Nicole Alexandria

As all of you know, Valentine’s Day is quickly approaching and nothing quit says romance like remembering the beheading of a martyred Italian. If you, like so many others, have become enamored with the “It Girls” of the moment like Zoey, Kat Dennings or any lady in a Michael Cera movie, you might be asking yourself just how does one impress the angsty indie girl of your dreams? Just what type of gift can you give to your local Natalie Portman circa Garden State that would change her life more then the Shins?

It’s not going to be a mix tape.

If you find yourself looking at my cartoon and debating if I’m an indie girl or just someone with a drawn on polka dot dress, I’ll gladly review my credentials. Well for starters, I write a bi-weekly Internet blog column. I own a restored vintage Schwinn Bicycle that I almost never ride because I hate how trendy bike riding is and embrace my inner Victorian Era walking skills much like Elizabeth Bennett. I can recite not only Leonard Cohen lyrics from memory, but also lines from Walt Whitman’s “Leaves of Grass” and Allen Ginsberg’s “Howl.” My favorite pair of skinny jeans cost six dollars. Three of my top ten all time favorite movies aren’t in English (Amelie, Pan’s Labyrinth and City of God). I have both a song by an Icelandic Rock band and a remix by two French DJ’s on my play list rotation. If I can’t pronounce whatever the seasonal Microbrew is that week at the bar, I order a Pabst and shot of Jim Beam and I think it’s just as good. Still not convinced? I have a giant tattoo of a squid and a whale on my back.

Good. Now that its settled, I can lament with you in the fact that going to thrift stores is as boring and tedious as going to a mall, if not worse as your digging through bins and stacks of old useless crap to find one or two treasures for the sake of indie fashion. What do you get a girl who thinks everything is lame?

Alright, Dear Readers. I’m going to do you a solid. Here is a gift buying guide to make the bitter bitchy indie girl of your dreams swoon like she’s never swooned before this Valentine’s Day:

Books - Books are sexy. The smell of rich-bound leather is more of an aphrodisiac then any cologne. To quote the viral picture of John Waters floating around the Internet right: “If you go home with somebody, and they don’t have books, don’t fuck ‘em!” But it just can’t be any book. It has to be the perfect mix of well-written, yet not mainstream.

I have three recommendations that are perfect for wooing hipster panties off your indie lover. The first is any play or novel by Jean Paul Sartre. Because what says impressive indie pretension like French existential philosophy? Now if that won’t work and you need a little more pizazz to your purchase, try J.P. Donleavy The Ginger Man. The book is well-written and since Johnny Depp owns the movie rights, she will be able to say she read the book if and when the movie is made. Lastly, what Valentine’s Day would be complete without a book of poetry? Actual Air by David Berman is modern, witty and impressive. An old friend lent me this book and after reading the first page I sent him a text that said: “If you don’t want me to fall in love with you, you’re going to have to stop lending me books like this.”

A Polaroid Camera – a.k.a. the original Instagram photography. It lets your girl be an artist even if she has no capabilities while rebelling against the digital mainstream era.

Make her a Street Art Painting - If you haven’t watched Exit Through the Gift Shop, I warn you of spoilers ahead. The entire point of the documentary is that two of the most famous current street artists, Banksy and Shepard Fairey, prove that literally anyone – even a crazy person – can do what they get paid millions to do. But we’re not talking millions of dollars here. We’re talking the appreciation of one girl. You can do this. Find anything to be a stencil and pick up a few spray cans. Frame whatever comes out. If you don’t feel up to the task, find your local street art (it’s everywhere.) Photograph it in black and white. Frame it. And watch your lady’s eyes light up.

A Terrarium - Many of you might be of the mindset that flowers are the good old stand by for romantic events. If you want to stand out, a simple terrarium evokes the concept of nature being beautiful, but with the added twist of sustainability and recycling. A used mason jar, soil and some mossy rocks will go a long way and I’ve even seen some hanging terrarium mobiles made from used lightbulbs for those more daring.

A red velvet cupcake and a copy of The Princess Bride - Trust me. Watching two hours of The Princess Bride will be so much more enjoyable then hours of mix tapes making in which you debate on Joanna Newsome songs versus Neko Case. Pj Harvey wins anyway.

Good luck and Happy Hunting!

Nicole Alexandria is off doing cool things like a boss that you probably never heard of while not giving a single fuck all day every day. You can contact her through Facebook.

