoples’ encampment. It’s in cinders, and Aunt Beru and Uncle Lars are all crispy, too. The only thing left is his charred copy of Senet, which he grabs and then proceeds to get a bit angsty.

Out in the jungle, Jacob and his mother are walking back home. Storm’s a-coming, remarks Jacob. Mother sends him off to fetch firewood, telling him to be careful. He says he’ll see her back home and she turns, a grim look on her face, and heads back to the caves.

Once there, she finds the place in shambles. The loom has been smashed. She notices the Senet game box on the ground and kneels, examining it. The storage drawer slides open and she finds two stones inside – one white and one black. She lifts and examines the black stone. Her examination is cut a bit short, however, when she suddenly finds a knife shoved through abdomen.

That’ll ruin your day, every time.

Mother collapses to the floor. MiB, distraught by his actions, asks his mother why she wouldn’t let him leave. Because she loves him, she says. She also thanks her son, and then ceremoniously kicks the bucket. MiB mourns. It’s all cut a bit short, however, when Jacob shows up and beats the snot out of his brother like he did when they were kids.

Not satisfied with kicking his brother’s ass, Jacob drags his bro out into the Jungle of Mystery and over to the Heart of the Island. MiB struggles a bit, telling Jacob that she burned them all and that Jacob can’t kill him – mother made it that way. Jacob tells him to stop squirming, because he’s not gonna kill his brother. Oh, no, he has better plans than that.

Jacob throws his brother into the creek at the mouth of the cave of light. MiB is shocked that mother showed Jacob the entrance, but Jacob explains that it’s his turn to be guardian. He grabs his brother and tells him that if he’s so determined to see the light and escape the Island, that he should just go. He then flings MiB toward the entrance, where he bashes his head against a rock. His body is caught in the current and he’s washed inside and sucked down, down, down to the heart of the Island.

As Joel Murphy so eloquently put it: “This week’s episode taught me one very important lesson – avoid golden showers”

Everything gets very, very silent in the jungle, and Jacob starts to wonder exactly what he’s just done. He soon finds out, as the light in the cave dims, that familiar crickety sound starts up, and a huge column of black smoke comes rumbling out. Jacob is knocked off his feet, and he watches helplessly as the smoke tears ass off into the jungle.

I can safely say that no one who had just done what Jacob did would expect that kind of result from tossing a body down a golden waterfall.

Jacob wanders further upstream after the smoke incident and finds his brother’s bashed and bloodied body draped over a rock. He hugs his brother and boo hoos a bit.

Back at the caves, he lays his brother’s body down into an alcove, and walks over to his mother’s body. He bends down, picking up the Senet stones, and places them in a leather pouch. We’re treated to a brief montage of a noticeably younger Jack and Kate when they first found the caves and the pouch with the stones way back in “House of the Rising Sun.” Jacob lays his mother’s body next to his brother’s, and places the Senet stone pouch in his brother’s hand. We flash back to Locke who christens the bodies in the cave as their “very own Adam and Eve.” Another mystery solved. Yay.

It’s been a game, even since the very beginning. Only this time around, the brothers are using much bigger pieces.

Jacob sheds a few final tears and then tells his brother goodbye.

Cue the THONK!

Well, alright then. With only three episodes left, we’re treated to an episode devoted entirely to two characters we had never seen before last season’s finale. We learn that Ol’ Smokey was either created or awakened when Jacob’s brother was thrown down the gullet of the Island’s heart of gold. And we now know that Claire and Rousseau are simply two in a long line of crazy-ass Island women.

I’m going to spare the long-winded criticisms this week because it tends to agitate some people. I thought, overall, the episode was slow and deliberate, like watching a sea turtle give birth, much like BiB did early in the episode on the beach. There were some decent twisty moments here and there, and the acting was up to snuff, but the sudden introduction of someone as recognizable as Allison Janney was a big jolt. Don’t get me wrong, I love the woman, but that kind of casting just throws you for a complete loop. You have total unknowns playing Jacob and MiB and then out of nowhere pops … Loretta from Drop Dead Gorgeous? I half expected her to have a beer in her hand. (By the way, if you haven’t seen Drop Dead Gorgeous, I highly recommend it. One of the funniest movies of the last 15 years.)

Everyone’s going to have an opinion on the secrets revealed here, and it’s impossible that the Lost team is going to please every single viewer, especially as the finale grows near and we all get a bit grumpy that the fun is coming to an end. I will say, in closing, that although it was nice to get some background on Jacob and his twin brother, the whole “demi-god” arc continues to bug me. As I mentioned in last season’s finale, for the longest time Lost stayed true to its roots, focusing on its central characters, almost to a fault. By throwing two very important characters into the mix so late in the game, we’re forced to care and want to know more about them simply because of the time constraint placed on us; it’s not dictated by story that can play out over a series. We’ve seen Jack go from being on top to the very lowest, bearded bottom and climb back up again, but the same is not true of Jacob or his brother. Yes, we’ve heard Jacob’s name mentioned for four seasons now, but it’s not until just this moment that we learned why we should even truly care.

As disappointed as I was by much of what went on this week, this episode was important in that it finally brought everything back to the Lost roots – bringing the human drama to the fore, ever above even the most fantastical elements. This is why I can still say I’m fully on board for the finale – when I can watch the Island swallow up a guy and burp out a column of black smoke and still care about what happens next because of the characters.

With that bit of business out of the way, let’s talk about a few things. Honestly, there’s not a whole lot to get into, but I do have some clarifications, some confusion and a whole lot of questions.

BEWARE OF DOG
As I saw the “origin” of Ol’ Smokey unfold this week, I couldn’t help but go back and think of everything we’ve seen and heard of the smoke monster since the very beginning. In many of the Dharma files, the smoke monster is referred to as Cerberus, the mythical three-headed dog that guards the gates of hell. Rousseau refers to smokey as a “security system.” Jacob thought that he was protector of the Island, but could Cerberus exist to be the ultimate protector of the Island? The entity that exited the cave of light could be just as Rousseau described – a security system. It’s normal function is to embody the protector and guard the heart of the Island. However, because it absorbed the persona of “Esau,” it also, over time, took on his dark personality traits, wanting to get off the Island.

We’ve seen now that Smokey has absorbed and exhibited many of the stronger personality traits of those people whom he has embodied. Since he has embodied the dark twin (Bad Twin?) for the longest time, those personality traits – his “special” abilities, his sense of entrapment and subsequent obsession with getting off the Island – are deeply rooted. Over time, instead of protecting the Island, it only sought to escape the Island, and realized that the only way it could get off the Island is if it managed to break the rules and kill off Jacob and all the candidates. It would free the cycle and enable it to get loose.

Maybe. Or maybe it really is simply evil and wants to escape and wreak havoc on the planet. Yeah, I said planet. You don’t think that thing is actually from around these parts, do you?

SPEAKING OF SERVICE ANIMALS
How did mother fill in the well over night? And destroy all those people? Was she a smoke monster, or did she summon Cerberus to come and do her dirty work, like Ben did to take care of Keamy and his goons in season four?

Also, who finished installing the Wheel? It’s long been built by the time Ben uses it to move the Island at the end of season four. We see the Dharma Initiative building the basement of The Orchid around the great wheel in the opening of season five, but did they complete the work? How would they know the plans that MiB had in his head in order to tap into the Island’s power source? Perhaps Ol’ Smokey, infused with the soul and essence of MiB, became so obsessed with getting off the Island that he continued his work and dug the well again. It’s the only thing that seems to make sense since we see the finished well in “This Place is Death” when Locke lowers himself into the well just before another time flash sends them all forward in time to when the well was filled in, yet the chamber and wheel were intact.

Perhaps MiB manipulated more of the people that inhabited the Island over time, “guiding” these Others as he did the modern Others in building and taking care of things for him. He could have appeared to the leader of some Others trapped on the Island and gotten the people to excavate the well and install the wheel. Still, if it was installed way back when, why wouldn’t MiB have had it turned before he convinced Ben to do so? Was it all in the timing, somehow?

Also, in this episode when mother discovers the wheel, it’s only half-finished. I’m pretty sure that the original prop used in the chamber is only half a wheel, as well, meaning the production team didn’t feel like building a complete wheel.

And while I’m asking questions here, why was it so cold down in the wheel chamber when Ben used the wheel, but there doesn’t seem to be the same level of cold when Locke uses the wheel, or while MiB is building it? Granted, MiB had a roaring coal fire going to keep him warm, but there was no sign of a frigid climate.

DON’T HATE THE PLAYER, HATE THE GAME
If there was one detail about this episode that I really did like, it was the backstory of the game between light and dark that the boys have been playing against each other since the day that BiB found the Senet box on the beach. The theme and symbology harkens back to early season one when Locke teaches Walt the rules and history of Backgammon, a game which is a direct descendant of Senet.

In this screen shot, they’ve finally gotten the rules down pat. Earlier, when the boys started playing, they were all over the grid. I get the feeling that the cast might have actually played a few rounds of Senet between takes.

For those not familiar with Senet, it is widely considered the oldest known board game in history. Typically, the pieces are represented by two sets of shapes, usually three pyramids or cones, and three circles or cylinders. In the Lost version of Senet, the shapes are replaced by light and dark stones, but that’s cool. The “official” rules of Senet are lost to the sands of time, but scholars have recreated the rules as best they could from clues and artifacts discovered throughout the years. The object of the game is to move your pieces from the home row, snaking them around the grid on the board, until they exit the board at the end of the grid. The movement of the pieces is determined by throwing sticks or rocks – one side is light, the other dark, with the light side representing a single number. Players can jump over other pieces, and if your piece lands on a square occupied by an opponent’s piece, you may remove that piece from the board, sending it back “home,” much like the now-familiar board game Sorry. The first person to successfully move all of his pieces off the board by exiting the grid wins the game. There are variants, of course. Although rudimentary, the game is actually quite fun, and custom Senet sets are still made and sold today.

You can even play a simple version online. Check it out.

On a deeper, and very Lost-related note, the game became a symbol of protection from beyond in Egyptian culture. Since it involved a bit of luck, it was believed that a good player was favored by the gods, and some people were buried with Senet sets to protect them in their journey through the afterlife. I suppose it could also be used to help them pass the time. Interestingly enough, Jacob thought to lay his brother to rest with pieces from his beloved Senet set, just as the ancient Egyptians once did.

THE RANDOM BITS
The Others have always been MiB’s “people” and he’s been seemingly guiding them from the beginning, whether in Jacob’s name or his own. It’s still a bit confusing as to who has been telling which group of people what they should do, and who they should follow. A lot of the modern Others’ actions make sense in the context of what Jacob would want in protecting the Island, but many of the actions by the Others as led by Ben seem far more nefarious.

Some of the flowers around the cave of light – they’re anthuriums. You know, just in case anyone out there is keeping score.

Allison Janney, when questioned by Claudia: “Every question I answer will simply lead to another question.” Sister, ain’t that the truth. If anyone wants to know the secret of the Island, there’s your simple answer.

How can MIB just “know” how things work? Does he have extrasensory perception? Perhaps he has interdimensional perception, like Desmond. This would explain not only his knowledge of Senet and the building of the great wheel, but also his knowledge of how things might change if variables are shifted, such as the deaths of the candidates.

So … Ben. Ben was supposedly following orders from Jacob, but it’s unclear if he actually was now. Way back in season three when Locke is first taken to the cabin, Locke hears “Jacob” but Ben is stunned because he can’t see or hear him. What’s up with that? That’s indicative of the “undead” not MIB or Jacob. Any time that MiB has wanted to speak to someone, he takes on someone else’s form. Yet when Ben and Locke first visit Jacob’s cabin, there seems to be no corporeal form. Of course, later Christian Shephard shows up and it’s probably MiB in full effect.

So what’s the deal with the heart of the Island in LA X? it would be underwater at this point, as would Ol’ Smokey. Does that mean he’s dead in LA X? Mother told them that if the light goes out there, then the light goes out everywhere. If that’s the case, is the light still burning bright underwater in LA X? Could that come into play, somehow in the finale?

Maybe it’s just me, but I’m always a little annoyed when someone gives birth on a TV show and they don’t take the basketball out from underneath the lady’s dress. Claudia just gave birth to twins, and in the background her stomach is still just as big as when she went into labor. I don’t know, that lack of detail just bugs me.

So what IS Ol’ Smokey, anyway? Since Jacob found his brother’s body after Cerberus exited the golden vent, Smokey is not totally MiB. Perhaps smokey is the embodiment of MiB’s soul, given form – strange as it may seem – by the heart and source of the Island. Perhaps smokey is part of an alien race of some sort, long laying dormant until it’s able to graft itself to a life essence that’s sent down into its hibernation chamber. Or perhaps the smoke monster is an interdimensional being, trapped in the vortex that summons others and holds the inhabitants in its grasp. Whatever the case, the options for the true purpose or origins of the Island are mind-boggling: an interdimensional gateway, a crashed alien ship, an ancient interdimensional device that was piloted by a race of smokey monsters, a gateway to heaven or hell or a prison.

And that about wraps it up for this week. Only one more episode before the huge, mega-spectacular Lost finale event we’ve all been waiting for and dreading. There’s still some time left to sort things through and ponder before then, so put on your thinking caps and as always, if you have an epiphany, tell me something good.

Namaste.

Chris Kirkman is a graphic designer/photographer/journalist/geek extraordinaire with way too many Bruce Campbell movies in his library. Michael Emerson, Lost’s Benjamin Linus, called Kirkman’s recaps “one of the smartest articles I’ve ever read about what goes on on our show.” Kirkman is still hoping that Lost will end when Bob Newhart wakes up next to Suzanne Pleshette, complaining of a strange, strange dream. You can contact him at ckirkman@hobotrashcan.com.

Chris Kirkman

“The Candidate” Recap and Analysis …

Previously, on Lost: I have no idea, because Christian Shephard didn’t say those magical words and fill me in. It’s okay, though, I’ve been paying attention. Mostly.

This week, on Lost: Everybody dies. Well, not everybody. I’m sorry, I’m getting ahead of myself. Oh, and did I give something away? Well, if you haven’t seen the episode yet, why are you reading? You can’t blame me for that.

Anyway, before we can get on with the death and dismemberment, we have to start with an eye – Locke’s to be exact. AlternaLocke, to be even more exact. We’re in LA X, and AlternaJack is there, waking Locke up and making sure he’s okay. Jack tells Locke that he got mangled by a rented sedan and that his dural sac was all shot to shit, but Jack rooted around in there and now Locke is all better. Jack says that while he was taking a peek under the hood, he saw the damage that had been done to Locke before and wants to know how it all happened. Locke asks why, and Jack explains that Locke is a candidate – a candidate for a new experimental surgery that could restore feeling to Locke’s lower extremities. Hell, Locke might even be able to walk again, all without the aid of the Island.

Locke says thanks, but no thanks, and ends the subject as Helen comes in and gives Jack a kiss of thanks. Despite the kiss from Peg Bundy, when someone tells Jack no, he’s not liable to take that as an answer, and so he begins his episode-long descent into Mr. Fixit mode – all while Jack on Island Prime decides to take the alternate route and actually become patient, confident and likable. We’ll get to all that. First, let’s finish what we started talking about in LA X.

Meanwhile, in LA X … I’ll bet you didn’t see this shot in the episode. That’s because it’s from this week’s Modern Family, which even has a Lost reference. Not watching this show? Shame on you, because it is to comedy what Lost is to time-traveling, mythic melodrama.

AlternaJack is seeking answers and, like any classic detective, his first stop is … the dentist? Well, Jackie boy has found some medical records that state that Locke had some emergency dental work done after his crippling accident. So, he tracks down the dentist. Turns out, it’s Bernard. After some brief chit-chat, Jack finds out that Bernard was on Oceanic 815, and Jack was seated right next to him. Bernard even says that Jack was flirting with his wife, Rose. Jack is flabbergasted. Bernard, however, does not seem surprised at the connection.

This is Bernard not being surprised at the connection.

Jack presses Bernard for the 411 on Locke’s malady, but Bernard can only reveal so much. Dentist-client confidentiality, don’t you know. Bernard does tell Jack that another man was treated with Locke after the accident, and he gives Jack a name – Anthony Cooper. “You remember all that?” asks Jack. “Of course I do,” says Bernard, impishly.

Jack follows the name Anthony Cooper to a nursing home, where he’s stymied by an admitting orderly who asks if Jack is family. No, he’s not, but luckily Helen – who just happens to walk in with a lovely potted plant (anthuriums, maybe?) – is, by proxy. It doesn’t take long for sharp-witted Helen to realize what Jack is up to, and she is reticent to allow him to see Anthony Cooper. Helen tells Jack that he saved John’s life, and wonders why that can’t be enough. Our ever-stubborn Jack tells Helen that it simply isn’t enough. Save your breath, Helen, the guy is like a dog with a bone.

Helen reluctantly agrees to let Jack see Anthony, who is now wizened, gray-haired, catatonic and confined to a wheelchair. Helen wipes Anthony’s mouth and introduces Jack to him, explaining that old man Cooper is Locke’s daddy.

Turns out some old bastards get a fickle fate no matter what timeline they inhabit.

Back at the hospital, Jack is visiting Locke, still confined to bed. Jack asks if John is awake, but Locke simply mutters in his sleep, apparently dreaming. “Push the button. I wish you had believed me.” I believe we all know what he’s dreaming about. Jack gets a very puzzled look on his face, just as he notices Claire out in the hallway, looking for the good doctor. Claire has a box tucked under her arm and asks if they can talk.

Jack buys an Apollo bar from the vending machine – the same one from which Jack gets the Apollo bar when Jacob first enters his life over in the Island Prime timeline – and the two settle in to talk. Claire opens her special package and pulls out an ornate box, asking Jack if he knows why their father wanted her to have it. Jack is clueless, admitting that he didn’t even know about Claire.

You can get those at the mall. They’re from Italy. I wonder if Claire has looked on the bottom for an inscription.

Claire asks Jack to share how their father died, and Jack tells her that he drank himself to death and was found in a gutter outside a bar in Sydney. Jack brought Christian’s body back, but the airline lost it. Lo and behold, Claire had just flown in from Sydney recently, too. Oceanic 815? asks Jack. Claire affirms and they both have a little Matrix-y, deja vu moment.

Jack sidles in next to Claire and the two take a look at the box together, flipping open the lid and staring at each others’ reversed images, through the looking glass.

It’s a music box. The tune inside? “Catch a Falling Star,” of course. Definitely creepy cool.

Jack makes an offer for Claire to stay with him at his house. Claire declines, saying that they’re strangers. No, says Jack, they’re not strangers. They’re family. They have a little brother-sis moment. Awww.

Later, Locke is being released from the hospital. The orderly wheels him down the hall, past Jin, who has a hand full of yellow flowers, apparently on his way to see his beloved Sun, recuperating from her gunshot wound. Locke takes over the wheeling duties and runs into Jack on his way out. Jack wanted to say goodbye, and Locke thanks the doc for fixing him up. Jack quickly admits that he went to see Locke’s poppa, and Locke isn’t too pleased with that. Jack just wanted to understand … and Locke sets the record straight real quick.

You see, Locke was in a plane crash. Not a big ol’ jetliner, but a small plane, that John was piloting. He begged his dad to be his wingman for the day – that, despite his father’s fears, he could trust John – but the two barely got off the ground before ditching into the tarmac. John doesn’t remember what went wrong, and the consequences where his crushed spine and his father’s catatonic state. It was all Locke’s fault.

Jack recounts his moments at the airport baggage claim when he had lost his father, and John had told him that Jack’s father was gone. That hurt Jack, but he needed to hear it. “Your father’s gone, too, Mr. Locke,” says Jack. Locke refuses to admit the truth, but Jack explains that Anthony Cooper is gone and that Locke can continue to punish himself for as long as he wants, but it won’t bring his father back. “What happened, happened,” says Jack. “And you can let it go.”

Locke wants to know what makes Jack think that letting go is so easy. Jack responds that it’s not, and that he was hoping that maybe Locke could go first. The thought makes Locke laugh a bit, and then he bids Jack farewell, rolling himself down the hospital hallway.

As John wheels away, Jack calls out after him. “I can help you, John. I wish you believed me.” Locke pauses, a strange look crossing his face, as if he suddenly remembered this phrase from before. After a long moment of contemplation, Locke grabs the wheels of his chair once more and rolls off in silence.

Back on Island Prime, Jack wakes up in an outrigger. Sayid is there, and welcomes him to Hydra Island.

A little ways away, at the Hydra station, Sawyer, Hurley, Sun, Jin, Kate, Claire and Lapidus are led to the old polar bear cages by gun-wielding members of Widmore’s Geek Squad. The sonic fence pylons have been moved and are now scattered about the compound. Sawyer balks at the thought of spending another moment inside the bear cages and strips Seamus of his rifle, threatening the Geek he christens “doughboy.” A shot soon rings out, and Widmore is there, telling Sawyer to drop the gun. His leverage? You’ll never guess.

This would be hostage/kidnapping situation #28 for Freckles. Seriously, just rename her the freaking Human Shield.

Sawyer thinks that Chuck is bluffing, but Widmore tells James that he has a list of names, and Kate is not on that list, making her expendable. Sawyer can’t argue with that logic, and gives up his gun. The group is soon ushered into the bear cages. Chuck tells Sawyer that he may not believe it, but he’s doing this for their own good. Sawyer tells Chuck that he’s right – he doesn’t believe it.

Widmore asks if the fence is live, but he doesn’t get good news – it won’t be live for another hour. Chuck makes it clear that is unacceptable because “he’s coming.” This could get ugly.

Back on the beach, Jack is rubbing his aching head and Sayid informs him that Locke saved his ass. He also explains that everyone else following Locke has hightailed it into the Jungle of Mystery and it’s just them three. Jack is confused and wants to know why he was brought to Hydra Island, and, as if on cue, Locke/MIB comes out of the brush to inform Jack of his comrades’ recent capture. Ol’ Smokey is going to help Jack get them out. Jack says okie doke, but he wants to get one thing straight: those people are not his people, and he’s not leaving the Island. MIB is kinda hoping Jack might have a change of heart about that.

At the bear cages, Sawyer is pacing, commenting to Kate that it seems like they’re going in circles. Nice reference, grifter. Kate thinks that Widmore was bluffing about the whole killing thing, but Sawyer sets the record straight. He says that back at the cave that Ol’ Smokey took him to, there was a slew of names up on the walls. Her name was there, but it was scratched out, signifying that Freckles could be toast whenever it’s convenient and the Island won’t have her back. This also confirms two things: one, that Kate’s name really was on the cave wall even though we didn’t see it, and two, the producers probably got tired of everyone speculating why her name was only in the Lighthouse. The answer, of course, was bad editing. Mystery solved.

Over in a secluded corner of the caves, Sun and Jin are catching up on three years of being apart. Jin says he’s seen the pictures of their beautiful little girl, and Sun reveals that she still has Jin’s ring after all this time. She places it on his hand, and they smile, full of love.

It’s a beautiful moment, really. Maybe too beautiful, since the Island has a cruel fate in store.

