Brian Murphy

Honestly, when you really think about it, it had to be the Philadelphia Eagles who ended up signing controversial superstar Michael Vick, right?

I mean, they’re a team that typically wins more games than they lose, so Phily’s front office is hoping that a strong enough foundation is in place – starting with head coach Andy Reid – to handle the media circus and public relation distractions that come with acquiring a convicted felon.

And also, there’s a history here. Whether you’re an Eagles fan or not, you have to admit that this is an organization with more than a little bit of ego. When Terrell Owens was on his way out in San Francisco (while simultaneously jumping up and down telling Baltimore he wouldn’t play there), in came the Eagles to save the day.

Eagles’ management believes they can add ultra talented players with baggage, and that the franchise is capable of making it work. Their strategy looked great when T.O. was helping them get to the Super Bowl. Not so much when he was calling out Donavan F. McNabb a year later for puking in the huddle.

So yeah, teams like the Washington Redskins (greedy owner accused of building fantasy football teams), Dallas Cowboys (flamboyant owner who loves to thumb his nose at conventional thinking) and Oakland Raiders (senile old man who thinks he’s trying to get coach John Madden the last few pieces to a dynasty) might have been thrown around as possible destinations, but Philadelphia makes the most sense – well, if we’re talking on-the-field.

Off the field, that’s an entirely different conversation.

Upon hearing the news that Vick had landed in Philadelphia, one person close to me wrote a one liner that simply said:

“Good to know … and it comes as no surprise that the Eagles now hate Santa Claus AND puppies.”

Another friend said this:

“Andy Reid’s kids are in jail all the time, so at least they’ll all have something to talk about.”

You see, for better or for worse, Philly fans have a reputation for being assholes. One that fans in pretty much any other city in the country would say is well deserved. They’re passionate about their local teams – the Eagles, Phillies, Flyers (and sometimes even the 76ers), and they’re passionate about their alcohol consumption.

So, if it’s snowing and they aren’t happy, then it seems perfectly acceptable to the “fine” people of Philly to throw snowballs at a guy playing the part of Santa Claus during a halftime show. And if a rival’s player, such as Michael Irvin, is lying on the ground with what appears to be a serious injury, it’s perfectly okay to cheer about it.

Basically, Philly is known for three things – cheesesteaks, booing anyone and everyone and the jail located in the underbelly of their football stadium.

So here’s what’s going to happen – the first time McNabb throws an incomplete pass, Philly fans will call for a change at quarterback. The first time Vick sees the field, regardless of the circumstances, Eagles fans will cheer wildly. As long as the Eagles are winning, all will be wonderful.

And as an added bonus, if PETA protestors even think about setting up shop anywhere near Lincoln Financial Stadium, Eagles fans will welcome them like they do any other out-of-towners – with a brick through their windshield. (Okay, I’ve got to admit, that last part sounds awesome).

If I’m betting on how this plays out, I’m putting money on the Eagles devising ways to best utilize McNabb and Vick. They’re not going to have one be the starting quarterback and the other be the backup. No, they’ll try to figure out as many ways as possible to get them on the field together in an effort to really make opposing defenses work.

one – if the Redskins, 49ers and Raiders aren’t going to work, then where could/should Vick land?

I say this because McNabb has always been a guy who, while saying the right thing, comes across as overly sensitive. Last November, when Donavan was stinking up the joint against the Baltimore Ravens, he got benched. Nevermind the fact that the benching did exactly what Reid and friends hoped it would – namely light a fire under McNabb’s ass and remind him he’s one of the better QBs in football. No, even after the season was over, he still was asking for an explanation, as if he felt he was too good to ever come off the field. Does this guy sound like the ideal candidate to handle the biggest named quarterback on the free agent market coming to town?

So if the Eagles are smart, they assure Mr. Sensitive that his job is not in jeopardy. They tell him something along the lines of, “We’re trying to get you as many weapons as possible” and hope he’s on board. Because if not, the baggage and distractions that come with bringing Public Enemy #1 to town meshing with the ever-present McNabb drama/inferiority complex could easily blow up their entire season.

If nothing else this move guarantees one thing – the Eagles will be the team to watch whenever they take the field. Either they return to glory, or they become a car wreck we can’t turn away from. However this plays out, it’ll definitely be entertaining.

Brian Murphy is an award-winning sportswriter who also goes by the name Homer McFanboy. Contact him at murf@homermcfanboy.com.