Big Miracle Release Date: February 3, 2012 Director: Ken Kwapis Writers: Jack Amiel & Michael Begler (screenplay), Thomas Rose (book Freeing the Whales) Stars: Drew Barrymore, John Krasinski and John Pingayak MPAA Rating: PG HoboTrashcan’s Rating:

On the surface, Big Miracle appears to simply be a feel good film about saving a family of gray whales trapped underneath the ice in Alaska. But it’s actually about something deeper and far more fascinating. It’s a film about why we care about these types of stories and how they have the ability to unite the entire country (and the world at large).

The film is based on the book Freeing the Whales, which tells the story of the 1988 “Operation Breakthrough” mission to free three whales caught underneath the ice in Point Barrow, Alaska. Adam Carlson (John Krasinski) is an Alaskan reporter in Point Barrow doing local color stories. He films a piece on the whales, which runs on the local NBC news.

The story ends up going national when NBC needs a minute and a half of filler at the end of Tom Brokaw’s Nightly News. (The producers decide to go with it because Brokaw loves animal stories.) It captures the nation’s attention, which sends a swarm of national media to Point Barrow to cover the story. Since the town only has one restaurant of note and one hotel, the locals begin price gouging the out-of-towners because of the limited resources.

With the media getting the entire country invested in the story, an eclectic group of people with different agendas all have to band together to save the whales. There’s Rachel Kramer (Drew Barrymore), the militant Greenpeace spokeswoman who is trying to save the world. She is forced to work alongside J.W. McGraw, the oil tycoon in possession of equipment that everyone believes is the best chance to break up the ice, who is clearly only helping out for PR reasons. Then there’s the native Alaskans, who are also at odds with Rachel because they hunt the whales for food, which she is morally opposed to. But the locals clearly still care deeply about these animals. President Ronald Reagan’s administration also gets involved in a calculated PR move, hoping to help Vice President George H.W. Bush’s Presidential election campaign. Reagan’s administration must also decide whether or not to enlist the help of the Russians, who have a ship in the area that could be of assistance. They must decide if they can stomach the idea of the Russians coming to the rescue.

Being a PG-rated family film, the movie is careful to never paint anyone as too much of a villain. While McGraw primarily cares about his own self-interests, he does get invested in the rescue effort and comes to genuinely care about the whales. There is also a scene where he and Kramer come to a mutual understanding, realizing that it’s much harder to hate one another now that they’ve gotten to know each other. The Russians as well are shown to care very much about the whales, even if they are still in the midst of the Cold War with the Americans leading the rescue effort. The only people who come out looking bad are the reporters who, with the exception of Carlson, all seem concerned primarily with scooping their colleagues and making a name for themselves.

The film does a good job balancing footage of its actors with news footage from 1988. You see the real footage of Tom Brokaw and Dan Rather delivering their newscasts. You also see real footage of Reagan giving a press conference. (Unfortunately, the film also chose to get a Reagan impersonator for one scene, which was incredibly distracting and unnecessary.) During the credits, there is a montage that shows you some of the actual people the actors were portraying. Early in the film, there is a scene where Rachel Kramer has a megaphone and is dragged out of the meeting where McGraw is awarded exclusive rights to drill for oil in Alaska. Originally, I figured this was Hollywood looking for a flashy way to introduce her character, but at the end of the film you see the footage of the real Kramer doing the exact same thing. That was a nice touch.

The performances are all solid. John Krasinski is an effective leading man and he injects some great comedic moments into the film, including a hysterically funny scene inside a helicopter. Ten Danson gives a really fun, hammy performance as McGraw, making him a blustering ass, but still somehow likable. Kathy Baker is really charming as well in her role as Ruth McGraw, J.W.’s wife who manipulates her husband into helping out without him even realizing what she’s doing.

Big Miracle is a fun, lighthearted film, but it’s also a fascinating look into our society. It examines the way TV news work and what we as a nation get invested in. There are also moments when people question how much effort and resources as worth putting into saving these animals and if human lives should be put at risk to save three whales. (Being a light family movie, it never delves too deep into any of these ideas, but the fact that it touches on them at all was refreshing.) If none of that interests you, it’s also a fun, funny film about saving three whales. Big Miracle has broad appeal and is a surprisingly charming little film. I recommend giving it a shot.

Written by Joel Murphy. If you enjoy his reviews, he also writes a weekly pop culture column called Murphy’s Law, which you can find here. You can contact Joel at murphyslaw@hobotrashcan.com.

Next Monday, many Americans will get their first glimpse of Broadway star Megan Hilty on NBC’s new show Smash. NBC has been heavily promoting the show (and will continue to do so throughout Sunday’s Super Bowl telecast), so this very well could be the moment Hilty blows up and becomes a huge TV star.