Speaking of cruel, all the power suddenly goes out. “Uh oh,” says Lapidus. And how, says I. The Geek Squad start freaking out, and the battle horn of Ol’ Smokey echoes through the jungle. “And, we’re dead,” mutters Hurley. Oh, it’s about to get interesting.

The crackling crickets of doom and that delightfully horrific rattling sound starts up, and soon Ol’ Smokey is headed out in full force. Seamus pops a few rounds into it, as if that’ll do any good, but he’s soon scooped up in a smokey tentacle and bashed against the side of the bear cages. Cerberus goes off to wreak havoc elsewhere in the compound, and Kate looks down to see Seamus’s keys. She reaches for them. Lapidus isn’t waiting around, and starts trying to kick the iron gate down. It won’t budge, but that’s okay because Jack is soon there, grabs the keys and sets them free. Kate wonders what he’s doing there, and Jack motions over into the chaotic bush, telling her that he’s with him. They get the heck out of Dodge.

Dawn has broken on the Island and the remaining survivors are marching their way toward the Ajira plane. Kate thinks that Jack has had a change of heart about coming with them, but he sets her straight, saying that he’s not meant to leave the Island. Someone rustles in the brush, and they all draw guns on Sayid. Jack tells them that it’s okay, the Iraqi is cool. They head out, once again.

Meanwhile, over at the Ajira plane, MIB has gotten a headstart on the group. There are a couple of men with rifles guarding the tiny landing strip, but MIB quickly dispatches both of them, snapping a neck and blowing the other away with a rifle. MIB pauses over one of the newly-dead bodies and spies a particularly fetching digital watch on a wrist. He likes what he sees, and pries it loose, then heads up the amazingly well-built bamboo boarding ramp and into the plane.

Does this strike anyone as being an overly-elaborate bamboo construct, or is it just me?

Once inside, MIB spies a particularly suspicious patch of cable coming out from one of the overhead compartments. He pops the top and pulls out something no doubt nefarious, wrapped in a black cloth.

Lapidus leads the gang out into the clearing where the Ajira plane rests, and heads toward it, wondering what it’ll take to get that baby to fly. Upon closer inspection, Sawyer spies an ex-Geek laying dead on the ground. He declares this an official “son of a bitch”-level situation. Sayid inspects another body, confirming that his neck’s been broken. MIB emerges from the fuselage and confirms that he was the neck-snapper, but if it makes everybody feel better, it was only a foregone conclusion that those dudes would die. MIB explains that Widmore only posted two guys by the plane for show, because he wanted them all to get on the plane, so they’d all be together so that Chuck could kill them.

“With what?” demands Sawyer. MIB takes off his pack and produces a big ol’ block of C4. He proceeds to explain how he found it, wired to the electrical system of the plane. Had they turned on the big bird, then, well, boom. The suckers, I mean survivors, just eat it up without a shred of evidence, which leaves me scratching my head.

Jin wants to know the new plan, and MIB says that they can’t be sure the plane’s not still loaded for bear. So … if they want to leave the Island, they’re gonna have to do it on the sub. Sawyer’s down with this plan, stating that’s been his main plan all along. Hurley objects, saying that MIB isn’t supposed to leave the Island because Richard said so. Sawyer says to forget Alpert, and tells MIB that he was wrong about the old smoke monster because he had saved their asses twice. Somewhere underneath that little fib lies a plan, methinks.

They saddle up and move out. Claire sheepishly trots up to MIB and says that she’s sorry. He smiles and pats her crazy, matted blonde head, telling her it’s okay, he understands.

“So you went a little crazy, so what? It happens to the best of us.”

Back at the end of the line, Sawyer once again calls on Jack to help him carry out a sneaky plan. When they get to the sub dock, he needs Jack to keep MIB from getting on the sub, and since Jack is staying behind, he might as well pitch in. Jack wants to know how in the hell he’s supposed to keep a murderous smoke monster at bay, and Sawyer tells him that he just needs to get it in the water, and that James will take care of the rest. Oh, cool, knock it in the water. Solid. Wait, what???

At the sub dock, the group crouch behind some low-lying shrubbery. Sawyer starts barking marching orders, like he’s ordering up a tactical strike in Halo. It’s kind of a new thing for James, and it seems as if he’s suddenly had some sort of combat or urban assault training; as if, somehow, he may have had police training. I mean, other than that three-year stint as LaFleur, guarding hippies. Anyway, he organizes his makeshift squad into teams, leaving Jack and MIB to take up the rear, and then heads out of the brush to storm the docks hard with the A-Team.

Do you see what I see? Yep, Jack’s got plumber butt.

Sawyer leads the first charge to the sub, with Sun, Jin, Lapidus and Hurley. That’s one hell of an A-Team. They make it past the empty docks no problem, and pop the hatch, disappearing inside, one by one. Sawyer and Lapidus storm the bridge and make short work of the navigator and captain. Lapidus takes over guarding the captain, and Sawyer heads back to see how the B-Team are doing.

In the brush, Kate gives the others the signal to head toward the sub. Oh, lord, I would not want to be on that team, let me tell you. MIB grabs his and Jack’s pack, and hands it to the good doctor. Jack, watching Kate and the surroundings, slings his pack and then sets out, taking up the rear. Kate, Sayid and Claire have a clear line to the sub and take it, while Jack and MIB hang back and have a little talk as they stroll leisurely along the docks. MIB tells Jack that he really, really needs to reconsider going with them and that whomever told Jack that he needed to stay was sorely mistaken.

Jack pauses and tells MIB that John Locke told him he needed to stay. And then, he proceeds to enact Sawyer’s master plan and pushes MIB into the water. Claire is flabbergasted. So am I.

I half expected him to come up, screaming “I’m melting! I’m melting!”

So is Kate, who soon asks Jack what happened. She’s rudely interrupted by a pesky bullet to the chest. Down goes Freckles.

I hate it for you, darlin’, but if you find yourself at the business end of a gun 28 times, sooner or later your luck is going to run out.

This is about the time when all hell breaks loose. There are guys all over the treeline, and Jack, Sayid and Claire open fire. Jack empties a gun and a pistol, never once taking cover like he’s in some damn western – or as if he somehow knew he wouldn’t be shot – and then scoops up Kate, heading toward the sub. Sayid heads that way himself, urging Claire to follow suit. They lower Kate down the hatch.

Meanwhile, MIB has slowly extricated himself from the devilish water trap and is royally pissed. He takes out his pistol and marches up the dock, taking out Widmore’s men methodically, and with gusto. Down below, Jack carries Kate further into the sub and orders Hurley to find a first aid kit. Sayid tells Sawyer that Claire is still above, so he heads up and out the hatch to see what’s going on. Claire is busy returning fire, and Sawyer calls to her. MIB hears the commotion and turns around, shouting for James and turning around to run back down the dock for the sub. Sawyer takes advantage of the opportunity and slams the hatch shut, climbing down below and ordering Lapidus to get the captain to dive, dive dive!

Out on the dock, Claire sees the sub leaving and runs after it. MIB catches her and holds her back, comforting her. Claire is very, very upset that they’re leaving them behind, but MIB tells her to trust him – she does not want to be on that sub. And, with a very mischievous grin, we all get just a wee bit scared for our new submariners.

On the sub, Kate’s in bad shape, and Hurley can’t find a first aid kit. Kate yells for Claire, but sorry Freckles – Aaron’s momma has been left behind. Jack asks for his pack to get a shirt to apply pressure, and Jin hands it over. The doc reaches in and pulls out an ominous, beeping package. It’s not a first aid kit.

Can someone please explain to me how an ancient smoke monster suddenly knows how to wire up a block of C4 to a ten dollar Casio from Walgreen’s?

Jack suggests that they, you know, get to the surface real quick-like and Jin sends the order to the comm. Everybody is a bit confused as to how a bomb got on board – everyone except Jack, who informs them all that Locke had no intention of ever getting on board the sub and that he pretty much just wanted to get everyone into some sort of tin can so he could blow them all to smithereens. Jack wants to know if anyone can tell how that thing works. Three guesses who chimes in. If you said the Iraqi Professor, you win. Sayid deducts that there are two wires that, if pulled out simultaneously, would theoretically render the bomb inert. Sawyer tells him to step aside and gets ready to channel MacGruber.

Jack stops him, though, and tells them all that it’s going to be okay, that Locke can’t kill them. Hurley is understandably confused. Just hold on, big fella, maybe Jack is onto something. Jack speculates that this is what Locke has been trying to do all along – get them all together to die, because Locke can’t leave the Island unless they’re all dead. However, he told Jack that he could kill any of them whenever he wanted but – dig this – maybe he hasn’t because he isn’t allowed to. Whoa, Jack, slow down there. You might actually be thinking for a change. What if, Jack posits, Locke is trying to get them all to kill each other.

Sawyer’s not hearing any of this, and gets ready to pull the wires. He and Jack go back and forth, a near repeat of the classic battle of wills down in the Hatch when Locke wanted to push the button, but Jack thought it was a worthless endeavor. Jack grabs Sawyer’s collar and tells him that they are all going to be okay, but that he’s just going to have to trust Jack. Sawyer thinks for a split second, apologizes, and pulls the wires.

The clock stops. Everyone holds their breath. The sub creaks.

And then, the timer starts again – only this time, it’s very, very fast.

Sayid breaks the silence, telling Jack to listen carefully, and explaining that Desmond is in a well back on the main Island and that MIB wants the Scot dead, which means that he must be extremely important. Jack wonders why Sayid is telling him all this. “Because it’s going to be you, Jack,” says Sayid hurriedly, as he grabs the bomb and runs to the front of the sub, diving through a bulkhead just before going kaboom.

The sub is rocked by the shockwave of the blast, and there’s stuff flying everywhere. Up on the bridge, Lapidus has been knocked to floor, and he slowly gets up, making his way down to the main decks. As he climbs off the ladder, he pauses at a sound to his right, just behind a partially opened hatch. “Oh, hell,” cracks Chesty, just before a pressure explosion sends a bulkhead door upside his head.

Sayonara, Frank. It was swell knowing you.

Back in the aft compartments, water is flooding in by the bucketfuls. Jack gets to his feet and finds Freckles floating face down. He pulls her into his arms and checks on the others. Hurley and Sawyer are okay, and Hurley asks about Sayid. He’s cut off by a scream from the corner. It’s Sun. She’s trapped behind what looks like a very heavy metal chest. Oh crap. I’ve seen enough underwater thrillers to know that this is not good.

This does not make me happy. This is almost as painful as watching Juliet wake up, bloodied, next to Jughead.

Jack puts Kate into Hurley’s arms, hands him an emergency oxygen tank, and tells him he has to get Kate out of there. Hurley says he has to go after Sayid. “There is no Sayid!” screams Jack, in what may be one of the best lines of the season. Jack tells Hurley that he can do this, and Hugo takes Kate and heads toward the blast hole.

Sawyer calls for Jack’s help and he, Jack and Jin manage to pry the heavy chest away from Sun. Oh, thank God. Short-lived elation, however, as we now see that Sun is pinned by even more metal debris. CRAP. A mini-pressure explosion rocks the sub, knocking an overhead fixture loose, which subsequently falls on Sawyer’s hard head. CRAP. Can it get worse?

The answer, of course, is yes. The sub is quickly filling with water, and Sawyer is unconscious. Jin can’t budge the metal pinning Sun, so she urges him to leave her behind and save himself. He refuses. Jack wants to help, but Jin says that he will stay behind to help Sun, and to save Sawyer. Jack reluctantly agrees, but heads over to a wall mount, grabbing the last emergency oxygen tank, offering it to Jin, telling him that he can rescue Sawyer without it. Jin knows that’s not true, and refuses the tank. Jack is torn, knowing that he is leaving them both to certain death if he leaves. Jin finally tells Jack to go, and the good doctor has no other choice. He turns and swims out, through the blast hole, leaving the lovers behind.

The water is up to Sun’s chin now, but still Jin is convinced he can save his wife. Sun begs Jin to save himself, but he refuses, telling her that he won’t leave her. He dives down again, desperately tugging at the metal beams trapping Sun. It’s no use. They won’t budge. Once again Sun begs him to leave, and he pauses, looking around, desperately. He speaks to her in Korean, telling her that he won’t leave … that he will never leave her again.

“I love you, Sun.”

“I love you,” answers Sun, crying and kissing her beloved husband over and over as the water quickly rises to overtake them both.

The sub slowly descends into the darkening depths, the last of the air bubbles trickling from its shattered hull. Inside, the heavy water has filled every recess, and all is still. In the aft compartment we see the two hands of the submerged lovers clasped tightly, holding onto forever as the end nears.

And then … release, hands drifting apart; the Kwons are gone, claimed by the inky blackness of the sea.

We cry.

The beach. Jack climbs from the surf, carrying Sawyer’s limp body. He collapses to the sand, and Sawyer sputters and takes in labored breaths. Hurley trudges over, helping Kate; she keeps telling Jack that she couldn’t find him, and they embrace. Hugo asks about Sawyer and Jack says that he got hit in the head pretty hard, but at least he’s breathing.

“What about Jin and Sun?” asks a concerned Kate. Jack shakes his head. Kate breaks down. Hurley reels from shock, a tear streaming down his face. He’s soon overtaken with sobs.

Jack gets to his feet and walks into the surf, looking up, as if pleading with an unseen force. Soon, Jack lets go and anguish fills his features. He’s soon in tears, as well, and suddenly we’re hit full force with the sadness he must feel, watching all these people he’s known and cared about for so long – these people who have always been considered “his” people – die, one by one, following a path that they have never fully understood.

It’s right about now that I get the sense of something else beneath that surface of anguish – a quiet rage building in Jack. Not the petulant anger that we saw in the Hatch, or in the smashing of the Lighthouse mirrors, but a righteous smoldering, determined and building in intensity. It’s in this moment that I almost feel sorry for the Man in Black, because now that Jack has finally found his way – his destiny with this Island – there will be no more selfish fits where Jack Smash. No, it’s quite clear that right now, when it comes to Jack taking on Locke – it’s clobbering time.

Speaking of the Man in Black, he still stands at the edge of the sub dock, staring into the dark ocean. Claire is still there with him. It sunk, he remarks. Claire is upset; everyone was on that submarine. She wants to know if they’re all dead. Not all of them, says Locke, turning and grabbing his pack and gun. Claire turns to follow, wanting to know where he’s heading.

“To finish what I started,” says the Man in Black, trudging off determinedly into the night, with frustration and a bit of trepidation showing in his furrowed brow.

Bring it on, big man. Bring it on.

Cue the THONK!

For this week’s episode-inspired drink recipe, I’m cheating just a little bit. But it’s my dang column, and I’ll do what I want. After debating over a recipe to honor the loss of everyone’s favorite Asian couple, I just couldn’t settle on anything appropriate. So I dipped into the archive and came up with one from last season (from “Follow the Leader” to be exact) that’s just so good and so classic, that it needs to be repeated. Some call it the depth charge, I call it … THE SUBMARINE Just as there are thousands of sub designs that have been created over the years, there are also many ways to customize your traditional Submarine drink. Below is my favorite configuration, but feel free to substitute your favorite liquor and beer. Shot glass of Jagermeister Pint glass (1/2 to 3/4 full) Bitburger beer (If I want the opposite effect and something meatier, I’ll use Guinness or Boddingtons) Grab the shot glass, position it over the top of the pint glass and, when ready, let go and watch it dive, dive dive! Immediately grab the drink and submerge it in your belly. Come back up for air and repeat until seasick.

Ugh, what a heart-wrenching episode. I knew that there was going to be a lot more death coming as the finale approached, but I didn’t expect it to hit me as hard as in this episode. We lose four this week, and none more heart-breaking than Sun and Jin. I think one of the toughest pills to swallow was the fact that Sun had fought so hard to get back to the Island, and had gone through so much crap once she got there just to get back to the man she loves – including losing her ability to speak properly – and then as soon as she’s reunited, they barely have time to hug and catch up before they end up drowning on a sinking submarine. And, as my girlfriend – who happens to be Asian – so hilariously put it: “Why they gotta be hating on the Asians?”

I really hate to make this comparison, but how many of you out there have seen Serenity? Anyone who knows me knows my utter disdain for what I consider one of the biggest disrespecting of fans that Joss Whedon has ever perpetrated. Of course, I mean when Wash dies. It’s quick, it’s senseless. It hurts. Granted, I did not think that the Kwon’s deaths were that unexpected or nearly that heart-numbingly visceral as Wash’s impaling and the treachery of the Whedon, but I was suddenly taken back and thought I’d mention the comparison.

I will also say this – I loathed watching Juliet die, but I knew it was coming for weeks. I just knew. And, thus, I had the chance to steel myself against the loss. As a fan, it hurt, but I had already resolved the loss. This week, however, even though I had a good idea that the Kwons – at least one of them – might die before the finale, I hadn’t made the same resolution against it as I had for Juliet, and so it struck home much stronger. The emotion of the episode truly affected me. Yes, I’m man enough to admit that I shed a tear – once when Sun and Jin finally let go in that watery tomb, and again when Jack lost it on the beach. It was a testament to the quality of the acting and production of the episode that, despite the sheer insanity and all the chaos going on, it took the time to give pause and provide poignancy and respect to the characters we lost along the crooked path.

Well, almost all the characters.

We also lost Frank Lapidus. Of course, you wouldn’t know that by the actions and reactions of the remaining four who washed up on shore. Not once did any of them think to ask where Lapidus was while they were counting heads on the sub, nor did they think to ask when they had washed up on shore. Hell, Hurley asked if Sayid was okay before he left the sub, and Sayid was in about a billion pieces. Granted, in defense of the production team, the structure of the episode didn’t warrant a whole lot of hand-wringing over Lapidus. We were all supposed to feel the sudden, abrupt loss of Sayid, and mourn the loss of the loving Kwons. Lapidus was, at best, a third-stringer. But the guy has been a fifth wheel for three seasons, now, and has saved the asses of more than a few of the castaways. You’d think they would care what happened to the guy.

Ah, Chesty. As my twitter pal @powlsy commented – it’s like he just wasn’t the same since he lost his beard and mustache from season 4. I agree – it’s almost as if that soup catcher were his source of power. Like Sampson.

But you know what? None of it really matters, in the end. They’re all still alive over in LA X. No matter what happens in the finale, they will all live on in some way or another. Whether the timelines merge and the memories and consciousness of the disparate lives come together, or whether the timeline of Island Prime ceases to exist all-together, the fact that their hearts and souls still exist out there means that all the loss, as painful as it has been, has not been in vain.

So this week’s episode was pretty straightforward – the production team got to blow some crap up again (I swear they must have just had a ton of explosives sitting around and had to write it all into the remaining episodes), and there was lots of shootings and Kate hostage situations and Ol’ Smokey action. As a result, there’s not really a whole of analysis to throw at all of you. I’m no closer to resolving, in my mind, how the two realities will eventually collide or skew further off in the finale. Still, there are a few talking points to bring up. It wouldn’t be an episode of Lost if there wasn’t!

FREAKY FRIDAY
Has anybody noticed how our favorite characters over in LA X are seeming to slowly turn into their counterparts on Island Prime? Jack seems to be the prime example of this. For instance, AlternaJack, who used to be patient and humble, has now started taking on the stubborn Mr. Fixit attitude of Jack from Island Prime. He has become obsessed with helping to heal John Locke, both emotionally and physically. AlternaLocke has become the proxy in LA X for Jack’s wife Sarah back on Island Prime – a person that Jack cares about and is drawn to that he feels the compulsive need to tinker with. Sarah, by the way, was played by Julie Bowen, who is now the hilariously neurotic Claire Dunphy on Modern Family. Did I mention how great that show is?

Anyway, over on Island Prime, Jack has now taken his self-reflective time out and has come out the other side with patience and humility, and has started to see past his own rage and self-destructive tendencies. These are all traits which we saw, albeit in limited form, in AlternaJack when we were first introduced to him. Yes, he is estranged from his wife and child in the beginning, but he takes the time to turn things around with young David, and he’s even come to terms, somewhat, with his daddy issues. All of these traits have now been seemingly passed along to Jack on the Island.

Speaking of AlternaJack’s obsession with Locke – and jumping a little off-topic for a bit – it almost seems to me like Jack can sense that Locke is missing something. Yes, there is hurt there deep within for what he was done to his father in this timeline, but despite Locke’s other great fortunes here – his deep love from Helen and the chance to reconnect and actually have a father – there is, and always will be a part of Locke that just isn’t there. His destiny remains unfulfilled. This Locke still went to Australia for walkabout, still searching for that final piece of the puzzle. Jack can sense that, and wants to help. He thinks that healing John’s spine and returning feeling to his lower extremities will help. But it’s almost as if it will take more than that – much more. It’s almost as if the only thing that will truly heal Locke, both inside and out … is getting him back to the Island.

THE RANDOM BITS
Yeah, yeah, I know it’s early, but at least there’s a lot of them.

You may have noticed by my tone that I’m actually pulling for Jack. No, I’m not feverish. He has completely redeemed himself in my eyes in the past few episodes, which means that the Island has really taken hold of him and slapped him upside the head. I’m not going to delve into all the character development that has taken place over this season, but if you want to know pretty much how I feel, you can’t get much closer than Joel Murphy’s column from yesterday. And, yes, Kate still sucks rocks.

So … what’s with the music box? Do any of you believe we’ll actually find out? It’s such a small little detail to introduce at such a late date. Perhaps its significance is simply a reminder of the entanglement between the two timelines. The music box plays “Catch a Falling Star,” which is pretty much Claire’s theme song. Claire has taken over the Rousseau role on Island prime, and Rousseau’s broken music box was a pretty significant Island artifact back in the day. It could also be simply a MacGuffin for getting Jack and Claire together once more, to reconnect the survivors and family. Regardless, it’s likely just a literary device to tie some things together in a very subtle, but intimate way.

The philosophical question of the week: Would the C4 have exploded if they hadn’t pulled the wires? Possibly not, because, as Sayid said, Jack is the one, which means the Island isn’t done with him yet and thus, he can’t die. However, Sawyer and the Kwons were still possibilities for candidates, so the loophole may exist that if a candidate hasn’t been officially selected, then they all could die, and the process would have to begin anew – or it would end with the balance being shifted toward the side of evil. There is also the possibility that, even if Jack were the official candidate, that they were outside the radius of the Island and possibly outside its sphere of protection. The only evidence against that is Michael – he was off the Island and tried to kill himself several times, but it didn’t work. The Island wasn’t done with him yet. The Island probably wasn’t done with Jack and Co. yet, either, and thus the bomb would have failed. Just my opinion, though. Too bad they didn’t have Richard on board.

Speaking of Richard, where the hell is he? And Ben? And Miles? Weren’t they going to get explosives over at the Dharma barracks a few episodes back? How long does that take, really?

Hurley is so freaking priceless. He’s even awesome when he’s out of focus.