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Brian Murphy

Michael Vick was found guilty, served his sentence and should now be free to resume his career as a professional football player … as long as it’s not with my team.

As funny as it sounds, that’s honestly how I feel these days.

If Roger Goodell, the NFL commissioner, wants to suspend him four games or so, that’s fine. But regardless of my personal feelings on the crimes he was found guilty of; Vick has paid his debt to society and deserves the chance to move forward. And yet, even though that’s the way I feel, I simply don’t want him to end up on my favorite team, the Washington Redskins.

For starters, there is going to be a circus-type atmosphere surrounding the former Atlanta Falcons star all season long. Unless you’re the Dallas Cowboys, who seemingly thrive on that type of media frenzy, that’ll be a huge deterrent for many franchises who might otherwise be tempted to kick the tires on Vick.

Then there’s the fact that he hasn’t played football in two years. And let’s be honest here – he’s never been a true drop-back quarterback, which means Vick needs to end up in a system where the coaches are smart enough to find ways to best utilize him. I’m not saying the Redskins coaching staff is dumb, but they don’t necessarily strike me as the kind of guys who go out of their way to re-write the playbook for one or two guys (see: Taylor, Jason).

Plus, there’s the whole issue of Vick calling Virginia home. If he ended up signing with the ‘Skins, you can bet the PETA-types of the world would absolutely show up at Redskins Park, FedEx Field and anywhere else they thought he might appear. It’s almost as if D.C. is too close to the scene of the crime, which is why I can’t help but think it’d be good for everyone involved if Vick started the next chapter of his life a little further removed from all of the raw emotions.

So where does Vick end up? Honestly, it’s tough to say. Sure, the Oakland Raiders are calling him in hopes he’ll don the silver and black, but they’re so terrible he’d be better off going almost anywhere else.

Some suggest San Francisco, with a strong-minded leader like Mike Singletary, would be a good fit, but I’m not sure that’s a good idea. Regardless of the mindset of the 49ers, San Fran is a very liberal place with very liberal people. A couple years ago, the wife and I spent Christmas out there with her family and I quickly realized just how different people are out there.

You see, on Christmas day, one of the first news stories on the local news channel was about someone calling herself “Dumpster Muffin.” Seriously, that’s what the bottom of the screen said when they interviewed her. You can’t make this shit up. And she was on TV because she had climbed up in some tree in hopes of convincing “The Man” not to remove said tree to build … whatever.

If the “Dumpster Muffins” of the world go off the deep end for a freaking tree, what will their reaction be if/when someone tied to dog fighting becomes the newest millionaire in town?

So even if the 49ers really think they should roll the dice and bring in Vick, they might have to re-evaluate the situation and how it would affect things off the field. Which brings us back to square one – if the Redskins, 49ers and Raiders aren’t going to work, then where could/should Vick land?

Honestly, I think the Minnesota Vikings would be the ideal team for the man formerly known as Ron Mexico. Their quarterback situation was ugly enough that they tried to land Brett Favre, so why not roll the dice on Vick? If nothing else, he’s better than Sage Rosenfels and Tavaris Jackson. It makes absolutely no sense that a team with one of the top-players in the league at any position (running back Adrian Peterson), a team that has stout offensive and defensive lines and could otherwise compete with the league’s elite, would continually ignore the QB position.

Why not sign Vick to a veteran’s minimum contract with incentives? If he works out, you’re in great shape. If not, you cut him and move on.

Plus, if PETA wants to protest, they have to go all the way up to Moose Knuckle, Minnesota and freeze their nuts off to picket the move. The more I think of this, the more I’m convinced this needs to happen.

Brian Murphy is an award-winning sportswriter who also goes by the name Homer McFanboy. Contact him at murf@homermcfanboy.com.

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Brian Murphy

Typically this is the most boring part of the sports world’s calendar year. There’s no football to speak of, hockey and basketball are also in offseason mode and baseball still has another month or so before the games really matter. And yet, the sports pages are absolutely packed with content these days.

For starters there was Tiger Woods winning his own tournament in D.C. last week and Andy Roddick showing more in defeat at Wimbledon than in any victory throughout his career. There’s also free agency for the NBA and NHL, which has been entertaining in a fantasy football kind of way.