HoboTrashcan recognized Hilty’s talent back in 2008 as she was starring in the Broadway show Wicked and spotlighted her in one of our Getting to Know features. So if you want to impress your friends on Monday by giving them her complete life story when they inevitably ask “Who is that?” make sure to read the article now.

You can find it here:
http://www.hobotrashcan.com/2008/04/03/getting-to-know-megan-hilty/

(The photo of Megan Hilty and Al Roker was taken during the 79th Annual Rockefeller Center Tree Lighting Ceremony. You can find our coverage of that event here.)

Samantha Jackson

[Editor's Note: Joel Murphy has started his Groundhog Day partying a day early, so today we bring you a special guest column by Samantha Jackson.]

In a crafted publicity stunt, Canadian game developer Bioware “declared war” against American game developer Blizzard, claiming that the new Bioware MMO, Star Wars: The Old Republic, would topple Blizzard’s industry-dominating juggernaut, World of Warcraft.

Despite the fact that Blizzard is an over-the-hill runway model living in denial of reports of declining interest, they will not be wrenched from their throne by Bioware (“The Booty Call When Bethesda’s On The Rag”). Nobody from the old school of MMORPG development (Sony/Everquest, Runescape) can offer a comparative experience and nothing new (Sony/DC Universe, Bioware) can match their content volume and formulated player-character development.

In ways, Bioware makes a valiant effort – there are a lot of positive things to say about SWTOR:

• The voice acting is superb and culled from a geek’s wet dream. For example, the male bounty hunter player character is voiced by Steve Blum, voice of anime bounty hunter Spike Spiegel of Cowboy Bebop. The male Jedi Knight is David Hayter, familiar as Snake from the Metal Gear Solid series.
• The game rewards are epic; from early levels, you will travel in a vehicle roughly the size of your first real-life apartment. Your cloak and your dagger are gleaned from legendary sources (and don’t need “legendary” in the title).
• The map and transportation systems are the best I’ve ever seen in a video game. You will never feel that you are tediously wandering and will rarely have to wait for a cool-down if you want to quick-travel home.
• The money system is balanced. In the beginning of the game, you receive money hand over fist. As you advance in level, you are expected to prioritize your spending.
• The storytelling is rife with canon. Often, in games with good stories, the stories stand alone and “hint” at the source material, slowly leaking references like Easter Eggs. Most quests in this game relive pre-existing storylines and solve long-standing riddles.
• Space combat is great fun, highly rewarding and reminiscent of StarFox. You can advance several levels in the game just by performing the daily space missions.
• The characters are well-rounded in their performance abilities and an assortment of companions (pets) allows you to craft a party suited to your gaming style. From the early points in the game, you can customize your weapons and armor. Companions have varied abilities, allowing you to favor a defensive class, a damage class or a healing class.
• The game is beautiful. The worlds are sprawling, unique and filled to capacity with things to see and do. There is very little of the “copy-pasted dirt” that we’ve seen in other MMOs. If you need to kill something, it’s right behind you, and then, you’ll move on to a new town. It never gets boring.

My favorite element is that the quests are extraordinarily well-written:

Immediately after starting a campaign (Republic and Empire alike), I wanted to fight for my causes. Whether I wanted to avenge a highly-likable character, or whether I wanted to hunt down the bastard who wronged me, I felt driven with actual purpose to continue the game. It wasn’t about levels or gear; I wanted the levels and gear for the story.

The drama is more intense than a season finale of Grey’s Anatomy, and it never lets up. I’ve dabbled in all eight classes, and every class makes you feel like revenge, redemption or fortune is just around the corner. Also, though the main stories are compelling, the side-quests are equally interesting. You’ll discover that an officer’s wife is treasonous and decide their fate. You’ll hunt down two Jedis who fled the Academy to realize their love. You’ll interact with a score of wholly believable characters fighting, for good or evil, with great conviction. The player is always made to feel like a critical component in an epic tale.

That said, the game is not without epic flaws:

• There is no high resolution. The best you’ll get is “medium,” a sort of mid-grade Morrowind-esque look. Your armor doesn’t move well and you are frequently impaled on your sword. The world backdrops look great, though.
• Bugs. I’ve never seen bugs like this game has bugs. You can crawl through an entire dungeon, only to discover the boss is “missing.” You can fall through the floor, or be ejected into space. “Dancing” renders you invincible. Quests simply “don’t work,” which is to say your quest objective doesn’t exist, or characters refuse to accept turn-ins. When that quest is your “class quest line,” and a bug prevents you from advancing in the game, it can be very frustrating. And if you start the game and can’t move, you’ll have to “turn off shadows” in the preferences menu.
• No party roles. There is no such thing as a classic class. You can’t be a tank, because tanks can’t “taunt,” and therefore cannot hold the attention of enemies and prevent them from crushing other characters. You can’t be a healer, because no class in the game can heal well enough, fast enough, to keep multiple players alive. You can’t be a damage class, because most “damage classes” wear light armor and you will be punched in the cloth until you die. Everybody is a jack of all trades, and master of none.
• Kill-and-fetch. It is absolutely necessary to complete almost every quest in the game. If you focus solely on your class quests, you will quickly find yourself outmanned. As much as you would like to follow the Sith or Jedi path, you will have to go out and kill (10) (Octopi) or you will be mercilessly smited.
• Your quest-givers are given to whimsy. At level 31, you may not be offered a level 32 quest, but you may be offered a level 40 quest. Also, although the automatic “quest tracker” is nice, there is no indicator as to the level of difficulty. You find out when you get there and the enemy drops a building on you.
• Space Combat. Trying to discern a turret from a generator as it flies by in the distance in sub-par graphics is just impossible.
• Speeches. You could make a sandwich in the time it takes to hear the story of a sidequest. Then, the quest-giver will send you to meet his wife, Olga, who will tell you the recipe to the bread she was baking when you interrupted her work. The dog will bark and she’ll have to start all over again. The entire Advent Children film didn’t have as much dialogue as you’ll hear in your first level of play. But skipping text is like playing Russian Roulette, because NPCs are notorious for spazzing out and shooting you in the face – usually during quest turn-ins.
• Humans and more Humans. There aren’t “race options” as much as there are “costume options.” Humans with red skin, humans with horns, humans with masks.

But my biggest complaint is the Companion mechanic: They are ill-matched, grossly frustrating and the romances are a blasphemy against humanity.

My suspicion that George Lucas is a virgin (as he adopted all three of his children) have been all but confirmed by this video game.

Good game dialogue can be identified by a simple test: If you remove the game elements from conversation, you could imagine people having this conversation in real life. Bioware is hilariously bad at this, but Lucas gives us the impression that his social experiences have been limited to sock puppetry.

Other than to frustrate the audience with what The Undersexed And Maladjusted view as a realistic relationship dynamic, I can’t fathom why the designers paired each character with a hostile and incompatible figure, then assigned said figure the directive to bitch and whine for the entire goddamned game. “I hate this.” “I hate you.” “Can I get some ice cream?” “My feet are tired.” “All my friends at school will make fun of me if I’m friends with a Sith.”

I can’t stand them and there is no escape. Like the 35-year-old child living with his parents (the apparent demographic), they hate them but need them to survive. If you don’t defy your chosen nature, your companions’ performance will suffer (and they will essentially steal money from you and sabotage your creative efforts). The game compels you to be Darth Fauntleroy or Jedi Master Lucifer. Even then, there is limited success. And they won’t shut up.

The first companion of the Sith Warrior is Vette.

Like Yvette, but forget about the “why.”

Lucas, who also thought you would wet yourself with delight over Gungans, thinks you want to fuck Twi’leks.

Not the Zeltron, the pink-skinned giant-breasted humans that sweat ecstasy …

No, not you, you kinky freak.

Lucas knows what you want – You want the flat-chested thing with dicks growing out of its head (link NSFW).

I would say that, since Vette wears a shock collar, you could just shock the shit out of her and rape her to death, but nine years ago, we discovered that attaching electrodes to the body of the person you are penetrating is like sticking your dick in a warming toaster and jumping into the bathtub.

Vette hates everything dark and mean, so pairing her with the Sith Warrior leaves you with a dynamic of Anne Frank and Adolf Hitler on a picnic. It’s fun for an hour, but the novelty wears off quick … especially when Adolf relies on Anne to heal him in battle and she decides she’d rather watch him die.

I was delighted when I obtained my next companion, Malavai Quinn. A cardboard evil General, his personality coincides with the murder and mayhem I want to spread.
I apologize if I’m about to spoil something for you, but I’d want to know before I invested a great deal of time, energy and money into him. You get him at Level 20. At Level 45, you learn his friendship was a ruse and he attempts to kill you.

I was so angry when I discovered this that I stopped playing the game for a week.
I’m reading on the forums that this should be expected, because we are “dark side.” We should expect manipulation and betrayal from our people.

While plausible, this idea makes me feel like I’m not the target audience for this game, because I don’t want to get screwed by the people I train and clothe. I don’t like feeling I’ve been robbed, and telling me it’s a plot mechanic coinciding with the choice I made smells of “you got raped because of the clothes you wore.” It’s an after-the-fact transfer of blame when a bad call was brought to light, not a reasonable explanation.