Perhaps someone more astute in diving knowledge can fill me in on something that’s bothering me. The sub was deep enough that it would take five minutes to reach the surface at the time they discovered the bomb, and three minutes counted down on the timer until the hull was breached by the explosion. Now, let’s say the time between that of the explosion and the time that Jack and Sawyer finally escaped out of the hull was about a minute and a half, two minutes, tops. That would put the sub back down almost to where it was when they were diving before. You all with me so far? So, my question is thus: If Jack carried an unconscious Sawyer out of the sub and swam up to the surface using an emergency air tank, why don’t they have the bends? I’m just curious. And, yes, for all you crazy Island nuts out there, it could be the healing properties of the Island.

Just a random thought about MIB/Locke that may have occurred to others: It struck me odd how MIB always seems to want Claire around and is so forgiving of her, but then I got to thinking about his behavior. It seems as though he begins to take on some of the personality traits of the people whose bodies he inhabits for a long period of time. The more he’s been in Locke’s body, the more he becomes like Locke. He seems to have all of Locke’s memories, and I believe that affects his personality and, possibly, his motives and thinking. To this end, I believe that he continues to have such an affinity for Claire – and, by turn, both a paternal and conflicted relationship with Jack – because MIB still exhibits traits from his time spent as Christian Shephard. Now, as Locke, he is possibly even more conflicted about his relationship with Jack. This could also have something to do with why Jack is ultimately the candidate – he is the perfect foil for MIB, especially now that he has taken on Locke’s persona.

Variations of the phrase “I wish you had believed me” in this episode was in reference to the suicide note left by Locke, as Jeremy Bentham. The full extent of the note was revealed in “316.” It’s in relation to Locke’s urgings that they all remain on the Island – an idea that Jack, of course, opposed. Until now, that is.

The fact that Kate is still standing astounds me. I wish I had that many lives. Do you think the writers have a sort of in-joke about her kidnappings/hostage situations? Seriously, Widmore just walked up and immediately pointed a gun at her. They even wrote her expendability into the mythos of the Island. I also loved how she was in such bad shape on the sub, but after a jaunty swim in the ocean, she was feeling much better. Yeah, yeah, healing powers of the Island, whatever. At any rate, will Kate be one of the last one’s standing? Perhaps she and Jack will be the last ones. They ultimately end up together on the Island – Maybe they’re Adam and Eve, as some have speculated for so long? Maybe the remaining four will all return to the cave and see that one of the skeletons has a mark on their collarbone – from a gunshot! And then they all ride out to the beach and find the remains of the Statue of Liberty, buried in the sand. SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE!!! Ahem. Sorry.

Another question: Why, if the sonic fences were down, did Ol’ Smokey just show up and take out some of the Geek Squad? Why not take the opportunity to do away with Widmore and just tear the holy hell out of the Hydra station while he’s unimpeded? Is he not allowed to kill Widmore, either? It seems to me like Smokey has a time or energy limit. Otherwise, he could just fly through the Island and kill whomever the hell he wants, whenever he wants. Of course, that doesn’t make for a very good story. This is the writer’s dilemma – what do you do with the downtime between visits of a very powerful, ancient creature? Ultimately, it’s the Superman problem. I have nightmares sometimes thinking about how I would go about writing a run on a Superman comic. The guy is all-powerful. Okay, so he’s not as powerful as he used to be, but he’s still moving mountains and beating freight trains. Other than some krypto-freak, or Lex Luthor or Batman coming around with a scrap of meteorite every other issue, how do you make somebody with powers like that interesting? Where’s the conflict? Whoo, look at me – nerd ramble.

Speaking of something nerdy, the lastest episode of Doctor Who had an excellent and intriguing storyline about the mutability of time, and a quote at the end of the show reminded me of something that seems to be happening in our two alternate timelines on Lost:

The Doctor: I kept saying, the angels all fell into the time field – the angel in your memory, never existed. It can’t harm you now.

Amy (his current companion): Then why do I remember at all? Those guys on the ship didn’t remember each other.

The Doctor: You’re a time traveler now, Amy. It changes the way you see the Universe … forever. Good, isn’t it?

Oh, and if you’re not currently watching Doctor Who, you’ll probably want to check it out. It’s only the best television show out there right now. I’m serious. I wouldn’t joke about such things. Oh, and check out Modern Family while you’re at it. It’s the second best television show out there right now.

That’s Amy. That’s the Doctor’s new companion. Ah, you wanna watch the show now, don’t you? I thought so.

Okay, that’s it for this week. We’re in the home stretch – there are only three more episodes left until it’s all over. My heart just sank when I wrote that. These characters and this show have been such a huge part of our lives for so long, it’s hard to imagine what life will be like after it’s all over. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m going to DisneyWorld. All of you keep thinking those good thoughts, and if you have an epiphany, tell me something good. Until next time, I remain faithful that the finale will kick ass. And that Jack will wake up in the middle of the jungle, in silence, until that ugly flashback crashy sounds starts up and he wanders onto the beach and the plane is there, all mangled and people are running back and forth …

Namaste.

Chris Kirkman is a graphic designer/photographer/journalist/geek extraordinaire with way too many Bruce Campbell movies in his library. Michael Emerson, Lost’s Benjamin Linus, called Kirkman’s recaps “one of the smartest articles I’ve ever read about what goes on on our show.” Kirkman is still hoping that Lost will end when Bob Newhart wakes up next to Suzanne Pleshette, complaining of a strange, strange dream. You can contact him at ckirkman@hobotrashcan.com.

Chris Kirkman

Previously, on Down the Hatch: I wrote a column filled with Goonies, CSI: Miami and Silence of the Lambs references wherein I dared to question the decisions of the Powers-That-Be. Subsequently, that generated a maelstrom of 53 comments at current count on HoboTrashcan. People, that’s more times than Kate’s been kidnapped. That’s more comments than half my columns combined back in season four – but that probably has more to do with me going on and on about Juliet than anything else. Speaking of Juliet, is anyone checking out Elizabeth over in V? Yeah, me neither. Anyways, this week’s episode was a repeat of “Ab Aeterno” so there will be no disparaging comments since I found that episode completely satisfying. If you’re itching for a recap, you can always check out my review of the immortal Spaniard’s origins and meet me back over here when you’re done.

In the meantime, I’m going to just take a look back at a few things that may have fallen through the cracks the past few weeks, starting with a certain special young man whose name with whom you’re all very familiar.

WAAAAALLLLLLTTTTTTTTT!
In the past couple of weeks on Lost, some long-sought mysteries have finally been explained – namely the secret of the whispers and the revelation by MIB that he has been trotting around the Island as Christian Shephard. Despite the plethora of discussion about the delivery of said secrets, we have all spent the better part of three weeks wrapping our minds around the implications, most notably that of MIB’s notorious shape-shifting. Since MIB admitted that he showed up as Christian Shephard at least once, the natural and logical assumption is that every time we see Daddy Shephard on screen, it’s Ol’ Smokey filling his white tennis shoes. However, as many of you have noted, that opens a whole can of worms in terms of continuity and in what we have learned of the “rules” of MIB.

For starters, MIB tells Sawyer that he can’t just turn to smoke and fly off the Island, because if he could then he wouldn’t need a plane to escape. Of course, back in Season four, we see Christian appear off Island twice – once in LA to Jack (which, admittedly, could have been a drug-induced hallucination), and once on board the Kahana when he tells Michael that it’s finally okay to blow himself to bits. Now, if MIB can’t leave the Island, then who or what the heck is going on here?

The off-Island appearances aren’t the only conundrum surrounding MIB’s revelation. We know of several other instances of his shape-shifting, showing up as Alex and threatening Ben, as Yemi to take down Eko and even being tied to those ridiculous Medusa spiders that did away with Nikki and Paulo. That’s all fine and good, and I have no problems with logically connecting those instances of shape-shifting manipulation with MIB. There is one small, almost-forgotten instance that does have me scratching my head, though, and it involves that very special little boy whose name we all love to scream: Walt.

Way back in season two, in the premiere, Shannon gets a little visit in the Jungle of Mystery from the whispers and then Walt, who – at this point – had been taken off the raft by the Others. Walt appears to Shannon soaking wet and he utters what sounds like gibberish. As most of you will recall, that gibberish was simply reverse speech.

Even though it is still debated to this day, Walt’s backwards speech supposedly translates to: “Don’t press the button, the button’s bad.”

All the button references aside, Walt appears to Shannon twice more in the heartbreaking episode “Abandoned,” which taught us that it’s a very bad thing when we finally start to care about a real problem character. At the beginning of the episode, Shannon’s all cozy inside Sayid’s love tent when Walt shows up and starts dripping water all over the place. He speaks in reverse again, and this time he supposedly says: “They’re coming and they’re close.” Shannon, not being fluent in backwards gibberish and a bit unnerved by the sudden appearance of a young black male in her tent, screams her bloody head off. Sayid doesn’t believe what she saw and she spends the rest of the episode getting all huffy and whining, until the end when Sayid catches up to her in the Jungle of Mystery and they have a real heart to heart. It’s raining, Shannon’s shivering and Sayid finally admits to her that he loves her and that he believes here. It’s about that time when the whispers start up and he glances over Shannon’s shoulder to see none other than Walt standing off in the bushes.

Like some creepy Kubrickian extra, Walt places his finger over his mouth and goes “Shhhhhh.” It’s not backwards this time. Guess it’s hard to shush someone in reverse.

Sayid is stunned that Walt is actually there just as Shannon had said, and she gets up and chases Walt into the Jungle of Mystery where she is summarily shot in the stomach by Ana Lucia and then dies in Sayid’s arms. We all shed a little tear, and the Iraqi torturer looks up at Ana Lucia with a face that says “I am very displeased.” And that’s the last we see of Walt on the Island until season three.

Before we move onto that apparition, let’s just go over the chaos that these three appearances cause. First, Walt is in the company of the Others at this point, so we know that it’s not the actual Walt visiting Shannon. Second, his appearance is accompanied by the whispers, which we have now learned, thanks to Walt’s dead daddy, are apparently the chattering of all the dead souls trapped on the Island. They sometimes start talking up a storm when dead people show up. Third, Walt’s speaking backwards, and he’s apparently warning Shannon – a pretty insignificant person in the grand scheme of the Island – about pushing the button and about the dangers of the sudden approach of the Tailies. So … what the hell?

Since Sayid saw Walt, we know that Walt was not just a singular vision by Shannon. Despite the appearance of the whispers, we know that Walt was not dead and so could not have been a spiritual apparition – at least not a deceased spiritual apparition. So, in light of recent revelations, we must consider that Walt was a form of Ol’ Smokey, messing around with Shannon. If that’s the case, then why? What was the point? And why talk backwards, mentioning the button? Basically, in the context of what MIB has been trying to accomplish on the Island, what could possibly have been his motive for this appearance as Walt? Shannon can’t possibly realize the implications of Walt’s backwards warnings – and, indeed, she doesn’t, because she doesn’t say a thing about not pushing the button; hell, she doesn’t even know what the button is before she’s pushing up the daisies. The only thing these appearances accomplish are a) Shannon’s dead, and there’s one less insignificant survivor cluttering up the Island, and b) it really pisses Sayid off, pushing him further down the “I don’t give a shit” trail that could eventually lead to his deal with the devil in the current season. Other than that, I got nothing. Anyone, anyone?

Before we move on, there are three other explanations behind Walt’s appearances that bear mention, if nothing more than to stir the pot and provide some brain candy. First, there’s the theory – loved by some – that Jacob can shapeshift, as well. This apparition of Walt could have actually been Jacob, actively trying to warn Shannon of impending danger both of the electromagnetic and bulleted kind. Of course, it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense as to why he’d show up as Walt, but whatever. Second, these apparitions could have been generated by Walt, himself. He is a very special boy, and it’s not above the realm of possibility that he was doing a little astral projecting or spirit walking while he was kept in Room 23 by the Others. Third, the backwards speech has lead some of us to speculate that this Walt could have been a Walt from the future or from an alternate timeline – a “bizarro” Walt – seen briefly through a small rift provided by the strange powers of the Island. Far-fetched, yes, but so is an Island that acts like a TARDIS.

Now, as I mentioned, these appearances weren’t the last we saw of Walt on the Island. Back at the end of season three, Walt appears to Locke who had been shot in the gut by Ben and left for dead in the Dharma mass grave. Apparently feeling he was at the end of his rope and hopeless, Locke was about to kill himself when Walt appeared at the top of the pit and told Locke that he had to get up, that he needed his legs and that Locke had work to do.

Locke would later admit to the rest of the survivors that Walt had appeared to him and that it was definitely Walt, only taller.

I don’t have much trouble believing that this apparition was probably MIB, as he needed Locke to take care of some business, eventually learning from Christian Shephard that he would have to move the Island and starting the whole big temporal mess that ended with Locke getting strangled and brought back to the Island so that MIB could inhabit his body and lead the Candidates on a mission to hijack a downed plane and get off the Island. Whew. Just typing that makes me feel a bit like I’m taking crazy pills.

At any rate, I mention all this because Walt’s first appearances just don’t seem to add up. I’d be more than welcome to hear any other ideas rattling around in those collective noggins. Give me your best shot.

… EDISA KCIUQ A TSUJ
Before we move on, I just thought I’d throw out some other memorable moments of backwards talking that have occurred throughout the seasons.

In my recap and analysis for “The Package” I talked a bit about all the craziness that went down in Room 23 back in season three, when Karl was being held there and apparently brainwashed by sounds and images. Well, what I failed to mention was the strange instance of backmasking (the recording and subsequent replaying of an audio track for the purpose of playing it backwards) that is played on a loop in the room during the sequence. When the scene is run backwards, the loop clearly states, in a female voice that: “Only fools are enslaved by time and space.” It’s pretty creepy. Wanna see?

By the way, Room 23 was not only the room where Karl was being bombarded with propaganda and where Jin was held captive this season, it’s also the room that Walt was kept in by the Others during his stay of 23 days. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

There is one other moment of backwards speech that has popped up notably. In the season four finale in a flash forward, Kate wakes up and receives a phone call from a man who speaks in reverse. The translation of that speech: “You have to go back, the Island needs you.” Many have speculated that this may have been Jacob and if it was, it would seem to point toward Walt’s first apparition to Shannon as being Jacob and not MIB. However, again why with the backwards speech, unless the message is somehow being filtered through time and space?

“Yes, hello, we have a collect call for an Amanda … Amanda Huggenkiss.”

In the grand scheme of things, all of this really doesn’t mean much more than a hill of beans, but it’s the details on this show that have been so important through the years. I thought I would be remiss in not bringing this bit of mystery back up for some group analysis.

THE SCARS ARE RIGHT
In the comments section on HoboTrashcan last week, Mimi pointed out a tiny bit of detail that I’m ashamed I missed: after Jack got all blowed up, when Locke carries him out of harm’s way and puts him up against a tree, we see that Jack has sustained an injury to his neck. Whether it’s intentional on the part of the powers-that-be or if it’s just slapdash blood from the make-up department remains to be seen. It is, however, interesting to note its correlation with a tiny detail that we’ve looked at from the season premiere.

That’s either a mark from shrapnel, or Marge down in the “Blood, Sand and General Grime” department had free reign.

Remember, we talked a bit about this in my recap and analysis of “LA X” and how it has another interesting corollary with Desmond’s paint blotch from “Flashes Before Your Eyes”

If this wound is the real deal, it could be a subtle signifier of what’s to come. In the analysis of “LA X” I mention the quantum entanglement of everyone involved with the Island, and that has become a very real situation with the flash sideways and the lost love and near-death experiences. Jack’s neck would could be just a part of that entanglement – but if so, he’s been wounded plenty of other times, so why bring attention to this one? In my mind, it may have something to do with how this whole thing ends.

Since there was no new episode this week, I’ve decided to keep the recipe simple. Since we’re nearing the end, and all sorts of chaos and temporal shenanigans are going to be flying past us and occupying our already-crowded minds, it’s probably best that we all just sit back and pour ourselves a nice, tall cup of blonde. I mean, coffee. Just to keep our minds, um … what was I saying?

There’s massive speculation as to what is going to happen to the separate timelines in the finale. Some say one or the other will simply cease to exist, others point to a merge of some sort. I think it may come back to the Ouroboros – that image of the snake eating its own tail that we have discussed many a time in this column. Everything about Lost points to connectivity and the sense that, somehow, all of this has happened before. In the past six seasons, there have been some very interesting temporal puzzles introduced, particularly those of Locke’s compass and the true origin and introduction of the Numbers. I have mentioned several times that I felt like this story would end up right back where it left off, with either the survivors crashing on the Island all over again, or with them all being faced with a choice – whether to remain content in their new lives, or to board the plane or whatever it may be, and return “home” – home being the Island. I think that the re-airing of the pilot episode before the series finale is not just an idea tossed out on a whim; the producers know that what’s going down in the finale will tie in directly with what happened in the pilot.

Instead of a merge of the timelines, what if the remaining survivors on Island Prime cause an end to that particular timestream and return to the point of origin – Oceanic 815? They would essentially loop back to where they started, with only very vague memories of anything that may have happened in their Island Prime pasts. Some bits or pieces from Island Prime could return with them – Jack’s neck wound and his appendectomy scar, for instance. All of this would potentially seal off the alternate timeline and trap Ol’ Smokey on the Island, forever enslaving him to a timestream and dimension that no longer exists or is no longer accessible through rifts – the Island in time, as I have mentioned previously.

Now, what if in addition to the survivors returning to Oceanic 815 in 2004, we also see everyone who is connected that we have witnessed in the flash sideways simultaneously making that choice whether to return to the Island or stay behind? Granted, the Island is underwater in LA X, but Dharma still exists and the electromagnetic anomalies that surround the Island would still be there, possibly dormant. We may see something dramatic, with the rise of the Island through actions on Island Prime that affect everything in LA X.

The Ouroboros. As noted many times, this particularly ouroboros is not biting his tail, signifying an open-ended loop.

The point is – I have no idea where the writers are headed with this one and I feel a lot like Eloise Hawking did when she sent the survivors back to the Island on the Ajira flight. For once, she didn’t know what was going to happen. Neither do I. And it feels good.

THE FINAL COUNTDOWN
Well, folks, we’re in the home stretch next week, with only five more episodes until we are forced out into the streets to cause mayhem once again on Tuesday nights. I predict crime rates will spike and DVD sales of the complete series will go through the roof when released in September. Before I sign off this week, though, I thought it would be good to review some of the mysteries that are still out there and that we may – or may not – see answers to before the Island is done with us.

Women can’t remain preggers on the Island. It’s the reason Juliet was brought to the Island – other than to look pretty, kick some butt and eventually bash Jughead. What was all this about, anyway? Just smoke and mirrors? Time may tell.

The “sickness.” This was partially answered by the revelations of what happened to Rousseau’s team, but it’s still interesting to consider the Dharma vaccines, especially those that Desmond had in the Hatch, and the quarantine written on the door of the Swan. Was this to protect them from MIB? Or was it just a way for Dharma to keep the Swan operators down there and keep them from asking questions? Again, we may never know.

Why is Desmond “special?” Did he develop his abilities as a result of being exposed to ambient electromagnetic energies while in the Hatch all those years? Does it even really matter?

Walt’s “special” abilities, if there were any. Why was Walt on the Island in the first place, and why was he let go? Was Michael really the only person that Jacob or MIB needed on the Island to suit their purposes?

The origins of the “loop” temporal paradox. In other words, where did the numbers originate, and where did Locke’s compass come into the picture? Think carefully before any of you answer in the comments that MIB gave the compass to Richard to give to Locke, or that Hurley put the numbers on the loop back in 1977. Think real hard, because I don’t want to have to explain this whole loop thing again to 20 different people.

What is the Island? And if somebody says it’s a cork on a bottle, I’ll deck ‘em.

And, of course, Adam and Eve. Are they a pair of the survivors, or just some unlucky saps trapped on the Island in past? Will we ever find out? Signs point to … maybe.

What did I miss?

That about wraps it up for this week. Next week marks the beginning of the end, so let’s all make the best of it. Put on your best thinking caps, keep thinking those thoughts and tell me something good. Oh, and let’s keep it civil in the comments section, okay? We’re all friends here, after all. Well, except for those Yankee fans. There’s just no hope for them.

Namaste.

Chris Kirkman is a graphic designer/photographer/journalist/geek extraordinaire with way too many Bruce Campbell movies in his library. Michael Emerson, Lost’s Benjamin Linus, called Kirkman’s recaps “one of the smartest articles I’ve ever read about what goes on on our show.” Kirkman is still hoping that Lost will end when Bob Newhart wakes up next to Suzanne Pleshette, complaining of a strange, strange dream. You can contact him at ckirkman@hobotrashcan.com.

Chris Kirkman

“The Last Recruit” Recap and Analysis …

Previously, on Lost: Seriously, if you don’t know what’s been going on up until this point, you might as well just go watch American Idol.

This week, on Lost: Not a whole lot happens. Okay, so that’s not entirely true; Kate got kidnapped again (for the 26th and 27th time), the crew continued to blow the hell out of Hawaii and Desmond is starting to get a little creepy. But in a delightful way. Oh, what the heck, I’ll fill you in on the rest.

Hurley, Jack, Sun and Lapidus arrive via torchlight at Camp Black Hat and Locke/Ol’Smokey/MIB invites Jack out into the Jungle of Mystery for a little chit chat. Jack cops a squat and tells MIB he’s bothered because he doesn’t have any idea who the hell MIB really is. MIB tells Jack that he thinks Jack does know, all mysterious-like. Then Jack susses out that MIB took the form of John Locke because Locke was stupid enough to get himself killed and then Jack brought his body back so that MIB could assume Locke’s form – cuz Smokey can only look like dead people. Jack asks MIB straight up if he was masquerading as his daddy way back in season one, and MIB says yup, sure enough. Because he was trying to lead Jack to water. Just like that.

Sorry, I must interject for one moment: Kiss my ass, Lost. No, seriously. We go six seasons of everybody and their brother pussyfooting around important issues like they had explosives strapped to their gonads and the truth would set off the detonator, and now here MIB tells Jack to cop a squat and unveils that he was posing as Daddy Shephard so Jack could find water. That just ain’t right, people. I mean, we had to sit through a whole season and a half of the Others having a rice paddy refugee party, for cripes sake! We had two episodes on Tom Friendly’s beard. I go into this more later, so don’t go hating on me just yet.

Yeah, I’d say that one look sums it up for me too, Locke.

Anyway, I digress. MIB goes into his whole spiel about getting on a plane and jetting it to freedom, but they all have to do it together. Then Jack starts singing old Locke’s praises, about how he was the only one who believed in this place, and I can only sit in amazement that the man of science is exalting the man of faith. MIB cuts Jack of real quick, though, and tells him that John Locke was not a believer – he was a sucker.

Speaking of Locke, he’s having an awfully bad day over in LA X. He’s been run down by Desmond and is rushed to the hospital in an ambulance with Dr. Linus. Ben doesn’t have much information for the EMTs, other than John is a paraplegic – which the EMT somehow missed, despite the fact that he saw Locke’s wheelchair smashed to pieces. Ben doesn’t even know his emergency contact, but Locke manages to eke out Helen’s name, saying that he was gonna marry her. Ben tells him he still can, because he’s gonna live.