You’ve got the New York Rangers doing what they do best – namely overpaying for a player whose best days came while wearing another uniform (this year’s honors go to forward Marian Gaborik, who will earn $7.5 million a year for the next five seasons). What’s even funnier is that the Rangers were only able to acquire Gaborik after trading away Scott Gomez to Montreal, who was the happily overpaid guy just two seasons ago. No need in learning from the past, right?

In other Marian news, the Chicago Blackhawks broke the bank to add forward Marian Hossa to their young and talented roster. The 30-year-old forward, who is best known as the guy who has been on the losing side of the last two Stanley Cup finals (once with Pittsburgh and once with Detroit), signed a staggering 12-year deal worth more than $5 million per season. I guess the Blackhawks are serious about winning their first championship since 1961 – even if it means locking up a guy until he’s 42 years old.

And while those signings have been enjoyable, they’re nothing compared to what’s going on in the NBA. Shaq is now in Cleveland. Vince Carter is in Orlando. Rasheed Wallace (and his baskets of crazy) now resides in Boston. Ben Gordon and Charlie Villanueva were lured to Detroit. Richard Jefferson and Antonio McDyess can now call San Antonio home. Trevor Ariza and Ron Artest swapped places in Los Angeles and Houston. Shawn Marion is headed to Dallas. Things are so wacky in the world of professional basketball that Allen Iverson is actually talking about playing for the woeful Memphis Grizzlies next season.

So basically, the newest NBA trend is the rich get richer.

The Cleveland Cavaliers, led by LeBron James and spare parts, were already among the league’s elite. Now they’ve brought in a highly motivated Shaquille O’Neal, who will happily play sidekick for the first time in his life in hopes of winning a fifth NBA ring before calling it quits.

In Boston, the Celtics will make one final run at another championship by adding ‘Sheed to the talented trio of Kevin Garnett, Ray Allen and Paul Pierce. Sure, Wallace is a headcase. But honestly, there’s not another player in the league he respects more than Garnett, and when his head is in the game, Wallace is still a difference maker.

Having four go-to guys on the floor at once will make it tough for most teams to compete with Boston. One team that can match up nicely though is San Antonio, who added Jefferson and McDyess to go with the already-proven rotation of Tim Duncan, Manu Ginobili and Tony Parker. If the Celtics and Spurs remain healthy (and that’s not guaranteed, by any means), they’ll probably square off in the finals next season.

Meanwhile, the two teams who did battle in this season’s finals – the Lakers and Magic – have seen changes as well. Kobe Bryant will now have to adjust to Artest as opposed to Ariza, who was absolutely instrumental in seeing L.A. return to glory. Whether or not Artest is an actual upgrade is yet to be seen. Same goes for Carter with Orlando, who will be asked to replace Hedo Turkoglu (even though they have completely different skill sets). No one said either team improved – that remains to be seen – but at least they’ll be entertaining.

And finally, there’s this whole Steve McNair mess. I’m going to stay away from it for the most part, because really, that’s not my type of story. I’m not going to judge the man for cheating on his wife or the decisions he made. That was his choice and it doesn’t have anything to do with you, me or anyone outside of the McNair family.

But if nothing else, here’s hoping that this strikes home with today’s generation of millionaire athletes/entertainers/etc. – regardless of your marital status, running around and getting caught up with girls half your age (i.e. – those who are too young and immature to know better) is a recipe for disaster. While there’s plenty of juicy stuff to dissect in the sports pages these days, that’s the kind of news I’d gladly leave to other sections of the newspaper.

Brian Murphy is an award-winning sportswriter who also goes by the name Homer McFanboy. Contact him at murf@homermcfanboy.com.

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Brian Murphy

Hello everyone and welcome to our third-annual Note to Self awards. For those not familiar, this is our way of highlighting the newsworthy in the world of professional sports. So without further adieu, let’s hand out some Selfies.

The “What, Ed McMahon wasn’t available?” award goes to the Cleveland Cavaliers for repeatedly pairing forward LeBron James with over-the-hill veterans during his six-year career.

For those who haven’t heard, the Cavs have acquired Hall of Fame center Shaquille O’Neal in exchange for the corps of Ben Wallace, Sasha Pavlovic, the 46th pick in tonight’s NBA draft and half a million dollars.