I don’t expect that you’ll play Jedi, because the servers lean heavily toward the Empire, but the light side is no better. My Smuggler’s companion wants to watch the world burn and would be perfectly matched with my Sith Warrior. He is particularly ill-suited for the Smuggler, who are capable of massive AOE damage, because his first attack is a rope mechanism that jerks the enemy to his location … and out of my blast radius.

Seconds later, when he whines for assistance, it’s tempting to let the fool die.

There are several kinds of players who would enjoy this game:

• Obviously, Star Wars fans. If you enjoyed playing Knights of the Old Republic, you’ll probably enjoy this game.
• If you enjoyed “Choose Your Own Adventure” books, you’ll probably like this game. The writing style is similar.
• If you enjoyed older, more complex MMOs, like the younger incarnation of Everquest, you’ll like the updated, but similar, feel of this game.
• If you enjoy console RPGs, particularly the 120-hour J-pop variety, you will probably enjoy this game.
• Bioware fans looking to exploring MMORPG gaming.
• Lonely people. The game pedestals you as the most amazing person in the world.

There are several kinds of players who will hate this game:

• WoW players. While it was a cheap ploy to antagonize a warlike demographic and pit it against their own cult, that’s not why Warcraft players won’t like this game. Warcraft is streamlined and specialized; this game is clumsy in its class development and vague in its execution.
• Alpha players. This game is going to break on you on an hourly basis, and no amount of power, technology or money will change that.
• Power Raiders. Between the broken dungeons, the lack of dungeon classes and the absence of raiders refusing to play the game for those two reasons, this game may frustrate you.
• Players who prefer achievement over story. In this game, the former is more a consequence of the latter.
• Powerlevelers and Twinks. Due to the organic style of development, rushing your character will leave you a weak shell with a senseless junkpile of uncoordinated abilities.

Overall, it’s a good game. It’s a new and different contribution to a genre polluted with countless imitations. It’s a fun story experience and worth a test. It’s ground-breaking in the MMORPG environment, but not ground-breaking for a Bioware game, meaning that familiar Bioware mechanics have merely been translated to a new format. If Bioware would patch the game-breaking bugs, the game would be much more enjoyable. I enjoy playing it; it’s not my favorite MMORPG, but it’s far from my least favorite.

I give it a 7/10.

It would be a 9/10 if they repaired the bugs and amended the companions.

Aaron R. Davis

I read this week that Katherine Heigl said she wanted back on Grey’s Anatomy. Katherine Heigl stories in the gossip media are always hilarious to me for three basic reasons. 1) Katherine Heigl obviously (and wrongly) thinks she’s a very popular actress and person, 2) there are these bizzaro lady fans she has who troll the news feeds for any remotely negative thing anyone says about her so they can jump to a pointless and impassioned defense of this actress they’ve decided to make the symbol of how everyone obviously hates successful women who speak their mind (doubly hilarious if these people aren’t actually working for Heigl, which I’m not convinced they are), and 3) seriously, it’s Katherine Heigl, if she weren’t such a gigantic bitch, no one would even be talking about her in the gossip media, anyway.

I was also going to add that Katherine Heigl has a crippling lack of self-awareness, but she’s shown an amazing media-savvy for the last five or six years now. It’s just that her presupposition that people like her is the flaw in this savvy that brings down everything she wants to do.

Example 1: she gets herself cast in the movie Knocked Up after Anne Hathaway drops out. After years of crappy television and Lifetime movies, she has her first major hit playing an irredeemable, self-centered jerk, because you should play what you know for the sake of authenticity. It makes a lot of money, and it makes her look bankable to Hollywood, and they start building romantic comedies around her assuming that she’s now a movie star.

But then, she decides to go on record talking about how Knocked Up was a terrible movie and it made all women look like bitches. So while she’s smart about how being in a hit film can pay off in other aspects of her career, she’s also publicly an ingrate. That doesn’t make you friends in an industry that is surprisingly over-sensitive about what people think. You’d think money would help you get over it, but I don’t know personally. I’d love the opportunity to find out. I mean, if Katherine Heigl really hated it that much, she’s free to give me some of the cash she made of off degrading herself playing professional make-believe. Just a suggestion.

And so what if her movies are crap? I mean, 27 Dresses, Life as We Know It, The Ugly Truth … yeah, they’re all the same movie, but who cares? All actors and even directors do is make the same crappy movies over and over again. Makes Michael Bay millions. Gets Steven Spielberg called, for some reason, the greatest director of all time. Tom Cruise makes the same movie over and over again, and people go to see those. Hell, Christopher Guest has basically remade This Is Spinal Tap four times, and this supposedly makes him a comedy genius. Her movies make a respectable amount of money, and they probably don’t cost much to make, so more power to her. She found a job that pays a lot of money compared to the actual work that goes into it. (Let’s face it, it’s not like movie stars are teachers, or something where people aren’t compensated in relation to the actual, exhausting work that goes into the damn thing.)