If Terry O’Quinn doesn’t win an Emmy for this season, there might very well be rioting in the streets.

Outside the ER, Sun is being rushed in on a gurney at the same time as Locke, and she has a little near-death vision, saying about Locke that “it’s him!” We can only assume that she’s seen Locke Prime’s true face.

Back on Island Prime, Jack and MIB wrap things up and Jack and Claire have a little brother-sister reunion. They catch up on old times and current news – like how their dad is really an ancient smoke monster from either hell or another dimension. You know, things like that. Claire says it’s good to have Jack on the team, and Jack says he hasn’t decided yet if he’s joining Team Black Hat. Claire says that Jack sure has decided – he made the decision the minute he let MIB talk to him. Then she gives him the ol’ creepy stare.

At dawn, everybody’s sitting around Camp Black Hat, drinking coffee, making “people to kill” lists, and pretty much just acting like it’s a boy scout jamboree. Sawyer fills in Hurley about the plan to steal Widmore’s sub, but Hurley wants to know why Sayid’s not invited. James informs Hurley that Sayid has gone over to the dark side, but Hurley says that people can always be brought back from the dark side – remember Anakin? Oh, Hurley, you rock in so many ways.

“So … Jack and Claire are brother and sister, right? And their dad turned out to be the smoke monster who’s, like, evil and stuff and on the Dark Side. Dude, that means Locke is like Darth Vader! Wow, I’m really glad we never caught Jack and Claire making out or anything …”

Claire comes over and she and Hurley hug it out while Sawyer makes faces.

Back in LA X, Officer Ford has AlternaFreckles in custody, and they do the usual flirty song and dance while James reads off her rap sheet. James thinks it’s awful weird that they keep bumping into each other, and Kate wants to know if he’s flirting with her and why he let her go at the airport. James just says all he saw was a pretty girl that needed a door held open for her. Kate calls him on his bullshit and says that he was in Sydney doing secret stuff that nobody needs to know about. James grins and tells Kate he likes her.

Miles interrupts and says they have a little situation. We all get a little taste of the buddy cop procedural that will spin off into its own show in the fall.

Back at Camp Black Hat, there’s a whole bunch of sitting around. Yawn. Pretty soon, Zoe from Widmore’s Geek Squad shows up and demands that MIB give back what he took from them. MIB plays dumb, so Zoe signals for the geeks to give him a little warning shot, and delivers an ultimatum.

It’s a good thing this is the last few episodes, because there’s not going to be much left of Hawaii to film on after this blast-happy crew wraps up.

Zoe hands him a radio and says he has until nightfall to return what he took, or they’re gonna blow him and his Others back to hell. MIB drops the radio on the ground and smashes it with his Jesus stick. “Oh well,” says he. “Here we go.”

Back in LA X, Desmond “just so happens” to run into Claire while she’s checking in at an adoption agency, and mentions that she probably shouldn’t go in without legal representation. Claire balks and Desmond presses further, even riding up with her to the 15th floor, and acting a little creepy. Not creepy enough for Claire, though, because she caves and agrees to visit the lawyer with Des. As they exit the elevator, it just so happens that the lawyer’s office is right down the hall from the adoption agency. They walk in and Ilana greets them both, telling Claire that it’s an amazing coincidence that she just showed up, because they’ve been looking all over for her. Cool beans.

On Island Prime, it’s time for Team Black Hat to move out, so MIB motivates everyone to head toward some bluffs so they can go over to Hydra Island, get on the Ajira plane and get the hell off the Island. MIB hands Sawyer a map that he drew in third grade that shows how to get to his secret stash of jelly beans – and also how to get to the anchored boat, off shore. He wants Sawyer to go fetch the boat, so he grabs Freckles, of course. In the meantime, MIB grabs Sayid and tells the Iraqi that he should go and take care of what they stole – he’s at the bottom of a well. While they’re talking, Sawyer takes Jack to the side and tells him to grab Sun, Hurley and Lapidus somewhere along the trail and sneak off to meet them at a dock – they’re going over to Hydra Island without Ol’ Smokey.

Goonies never say die.

I just have to stop here and point out that the music in this part sounds something like an ’80s stock light military mix straight out of Spies Like Us or Stripes. I keep expecting Bill Murray to pop out of the brush and start riffing with Sawyer. Is it just me? It may be just me.

Over at the well, Sayid finds Desmond down below and trains his pistol on him. Desmond asks Sayid what Ol’ Smokey offered him to turn the Iraqi into an unfeeling killing machine. Sayid explains that MIB promised to give him something back – someone that died. Desmond asks Sayid why he thinks MIB can deliver that, and Sayid tells the Scot that MIB brought Sayid back from the dead, so chances are he can do it for Nadia, too. Desmond thinks for a second and then asks Sayid what he’s going to tell her that he did in order to bring her back from the dead. Sayid doesn’t have an answer for that. Booyah, schooled.

“It puts the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again.”

In LA X, Sayid returns to Nadia’s house and tells her he has to hightail it out of there because he did something bad, but that it’ll all be okay for her and her kids now. Nadia is perturbed, and there’s a knock at the door. It’s Miles. Nadia lets him in, but Sayid has disappeared – out the back, where Detective Ford trips him up with a garden hose and handcuffs him. Good work, James. But aren’t you getting too old for this shit?

On Island Prime, Sawyer and Freckles have made their way to a cove where the Elizabeth is anchored, just off shore. Damn, we haven’t seen that boat in three years. It’s also been three years since it was captured by the Others. Before that, it sat offshore for three years while Desmond was in the Hatch, never once capsizing from a bad storm or sinking from rot. That is a quality boat, my friends. Sawyer tells Kate his plan, and Kate’s not happy that they’re planning to leave Claire behind. Sawyer and Kate wade out into the water, and then start swimming.

Maybe it’s just me, but would have walked out on that little CGI peninsula before getting in the water. You know, less swimming and all.

Team Black Hat march along, and Jack talks to Claire, finally realizing that she’s gone around the bend and can’t be trusted because she trusts in MIB so much. MIB notices that Sayid is missing and falls back, asking Sun if she’s seen the Iraqi. She says nothing, and MIB asks if she’s giving him the silent treatment. She pulls out her pad and tells him that he did this to her. MIB has no idea what she’s talking about. MIB tells them all to keep going, and runs back to see if he can find Sayid. Jack sees the chance to make a break, wrangles Sun, Hurley and Lapidus, and they run off into the Jungle of Mystery to find Sawyer and his boat. Someone notices …

That is not a face you want to see. I hope they hid her axe.

MIB finds Sayid wandering around and wonders if the Iraqi took care of business. Of course he did, says Sayid. MIB looks him over, unsure, then tells him it’s time to go. Welcome back, Anakin.

Jack and Co. make it to the dock where Sawyer and Kate are waiting for them on the Elizabeth. Everyone climbs on board and starts cinching the hoists, and tightening the jib and polishing the flange vertex valves and other nautical things, until there’s the sound of a rifle being cocked and everyone goes “oh shit.” Turns out Claire has been channeling her inner Kate and has tracked them all down. She wants to know where they’re headed. After a lot of talking, Kate manages to convince the mad Aussie that she should come with them so that Kate can take her back to Aaron. Claire slowly lowers her rifle and says that they’d better hurry – if Ol’ Smokey knows that they’re missing, he’s gonna be pissed.

I just wanted to show Kate’s scrunchy face, again.

Back in LA X, AlternaJack and his son, David, show up at the lawyer’s office for the reading of Christian Shephard’s will. Ilana greets them, and says they have a surprise for them. They enter, and the surprise is Claire. Jack says that his dad had her in the will, and he wants to know why. Claire tells Jack that they appear to be brother and sister. Jack has a little bit of difficulty with this concept. They’re interrupted by an emergency phone call – Jack has to leave for the hospital, and they’re going to have to reschedule.

On Island Prime, aboard the Elizabeth, Sawyer and his salty dogs are sailing toward Hydra Island. Lapidus and the others head below deck to eat some canned grub, and Sawyer has a chat with Jack, who is doing some brooding on the bow. Jack tells Sawyer that it doesn’t feel right, leaving the Island – that Jack has the same feeling that he got the last time they left, like a part of him is missing. Then Jack does something spectacular – he turns into John Locke, saying that they’re there for a purpose and that MIB must be afraid of them. Sawyer tells Jack that he’s tired of hearing this brand of bullshit and wants him off the boat. Jack apologizes for getting Juliet killed, and then jumps into the drink.

In LA X, Sun wakes up after being treated from her gunshot wound and she and Jin have a little reunion wherein they profess their love for each other and Jin says that the baby is fine and that everything is going to be okay. There’s a lot of crying.

Down the hall, Jack walks his son down the hall and then preps for surgery. Jack takes a look at the x-rays of his emergency patient, saying the dural sac has been obliterated. Knowing that he’s all about the dural sacs, Jack says he’s got this and heads into surgery, a confident man. In the OR, Jack gets ready, takes his scalpel and then looks down to the mirror, reflecting the patient’s face. It’s John Locke, and Jack hesitates, mentioning to his assistants that he thinks he knows this guy. That you do, Jack. That you do.

On Island Prime, Jack has made his way back to shore from his little swim, backpack and all. MIB is waiting for him. “Nice day for a swim,” says MIB. He asks Jack if Sawyer took his boat. Yup, says Jack.

“All right, I’m on my knees. Which one of you is first?”

On Hydra Island, Sawyer and Co. swim ashore and are greeted by the Geek Squad, guns brandished. Whoa whoa whoa, says Sawyer. The Geeks lower their weapons and Zoe radios Widmore. In the meantime, Jin has come around the corner and Sun glances up, recognizing her long lost husband. She is overjoyed, and calls out to Jin, running to him. The two lovers embrace for the first time in three years, and Sun tells Jin that she loves him and that she never stopped looking for him. There’s lots of smiles all around, and a few tears, and to punctuate the already over-dramatic and sappy moment, Lapidus comments that “it looks like someone got their voice back.” Really, Chesty? Sun lost her voice just to emphasize this particular moment? Lame.

The moment is short-lived, however, as Zoe receives word from Widmore that the group is to be detained, so weapons are drawn once again, and they’re all told to get on their knees. Sawyer protests, but Zoe says to shut it. She radios another geek, asking if they have a sight-line on Locke. Fire when ready, says she.

Across the water on the other beach, Jack and Locke are still having a staring contest, until Jack hears the familiar whining whoosh of an incoming missile and tells everyone to get down right before he gets the ever-loving bejeezus blown out of him.

Jack does his best ragdoll impression. Also notice, if you missed it, that MIB never moves a muscle. He doesn’t even flinch.

MIB grabs Jack’s smoldering ass and hauls him off the beach, propping him up against a tree. Jack, still stunned, rolls his head around to look at Locke. What looks like a bit of drool drips from his mouth. Locke comforts him. “Everything’s going to okay, Jack,” says Locke. Then he adds with a touch of mischievous foreshadowing, “You’re with me, now.”

Cue the THONK!

All right. That was quite the … well, it was an episode anyway. I wasn’t overwhelmed by what went down, by any means, but some stuff went kablooey, the happenings in LA X are building to a nice head and, god help me, I’m starting to like Jack, so it wasn’t a total loss. Still, the whole episode seemed very disjointed and unfocused. It was a hodge podge of action and exposition, an obvious mid-season “checking in” episode that sets some things up for the final run toward the finale. There was no primary character that the writers centered on, which gave it a cluttered feel – although one could argue that it was about Jack and Claire if that whole bit about Sawyer, Kate and Sayid weren’t thrown in there.

At any rate, episodes like this allow me to have a little more fun with the recaps because I don’t have to worry about every little detail. I hope you all enjoyed the recap, because unfortunately there’s not a whole lot of analysis this week. I apologize for that, but this week and next are the final project presentations for the class I teach and time is at a premium.

AND NOW, A TINY RANT
Excuse me for a moment while I channel my inner Andy Rooney.

Now, I know that this show is all about mysteries, and there can’t just be a ton of intrigue and suspense and smoke monsters and four-toed statues and us not find out at least a little bit of something about something, but most of you can’t deny that revealing those small mysteries in such a hamhanded way is very disappointing. I don’t need Michael showing up out of nowhere and telling us that the whispers are he and some other lost souls trying to find the john in the middle of the night. Similarly, I don’t need one of the most fascinating and terrifying creature/characters in the history of television to sit me down in the middle of the jungle and explain that he took the form of a dead surgeon in order to lead his son to water. It’s just not right.

I’m not sure if any of you were Alias fans back in the day, but I sure was, and these last couple of episodes – while entertaining and mostly fun – are starting to take on that strange air of “we may not quite know what we’re doing” like the last four episodes of that wonderful series. It’s sort of like watching Game 6 of the 1986 World Series and seeing the Mets start to wage that sickening comeback against the Red Sox and then seeing that ball roll, in painful slow motion, through the legs of Bill Buckner and you get that feeling, deep in the pit of your stomach, that lets you know that you’ve just seen the wheels come off the wagon. And I swear to God if one Yankees fan says a word in the comments, I will make sure your name is burned in effigy in next week’s column.

So, yeah. That’s about all I have to say about that. I will wrap up by saying that, as disappointed as I have been by the way some of the Island’s mysteries have been revealed, I still have faith that everything will come together in the end and we’ll have one kickass series finale.

DADDY ISSUES
So, the big revelation this episode was that MIB has been showing up as Christian Shephard all along. The first time was way back in season one in “White Rabbit” when Jack saw his dad and went tear-assing through the jungle and almost died when he fell off a cliff. Later, Jack sees his dad again and follows the man to the caves, where he finds fresh water. This is the same water source that MIB claimed that he was leading Jack to. So now, for those keeping score, we have “almost dying from following Ol’ Smokey” – 1, “following Ol’ Smokey and finding needed water” – 1. The question is, was he really leading Jack to water to help, or did he have more nefarious motivation? Frankly, it makes sense that he may have been telling the truth about helping Jack. After all, why lead the good doctor to water in the first place? Yes, Jack almost died pursuing his father earlier, but if MIB had really wanted Jack dead, he could have simply turned to smoke and trashed his ass like he did the pilot and several others along the way (an act which still has some of us scratching our heads in confusion).

This week’s episode-inspired drink recipe is pretty straightforward, but fun nonetheless. In honor of Lost‘s most unlikely duo that are most likely to be turned into a spin-off, I thought it was only fitting to have some fun with Detectives Straume and Ford, the resident straight-lace and renegade cops, respectively. GOOD COP, BAD COP 1/2 shot of Bailey’s 1/2 shot of espresso – strong as you can get it 1 shot of good ol’ Southern bourbon (I recommend Jim Beam 7 year) Combine the Bailey’s and espresso into a single shot glass, and place it next to the shot glass full of bourbon. Pound the coffee mix, shake head vigorously as if avoiding strong questioning, then pound the bourbon, as taking a left jab. Repeat until you spill the beans (or your cookies).

This revelation opens up a ton of reflection since Christian Shephard has been a driving force on the Island throughout all the seasons. However, by this one truth alone we can now deduce that it was Ol’ Smokey in that creepy cabin in the woods and not Jacob. The ash surrounding the cabin was there to keep him in, and not to keep him out. The fact that the cabin has tended to blink in and out of existence from time to time seems to signify to me that it has come unstuck in time and space. He may have been imprisoned in that cabin in the future, and started manipulating Ben and then Locke and the survivors so that he could escape from the cabin and then later enact his escape from the Island.

Towards that plan of escape, the fact that MIB has been Christian Shephard now fully explains his motivation for guiding Locke down in the Great Wheel chamber. Ben seemingly messed things up by turning the wheel instead of Locke at the end of season four to move the Island, but MIB knew that all of this had already taken place and so urged Locke to turn the wheel once more in season five, which sent Locke back in time and space, off the Island, where he could subsequently be killed by Ben and his body shipped back to the Island so that MIB could assume his form. Got all that? When rolling all that around in your noggins, bear in mind that it was Christian/MIB who told Locke that he had to move the Island in the first place. I’d like to take a closer look at those particular temporal loops during that time period because it makes for fascinating contemplation. Maybe I’ll try to work up a flow chart this weekend for next week’s column.

MIB’s motivation for manipulating Claire as Christian Shephard are not quite as clear, at least not yet. In my mind, it must have something to do with Aaron – MIB needed Aaron to leave the Island with Kate, and not just so he could ensure the total breakdown and brainwashing of Claire.

Finally, MIB had one other manipulation as Christian that now makes a bit more sense. At the end of season four, Christian appeared to Michael aboard the Kahana and told him, essentially, that his mission was over. Then Michael asploded. The motivations behind all this seem to point toward MIB not wanting Widmore to get a foothold on the Island or capture Ben and remove him, since Ben was an integral part in MIB’s master plan to get off the Island for good.

Now the only question is – how did MIB appear as Christian aboard the Kahana when he told Sawyer this season that he couldn’t just float on over to Hydra Island? First person to give me a logical explanation for that wins a No Prize.

Also food for thought – any other appearances by Daddy Shephard that influenced happenstances on the Island that I may have missed. Let me know what you all are thinking.

THE RANDOM BITS
Yes, I know it’s early to start up with the little pieces, but I told you it was gonna be short this week.

See that apple there? Yeah, that’s what us literary types like to call symbolism

Oh, hey, speaking of Kate - this week’s episode marked the 26th and 27th occasions in which Kate has either been kidnapped or gotten the better of at gun/knife/bazooka-point. The lead hobo himself, Joel Murphy, has been keeping a spreadsheet of Kate’s comeuppances, and number 26 was Claire getting the drop on her at the docks, while number 27 was Widmore’s band of geeks popping out from behind the one piece of shrubbery on the beach with guns glinting in the sun. The lesson here folks: if you want to keep the upper hand in a situation, leave Kate off the A-Team.

Sun lost her voice just for her to get it back for the tear-jerking reunion between her and Jin? Wasn’t the moment poignant enough without resorting to such an overused literary technique? I just don’t get it. I figured that was going to happen, but it doesn’t mean I have to like it. Man, I’m getting grumpy and a tad cynical after 6 seasons.

Did anybody else notice that Jack and little Jack not only look similar, but have the exact same walk? They even walk in unison. Seriously, go back and watch, it’s freaky. Also, is it just me or did David hit puberty between the few episodes in which he appeared? It sounds like his voice has been dubbed in by Barry White in this episode.

No butterflies this episode. Sadness.

I find it fascinating that Desmond is the new Jacob for LA X. I would ask if Jacob had similar abilities to Desmond, but it’s clear from the Lighthouse that the Island provided those same abilities to Jacob. From his vantage point in the Lighthouse, Jacob was able to monitor the lives of several individuals whose strings were inexorably wound about that of the Island’s. Similarly, Desmond is able to see that interconnectivity and reconnect people whose lives were touched and entangled on an alternate path. The real question now is what is Desmond’s ultimate intention? If it’s simply to help people reconnect, then he wouldn’t have resorted to such brutal tactics with Locke, no matter what his alter ego has done over on Island Prime.

No, it’s clear that Desmond is bringing everyone together for a reason, and that reason will become more clear in the next couple of weeks and result in something huge in the finale. Will the two alternaverses somehow merge? Will one dimensional timeline simply cease to be, leaving the other as the fixed timeline to ensure continuity? I had hoped to delve deeper this week into the multiverse theories and how they may converge in the finale, but I simply don’t have the time. Again, this weekend I may be able to work up one of my special graphics to cover the different scenarios we may be seeing in the next few weeks.

So, Claire said that the minute Jack let MIB talk to him that Jack was on the team. Looking back, it’s true. Sayid and Claire both joined the team, and now it seems as though Jack may have, as well. At least for now. However, it doesn’t hold true for Sawyer, because he’s still trying to get the hell off the Island – unless that’s all a ruse for the sake of really fooling Widmore. Sawyer is, after all, a master grifter. He is also, at his core, a survivor, and I would imagine James would know full well he’s not gonna survive long if Ol’ Smokey gets his way.

Did MIB know that Sawyer would steal the Elizabeth? And, if so, what purpose would that serve in his long-range plan to escape the Island?

So, you remember that part about this show being an “action drama?” Yeah, um, not so much with Jack, lately.

That about wraps it up for me this week. Again, sorry for the truncated analysis, but I hope that some of what I’ve said here can spark some fascinating discussion down in the comments, just as it did last week. I hope to be back next week with an in-depth look at the multiverse and, perhaps, a return to my old-school roots with some classic time travel mechanics. Until then, keep thinking those thoughts and if you have an epiphany, tell me something good.

Namaste.

Chris Kirkman is a graphic designer/photographer/journalist/geek extraordinaire with way too many Bruce Campbell movies in his library. Michael Emerson, Lost’s Benjamin Linus, called Kirkman’s recaps “one of the smartest articles I’ve ever read about what goes on on our show.” Kirkman is still hoping that Lost will end when Bob Newhart wakes up next to Suzanne Pleshette, complaining of a strange, strange dream. You can contact him at ckirkman@hobotrashcan.com.

Chris Kirkman

“Everybody Loves Hugo” Recap and Analysis …

Previously, on Lost: Chuck Widmore kidnapped Desmond, stuck him in a Velociraptor enclosure filled with coiled contraptions from the 2145 AD Radio Shack catalog and forced Des to do a little Doctor Who-like dimensional sidestep over into LA X where he learned, again, that it’s NOT PENNY’S BOAT and fell in love with Penny all over again. Oh, and Richard “Lashes” Alpert wants to blow some shit up.

This week, on Lost: Over in LA X, Pierre Chang put on a humanitarian slideshow for AlternaHurley, who, now beyond rich from his love of fried chicken, had just donated enough money to open a paleontology wing at the Golden State Natural History Museum. Hurley thought the trophy, a glass-shaped T Rex, was pretty cool. His mom agreed, saying everybody loves Hugo – everyone except women. Momma Reyes wants Hugo to date more, but Hurley doesn’t have the time. Uno momento por favor, says momma – she’s set him up on a blind date on the next night. Hurley doesn’t seem too sure of that idea.

Back on Island Prime, Hugo is up on Boone’s Hill, visiting Libby’s grave. A bird of paradise rests against the makeshift cross, Libby’s name scrawled down the vertical stake. Hurley tells Libby that a lot of people on the Island have talked to him since they’ve been, well, “gone” and it would be nice if Libby could maybe say hi once in awhile, too. Ilana interrupts, telling Hurley that they’re gonna trek through the jungle of mystery to the Black Rock and pick up some of that swell dynamite they got in there. Hurley doesn’t think this is a very good idea. Ilana asks about the grave, and Hurley recounts his brief relationship with Libby, saying that they were supposed to have their first picnic until she took an unexpected slug in the gut. We all wipe away a tear.

“I’m sorry,” says Ilana, as she walks away. “Yeah, me too,” says Hurley, solemnly. That’s when the whispers start up, and a lone figure walks up and says “Hey!”