Pairing Shaq with King James is a great idea … if this is 2004. But bringing in a 37-year-old Shaq to try and help a good Cleveland team reach championship level is nothing more than a pipe dream. James is 24. If you want him to be happy and feel like Cleveland is the only city he ever wants to play for, then maybe – just maybe – the plan should have been to surround him with other young, talented players who can grow into a true team together.

After 17 seasons, the Shaq we see now is a shell of his former self. Sure, he was an all-star last season for the Phoenix Suns and the Eastern Conference isn’t as good as the West, but O’Neal isn’t a guy who can’t bring his “A game” every night anymore. He has to pick and choose which games he’s going to go all out for and on other nights … he’s a waste of a roster spot.

The Cavs are gambling that this desperation move pays off and that O’Neal is the missing piece to bring James his first NBA title. Sadly, the more likely scenario is that after this move fails miserably LeBron will fully realize that Cavs management is never going to figure out the right way to build a championship-caliber team and start house hunting in other cities.

While we’re on the subject of the NBA, let’s hand out the “Kramer from Seinfeld“ award to Los Angeles Lakers superstar Kobe Bryant.

Okay, let me see if I get this straight. Pretty much since day one Bryant has been a moody diva/terrible teammate. He won a few NBA titles with Shaq Fu early on, but once the big man was traded out of L.A., Kobe had been unable to recapture basketball’s holy grail.

Bryant reaches his low point after a 2003 trip to Eagle, Colorado, and words like “rape” and “sexual assault” are suddenly attached to the supposedly happily married superstar. Endorsements are terminated, public opinion is at an all-time low and there are even rumors that maybe everyone involved would be better off if Kobe was traded by the Lakers and given a fresh start elsewhere.

Fast forward to this year and the Lakers, led by Bryant and a solid supporting cast, are able to win another championship. Kobe finally wins a title without O’Neal and suddenly the world loses its damn mind. Stories about Bryant suddenly being a great person and even better teammate make the rounds in what can only be considered revisionist history and even more absurd – some folks begin comparing Bryant to the great Michael Jordan.

Look, Kobe was great when paired with Shaq. Just like Michael Richards was great playing “Kramer” on Seinfeld. Bryant faced adversity when he (allegedly) did things to a 19-year-old hotel employee that she wasn’t “comfortable” with. Richards’ life became more difficult when he decided racial slurs were the answer to combat hecklers. Bryant leading the Lakers past an in-over-their-head Orlando Magic team doesn’t suddenly make him the second coming of M.J. or even a good teammate. It simply means that during that series, he was on the hotter and better team.

Using this logic, am I to believe that if Terrell Owens led the Buffalo Bills to a Super Bowl victory this year he’s suddenly a changed man? Nevermind his extensive resume and history of ridiculousness, if T.O. gets a ring he’s suddenly a classy, and driven winner? Nonsense. Assholes can be winners too.

The “Hey Madonna, no one cares about you anymore. Please just go away” award goes to the soon-to-be Minnesota Vikings quarterback Brett Favre. She can adopt/steal 500 kids from third-world countries and no one will like her. Favre can toss the football around with every high school kid in America and no one will be happy to read another story about him. In a perfect world these two could run off together (with the paparazzi and Peter King) to anywhere far, far away from here.

The “Peer pressure isn’t always a bad thing” award goes to baseball commissioner Bud Selig in hopes that he follows Donald Fehr’s lead and heads off to enjoy retirement. Fehr, who for more than 20 years served as the executive director of baseball’s players association, represents a black eye for our national pastime – with steroids, skyrocketing salaries and a canceled World Series on his resume.

Well, the guy sitting on the other side of the table during all of those travesties was Selig. And if baseball is ever truly going to get past the Steroid Era, then Bud needs to move on to the next chapter of his life as well. Baseball needs their Roger Goodell, someone who can change the culture overnight and whip that league back into shape.

And finally, the “Stick to your day job” award goes to baseball/football announcer Joe Buck, for thinking it was a good idea to have his own talk show on HBO. It wasn’t.

Brian Murphy is an award-winning sportswriter who also goes by the name Homer McFanboy. Contact him at murf@homermcfanboy.com.

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Brian Murphy

The USFL. The XFL. The WHA. The ABA. The WNBA.

What do each of these leagues have in common? For one reason or another, they each failed in their attempts to provide an alternative to one of the “Big Four” professional sports leagues.