Anyway. Katherine Heigl’s kind of a movie star. I’ll give you that. And she’s got this One for the Money that’s come out, which is going to be a failure, obviously, because the books were popular 20 years ago or something and no one goes to see a movie just because Katherine Heigl is in it (despite whatever you’re going to screech about in the comments section, Heigl defenders, because she was probably someone’s ninth choice to star in this), and there’s not going to be enough profit to justify a sequel (much less a franchise), and if it’s such a great movie with a bankable star in the lead, why is it being dumped in the last week of January when everyone’s going to see whatever got nominated for the Oscars instead? This leads me, roundabout, to my second example.

Example 2: she gets a regular role on Grey’s Anatomy, a show which is inexplicably popular and inexplicably still running. Whatever, not my cup of tea, doesn’t matter. It’s a big ensemble, so when she sees an opportunity to pull focus, she does. She goes out and protests during the writer’s strike when there are cameras present, so she looks like she really cares. When Isaiah Washington calls TR Knight a homophobic slur, Katherine Heigl is there telling the media that this really hurts KATHERINE HEIGL because tr knight is KATHERINE HEIGL’s friend and KATHERINE HEIGL really cares about gay people. She’s smart at recognizing opportunities for Katherine Heigl to make the world (or the few people in it who care) see what a kind and caring person Katherine Heigl is. An orphan baby has a curable heart defect? Make it known that KATHERINE HEIGL SELFLESSLY ADOPTED A SPECIAL NEEDS CHILD. I’m kind of amazed she didn’t decide to frame it as “adoption by Katherine Heigl heals the sick.” Someone at work is an asshole and says something nasty to a gay actor? Tell the media: KATHERINE HEIGL WON’T PUT UP WITH GAY-BASHING! Because what’s the point of being a good person if everyone in the world doesn’t see how good a person you are? It’s not like kindness is its own reward, or anything. Not when there are shitty romantic comedies that need leads and a race for the film quality bottom against Jennifer Aniston to be won!

But here’s the real flaw with it all: she’s still an ingrate. Because she comes out and very ungraciously says “Oh no, I know you Emmy voters think I’m incredibly talented, but don’t vote for me this year because the Grey’s Anatomy writers didn’t write anything good for me, and instead of talking to them or to producers about it, I think it’s much more polite and professional to whine publicly about it.” So when no one wanted her around anymore because she burned all of her bridges there, she just said she was too big for the show and was going to have a grand movie career, anyway.

It’s an astonishing character flaw in a person who is otherwise pretty smart about the way she handles her business. It’s seriously, just rubbernecking it online when people report on her, like looking at someone who has selective self-awareness. Someone who knows how to make her career work, but can’t stop herself from saying really stupid things about the people she works for because she thinks she’s a special little princess and has all of the love in the world. I mean, seriously: was she just hoping to be fired so she could move on, or did she genuinely think that Grey’s Anatomy writers were going to look at what she said and realize she was right and they should do better by her?

I think it shows a real self-awareness on her part that she realizes One for the Money is going to do about as much for her career as VI Warshawski did for Kathleen Turner’s. But it shows a real lack of said self-awareness for her to publicly opine that Grey’s Anatomy should have her back on when she’s done her best to make everyone there never want to see her face again.

Seriously, Katherine Heigl: what is your deal? You should really just stop talking to the media for a few years.

Aaron R. Davis lives in a cave at the bottom of the ocean with his eyes shut tight and his fingers in his ears. You can contact him at samuraifrog@yahoo.com

Ned Bitters

This week’s inductee into the “Overrated Hall of Fame” is … watching sports in a bar.

It would be fun to talk about how overrated the Super Bowl is, but more often than not we are treated to one hell of a game. Ever since the great Cowboys and 49ers teams stopped making the game a yawnfest by the midway point of the second quarter, the Super Bowl is usually a great game that is decided in the last four minutes.

As for the commercials, even the lame ones turn out to be kind of fun, or at least worthy of some discussion at work on Hangover Monday.
Super Bowl parties might or might not be overrated, but being an unsociable, friendless misanthrope, I can’t speak on that. The invitations no longer come, and even if they did, I know I’d decline.

But what can be overrated, at least when talking Super Bowl, is watching the game in a bar. Okay, watching any big game in a bar is overrated, and there are myriad reasons for this.