Hey Mike, how’s it hanging in the afterlife? You do realize you’re standing on the grave of the lovely lady you murdered to save Waaaaaaalllllttttt, don’t you?

Hurley wants to know what the heck Kevin Johnson could possibly want, and Walt’s daddy tells Hugo in his usual impertinent manner that he’s there to keep them from all getting killed.

Cue the swirling Lost!

Michael and Hurley continue to have a staring contest, until Hugo asks why he should trust Mike since he’s a murdering bastard. Michael tells Hurley that if they go across to the plane that a lot of people are gonna die, and it’s gonna be Hurley’s fault. Mike tells Hurley that people are listening to him now. And … cue the Jack. “Hey, who you talking to, big guy?” No one, says a slightly stunned Hurley. Jack says it’s time to go in suitable Jackian fashion.

Back in LA X, Hurley is eating chips and salsa in what looks like the same Mexican dive where Metatron took the last Scion in Dogma. His blind date is late. Hugo sighs and picks up the Spanish Johnny’s menu for what is probably the 20th time, and hides behind it until a soft female voice asks “Hugo?” Hurley lowers the menu.

Holy frijoles, it’s Libby! I’ve never been so glad to be wrong in my life. Thank God you got to come back, at least for one episode.

Hurley is stunned by the blond beauty in front of him, and stammers, falling over himself trying to say hello. Hugo says that he wasn’t expecting someone so pretty, and that she doesn’t look like a Rosalita. Rosalita she’s not, explains Libby, telling Hurley that she saw him from across the room. Hurley wants to know how she knew his name, and she starts up with the usual mental health disclaimer from every other person who has ever been locked in a mental institute because they felt like they’d lived a life and had loves in another dimension. Then she asks Hurley if he believes in soul mates, to which Hugo subsequently asks if, indeed, he should. “You don’t remember, do you?” asks Libby.

Dr. Brooks interrupts and wants to know if Elizabeth is bothering the nice man. Hugo is suitably confused, but Dr. Brooks informs Hurley that Libby has just wandered off and that he’ll be taking her away now. Libby strains against the psychiatrist, pleading that Hugo believe everything that she’s told him and she meant it. She’s then escorted away.

Hugo makes his way outside and waves to Libby as she’s helped into a Santa Rosa Mental Health Institute van. Hurley smirks and shakes his head, obviously thinking to himself “figures.”

A distressed Hurley marches into his local Mr. Cluck’s and demands a bucket from one of his awe-stricken employees, then proceeds to down the whole thing, alone, at a table in the middle of the establishment. He soon pauses at a drumstick, noticing a man staring him down. It’s Desmond. “What?!” demands Hurley. Desmond quickly walks over and asks if he knows Hurley. Hurley explains that he owns the place, and offers Desmond a “Cluck it To You” keychain. Desmond insists that’s not the connection and they establish that they were both on Oceanic 815. Desmond sits down and notices all the chicken. Hurley says he eats when he’s depressed, and Desmond wants to know her name.

I want a Cluck it To You keychain, actually. And a bucket of white meat. Stat.

Hugo pushes away the bucket and tells Desmond his strange encounter with Libby. He thinks she’s totally awesome, but, unfortunately, she’s a few fries short of a Happy Meal. Desmond tells Hurley that all women are a little crazy. Amen to that, brother. Hurley says that Libby told him they already knew each other, but Hurley doesn’t remember. Desmond leans in real close and asks if Hurley believed her. Hugo pauses, then agrees that he did. Desmond tells Hurley to go with his gut and to seek Libby out. Then his order number is called – number 42, naturally – and Des excuses himself with a knowing smile.

With a renewed confidence, Hugo follows his chicken-filled gut over to Santa Rosa and asks Dr. Brooks if he can see Libby. Dr. Brooks doesn’t think it’s such a good idea since Libby doesn’t have a real firm grasp on reality. Undeterred, Hurley mentions that the rec room is looking pretty gnarly and, grinning, whips out his checkbook, asking Dr. Brooks what 100k might buy.

In the same rec room where Hurley from Island Prime had visited Leonard Simms while he played Connect Four and recited the numbers, he now waits to see AlternaLibby. She comes in, awestruck that he’s there, wanting to know if Hurley remembered. Sadly, he doesn’t. Hugo asks Libby from where, exactly, she knows him and she tells him it’s from memories of another life, with a plane crash and an Island and they knew each other and liked each other. Hugo still doesn’t remember her, and she’s says it’s okay, that she’s just crazy. Hurley says probably, but “we all got something, right?” Oh, Hurley, we love you so.

Hurley tells Libby that it takes a lot of guts to admit to someone that they know you from some bizarro, alternate universe. He always speaks exactly what us Lost geeks are thinking. Notice all the butterflies, by the way. Much more on that, later.

Hurley tells Libby that he’s often just nervous talking to a girl, and Libby tells him that he’s doing just fine. And then … Hurley asks Libby on a date. Libby says she’d love it. Awwww, go get ‘em, Tiger!

Out on a small beach in LA X, Hurley spreads a blanket and he and Libby finally have that picnic that was interrupted by Mike’s murderous mishap. Libby mentions that it all seems so familiar, like a date that they never had, and remarks that it makes her sound nucking futs. Maybe a little, says Hurley. Libby asks him why he even wants to be with her, and he turns it, asking her the same. Libby says she wants to be with him because she likes him. Pretty simple, that. When Hurley tells her she’s delusional, Libby leans in for a gentle kiss and Hurley takes a stroll down alterna-memory lane, getting flashes of he and Libby’s bizarro selves slowly falling for each other. Hurley is understandably awestricken.

“Whoa … dude …” says Hurley, enlightenment crossing his face. “I think I’m remembering stuff.”

“You are?” asks Libby, exasperated. “You mean I’m not crazy?”

“No, I don’t think you are,” says a confused, but happy Hugo.

Forget the special ability to see through time, space and dimensions – I’m jealous of this guy’s amazing parking karma.

Just past the edge of the beach, by the roadside, sits a man in a sedan. It’s Desmond. Content that his cupidly matchmaking has turned successful, he pushes his fancy shades up with a finger and drives off to help another unwitting Oceanic survivor see the light – in a very brutal and unexpected way.

But first, Island Prime. On the beach, Ilana has returned with some very shady looking sticks of dynamite and says that it’s time get medieval on the Ajira plane. Hurley doesn’t think that’s such a swell idea. I’m gonna have to agree with Hurley on this one. Ilana never watched season one, apparently. Hurley says that he doesn’t understand how blowing up the plane protects them since they’ll all be trapped on the Island with a very, very angry, murderous smoke monster and, again, I have to agree. Ilana insists that Jacob told her that Richard would know what to do and Richard said that they were supposed to blow up the plane. Richard says: “Yeah, take that!” And Hugo is all, like, well Jacob never said anything about it to me, and Ilana is all, like, just shut up already, nothing is more important than stopping that thing from …

Hold that thought, Ilana. For, like, ever.

Back at Camp Black Hat, MIB/Locke is whittling. Sawyer walks up all sassy-like and wants to know if it’s gonna be a spear. MIB doesn’t know what it’s going to be like – when the time is right, it’ll tell him. “You talking to wood, now?” asks Sawyer with gumption.

Ahem, interjects Freckles, and she takes a seat. MIB wants to know what he can do for them. They want to know the plan, since Widmore and his Geeks have taken Jin. MIB tells them to be patient, that they’re waiting because the only way they can get off the Island is if all of the original castaways are on that plane together. They also need to wait because there are six episodes left in the series.

Sayid is back. Sawyer gets all up in his grill, too. Sayid ignores him and asks for a private audience with MIB.

Sayid and MIB take a little stroll and Sayid fills him in on all the shenanigans over at Camp Widmore. MIB wants to know if Sayid found what they were hiding in the submarine. He most certainly did, and pulls back some bushes to reveal Desmond, tied to a tree. Des calmly looks at Locke, and MIB cocks his head, a wry smile slowly spreading across his face.

Back on the beach, a distraught and solemn Hurley takes a look through Ilana’s things, finding a book and the pouch with Jacob’s ashes. He looks inside, considers it for a moment, cinches it and keeps it.

Записки из подполья = Notes from the Underground by Fyodor Dostoevsky (translation by my special lady/linguistics genius). And, no, I am not going to sum this one up for you; the library is a wondrous place, full of magicks.

Meanwhile, Richard and Jack are having a little pissing contest. Richard wants to get more dynamite, or else Ilana will have died in vain. Jack says that Ilana may have died as a message for them to stay the hell away from dynamite. God help me, I agree with Jack. What’s this show coming to??? In the middle of the argument, Hurley interjects, siding with Richard. It’s the only choice they’ve got, he says, urging Jack to trust him. Jack says okay, and off they go into the jungle of mystery.

Back with MIB, Desmond is still tied to the tree. MIB says hello and apologizes for Des being tied up, but he was afraid the Scot would run before they had a chance to talk. Des explains that he doesn’t have anywhere to run to, and MIB likes that answer, cutting him free. MIB wants to know why Chuck Widmore brought Des to the Island, but Des just calmly states that he was kidnapped and that MIB would have to ask Chuck. Des tells MIB about the electromagnetic experiment, and MIB wants to know how Des can be sure what he was blasted with. Well, there was that time you and I were down in the Hatch and I had to save your balding ass from getting fried because you broke the computer, replies Des.

“Do you know who I am?” asks MIB, inquisitively.

“Of course,” says Des, calmly, an almost-knowing smile spreading across his face. “You’re John Locke.”

MIB then gets a very curious look on his face. Confusion? Intrigue? Possibly a spark of fear? Perhaps constipation; after all, do ancient smoke monsters go poop?

MIB turns to Sayid and tells him to head back to camp, that he and Desmond need to take a little walk. Then the old, dark bastard takes Desmond by the hand and tells him he wants to show the Scot a little something. This will not end well.

In the Jungle of Mystery, Richard and company are trekking toward the Black Rock. For the first time in awhile, Ben starts talking, but, as expected, it’s pure gold. He says it makes you think – Ilana, hand-picked by Jacob himself to protect all the candidates, no sooner does she tell them who they are then she blows up. Ben remarks that the Island was done with her. It makes him wonder what’s gonna happen when it’s done with them. Ben, you are so awesome, and I’m gonna be very sad when you’re martyred.

The hapless crew soon approach the Black Rock, and Richard tells everyone to stand fast, that he is going in and since he is the resident Highlander in the bunch, only he can handle the sweaty dynamite. It’s about then that they notice that Hurley is missing. “Run!” comes a voice from the brush. “GO GO GO,” screams Hugo. KABLOOEY!

Now you see it, now you don’t. Good lord, the demolitions team had a field day on this episode.

Once Richard untangles his head from his butt from the shockwave of the blast, he proves a tad upset. Hugo brushes himself off and simply states that he was protecting them.

Hugo takes a seat on a log, enjoying the new ship-sized bonfire he had just created. Miles walks up and tells Hugo that a warning would have been nice. “I said run,” says Hugo, flatly. Miles presses, wanting to know why Hugo did it. Hurley tells him that Michael told him to – one of the people that comes back and yells at him after they die. Miles asks Hugo if he always listens to what the dead tell him, and Hugo, in one of the best lines ever, simply says, “Dead people are more reliable than live people.”

MIB and Desmond are on their little walkabout through the Jungle of Mystery. MIB says that Desmond was down in the Hatch, pushing the button for three years and now he’s back on the Island, ready for more punishment. The Island must really have it in for him, says MIB. The Island has it in for all of them, says Des. MIB has no choice but to agree with that one.

MIB looks quickly over Desmond’s shoulder and the Scot turns around to see a young boy off in the brush. Des wants to know who that is, but MIB tells him to ignore him. Des presses the point and MIB gets agitated, yelling to Des to just ignore him. The strange boy gives a knowing grin and dashes off into the brush.

Oh, creepy Island Young Matt Damon, I don’t know who you are just yet, but your kind really agitates Ol’ Smokey, so you’re all right in my book.

Back at the charred remains of the Black Rock, Richard’s agitated and isn’t satisfied with just a woman and a boat going kablooey – he’s got a taste of the arsonist in him and still wants to blow up a plane. He knows there are grenades and explosives back at the Dharma barracks, and asks who wants to join up with him on his explosive endeavor. Jack wants to talk, but Richard is tired of talking. Hurley says that he knows what they need to do – they all need to go talk to Locke. Whoa whoa whoa, there, Hurley – you had me on board with the no dynamite rule, and it was cool how you blew the hell out of a land-locked 19th century ship of the line, but I don’t think doing a dance with Ol’ Smokey is the best way to go about things.

Hurley insists that it’s what Jacob wants, though, and says that Mr. White is standing right there, dealing out orders. Richard calls bullshit and says that Jacob told him what the Island really is, and if Hurley can talk to Jacob, then Jacob will tell Hurley that secret. Hurley strolls up to Richard and tells the Spaniard that he can just shove it in his Hatch, and that’s that. Sadly, we don’t find out what the Island really is, and the team splits in two once again – Ben and Miles decide to follow Richard, and Hurley, Jack, Sun and Lapidus decide to meet the devil down in Georgia. Bring your fiddle, boys.

The torches are out, people, and Hurley and crew make their way through the creepy Jungle of Mystery. Sun writes on her little doodle pad, asking Lapidus if they’ve made a mistake. “Probably,” says the frazzled pilot.

Hurley expresses concern to Jack that he won’t know what to say to Ol’ Smokey when they get there. Jack tells him that he’s sure that Locke will do most of the talking. That’ll be a change, Jack – you’re usually the one full of bluster. Hurley, afraid of what might happen to everyone, comes clean with Jack, telling him that Jacob never appeared, telling them what to do. Jack knows, but he followed anyway. You see, ever since Juliet got killed, Jack felt responsible and was trying to fix it, but he knows now that he can’t. He says it’s hard for him to sit back and let other people tell him what to do, but that’s probably the point. Maybe he’s supposed to let go. Holy crap, people, it took six seasons, a bad beard, Bai Ling, some tattoos, a drug addiction and a room full of helpless, smashed mirrors for Jack to finally learn something. God help me, I almost like him.

Hurley is still unsure of his actions, but he doesn’t have time to elaborate because the whispers start up. Jack draws his rifle and everyone’s on edge, but Hurley tells them to chill out, he thinks he knows what’s up. Then he disappears into the brush.

Away from the group a ways, Hurley calls out for Michael. He’s there. Hurley postulates that Michael is stuck on the Island, and that there are others out here, stuck just like him. That’s what the whispers are. Yup, says Michael, matter-of-factly. They’re the ones that can’t move on, says Mike. And, just like that, after six long seasons, we finally learn what the whispers are. An honest-to-goodness revelation to a secret. It’s like finding a unicorn. Anywho, Hurley asks where Locke’s at, and Mike points down, toward a campfire. Thanks, says Hurley. Don’t get yourself killed, says Mike. Oh, he would also like to add that if Hurley sees Libby that he tell her that he’s really, really very sorry for ruining her picnic with a gunshot wound to the stomach.

MIB and Desmond are still on walkabout, but it’s nighttime now. They come to a clearing, and there’s a well. MIB leads Desmond over to the edge, asking him if the Scot knows how old the well is. Very old, replies Desmond, dryly. Yup, says MIB. So old, in fact, that the people who dug the well, dug it completely by hand, and they weren’t looking for water. They were looking for answers. That place is a place where strange things might happen and compasses would spin around and around. The people wanted to know why, so they dug down, looking for what might cause it. Des wants to know if they found what they were looking for. Negatory, replies MIB.

The reason MIB brought Des here, he explains, is because Chuck Widmore is not interested in answers. He only wants power and he brought Des back to help him find what he’s looking for. This is not the only well, MIB explains. Des rares back and wonders if that’s the only reason Locke showed him the hole in the ground.

“Why aren’t you afraid?” asks MIB.

Desmond doesn’t understand the question. Locke explains – Desmond is out in the jungle, with him, not a person on Earth knows Desmond is there, and he doesn’t understand why Desmond isn’t afraid. Desmond just grins.

“What is the point in being afraid?” Desmond says, knowingly.

MIB doesn’t much care for that answer, so he throws Desmond down the well.

Back at Camp Black Hat later, MIB has returned. Sayid asks what happened to Desmond. MIB simply tells him that he doesn’t have to worry about the Scot any longer. Sawyer strolls his cocky butt over and wants to know where MIB has been. On a walk, states the smoke monster. Sawyer begins to say something else equally vitriolic, but is interrupted by a torch-bearer coming out of the brush. It’s Hurley. Sonofabitch, says James.

Hurley sheepishly says hello, and tells MIB that he’s not sure who MIB is or what he wants, but they need to talk to him. MIB asks “we?” There are other people out there, says Hurley, and he wants MIB’s word that if they can just talk, there’ll be no shenanigans, like turning into a smoke monster and beating them against a tree. MIB pauses, looks at Sayid, then pulls his knife and hands it over to Hugo. MIB gives his word, and Hurley calls out to the others who exit the brush one by one.

Jack is last one out, and he looks over and sees Kate and Sawyer, standing in the distance. Freckles gives him a little “hey good looking” grin. “Hello, Jack,” says MIB, grinning. Jack just stares into the eyes of the man he once knew as Locke – the man he once waged an ideological war against in the name of the Island – and sees something very, very frightening.

Cue the … waitaminute.

Back in LA X, AlternaLocke wheels himself across the school parking lot. Desmond, in his rented car, watches from a distance. There’s a knock on the window – it’s Dr. Linus, wondering why the hell Des has been sitting here for a few minutes ogling school children. Desmond quickly covers, saying that he’s new to the area and looking for a place for his son. His name? asks Ben. Charlie, says Desmond, quickly. Desmond keeps his eye on John Locke, and dismisses Ben with a pleasantry. Ben is quickly on his way.

Seeing Locke approaching the open part of the lot, Desmond starts his car and peels out, accelerating quickly. It’s not long before Locke meets the grill of Desmond’s BMW.

Oh, John – you just can’t catch a break in any dimension.

Locke lies huddled on the pavement, and Dr. Linus rushes over, telling John that it will be okay, and yelling for someone to call 911. Locke lies there, bashed, beaten and battered once again, struggling to understand what is happening as he feels himself slipping away. Soon, very soon, John Locke will know much more about what is happening than he probably ever wished.

Cue the THONK!

This was truly a great episode, not only because we had a few long-suffering questions answered, but because we returned to the heart and soul of Lost – our fried-chicken-loving, geek-quote-spewing everyman, Hurley. Out of all the characters in Lost, Hurley is the one stalwart companion that we all wish we had on speed dial. He represents the voice of reason, the voice of innocence and the questioning voice of optimistic inquisition. In the midst of people being blown up, and smoke monsters running about, when great wheels are turned and temporal shenanigans beyond our comprehension dare to get the better of our sensibilities, Hurley brings it all back down to Earth and gives us solid ground on which to stand. As attached as I may have become to the Juliets and the Desmonds and the questionably-moralistic Bens on this show, Hurley is the one character that can always pull at my heart strings and I can unequivocally pull for, against all odds. Without Hurley, Lost would be, well, lost.

With that said, most of this episode was fairly straightforward, so there may not be as much analysis as all of you are accustomed. Still, there are some subtle themes I’d like to point toward, as well as taking a dip into the ol’ comment section and mailbag to dig deeper into some subjects from previous weeks. So, without further ado, let’s dive headfirst into the rabbit hole.

THE METAMORPHOSIS
Many of you may recall my bringing attention to a certain insect fluttering about in “Ab Aeterno” a couple weeks back. That insect was, of course, the butterfly. In that episode, a single butterfly floats peacefully down into the Black Rock and past Richard, shackled in his chains of slavery, both to his former owners and to the future “owners” of MIB, Jacob and the Island.

Remember this? If you don’t, head on back to my analysis from “Ab Aeterno” and get reacquainted. It’s worth it, I promise.

Well, this episode proved to me that my notice of a tiny, fluttering symbol a few weeks back was not mere happenstance. This season of Lost has been filled with a running stream of symbology, as has been the norm in season’s past. The most subtle, and yet the most telling, to me has been the butterfly. In “Ab Aeterno” I mention relevant butterfly symbology from cultures throughout history. Here is an excerpt from that analysis:

In many cultures – the Irish, ancient Greeks and Chinese, to name a few – the butterfly has long since symbolized the soul. In some artistic representations of the Biblical Adam, his soul is symbolized by the butterfly, or depicted with butterfly wings. In an ancient Chinese legend, the butterfly comes to symbolize eternal love and the union of souls, as two spurned lovers are forced to commit suicide in order to be together forever.

In the context of that mythological symbolism, our little blue butterfly may be more than just a cinematic effect – it could be representative of Isabella’s soul, as she has been watching over Ricardo while he is on the Island. This is, by far, the most romantic and beautiful interpretation of the butterfly …

Beyond those specific symbols from cultures, the butterfly also embodies other symbols that have crossed cultural and ritualistic bounds that I believe are relevant to what is happening in this final season. The most obvious, of course, is that of the metamorphosis. Before the butterfly develops into its most beautiful and well-recognized state, it must begin life as a caterpillar – earth-bound and, by accounts of most sensibilities, quite unattractive. Once the caterpillar has fed and reached the end of its life cycle, it forms a pupa, or chrysalis, within which it will develop wings and metamorphose into the form of the butterfly.

As you can see, the butterfly is everywhere in the looney bin. Not only that, but it’s reinforced with the chalkboard drawing of the Island and a very telling, shadowy, crocodile-like creature drawn just outside the boundaries of the Island. Pretty cool, huh?

In relation to Lost – especially in its current incarnation – the metamorphosis points toward the developmental stage taking place in Island Prime, and how many of the survivors from that timestream (or dimension) have yet to realize their full potential. There is a point in this stage in which most of the characters have required a catalyst to jumpstart their full metamorphosis, a change in which they will reach their full potential. In this episode, Hurley is the greatest example; no longer is Hugo a slave to his inhibitions and “bad luck,” AlternaHurley has been free to use his wealth and enthusiasm to better humanity. His positive attitude and spirit subsequently brings him into contact and a second chance with his love, Libby. This sequence of events also ties closely into a theme mentioned from our first discussion about the butterfly – that of the long lost lovers. Libby and Hurley were separated in one life only to reconnect in another.

For this week’s episode-inspired recipe, I felt with all the lost love and butterflies and changes in attitude and optimism and all that feel-good stuff floating around that there was only one drink that would balance the scales. Hold onto your butts, it’s … THE NITRO Jigger of Vodka Half jigger of blended whiskey (Seagram’s 7 is always a good mixer) Cranberry Juice Orange Juice 1 dash Grenadine Gently, very gently, place the vodka, whiskey and juices in a shaker half-filled with ice. Ever so delicately pour in equal parts of orange juice and cranberry juice. Take the shaker in hand and then shake the ever-loving crap out of it. If you don’t explode, strain everything into a collins glass filled with two or three cubes of ice. Add the splash of grenadine for that color of danger to let everyone know that this drink means business, and serve. Repeat until brain asplodes. Enjoy!