And while the United Football League isn’t scheduled to begin play until this October, we can go ahead and add them to the list as well. For starters, the league will have only six teams – located in Las Vegas, New York, Orlando, San Francisco, Hartford and Los Angeles. So far, they have announced four head coaches to run these teams. They are Jim Fassel, Ted Cottrell, Jim Haslett and Dennis Green.

Fassel hasn’t been a head coach since 2003. And while he won more games than he lost in the NFL, he’s been unable to get another head coaching gig because of a reputation of womanizing and boozing (two characteristics that go well together in many professions, just not coaching).

Cottrell is a 62-year-old who has coached since 1973. Unfortunately, he’s never been given the opportunity to be a head coach. And unfortunately for him his first (and likely only) chance will come in a league that’s irrelevant.

Haslett won 10 games his rookie year in charge of the New Orleans Saints. He never won double digit games in a season again. His last two years coaching in the NFL (with New Orleans and then St. Louis) he went 5-23.

Green is who we thought he was. And by hiring him, the UFL let him off the hook.

So if you’re a masochist or a fan of shitty football and plan on tuning in to the UFL this fall, please cheer for the New York franchise. At least they gave an opportunity to a deserving candidate.

Honestly, if the UFL wanted to build itself as a viable alternative to the mighty juggernaut that is the NFL, they’d be wise to do their research and model their business plan after the Kontinental Hockey League. Formerly known as the Russian Superleague, the 24-team KHL is quietly becoming a league worth following.

Here’s a crash course on the KHL – 21 of the teams are based in the Russian Federation with the remaining franchises located in Belarus, Latvia, and Kazakhstan. Russian teams are not allowed to sign more than five foreign players and can only use four foreign players per game. Also, foreign goaltenders have a limit regarding total seasonal ice time. All of this encourages teams to build locally, which is always a good thing.

But when teams do go outside the Russian borders to find talent, they’re aiming high. In 2008, when Jaromir Jagr became a free agent for the first time in his career, he opted to sign with Avangard Omsk of the KHL for a reported $10 million a year (tax free). Sure Jagr is now 37 years old and isn’t the same player he was when he and Mario Lemieux led the Pittsburgh Penguins, but he’s still one of the biggest names in hockey. Getting him to play in your league provides instant credibility.

Alexei Yashin, Andrei Nikolishin, Darius Kasparaitis, Ben Clymer and Ray Emery are a few other names from NHL seasons past who spent last season in the KHL. We’re not talking about stealing away someone like Alex Ovechkin or Evgeni Malkin in their prime, but rather cashing in on name players on the down side of their career to make your league noteworthy.

And honestly, if I’m the NHL, I’m definitely noticing the KHL. If they ever get to the point where they can steal away a top-tier player in his prime, that’s when you worry. But for now, when they’re content to raid players typically 35 or older, then let them have at it.

For a team like the New York Rangers, who continually overpays for free agents, the KHL could be a blessing in disguise. When your payroll is maxed out and you’re stuck paying some over-the-hill forward five or six million a year, then you should pray at night the KHL gets involved and bails you out.

While the Washington Capitals are run by much smarter people than the Rangers, this offseason has been packed with stories involving their aging free agents contemplating playing in Russia. Since the season ended for the Caps, Sergei Fedorov, Viktor Kozlov, Donald Brashear and now Michael Nylander have all been linked to the KHL. While the first three are all free agents, who are able to make the move if they see fit, Nylander remains under contract.

Anyone who watched Washington last season knows the team would love to move him, but that Nylander has a no-movement clause in his contract. So the second highest-paid forward on the roster (behind Ovechkin, but ahead of talented youngsters such as Nicklas Backstrom and Alexander Semin) was essentially paid to ride the pine the second half of the season and the playoffs.

Even though he has two years remaining on his NHL contract, it would be best for everyone involved if the Capitals and Avangard Omsk could work something out. Nylander can try to get his groove back playing alongside Jagr one more time and the Caps can have financial flexibility to set them up for sustained success.

Sure, the KHL is trying to become legitimate competition for the NHL, but those running NHL franchises would be wise to use the situation to their advantage. The way I see it, if you’ve got an over-the-hill player rotting away on your payroll, the KHL would love to have him. Think of it in terms of a yard sale. You get rid of your garbage and pick up a couple dollars in the process. Things might change down the road, but for now, this is a good thing.

Brian Murphy is an award-winning sportswriter who also goes by the name Homer McFanboy. Contact him at murf@homermcfanboy.com.

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