I ended up in a bar for the entire Giants-49ers NFC Championship Game. The bar is owned by a former NFL great. The TV set-up surpasses that of any sports bar I’ve ever been in. No matter where you sit, you can watch half a dozen of the more than 30 hi-def flat-screens without having to twist your body or neck. Cool memorabilia covers the walls. The servers are fast and attentive. Bud Lites ran a whopping $2.50 for the entire game. The menu was expansive, the portions huge and the food not terrible.

And it sucked because I seemed to have missed half the game. Watching a big game, regardless of the sport, should be done at home and not in a bar.

Here’s why:

There are too many distractions. If your waitress or bartender is even remotely hot, every time you see her (or him, I guess), you get that rapist-stalker tunnel vision thing going, and instead of focusing on Eli Manning’s big third-and-12 pass, you’re eyes are locked into a set of sweet server ass cheeks that are hard enough to play quarters off of. I’m a lifelong Steelers fan, but I guarantee that I’d have missed all of James Harrison’s epic interception return had I been ordering mozzarella sticks and a beer from some poor man’s Jennifer Aniston at Super Sports Bar Emporiama.

Even if your server isn’t hot [see: Last Sunday night], you still have to deal with the constant interruptions to see if you’re “still working on that,” if you “need another round,” if everything is “all right” (you know, as if you’re going to go all gourmand on the poor girl’s ass and complain that the chicken wings are a tad undercooked and the nachos are a bit wanting in the cilantro department) or to see if you’d like the 12-layer Chocolate Thunder to go with that 8th beer.

Another problem is that the other patrons can sometimes be more compelling than the game itself, and that can be true even when the game is a good one. Despite the epic game transpiring on the 37 TVs last week, I was more involved in what was going on at the tables around us. To my left I had the creepy-looking couple with dyed red hair and too much eyeliner. Yes, that includes the male half of the couple. They looked like they had just come from a casting call for World War Z. They were not at all into the game, yet they stayed in a loud sports bar for over three hours. I couldn’t stop watching them. To my right were the strapping high school boy in the Class of 2012 letterman’s jacket and the hot older woman with him who might have been his mother but was more likely some milfish cougar he was banging. One more beer and I know we’d have gone over and asked just the hell their situation was.

And directly ahead of me was the NFL lineman who, after buying megashots for the skanky groupies at his table, made repeated trips to the outdoor patio so that he could autograph their sweet little ass cheeks. It’s hard to pay attention to an Alex Smith screen pass when you hear drunk, dirty blond chicks yelling, “For another hundred dollars you can sign my other ass cheek!” (And they say Terrell Owens is broke. Gee, hard to imagine how that kind of thing can happen after seeing a second-year lineman throwing around c-notes just so he can sign some ass.)

But it’s not just the visual distractions that take you attention away from the game. Having a set of working ears can prove bothersome, too, because every sports bar has those loudmouth know-nothings who can’t resist the urge to broadcast their sports ignorance to everyone within a 20-foot radius of their never-closed mouth. There’s the guy who yells that someone is lining up offsides on every third play. (No flag is ever thrown, making him more indignant with each missed call.) This same guy, if watching hockey, believes every pass is a missed offsides call. If baseball, why, every at-bat is a prime opportunity to go with the hit and run. (This holds true even when the bases are empty.)

And finally, we have the hardcore fans of one of the two teams playing. They sport $400 dollars worth of team garb and come armed with a big right hand ready to do some nonstop high-fiving. Four-yard run off tackle? High five! Good punt coverage? Up high, bro! 32 yard touchdown pass? The high five turns into a prolonged, shaking, clamplike grab, leaving you with shattered hand bones and a possibly separated shoulder.

So whether it’s the Super Bowl or just some first-round Stanley Cup playoff contest, it’s best to stay home to watch any big game. The beers are cheaper, the bathroom less crowded, the ass-signing cheaper (Mrs. Bitters charges just $25 per cheek) and the only idiot yelling offsides is you.

Ned Bitters is, in fact, overrated. You can contact him at teacherslounge@hobotrashcan.com.

It started out innocent enough. As the show begins this week, Joel Murphy talks about his awkward middle school years, sharing a story about attending his eighth grade dance with an attractive young lady. But it doesn’t take long for things to devolve into a lengthy discussion about strippers and strip clubs.

Lars shares the story of a recent outing that involved a prominent local businessman and the fabled “backroom” of a strip club. He also shares a shady, drunk experience on “The Block.” And Joel talks about his experiences a decade ago when he was a regular at a local strip club and the ladies knew him by name.

How did Joel do at the eighth grade dance? Does Mr. Tire like looking at naked ladies? Are strippers like the Yellow Pages? The answers to these questions and more are in this week’s podcast.