Another bit of symbology that is prevalent through the butterfly is that of duality. For many cultures, the two sides of the butterfly represent a perfect and lasting symmetry – its body and wings being perfect matches for the dual sides of its body. Granted, the alternate realities inherent in Lost right now don’t necessarily represent perfect symmetry, but the seeming mirrored effect is still prevalent.

Finally, the butterfly has been used to represent the long-reaching effects of entropy, most commonly demonstrated by the “butterfly effect” – or sensitive dependence – prevalent in chaos theory. This effect is observed by small variances enacted in a system of any sort that may create large variances in another part of that system. The most common analogy is the idea that a butterfly flapping its wings in Taiwan could evolve into a hurricane on the Eastern seaboard. You can do some Internet research if you really want to know more or, better yet, read Jurassic Park. No, don’t just watch it, read it. Take my word on this one.

At any rate, in relation to what’s happening in Lost, this entropic variance can be related to time travel, or the rippling effect that one small action can have on multiple instances of the same timestream. In other words, if Jack stubs his toe and gets grumpy and loses coherent thought for a minute and suggests they go along with Faraday’s plan to set off Jughead, then the small action of him stubbing his toe may have created the long-lasting effect of the nuclear reaction creating larger reactions along the timestream, altering realities beyond that one singular moment when Jack lost his mind. Granted, this is a made-up scenario, but the course of events that led up to Jughead’s detonation could have been traced back to a single, insignificant happenstance or occurrence at some point in the timestream’s existence. Make sense? I sure hope so; I don’t want to have to explain that again.

A BREECH IN THE BROOCH
Last week, in my analysis for “Happily Ever After,” I delved into the significance of Eloise Hawking’s (Widmore in LA X) brooch, and how it may relate to her brooch in “Flashes Before Your Eyes.” In that analysis, I talked a bit about how the two starbursts could relate to alternate realities, as well as the symbology of a cataclysm – the smaller one representing the detonation of Jughead, and the larger one representing a larger, universe-altering cataclysm that is yet to come. Little did I know that such a small, subtle part of an episode would provide such rich discussion.

And, so, for this portion of my analysis I will unabashedly borrow some great thoughts from readers scattered across three Internet portals.

Mimi on HoboTrashcan.com mentioned a very intriguing aspect of the brooch symbols, as well as some insight into the test rabbit that Seamus coos before all hell breaks loose down in the Velociraptor paddock.

Mimi explains:

Well here is another one. The white rabbit, Angstrom. Anders Ångström was a Swedish physicist, mathematician, and astronomer who is widely considered the father of spectroscopy.

http://micro.magnet.fsu.edu/optics/timeline/people/angstrom.html

I have to leave for work, or else I’d LOVE to mull this one over. However, I want you to read the following paste from the above link. In thermal conductivity studies, Ångström devised a method to quantify temperature with respect to electrical conductivity. His 1853 research on electric sparks uncovered two superimposed spectra, one from the electrode metal and the other from the gas through which it passes. Ångström’s principle of spectral analysis states that incandescent gases emit rays of the same refrangibility as those they can absorb. He also studied geomagnetism.

Ok, now does that description of the superimposed spectra sound EXACTLY like the broach that Miss Ellie is wearing?

Yes, Mimi, that description does, indeed, sound exactly like what Eloise is wearing on her lovely lapel.

My column appears on three different websites, LiveJournal being the genesis portal for my column, and where my early ramblings (pre-season three) still preside.

LiveJournal user prattlingpeony had this to say:

Eloise’s brooch reminded me of the symbol on the floor when they were gathering all the people who needed to go back to the island, not necessarily an explosion of sorts .. but yes, I agree on the two realities theory of her brooch.

Peony is, of course, referring to the floor of the Lamp Post Dharma station, as seen in episode “316.”

Over on Twitter, my very perceptive buddy @powlsy recommended I refer to Juliet’s marks that were given to her in “Stranger in a Strange Land” in season three. Daniel on HoboTrashcan.com mentioned the same thing. Strangely enough, “Stranger in a Strange Land” was next on my viewing list, and I watched it recently, as I had just watched “Flashes Before Your Eyes” for last week’s episode. Coincidence? Perhaps not.

Juliet’s mark and Eloise’s brooch. Pretty darn similar, if I do say so myself.

The symbol in both episodes is the eight-pointed star. There are several mentions of the symbology of the eight-pointed star online, some religious, and some simply symbolic of a particular dynasty or family seal throughout history. The ancient Sumerians adopted the symbol of the eight-pointed star to designate something ethereal and related to ancient gods. This symbol was passed down from the Sumerians to several distinct ruling nations, most notably that of the Egyptians, who used the symbol on several statues representing different gods from the heavens. There were several American Indian tribes that used the symbol to designate power from several respective gods.

Most fascinating to me, is that the symbol in Christianity often signifies redemption or resurrection. This is interesting in relation to Eloise’s brooch, in that the LA X timeline represents a second chance, of sorts for our main characters. Their subsequent enlightenment, a la Desmond, can be signified as a light dawning, which can be tied in closely with the light that a star in the heavens might provide. Of course, stars have also been used as a guiding beacon – the north star for travelers, the star of David or of Bethlehem to signify the coming of a Messiah or important divination. In relation to the mark on Juliet’s back, the symbology has a minor corollary because although Ben placed the mark on Juliet’s back in “Stranger in a Strange Land” because of her negative actions, it symbolized a second chance – a reminder that she should seek redemption in the eyes of the Others and, ultimately, Jacob.

SPEAKING OF THE OL’ MAILBAG
Normally, my mailbox is filled with nothing but ads for male genitalia enlargement (I’m getting a complex) and offers to help a young Nigerian prince secure funds from his great inheritance (Mr. Eko?), but this week I got a really interesting email asking me what sort of music I listen to while I write these columns. Awesome question.

Normally, the first part of my column is filled with the soundtrack from whatever this week’s episode provides as I literally run through the entire episode while recapping. However, once the recap is done, it’s a free-for-all. My primary go-to is the Lost soundtrack from Michael Giacchino for season two. Strangely enough, when I need to write about poignant themes in the show, “Hurley’s Handouts” seems to magically play. Whenever I need to postulate on temporal mechanics or something really smart, “All’s Forgiven … Except Charlie” tends to play because I need something dynamic, yet relaxing. If we’re talking about murderous smoke demons, somehow “The Hunt” starts building up, and the tension ratchets.

Of course, I celebrate the end of every column with “Bon Voyage, Traitor,” which ends with the THONK and “End Title,” which has the building wwaaaaaahhhhhhnnn sound that signifies the credit roll for every episode.

If it’s not the Lost orchestral soundtrack, it’s usually The Rolling Stones or Ray Charles. Miley Cyrus seems to sneak in there from time to time, as well, but I haven’t quite figured out if that’s from my library or the library of my alternaself. With or without goatee.

THE RANDOM BITS
In this episode, Locke seemed to be carving a staff, much like Mr. Eko’s. Locke said that he wasn’t sure what he was carving, but that he would know when it told him. Just from this dialogue alone, it seems like there is more of John Locke in MIB than one might think. MIB may start to take on characteristics of the person’s whose body he is inhabiting.

Many of you may have noticed that Pierre Chang in LA X is the same age as he is in 1977 in Island Prime. Remember that the supposed year in LA X is 2004. What does this mean, exactly? I’m not sure – it could be a production error, it could be an artifact of the producers placing every significant character in the same timeline regardless of their temporal counterparts because of the close quantum entanglement that they shared due to the temporal shift of the main survivors, or candidates.

It’s very telling that Desmond said Charlie so quickly when Ben asked about his son. Either he has Charlie Pace on the brain, or he knows a helluva lot about his Island Prime life. Perhaps he’s privy to more of his alternative lifestyle than just what last week’s episode let on – just as Desmond of season three was able to get glimpses of the future, trying to save Charlie’s life, he is now able to get glimpses of the Island Prime timestream.

Poor Locke can’t catch a break. Regardless of Locke’s bad karma in both timestreams, it’s obvious that Desmond knew that running him down would create the same circumstances in which Charlie was able to view his parallel self. How much does Desmond X really know about what’s happening on the Island? Does he know his Island Prime self has been wiped out? Is Desmond able to leap back and forth between timelines, or did he witness everything he needed to witness with the first “leap?”

Hurley’s Man of the Year award is shaped like a T Rex. I find this hilarious, and a nice touch by the production team, since Hurley and the rest of the audience thought that the “monster” could be a dinosaur.

The whispers – why can everyone else hear them? Are there spots on the Island where the barrier between dimensions are thinner? Perhaps that explains Jacob’s cabin, and why only a select few people managed to see and hear Jacob. There may be need to take a closer look at the first encounter in Jacob’s cabin – was it MIB playing around with John Locke? We’ve speculated that may be the case, but this is something I am going to have to investigate further in order to make some sense of things.

Libby and Hurley’s connection – people can get in touch with the alternate timeline through a near-death experience or through love – something emotionally traumatic or uplifting. Since Charlie died in Island Prime, he is connected to that event in LA X. Locke is the same way – since he died at the hands of Ben, he is connected to that event now because of his rundown by Desmond.

Finally, who is the mysterious boy? He’s aged since the last time we saw him – or has he? The first boy had blonde hair, and this boy seems to be dark-haired. Is this just an artifact of filming? Could the boy be Jacob, reborn, and aging quickly because of the Island’s powers? It seems to remind me of Spock in Star Trek III, who died and was sent to the Genesis planet, where he developed. Could the boy possibly be Aaron, caught in a time loop of some sort? Maybe Jacob IS Aaron. This one is most definitely up for discussion.

That about wraps it up for this week. Great thinking out there, by the way. Keep at it – we’ve only got a month and a half left before our playground closes for good. I’ll be back next week with more ramblings and ruminations. In the meantime, keep thinking those thoughts, and if you have an epiphany, tell me something good.

Namaste.

Chris Kirkman is a graphic designer/photographer/journalist/geek extraordinaire with way too many Bruce Campbell movies in his library. Michael Emerson, Lost’s Benjamin Linus, called Kirkman’s recaps “one of the smartest articles I’ve ever read about what goes on on our show.” Kirkman is still hoping that Lost will end when Bob Newhart wakes up next to Suzanne Pleshette, complaining of a strange, strange dream. You can contact him at ckirkman@hobotrashcan.com.

Chris Kirkman

“Happily Ever After” Recap and Analysis …

Previously, on Lost:

Nobody can tell ya,
There’s only one song worth singing,
They may try and sell ya,
‘Cause it hangs them up to see someone like you …
But you’ve gotta make your own kind of music,

Even if nobody else sings along …

This week, on Lost: We open on an eye, of course. Desmond’s eye. He’s groggy. Zoe’s there, and she explains that he’s coming out of sedation, and that they had to move him from the hospital. Desmond wants to know where he’s been moved, and he also wants to see Penny. A familiar voice informs Des that won’t be possible, and the plucky Scot looks up to see ol’ Chuck Widmore. The look on Desmond’s face and the sigh of disgust say that he’s not glad to see his bastardly father-in-law.

Desmond is understandably perturbed, and Widmore urges everyone to leave so he can take care of things. Chuck reminds Des that he was shot by Ben. Desmond just wants to see Penny, and Chuck tells him that his wife and son are perfectly safe. Chuck apologizes for taking Des away so quickly, but he had to do it this way because there’s no way Des would come with him if he hadn’t. Come where? asks Des.

“I brought you back to the Island. I can’t imagine how you must be feeling, but if you’ll give me a chance to explain …”

“Explain?? Explain it to this IV stand, you old British bastard!”

A couple of members of the Geek Squad rush in and stop Desmond from beating the Boddington’s out of Chuck. Desmond struggles, screaming his Scottish lungs out, demanding to be taken back. Chuck tells Desmond that he can’t take him back – the Island isn’t done with Desmond just yet.

Widmore wipes the blood from the huge gash in his balding head and saunters into the hall. Jin is there, wondering why Desmond is on the Island. Chuck tells Kwon that it would be easier to show him than tell him, because nobody who knows anything about the damn Island likes to talk about it. Widmore orders Zoe to get the test ready for Desmond, but Zoe reminds Chuck that the test wasn’t scheduled until the next day. Chuck knows when the bloody test was sheduled, just get his machines ready. Then he storms off in a particularly British way.

Zoe takes Jin on a little walk to one of the Hydra facilities, past one of the old Velociraptor enclosures.

Tell me seriously that this scene doesn’t remind you of the opening of Jurassic Park. Dharma could have had Velociraptors. It’s a time-travelling Island, you know. I’m just saying.

Zoe takes Jin into a control room with nobs and geegaws and all sorts of ex-military and steampunk technology. The rest of the Geek Squad are there, running around, flipping switches and acting important. Zoe informs Seamus – that’s the chubby one – that Widmore is moving up the schedule, and Seamus gets all agitated, saying that these are 20-year-old generators and there’s no telling what will work and he’s not even supposed to be here today, etc. Seamus decides to do a power test, and he turns some nobs and flips some switches, and then pulls back on the gearshift from a 1971 VW – and nothing happens. He orders one of the other geeks, Simmons, to go down and check the solenoids, and then informs a white bunny named Angstrom that he’s going in the box next.

Simmons runs down to the Velociraptor enclosure and goes inside. He uses a PKE meter or something to test the shininess of two ginormous copper coils, facing each other on opposite ends of the box. There’s a chair with straps in the middle between the two coils.

Nothing good will come of this.

Meanwhile, up in the control room, Zoe and Seamus watch Simmons on a monitor. Over in the corner, one of the geeks yells out that he’s found it – it being a bad breaker on the generator. He grips a large switch and says that he’s gonna bring it back online. In classic comic book secret origins manner, he flips the switch and we all see what’s coming.

It’s funny, he wasn’t even wearing a red shirt. Also, raise your hand if that lone chair in a room reminded anyone of Jacob’s cabin?

Zoe yells no, Seamus yells for the geek to shut it down, the box gets all bright and shiny, and they all run down to see what the hell happened. Just as they’re about to enter the box, there’s a large growl, the box shakes and then a giant, green fist pops through the side, splintering the wood into a billion pieces. Nah, I’m just kidding, Simmons is a crispy critter inside.

Widmore walks up and asks Zoe if everything’s ready. Two heavies escort Desmond up to the door and he sees Simmons on the floor, still oven fresh. Des looks a tad upset.

And all this happens before the swirling Lost!

Simmons’s burnt body is pulled out of the box, and Desmond is dragged in, tenderized a bit and then strapped into the chair. Widmore apologizes that he has to do things this way, but after it’s all over he is going to ask Des to make a sacrifice and he hopes it will all be worth. Um, sacrifice? That doesn’t sound too good. Des says that Widmore doesn’t know anything about sacrifice, but the Brit straightens him out real quick. His son, Daniel, died for the sake of the Island, his wife and daughter hate him, he’s never even seen his grandson and he just got a hangnail. All of that doesn’t matter, though, because if he and Desmond fail, all of it will be over and everyone will be gone. Forever. And ever.

Chuck and his peeps leave, shutting the door behind them, and Des wigs out, bashing the chair and freeing himself. It’s no good, though – that enclosure was designed to hold in Velociraptors, so there’s no way he’s getting out. Up in the control room, Widmore tells them to light it up, but Jin protests. Chuck explains to Jin that Desmond is the only person he knows that has survived a catastrophic electromagnetic event and he needs to know if he can do it again, or they all die. So dramatic, Chuck. Turn it on, he orders.

They do. Seamus hesitates at the VW gearshifts, so Widmore pops it into second gear for him. The coils start doing their thing, the gauss meters go up to 11, and Desmond is lit up like a Christmas tree.

Desmond Hume – future superhero.

Everything goes white. And then, clouds.

Desmond is standing in front of an Oceanic display, in the baggage claim area of LAX. He seems a bit dazed. Hurley walks by and mentions that the Sydney bags are on carousel four. Desmond smiles and thanks him.

At the carousel, Claire is having trouble with her bag. Des is right there to help, as always. He asks her if she’s expecting a boy or a girl, but Claire hesitates. He apologizes for prying, but she says that she simply doesn’t know yet. Des grabs his bag and they walk along, chit chatting. Des offers Claire a ride, but she declines and they say their goodbyes. “A boy,” says Des, pointing at her tummy. “I’ll bet it’s a boy.”

Just past baggage claim, a man stands, whistling, holding a sign that reads HUME. It’s George Minkowski, the ex-communications officer of the freighter Kahana that came unstuck in time back in “The Constant.” In this reality, he’s a chauffeur. He takes Desmond’s bag and then starts gabbing. He tells Des that he can get him whatever he wants, and then eludes to escorts, if Des gets lonely. You might be an okay communications officer, but you’re a lousy chauffeur, George. Des explains that he’s not here for companionship, he’s here to work. George gets the picture.

Des arrives at an office, and greets the receptionist. She says to go right in. Des walks into a finely appointed office suite, with art adorning the walls. Within the office, behind his massive desk, sits Charles Widmore. Desmond smiles, Chuck gets up and the two hug it out, just like old friends.

Widmore’s lovely sailboat is still in its place here in LA X, but the painting of the polar bear has been replaced by one of scales, balancing black and white objects. A little heavy-handed, but a nice touch.

Long story short, Chuck and Des absolutely adore each other in this reality, and Chuck needs Des to go down and bail out the bass guitarist for Drive Shaft who is supposed to play with his son at a charity function that his wife is putting together. As we all know, that’d be Charlie. Des says no worries, sir, and Chuck expounds with platitudes. Widmore goes over to his liquor cabinet and pours them both a shot of MacCutcheon’s scotch – the same scotch, you all may recall, that he said was worth more than Desmond’s miserable life, back in “Flashes Before Your Eyes.” Charles remarks that nothing is too good for Desmond, and they cheer. “Slainté,” says Des.

Des drives over to the courthouse, and an attorney walks Charlie out to meet them. Desmond tries to introduce himself, but Charlie just takes his stuff and, without saying a word, walks across the street, never bothering to pay attention to traffic. Several cars swerve and slam on brakes, but Charlie pays no attention. He walks into a bar called Jax. Desmond follows.

Charlie orders a drink and Desmond sits down next to him, telling the bartender he’ll have the same. They proceed to have a very colorful and enlightening conversation, wherein Charlie recounts how he has seen the truth – a spectacular, consciousness-altering love. On the plane from Sydney when Charlie got the heroin stuck in his throat, he was about to die, but as he was about to be swallowed up by the abyss, Charlie had a vision of a beautiful blond woman. He felt all-encompassing love, as if they had always been and always will be together.

There are bits and pieces of props from the show scattered all over this bar, and the sign behind Desmond says something about “exceptional island colors.” I love the set designers.

Desmond tells Charlie he should write a song about it, and then tells him he has a choice – stay here and drink, or come with him and get his rock thing on and have Charles Widmore owe him one. Charlie mentions that it doesn’t seem like he has much of a choice, to which Desmond replies, “There’s always a choice, brotha.”

Out in Desmond’s car, “You All Everybody” is playing on the radio. They drive by a very familiar marina, and Charlie mentions that he feels sorry for Desmond and his life. “Why, because it’s not real?” asks Desmond. Charlie says that he could show Desmond what he’s talking about, or Des could get out of the car. Desmond is confused by this choice, so Charlie simply grabs the steering wheel and they do a Thelma and Louise straight into the marina water.

The car sinks down, down, down. Desmond escapes his seat belt and tries to free Charlie, but has to come up for air. He dives back down and tugs at the passenger-side door. Charlie’s eyes open and he turns to Desmond with a very creepy and telling look, pressing his hand to the window. Desmond looks toward Charlie’s hand and has a vision.

This would be about the time I peed my pants.

Charlie drops his hand, turning back around, unconscious. Desmond frees him, pulls him to the surface and over to the embankment of the marina, sirens blaring in the distance.

A doctor checks Desmond out, mentioning that he’s had quite the bump on the noggin. “Any hallucinations?” she asks. Desmond doesn’t know how to answer that question since he’s just caught a glimpse into an alternate reality. The doc sends Desmond down for an MRI. Hrm, magnetic resonance – this ought to go well.

The MRI tech straps Desmond into the gurney and hands him the Button. “The button?” asks Desmond with an air of strange familiarity. Yeah, the tech says – the panic button in case claustrophobia kicks in. The tech places the head guard over Desmond, the gurney slides into place and the machine hums into life. Des immediately sees a vision of Charlie as he’s drowning in the Looking Glass station, back on the Island, then a procession of his other life with Penny, his true love. He hears Penny call out his name, and then the visions end. That’s when Desmond pushes that panic button and hightails it out of there to find Charlie.

Out in the hall, one of the attending nurses is being obstinate and not telling Desmond where he can find Charlie. Des notices ol’ Jackie boy and recognizes him from the plane. He asks for Jack’s help in finding another guy that was on the plane and is now in the hospital. Jack repeats what Des just said, reiterating that the guy was just on their plane and is now in the hospital. I guess Jack thought that was a rather odd tidbit.

Jack didn’t really have much time to explore the ramifications there, as Charlie chose that time to jackrabbit past him and Desmond, an orderly hot on his heels. Desmond gives chase down a flight of stairs and backs Charlie into a corner. Des wants to know why Charlie was trying to kill him, to which Charlie replies that he was just trying to show Des something. Des wants to see Charlie’s hands, and then demands to know who “Penny” is. Charlie’s eyes get real big and he knows that Desmond has, indeed, seen what Charlie wanted him to see – the truth.

Charlie turns to leave, but Desmond stops him. Charlie shrugs Desmond’s hand away, telling him that there’s no way he’s playing a rock concert after what just happened. He urges Desmond to stop worrying about him, and that Desmond should start looking for Penny.

So that’s what Desmond does.

But first, he has to tell Chuck Widmore that his son won’t be playing with Drive Shaft that afternoon. Widmore’s true colors come to the fore and he gets all pissy, telling Desmond that since he’s failed, he has to go over to the benefit and tell his wife that she can’t have her way.

George drives Desmond over to the charity event, wishing Desmond good luck in dealing with Mrs. Widmore, since Des has never met her. Inside one of the tents on the lawn at the charity function, a woman scolds one of the servers about the proper way to place a butter knife. It’s none other than Eloise Hawking, our resident Time Lord. She walks away, pissed that her cutlery is not receiving proper attention.

Desmond brushes his hand through his long locks and braces himself for the showdown. He gets Eloise’s attention, and the queen of quantum turns as he introduces himself. Eloise shows it all on her face – a moment of shocked recognition. She then smiles and says that Charles has mentioned him quite a bit. She insists that he call her Eloise, and it’s all very pleasant and, well, British.

Ellie asks Des why he’s come down to the benefit, and Desmond cuts right to the chase. He tells her that Drive Shaft won’t be performing with her son, and he takes full responsibility. She waves him off, saying it’s no big deal. When dealing with rock stars, she states – one must deal with a certain degree of unpredictability. Anyone else feel like that was a very leading bit of dialogue? At any rate, she dismisses the whole thing, saying “what happened, happened.” That saying must be burnt into her entire bloodline.

Hello, AlternaEllie. Nice brooch you have there. We’ll get to that in a bit.

They exchange pleasantries, and Desmond excuses himself. He passes by two of the benefit organizers, as they read through the guest list. Des hears “Milton, Penny,” and he gives pause. He asks the servers if he could look over the guest list, and takes the sheet. Eloise takes it back, telling Desmond that the list is confidential, and reprimands the Scot. Desmond is suitably flustered, and Eloise asks him to come with her.

She marches Desmond over to one of the tents and dismisses the help. Desmond tries to explain why he was looking at the list, and Eloise tells him to shut it. She’s heard his say, and she wants him to stop. “Stop what?” asks Des. Eloise says that it’s clear someone has altered his way of seeing things, and it’s wrong. In fact, it’s a violation. Of what, I have no idea – Time Lord code, I reckon. Anyway, she urges him to stop looking for whatever it is he’s looking for.

Desmond wants to know if Eloise knows what he’s looking for. No, she says, and she doesn’t know why he’s looking for anything. He has the perfect life, and he finally has the one thing he’s always wanted – Chuck’s approval. “How do you know what I want?” asks Desmond.

“Because I bloody do!” shouts Eloise.

Desmond demands to see that list, or at least know why she won’t show it to him. In desperation, she says that he’s not ready yet. Desmond turns in desperation. “Ready for what?!”

Desmond returns to the car, looking distraught. George remarks that it looks like it didn’t go too well. Des gets in and pours himself a scotch, telling George to just drive. The departure is interrupted, however, by a musician, knocking on the window. It’s Daniel Faraday – now Widmore in LA X. He tells Desmond that they need to talk. The ominous violins play and it’s time for a commercial break.

Dan takes Des over to a bench along a stone wall, and asks Desmond if he believes in love at first sight. Des is confused. Dan recounts how he first saw her, a beautiful, red-haired beauty, eating a chocolate bar – of course – and how he just knew, immediately, that he loved her. The same night that he saw the woman, he woke up and drew a little something special in his journal.

Desmond doesn’t know what he’s looking at, so Dan explains that he took it to one of his friends at CalTech who informed Dan that it’s quantum mechanics, something that someone who had been studying it their entire lives might come up with. Desmond probes further, wanting to know what it means. Dan tells Desmond to imagine that something terrible is about to happen, something catastrophic, and the only way to stop it is to release a huge amount of energy – like setting off a nuclear bomb. This concerns Desmond quite a bit, and he asks Dan if he plans to set off a nuclear weapon. Dan counters by saying that what if all this, this reality, is not their real life, not the life that was meant for them, and that they somehow changed things. He doesn’t want to set off a nuclear bomb – he’s afraid he already has.

Desmond’s noodle is getting good and cooked, as is ours, and he doesn’t understand what any of it has to do with him. Dan wants to know why Des asked his mum about a girl named Penny. Desmond hesitates. Dan says that Des knows now – he felt something. Desmond doesn’t know what he felt, but Dan insists that it was love. Desmond refuses to accept that it’s love since he doesn’t know anything about Penny, and he doesn’t even know if she exists. She’s an idea, says Desmond.

“No, Mr. Hume … she’s my half-sister,” says Dan. “And I can tell you exactly when and where you can find her.”

It’s night. Desmond walks into a stadium – the same one where he and Jack first met back before Des became the man in the Hatch on Island Prime. This time around, however, it’s not Jack doing the tour de stade – it’s Penny. Penny comes down the steps and stops, exhausted, in one of the stadium seats. Desmond asks if she’s Penny, and she is disarmed, but affirms. He introduces himself, she smiles, and they shake hands.

Then Desmond wakes up on the floor of the box, back on Island Prime.

Widmore and the gang open up the door and examine Desmond. Des asks how long he’s been out, and Chuck tells him only a few seconds. He helps Desmond to his feet, apologizing for having to do things this way, but Desmond’s “talent” is vital to his mission. He offers to explain, but Desmond says there’s no need. He understands. Chuck is surprised, but Desmond says that Chuck brought him to the Island for something important, and asks when they start.

The group walks back to the control room and Zoe wants to know what the hell happened to Desmond – 20 minutes prior, he was beating Widmore to death with an IV stand and now he’s Mr. Cooperative. “A lot can happen in 20 minutes,” says Des. It sure can. A lot can happen in 20 seconds, too, as Sayid pops out from the underbrush and dispatches two of the geeks. He points a gun at Zoe and tells her to run. She wastes no time.

Sayid tells Desmond that he doesn’t have time to explain, but that the people he’s with are extremely dangerous and that Des needs to come with him. Boy, that’s really the pot calling the kettle black. Desmond looks at the Iraqi with a detached resignation and says of course, lead the way. They walk off.

Desmond wakes up on the floor of the stadium. Penny asks if he’s okay, because he just fainted. He says he’s fine. She wants to know if they’ve met before. Oh, you could say that, darlin’. Des asks Penny if she’d like to go for a coffee, and she agrees to meet him there in an hour. They both grin like two high schoolers who just agreed to go to prom together. Penny walks away, looking back over her shoulder and giggling. Des is very happy. He breathes a deep sigh of contentment.

Des returns to the car, still smiling. George asks him if he found what he was looking for. Des says he most definitely did. He gives George the address of the coffee shop where he’ll meet Penny. George tells him no problem and says that if there’s anything else Des needs, to just ask. Des thinks for a minute and leans forward. There’s one thing the Scot would like – the manifest for Flight 815, just the names of the passengers. Sure thing, says George, but he wants to know why Des would need it.

“I just want to show them something.”

Cue the THONK!

I don’t know about you, but I just swallowed my gum. We’ve had some good episodes this season, but for the first time in a long time, I had several of what I like to call “Lost moments” during this episode – periods when a big smile would come across my face and I’d find myself pumping my fist in the air a few times, or saying “wooohoooo!” In other words, acting like a crazy person. Speaking of crazy, what the H-E-double hockey sticks is going on around here? I can’t promise you that I can come up with any answers, but I’m just gonna ramble on about stuff I think I know – or, perhaps, just stuff that my alternate reality self really knows since he went into philosophy or physics or, more than likely, screenwriting.

YOU’RE JUST NOT THINKING NINTH DIMENSIONALLY
We’re gonna get to the part where we talk about love and fate and free will and Eloise’s fancy new brooch, but first I want to take a peek under the hood at the mechanics of Desmond’s little quantum leaps. A definitive guide to how Desmond’s consciousness leaps throughout the timeline has been established during his mind’s time abroad in “Flashes Before Your Eyes” and “The Constant.” I rewatched both of them after this week’s episode, and I’m sad to say that there’s not a whole lot new I can add when benefited with hindsight. What it did do, however, is remind me of how I described time as a string, and how that can still explain some things in the context of Island Prime and LA X.

I first covered all this way back in season four during my analysis of “The Constant.” However, I revised my theories and introduced the tangled string in my analysis of the season five opener, “Because You Left,” and “The Lie.” Feel free to go back and look that over, but I’m going to repeat some of it here so that I can be lazy and stand upon the shoulders of a guy who was a year younger and a few brain cells richer.

Excerpt from A Quantum Leap Forward:
In our temporal analysis from last year, I talked a bit about the simplistic view of space-time existing as an extra dimension beyond our conventional three dimensions. Now, however, it’s important that we start to look further into viewing time through string theory. Imagine, if you will, that time is like a string. An individual’s personal timeline can be represented as a straight piece of string, with birth at the beginning and death at the end.

We started out talking about all this in much the same way.

The points along the string represent the individual moments of a person’s lifetime. If you could somehow put the two ends of the string together, life would be a loop.

Now, if you could somehow coil the string – ball it up like a big bit of yarn for the cats – then various moments of your life would intersect or touch another moment. Theoretically, you could jaunt from moment to moment along the string, allowing you to move back and forth along the string within your own lifetime. If you want to know more about all this from a far more entertaining aspect, go catch some repeats of Quantum Leap.

Of course, the string could be messier, with more intersects, looser with less intersects, or more organized, with exact intersects. I like to think of the coiled string as just a bit messy, much like life.

At any rate, Desmond’s experiences from last season imply that it was simply his consciousness that was shifting across the string. He was able to view and interact with moments along his timeline, but his “present” physical self was not transported to that particular moment. Again, this is much like how Sam Beckett jaunted his conscious mind about in Quantum Leap.

End excerpt.

I go on in that analysis to talk about how the survivors’ “strings” have all become connected to one another in the past or through alternate timelines, or rewritten timelines, and a lot of that is still good stuff that relates to what’s happening between LA X and Island Prime. I urge anyone interested to check it out. It gets your brain juices flowing.

For this week’s analysis, I just want to go a bit simpler and focus on Desmond’s ability to “leap” and how he is able to do so to an alternate timeline. In “Flashes Before Your Eyes” and “The Constant,” Desmond leaps back in time to 1996 – a very pivotal year for him, apparently. This is the year that he was going to propose to Penny, but broke things off and joined the army. Through his actions, he was able to alter the past a bit, and, as a consequence, the present. Daniel talks a bit about his ability to do this in “The Variable.” We’re not going to get into all that right now, I just want to establish that his quantum shift in consciousness had been, up to this point, only into the past – from the year 2004.

Now, bear with me, but I have two theories as to how it’s now possible that Desmond can “leap” sideways to another reality – in essence, into another dimension. For that, I have to break out another little sketch.

In this example, Desmond’s life prior to the detonation of Jughead in 1977 would have been fairly linear (for the sake of this example – in reality, it would be jumbled together as in my third figure above, but I only have so many hours in a day). After the detonation of Jughead, a new quantum state was created wherein the Island was sent to the bottom of the sea, and most of our characters never set foot there. I’ve been calling this reality, or alternate timeline, LA X.

After Desmond’s two realities diverged, the quantum consciousness string continued to remain attached all the way back to Desmond’s past, as well as continuing to loop and become intertwined. In essence, while the strings were looping in around themselves, they were also looping and getting tangled together. Therefore, when Desmond’s mind goes on walkabout, he’s able to access LA X through intersects in the two timelines.

The other theory is a bit more esoteric.

When Jughead was detonated in 1977, the survivors created a paradox. Since the Island was now on the bottom of the sea and none of the Oceanic group would ever set foot there, there was no way for them to travel back in time and for Juliet to detonate Jughead. In mutable non-branching timeline theory, this would mean that the versions of the survivors who had committed the action would cease to exist, replaced instead by the versions now inhabiting LA X. Because the paradox exists because the Island exists, the Island has become separated from the main timeline altogether. It now exists – and, possibly, may have always existed – outside the conventional domain of the space-time continuum. It could exist in a sort of phase bubble, tucked away neatly outside the normal stream of things. It would account for the time dilation that Daniel noticed and for the peculiarities in finding the Island once you’re off it. This opens up a whole can of worms worth of discussion, but we’ll have to save that for now. The focus of this theory this time around is its effect on Desmond’s leaping.

If the Island has become more than just an Island in space, and is now truly an Island in time, then the past that Desmond was leaping into in “Flashes Before Your Eyes” and “The Constant” no longer exists. When Chuck submitted Desmond to the EM pulse in the box, Desmond’s consciousness could not leap back into his known past – the only constant that still existed was the year 2004, the year he lept from previously. The events in this year are now, of course, the events that have occurred to the occupants of Oceanic 815 that never crashed. In essence, there is a gap between the “time” that is surrounding the Island, and the last known entry point into or out of any timeline, the 2004 of LA X.

Of course, none of this explains how Charlie can, essentially, do what Desmond does for a brief moment just before death. I’ll wager that it has to do with his consciousness slipping away into another phase state. This may account for Hurley’s ability to see the “dead,” because they’re not really dead, their consciousness has just slipped into another state of being, or even another alternate timeline or dimension from the one enveloping Island Prime. I could go on about this for at least a couple of days, but it’s time to move on and talk about everyone’s favorite Time Lord (my apologies to Tom Baker).

SHE’S HAVING THE TIME OF HER LIFE
First off, let’s talk about those magic brooches, shall we?

On the left, we have the brooch Eloise was wearing in “Flashes Before Your Eyes.” This is representative of the Ouroboros – the mythical symbol of the snake eating its own tail. It signifies that everything is cyclical. I’ve brought up this brooch and its significance several times. Now in this week’s episode, her brooch – on the right – seems to reflect two cataclysms. Does that represent cataclysms occurring across two parallel worlds? Or does it reflect the cataclysmic event that was supposed to happen back in 1977, and the larger release of energy that Daniel brought about when Juliet smashed Jughead, down in the Hatch shaft? It could signify a cataclysm that has yet to occur. Or it could simply be a symbol of the two realities we are witnessing. I do find it fascinating that one starburst is larger than the other. Whomever designed this brooch did a nice job.

For this week’s episode-inspired drink recipe, I thought it would be fun to make a Desmond-inspired twist on an old favorite, the Eye-Opener. Our favorite Scot has a new trick in his temporal repertoire, and now with the help of Charlie … EVERYTHING’S ILLUMINATED 2 teaspoons Pernod 1 jigger of gold rum 1 egg yolk 1 teaspoon simple syrup 1 teaspoon Creme de Cacao 1/2 jigger of Triple Sec Take each ingredient and slowly pour into a chilled shaker, filled with ice cubes. Take your time. Contemplate each pour. Listen the sound the ice makes as it melts. Shake it well and strain it into a small highball or sour glass, noting the ethereal aroma. Down the first one quickly, and then make yourself another, taking it all in. After all, there’s no rush – everything’s getting clearer now, and you’ve got all the time in the worlds.

Speaking of Eloise, in “Flashes Before Your Eyes,” when Desmond tries to buy the ring for Penny, she tells him that he doesn’t do it – and that if he continues on his path and does not end up on the Island, in the Hatch to turn the failsafe key, then everyone is dead. This is pretty much the same mantra that Widmore, Jacob, Ilana and many others have been spouting about MIB getting off the Island.

Eloise makes sure that every single person that was on Oceanic 815 makes it back to the Island, but why? Is it because she is looking after the Island, as either a servant of Jacob or as a free agent? Or were her intentions more self-serving and a bit devious? Let’s think about this for a minute – Eloise created a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy with her son Daniel. She shoots her own son who has time-traveled to the past, and she has to live with the knowledge of this for all her life. She chooses not to tell Daniel, however, and urges him to pursue physics, knowing full well the fate that would be in store for him. Now, with all that said, she may have also concluded that Daniel may have found a way to gum up the works, which he does with Jughead. By Daniel’s actions of telling the survivors to detonate Jughead, he created an alternate reality where he lives, and Eloise gets to keep her son and be married to her Island partner, Charles Widmore. Could this be why she is so ticked at Desmond, because she’s afraid he’ll screw the whole thing up?

We have to also remember that Eloise is the one that re-focused Desmond after his first quantum leap, informing him that he was not supposed to buy the ring, and if he continued on his present course of actions, he would jeopardize the whole world. Maybe she said that so MIB could continue to be contained – but maybe she said it because she knew it could protect the path that her son would need to take in order to shake the heavens and break some temporal laws. Perhaps it’s not Desmond who has been perpetrating violations – it’s Mrs. Hawking, herself.

Also bear in mind that in “This Place is Death,” Christian Shephard appears to Locke down in the Great Wheel room, shortly before he resets it and keeps the Island from jumping around. Christian tells Locke that he should get in touch with Eloise when he gets to LA. It’s from this contact with Eloise that she is able to set in motion the plan to get everyone back to the Island. We’ve speculated many times now about the real identity of Christian Shephard – has he been the true mouthpiece for Jacob? Can Jacob shapeshift like Ol’ Smokey? Or has Christian Shephard been MIB, pulling strings all along? If the truth is the latter, that would make Eloise’s actions in getting everyone back to the Island a bit nefarious – if she really knew the truth about it all.

Of course, Eloise could simply be the resident time cop, making sure that everyone is staying within the boundaries, lest all humanity cease to exist and octopi or flying squirrels or even Velociraptors would become the dominant species.

THE RANDOM BITS
We can now draw the probable conclusion that LA X is the timeline that branched off from the detonation of Jughead. The release of energy created a dual state for the survivors. In one reality, the Island was taken out of the equation altogether and they all lead very different lives. No one really dies in this reality, per se, but they also haven’t been free to experience all they can experience. This is what Charlie mentions when he speaks to Desmond of love. Yes, Charlie on Island Prime sacrificed his life, but he also knew the love of Claire. Desmond sees the truth in this when he has a vision of Penny.

The only person who can break the veil between the two realities, other than Desmond, is Charlie. Is this because he’s dead in the Island Prime timeline? Charlie saw a vision of his other self right as he was about to die – indicating that his consciousness was slipping away and over to another reality. Is the same thing true for those who died on Island Prime? I’m thinking particularly about Juliet’s mention of “going dutch for some coffee” shortly before she died in Sawyer’s arms.

The number of references to past events in this episode, and their alternate outcomes, are mind-boggling, and fun. A list of important ones of note:

• Desmond is helpless to save Charlie from drowning at the Looking Glass station, but manages to save him from drowning in the marina.

• In the MRI, the tech tells Desmond that he shouldn’t push the Button, but on Island Prime, Desmond’s job was to repeatedly push the Button.

• Daniel Faraday always wanted to be a musician, but Eloise pushed him to study physics. In LA X, his mum is content with her life and leaves him be, so he’s free to become the musician and leave the physics behind, until his quantum mechanics vision.

• Eloise speaks of a “violation” when Desmond comes searching for Penny in LA X. Eloise mentioned the same thing when Desmond’s consciousness leapt back in time in “Flashes Before Your Eyes.”

Daniel plays the piano in The Variable – does he just know how to play the piano, or was he having some sort of vision about an alternate reality for himself, like his musician counterpart in LA X? Has the alternate reality always existed, and it was Dan’s experiments and leaping that allowed him to see the possibility of changing things?

Watching “Flashes Before Your Eyes,” some questions come to mind – Was Desmond placed in the Hatch for a reason? Was he called to the Island by Jacob because Jacob can observe things as a casual observer outside of the quantum entanglement? Desmond was brought there for a reason – maybe by Jacob, maybe by someone or something else – but he is the Variable, the one monkeywrench in the works. Also, whomever or whatever brought him there knew that he would end up in the Hatch and possibly/definitely turn the failsafe that would result in him and his consciousness bouncing between realities. Eloise Hawking was very definitive in this in “Flashes Before Your Eyes.” We talked a bit about this back in that whole part about Eloise and her magic brooches.

In “Flashes Before Your Eyes,” Desmond meets with his friend Donovan, who is a physicist. As Desmond explains what is happening to him, Donovan remarks: “There’s no such thing as time travel, Des. True love is just as unlikely.” I just thought that was a neat corollary.

What would you do if you knew you had a second chance at everything? What if you knew that you would die a lonely hermit at the bitter age of 63 because you chose to go to prom with her instead of her? What if you had decided to tell off that abusive boss 15 years ago and were no longer shackled to a dead-end job, and knew you could instead move onto greatness, free to move mountains? What would you do with that knowledge? If you knew that, no matter what you did in this life, you could have it all in another? Would that frighten you, or make you invincible? Just something to think about as you sit and ponder the possibilities that somewhere, somehow, somewhen, there might just be another you, sitting at their holocube, reading about this week’s episode of Found and thinking about you. I can guarantee you they have a goatee.

That’s about it for this week. I wish I had more time to get into the significance behind what Desmond learns and speculate a bit about what’s to come and what he plans to do with the Oceanic group over in LA X, but that would take me further down the rabbit hole than I have time for right now. I would be more than willing to hear some speculation and engage in some quantum philosophizing down in the comments, however. Break out your mortar boards and monocles, and let’s hear what you’ve all got. I’ll try to expand more on this particular topic next week, especially as we see more of Widmore’s plan and how Desmond will ultimately interact with MIB. Until next time, keep thinking those thoughts and if you have an epiphany, tell me something good.

Namaste.

Chris Kirkman is a graphic designer/photographer/journalist/geek extraordinaire with way too many Bruce Campbell movies in his library. Michael Emerson, Lost’s Benjamin Linus, called Kirkman’s recaps “one of the smartest articles I’ve ever read about what goes on on our show.” Kirkman is still hoping that Lost will end when Bob Newhart wakes up next to Suzanne Pleshette, complaining of a strange, strange dream. You can contact him at ckirkman@hobotrashcan.com.

Chris Kirkman

“The Package” Recap and Analysis …

Previously, on Lost: AlternaJin forgot to mention his briefcase full of money on the customs form and was detained at LA X, Richard got a message from his dead wife that the Man in Black must be stopped and Flocke sent Sawyer on a little recon mission to Hydra Island, where James brokered a double deal with ol’ Chuck Widmore.

This week, on Lost: At Camp Black Hat, somebody is spying on MIB’s team with night vision goggles. Sawyer offers Kate some fake cocoa, and crazy Claire sits around doing whatever it is that crazy Claire does. MIB sits down and offers Jin some advice on his hurt leg, and slides in a little bit about the caves that he showed Sawyer. MIB doesn’t know if the cave names mean Jin or Sun, but regardless he wants to leave with both of them, and he’s working on getting Sun back together with her hubby.

Back in LA X, AlternaJin and AlternaSun are still in trouble with customs. Jin is finally released, but the customs officer is sorry to inform him that they’re gonna have to hold onto the 25 grand that the Korean brought with him. Jin doesn’t notice the Disney Cruises pamphlet sticking out of the customs officer’s pants pocket, and so he grabs Sun and hightails it out of there.

At their hotel, the desk clerk mistakenly assumes that Jin and Sun will be staying in the same room, but we soon learn that the alternapair are not married in LA X, and can’t share a room because it’s not proper.

Upstairs, Jin wants to deliver Mr. Paik’s wristwatch to the restaurant like he was asked, but Sun is feeling sassy and seduces him with some playful unbuttoning banter.

“Should I button this one?” “No, definitely not that one …” Attaboy, Jin! Forget about the wristwatch, you’ve got a different package to deliver tonight.

And the next morning …

By the look on Sun’s face, I’d say she was satisfied with the delivery. Also, by the look of their bed, the set designers shop at Target. Seriously, that duvet is called “Perch” and it’s $79.99 for a king.

Sun rolls over, all Smiley McSmilerson, and tells Jin that they should just run away together – she has some money, and her dad doesn’t need to know. This AlternaSun is spunky! Jin jumps out of bed and says, “This was your plan all along?” Sun just says, “Aw, come back to bed – that’s just what we call pillow talk, baby.”

There’s a knock on the door, and Jin does the old “hide in the bathroom” trick that many a guy has used at least once in his life. Sun opens the door and smarmy Keamy is there, wanting to know where his promised goodies are at. He invites himself in.

Sun hopes that Keamy is just looking for the watch, so she hands it over. Keamy just smiles, and wants to know where his 25 grand is hiding. Keamy’s little lackey, Omar, comes in and Keamy notices two champagn flutes next to the bed. He tells Omar to check the bathroom and find Kwon. Looks like Keamy’s done the old hide-in-the-bathroom trick a time or two, as well. Sun pleads with Keamy in Korean, so Keamy sends Omar out to fetch Mikhail, who happens to be well-versed in over six million languages – Korean, one of them. In the meantime, Keamy urges the two love-birds to get dressed.

After Mikhail gets there and fulfills his protocol function, Keamy finds out that the money’s been seized by customs. He tells Sun and Jin that that’s not his problem, and he wants the money. Sun brokers a deal, telling Keamy that she has an account and that she can get him his money if she can get to the bank. Keamy sends her off with Mikhail and decides to take Jin to the restaurant for collateral.

At the bank, Sun finds that her account has been closed – by her father. She wants to know why her father would close the account, and Mikhail just stares at her like a dumb broad and says “Why do you think?” Wow, Mr. Paik sure is a slimy bastard, setting Jin up for certain doom just for shagging his daughter.

Back at the restaurant, Omar puts a booboo on Jin’s nogging, which Keamy cleans up before duct-taping Jin’s mouth shut. Since Jin can’t speak English, Keamy channels his inner Blofeld and proceeds to spill the beans about his whole nefarious plan to pop Jin because, as any good lackey knows, you keep the hands off the bossman’s daughter. Farmers, too.

You are one creepy bastard, Gabriel … but you make good eggs!

Jin thanks Keamy because he thinks the psychopathic asshole is being nice, and Keamy locks the Korean up in the meat locker. Pretty soon, we hear Sayid’s voice outside, yadda yadda yadda boom boom yadda boom, and the bad guy’s are ex-parrots. Jin bangs on the door until Sayid bursts in with his gat, and takes the tape off the Asian’s mouth. Sayid can’t understand what the hell he’s saying since he doesn’t speak Korean, so he starts to leave. Then Jin uses the one word he apparently picked up during multi-ethnic prisoner week at the office – “escape” – as he motions toward a box cutter sitting on the shelf. Sayid puts it in Jin’s hands and walks away, wishing Kwon good luck. Jin gets to work cutting his thumbs off.

Mikhail shows up at the restaurant with Sun and his spidey sense starts tingling, so he draws his nine. Turning the corner into the kitchen, the droid notices all the bodies on the floor, especially Keamy, who seems to still be breathing. He asks who did this to him, and Keamy tells him that whoever did it is right behind Mikhail, and throws in an idiot, just for good measure, as a gun is pointed at the back of the Russian’s head. Mikhail wants to know who killed everyone and Jin pretty much tells him to shut his filthy mouth and drop the weapon. Jin instructs Sun to back up, and warns Mikhail that he’ll kill him. Mikhail doesn’t believe him, of course, and so they wrestle and Jin wrecks Mikhails face and grabs a gun and proceeds to shoot Mikhail’s eyeball out.

Oh, the quantum entanglement is strong with this one.

Jin is relieved until he notices that Sun is not happy since she has blood pouring out of her from a ricochet. He scoops her up in his arms and carries her off for help. Sun slumps in his arms, and tells him she’s pregnant. End flash-sideways. Wait, what?? Bastards.

Back at Camp Black Hat, MIB informs Sayid that he’s going out into the Jungle of Mystery to get Sun. Sayid remarks that he can no longer feel anything – no anger, no happiness, no pain. MIB tells him that may be for the best, and then tromps off in a suitably Lockian fashion.

Jin sees MIB’s departure as a sign that he needs to get the hell out of dodge, himself, and packs up. Sawyer sees Jin and reminds Kwon that the grifter has a plan, and a deal with Widmore. None of that matters to Jin because he’s just going to find his wife. Seriously, Jin and Sun need to just start screaming each other’s names and they’ll be the next annoying Michaels trying to find their Walts.

Anywho, Jin and Sawyer squabble for a few seconds until Jin gets cut off mid-sentence by a dart in the chest, which takes him down in about .2 seconds. That is some hellacious tranquilizer. Pretty soon, all of Camp Black Hat are dropping like flies, and it’s not long before Widmore’s Geek Squad comes out of the brush and grab Jin.

A boob and a boob, sizing up the Asian situation.

Back at the Beach, Team Jacob are discussing their next move, while Miles and Lapidus play cards. Ilana says Richard is the man with the plan, but Ben says that he’d bet good money they’ll never see him again. Ilana is sure that Hurley will track him down. Miles remarks that unless Alpert is covered in bacon grease, he doubts Hurley can track anything. Ilana says that Jacob wouldn’t lie, and that, for now, they wait. Sun isn’t too pleased with that response and she angrily drives her hunting knife into the homemade bamboo table. Easy there, tiger lily.

Jack follows Sun after she stomps off, and finds her in her vegetable garden that she planted way back in season one. They reminisce about when she first planted the garden – seems like 100 years ago – and Jack starts in about his precious Lighthouse and all the names around the wheel. You know, Jack, if you knew you were going to obsess about the damn Lighthouse, maybe you shouldn’t have Hulked out and smashed it to pieces. Moron. Anyway, Sun doesn’t care about all that crap, she just wants Jack to remove his obstinate ass form her presence. He does.

After Jack leaves, Sun is visited by a second – MIB, in the form of Locke. He tells Sun that Jin is at his camp and that he’ll take her to him if she’ll only trust in him. Sun doesn’t believe him, of course. MIB assures Sun that he would never force her to do something against her will, and extends his hand to her, reminding her that Jin is waiting. She hesitates, seemingly thinking about the decision, before turning and tearing ass through the underbrush with MIB now hot on her trail.

She runs for a good little while until a tree jumps out at her and knocks her on her butt.

Those wily Island trees, you gotta watch out for them jumping out of nowhere all the time

Despite the fact that she was being chased when she was knocked out, Ben is the one to find her, not MIB. He wants to know what happened, but Sun keeps spouting out things in Korean, so he doesn’t understand … until she says Locke.

Cut to MIB, back at Camp Black Hat. There are unconscious bodies strewn everywhere, and he comes across Sayid and pulls the tranq dart from his chest. He shakes the Iraqi awake, wanting to know what happened. They were attacked, says Sayid. Brilliant response, dude. MIB is not happy, especially because he notices that Jin is missing.

Jin wakes up in a strange dentist’s chair, in a strange room. There are speakers all over the place, rivets on the walls. Jin bangs on the door, but no answer. He walks over to a power box and flips a switch, and is buffeted by blackness, then loud sounds and a projector, displaying familiar – to us, anyway – images of words and fish and mannequins and protractors and keyboards. Jin decides he’s had enough, and heads over to the wall to shut down the Pink Floyd show.

Everything changes. Yup, just like slide projectors and the proposed plot lines for Lost

Soon, Jin is not alone. The Tina Fey-lookalike Zoe has entered the room, and she has some papers. She remarks how super weird that was, and explains that this is Room 23, a place where the Dharma Initiative did experiments in subliminal messages. She figures Jin knows all about the Dharma Initiative. We soon find out why, after she tasers his ass.

You see, Zoe has some copies of Dharma maps that were used to identify pockets of electromagnetism, and she says that they were drawn up and signed by a man named Jin Su Kwon. Jin realizes that he now has Hand, so he insists that Zoe take him to their leader – Charles Widmore. She remarks that it’s good timing, because he wants to talk to Jin, as well.

Back at Camp Black Hat, MIB informs Sayid that they’re headed out on a mission. When Sayid leaves, MIB asks crazy Claire if she’s okay. She saunters over and asks MIB about the names on the cave wall – is her name up there? Nope, says MIB. Claire mentions that since her name isn’t up there that MIB won’t really need her. But he does, he does, and he takes her hand and soothes her mad Aussie heart by telling her that there’s plenty of room on the plane for all of them.

Crazy Claire laments that if she gets back home that Aaron will no longer know her because Kate has been raising him. Claire asks if Kate’s name is on the wall, and MIB tells her that it isn’t, not anymore. But he needs Kate, because her freckled butt can help him get the other three over on Team Jacob onto the plane. After that, he says, whatever happens … happens. Booyah, best line of subtly-brilliant dialogue in the whole episode.

“So … are you saying that whatever happens, happens because you believe that we may somehow quantumly influence an alternate timeline, or did you mean to infer that the future is unwritten for us and we control our own destiny through the confluence of our past actions and our present? I think I’ll go make another squirrel baby, now.”

MIB is about to head out on his mission, when Sawyer stops him for some chit chat. He wants to know what’s happening, and MIB says he and Sayid are heading out to Hydra Island. Sawyer wants to know why MIB doesn’t just change into a puff of smoke and fly out over the water, to which MIB retorts that if he could do that, then does Sawyer really think that he’d still be on this Island? “Of course not, that’d be ridiculous,” Sawyer quips, echoing the sentiments of thousands of Lost fans.

Anywho, MIB informs Sawyer that Widmore took one of his people, so he’s going to get him back, and he and Sayid stoically stomp off into the Jungle of Mystery, with Sawyer left to brood on his own.

Back on the beach, Jack is treating Sun’s head injury and Ben is still trying to convince everyone that he didn’t bonk her pretty Asian head. Jack surmises that after Sun’s tussle with a tree, she can no longer speak English even though she can understand it when it’s spoken to her.

“She hits her head and forgets English? And we’re supposed to buy that?” asks Miles.

“… asks the man who communes with the dead,” quips Lapidus. Nice one, buddy.

Jack, doing his doctor thing, figures that Sun is suffering aphasia – a condition caused by trauma that affects the language center of her brain. Uh huh. Why is it that in a show filled with a time-traveling Island and a psychopathic, sentient puff of smoke I have such a hard time suspending disbelief long enough to think that Sun could just bonk her head and suffer from aphasia? More on that later.

For now, Ilana is happy – because Richard is back. He wastes no time in telling all of them that it’s time to pack their bags, they’re leaving.

On Hydra Island, Locke has landed his outrigger, and he walks up the beach toward the sonic beacons that the Geek Squad set out. It’s not long before someone’s shooting at his Nikes, and the aforementioned Geek Squad tumbles out of the brush with guns brandished. MIB puts up his hands and says he comes in peace. The Geek Squad march him down the beach, on the other side of the sonic beacons, until he is face to face with ol’ Chuck Widmore.

MIB and Chuck have a heart to heart. Chuck wants to know if MIB knows who he is. MIB affirms that he does. MIB wants to know the same of Widmore. Widmore says that he’s obviously not John Locke and everything else he knows is a combination of myth, ghost stories and strange noises in the jungle. MIB knows that Chuck is privy to more, judging by the pylons up and down the beach. Chuck wants to know why MIB has come, and MIB informs Chuck that he has one of his people in custody. Chuck plays dumb.

“Hmmm, nice pylons. You have to worry about Sleestak with these much?”

MIB stares down Chuck for a good while and then says: “A wise man once said that war was coming to this Island. I think it just got here.” Oooooooooooooooooh snap.

Back on the beach, Jack wants to know where they’re headed. Richard asks Ben where Locke was headed and he tells Alpert that he was headed to Hydra Island. Richard reminds everyone that Hydra Island is where Lapidus landed the Ajira plane. If that plane is how MIB plans to get off the Island, says Richard, then they’re all gonna go over there and blow it to hell. This does not sit well with Sun.

Trust me on this one, people – don’t piss off an Asian woman.

On Hydra Island, Widmore confronts Zoe and wants to know what she was thinking, taking Jin so soon. She explains that he was leaving camp and they needed to stop him. Widmore says she should have waited, and Zoe tells him that he should have put a mercenary in charge instead of a geophysicist. Ummm, bad idea, lady. Last time a merc was in charge, he shot an innocent girl and got his team eaten by a cloud of angry smoke.

Jin walks in, and Widmore instructs Zoe to go to the sub, get the package and take it to the infirmary. She does. Widmore apologizes to Jin for abducting him and hands him a camera that he procured from the Ajira plane. It’s Sun’s, and there are pictures of Ji Yeon clowning around with a Sharpei. Jin gets weepy. Widmore explains that he, too, has a daughter, and he knows what it’s like to be kept a part. Then Chuck tells Jin that if that thing – MIB – got off the Island, it’d be lights out for Ji Yeon and Penny and all the daughters of the world. He needs to stop MIB at all costs. Jin wants to know how.

Widmore tells Jin that it’s time he saw The Package. Easy there, big fella, we just met.

It’s night back on the Beach, and Sun has made a fire. Jack comes up and starts up with one of his hospital stories. He tells her of a guy who banged his head and got aphasia and was all frustrated until one of the nurses mentioned that just because he couldn’t speak didn’t mean he couldn’t write. With his unnecessary allegory complete, Jack hands Sun a pad and pen, and asks her if she can give it a try. She writes “yes,” in English.

Jack tells her he went back out to her garden to see if MIB was there, and he wasn’t, but he did find something else – a single tomato, who was too stubborn to die. I guess Sun is supposed to be a tomato in this scenario. Or something.

Jack probes a bit and wants to know what Locke wanted with Sun. She writes that he wanted her to come with him because he has Jin. Jack asks why she didn’t follow Locke, and Sun tells him that he didn’t trust him. “Do you trust me?” asks Jack.

Jack tells Sun that if she goes with them to the Ajira plane, he promises to find Jin and reunite them. Then he holds his hand out like Locke did in the garden, all symbolic-like. She takes it. Awwww.

Back at Camp Black Hat, Sawyer sits down with Freckles and jaws about the whole situation being almost over because surely Chuck Widmore blew Locke and Sayid right out of the water. It’s about that time when MIB comes strolling out of the Jungle of Mystery and leaves Sawyer’s mouth hanging.

Sawyer confronts MIB and asks him if he somehow lost Jin and Sayid on the trip back. MIB tells James that Sawyer mentioned something being protected in a locked room on the sub. Well, MIB says, he doesn’t like secrets.

On Hydra Island, at the sub dock, Sayid rises slowly out of the water like a Navy SEAL, or the Iraqi equivalent. Up on the sub, Zoe and the tubby one – otherwise known as the only ones from Widmore’s Geek Squad that are paid to say lines – are dragging someone from the hatch. Sayid glides over to the edge of the dock and waits for them to bring the figure down. They’re struggling, and it looks as though whomever they’re wrangling has been drugged or is in bad shape, especially judging from the bandages on his arms. They pull him from the sub and manage to drop him on the deck, dangling his head over the edge. That’s about the time that Sayid comes face to face with The Package.

Son of a bitch – it’s Desmond! Hot damn.

The geeks ramble on about giving him too much sedative, and pull him off the deck, saying: “Let’s go, Mr. Hume.” Desmond struggles to his feet, and Sayid, safe and at home again in the cool, dark waters, watches the Scotsman be marched down the wooden planks toward who knows what destiny.

Cue the THONK!

And so Desmond returned to the Island, drugged and disoriented, an unwitting pawn in the great battle between white, black and grey. In other words, an awesome ending to a mid-season segue into the great war that the Man in Black has declared on Widmore and his gang of Geeks. Quite a few of the fans have declared this episode a bit weak, a filler of sorts, but I just believe that the writers have covered a lot of secreted ground in the past nine episodes, and are readying us for a gangbuster finish.

The recap to this episode covers much of the analysis to “The Package,” but we still have a few things to discuss in further detail. So, without further ado, let’s get down to brass tacks.

ROOM 23
The room where the Geek Squad were holding Jin is revealed as Room 23. Room 23 was first and last seen in the episode “Not in Portland,” which also first introduced us to lovely Juliet’s past and how she was lured to the Island by Richard and Mittelos Bioscience. They brought her over to work on that whole baby-making thing, something that has been sorta shelved since the whole time-traveling Island and MIB/Jacob shenanigans.

It seems to me like we may have been reminded of Room 23 for a reason – there’s been no mention of it, nor the subliminal brainwashing that was behind it, since season three. There were quite a few subliminal messages of note while Karl was tied up. Let’s take a pictorial stroll through those instances and see what we see.

As you may or may not recall, Kate and Sawyer were being held captive on Hydra Island, and Alex sought their help in freeing her boyfriend Karl. Alex noted that Karl was being held against his will inside a Dharma bunker and that Kate and Sawyer could get off the island with her in her boat if they could rescue Karl.

Room 23 was being guarded by Mac from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Take a gander what he was reading, foreshadowing what was to come, even back in season three.

Sawyer, Kate and Alex – after subduing Mac – enter the bunker and Room 23, and are inundated with loud music and a projector, displaying subliminal messages, like this one.

They find Karl strapped to a strange dentist’s chair, getting the full Clockwork Orange treatment.

Karl has an intravenous feed, obviously being drugged with all sorts of sedatives and, possibly, hallucinogens. I’m sure whatever cocktail it was, it wasn’t approved by the FDA.

On the screen were some very interesting subliminal – and not-so-subliminal – messages.

The question, of course, is what does it all mean?

The first thing I’d like to point out is that Karl is tied to the chair and fed a nice, seductive cocktail intravenously. So what? I can here you say. Well, if you’ll recall at the end of “The Package,” the Geek Squad drag Desmond off the sub and he’s very, very groggy. Tubby asks Zoe how much she gave him, and she responds that it was obviously too much but that she needed him to sleep through the trip. At any rate, Desmond looks as though he’s had an intravenous feed, very much like Karl’s when he was subjected to some brainwashing techniques. Here, take a look.

It’s on his right arm. Yes, Karl was fed drugs through his left. Whatever.

Do I believe that part of Desmond’s arrival Orientation may have taken place in Room 23? I’m not sure, I just point these things out so you can roll them around in your brains. Just bear in mind that Karl was kept there against his will because the current leader of the Others didn’t want him messing with his daughter, Alex. Ol’ Chuck Widmore has never really cared for Desmond messing around with his daughter Penny. Put that in your pipe and smoke it a bit.

For this week’s episode-inspired drink recipe, I had to actually draw on events from three seasons ago. The main hobo, Joel Murphy, asked if I had a drink recipe for “The Lackluster Episode,” but I can do you one better. For any of you who were disappointed in this week’s episode and would rather forget it, here’s an old favorite that might help. THE MIND ERASER 1 part Vodka 1 part Kahlua 1 part Club Soda Some bartenders will layer the drink with vodka first, then Kahlua, then club soda on top in a rocks glass, over ice. Let me give you a word of advice: Don’t get that fancy. Chill your alcohol first, then pour it all in a rocks glass, sans ice. You’re not gonna need the ice, anyway – the point is to drink it fast, through a straw. Trust me, after three or four of these, you’ll be lucky to remember your name, much less this week’s episode. Cheers!

At any rate, even without the connections among Room 23, Desmond and Karl, I find that subliminal messages interesting, considering Zoe told Jin that Room 23 was an experiment in subliminal messages by the Dharma Initiative. Did the Others subjugate Dharma’s work after they killed them off? Did they add their own messages for the purpose of making sure that loyal little soldiers were created to serve Jacob? If we weren’t shown a slide with Jacob’s name, I would just dismiss the whole thing as a method to break down dissidents, but with Jacob’s good name involved things get a bit more sticky. This one slide opens up a whole can of worms.

First, the presentation could have been altered by the Others as a way to use Dharma research and technology to their advantage, capturing anyone who may come to the Island and brainwashing those people into submission. That would be the easiest and cleanest course of events as related to the timeline of the Island.

A much messier and far more interesting theory could be that Jacob was either known about by the Dharma Initiative from the very beginning, or that Jacob could be a construct of the Dharma Initiative – part of their observational experiments. The participants on the Island were subjected to Room 23 and convinced that they were a part of an alternate reality where time travel, smoke monsters and the all-mighty Jacob existed. Many of the participants believe that they are part of the same reality, and are acting this out as part of the grand experiment. Granted, that’s a really far-fetched theory and probably very far from the truth, but again, I’m just here to talk about cool shit and plant seeds in your brain. And remember – plant a good seed and you will joyfully gather fruit! Go forth and bring me peaches.

THE RANDOM BITS
Yes, I know it’s a bit early to get to the random bits, but I told you there’s not a whole lot to analyze this week. Maybe I missed something. If that’s the case, leave a comment and let’s chat. In the meantime, the random bits are still pretty good.

Why does Widmore and his Geek Squad so desperately need Desmond there? Because if you’re dealing with a man/entity that has to deal in certainties – constants, to use a more accurate term – the best thing you could possibly do is introduce a Variable.

The fact that Team Black Hat was captured by the Geek Squad using tranq darts is very telling. It’s likely that they’re good guys. Otherwise, just shoot up everybody, like Keamy and his thugs. I still believe that Keamy – although sent there to get Ben at great cost – sorta went rogue and blew off the mission protocol because he’s a psychopathic bastard. Of course, the Geek Squad could have used tranq darts because they’re all geeks, and therefore not accustomed to gunning down innocents. This team is very similar to Faraday and his group that wanted to help the survivors, and so chose to stop the poison gas and help at any cost with no loss of life. Keamy, on the other hand, was sent to take out the Others and capture Ben, who Widmore likely knew was in the service of MIB at that point. Hence, the extreme prejudice.

I am particularly tickled that every time someone talks to MIB now, it’s as if they’re just chatting with cooky old John Locke instead of an ages-old, murderous puff of smoke. Particularly Sawyer. Until MIB changes from Locke into Ol’ Smokey right in front of his eyes, he’s content with believing that the man in front of him used to sell boxes for a living. The only one who has enough sense to run their crazy legs off at the site of the man is Sun.

I mentioned earlier that I find a hard time suspending disbelief about Sun forgetting English. However, it sparked a theory. Sun forgetting English may have been a ploy by MIB. Perhaps MIB knows that Jin is the real candidate, and wants Sun to be able to talk to him without anyone else understanding. In regards to her understanding English, she is the perfect “spy” to listen in on things and tell Jin what’s going on without anyone else listening in. There has to be a plan in this, somewhere, unless this is just a soap opera technique to add some drama to the proceedings. It’s just odd that she was so closely chased by MIB and then left alone beneath the tree for Ben to find. I don’t know if MIB could have done something to Sun to keep her from communicating freely, but it’s a thought.

So Kate’s name isn’t on the wall, after all. Then, why the hell is her name not scratched out on the Lighthouse wheel? Someone mentioned a theory awhile back about the cave wall being MIB’s scratching post, and the Lighthouse being Jacob’s, and the two lists may have converged, but not fully matched. I’m sorry that I’ve forgotten who said that, but if you’re reading, fess up. It was a good one. It would certainly explain the discrepancy other than a post-production error, and the fact that MIB mentions it in this episode would lead me to believe that it is meant to reward very observant fans. I sure hope that’s the case and not just the Lost team covering their butts.

There were a lot of boobs in this episode.

That about wraps it up for this week. I may have missed some minor details, or failed to delve deep into a favorite topic. If that’s the case, let me know. In the meantime, keep thinking those thoughts, and if you have an epiphany, tell me something good.

Namaste.

Chris Kirkman is a graphic designer/photographer/journalist/geek extraordinaire with way too many Bruce Campbell movies in his library. Michael Emerson, Lost’s Benjamin Linus, called Kirkman’s recaps “one of the smartest articles I’ve ever read about what goes on on our show.” Kirkman is still hoping that Lost will end when Bob Newhart wakes up next to Suzanne Pleshette, complaining of a strange, strange dream. You can contact him at ckirkman@hobotrashcan.com.