This week’s music:

• Intro – “Giddy Up” by Tahuna Breaks
• End – “Skullcrusher Mountain” by Jonathan Coulton

Hobo Radio is the official podcast of HoboTrashcan, brought to you by The Podcast Network.

Joel Murphy

Charles Carmichael is a hard man to kill. On the show Chuck, The Ring, Daniel Shaw and Alexei Volkoff have all tried to take out the lovable spy. And in real life, the powers that be at NBC have almost canceled the show more times that you can count. Yet somehow, after five years and 91 episodes, it all comes to an end tonight.

When you stop to think about it, it’s pretty amazing we’ve made it to this point. After season two, every episode we’ve gotten has been a gift. It was only thanks to a grassroots campaign by dedicated fans who all went to Subway en mass to show their support that we got a season three. (Chuck himself, Zachary Levi even served sandwiches to patrons on that day.) The show has been on the brink of cancelation ever since. The writers have had to come up with a variety of midseason and season finales that could serve as a series finale if the show didn’t get renewed. (By some counts, the show has had five different “series” finales.)

But tonight the show gets what it deserves and it gets something most shows don’t, which is to go out on its own terms. This season, the writers went in knowing it would be their last and they were able to gear these final 13 episodes toward one final, definitive end. And they’ve come up with something great. Chuck’s final battle, which will play out in a two-hour finale tonight, is against the love of his life Sarah Walker, who has the Intersect in her head and no recollection of her relationship with her husband.

While I’m excited to see how it all plays out tonight, I can definitely say the show will be missed. I’ve written about the show at length over the years during various “Save Chuck campaigns” and also I’ve had the good fortune to interview cast members Mark Christopher Lawrence (Big Mike), Scott Krinsky (Lester) and Bonita Friedericy (General Diane Beckman). I’ve loved the show’s quirky blend of comedy and action and I’ve always thought it had a surprising amount of heart in an era when television often seems quite cynical and bleak.

The show has always felt to me like a throwback to a long gone era of television. It feels one of those campy shows from the 70s or 80s where an everyman is given some type of gift (like an alien supersuit, a talking car or six-million dollars worth of bionic implants). But what I’ve enjoyed most is that while the show has always been a bit silly and ridiculous, it has also built this complex mythology that has unfolded over the past five seasons, revealing why Chuck Bartowski was chosen to have the Intersect in his head and what the powerful database can do if it ends up inside the wrong person.

What I’ve also really loved seeing is the evolution of Sarah Walker and how it has paralleled Chuck’s in this really fascinating way. While Chuck’s journey has been from compassionate, brilliant slacker to a formidable spy (who now can get by on his own without the Intersect as a crutch), Sarah has gone from a detached, unstoppable spy to someone who relies on and empathizes with those she cares about. Her decision to retire from active field duty so she can raise a family with her husband doesn’t seem like a cop out, it’s an ending this show has earned five years in.

I’ve also enjoyed the expanded cast of characters they’ve given us. Sarah is a great character in her own right, but watching her and Chuck together has been a joy (and I’m not someone who generally enjoys “Will they or won’t they?” relationships on shows.) Seeing Adam Baldwin, who I loved so much as Jayne Cobb, sink his teeth into a role as juicy as John Casey has been a lot of fun too. (He can convey so much with one simple growl.) Morgan Grimes, who was a bit of a problematic character early on in the show, has evolved into a really great sidekick and has taken over the role Bartowski had early on of “guy in way over his head in the spy world.” Eli and Awesome are both such perfect supporting characters. Jeff and Lester have provided some fantastic comedic moments, though they are best utilized in small doses. And Diane Beckman’s personal life has proven to be a fertile ground for comedy.

I’ve also enjoyed the high profile guest stars they’ve been able to snag. My Scott Bakula man-crush knowns no bounds thanks to his role on Quantum Leap. Having him play Chuck’s dad is such perfect casting. I honestly can’t think of anyone else who would have been a better fit. Having Linda Hamilton as his mom turned out to be wonderful casting as well. And the role of Alexei Volkoff became one of my favorite things Timothy Dalton has ever done and I’m a big fan of his work.

So thanks so much to the cast and crew for bringing these characters to life. Thanks so much to the writers for building the complex mythology of this show and giving us all moments like the Jeffster “Mr. Roboto” montage, Chuck outmaneuvering Volkoff in their showdown inside the cabin and everything involving the Giant Blonde She-Male of Thailand. And finally, thanks to NBC for letting this show go out on its own terms. (Now do the same thing for Community.)

It’s been a great five years. And while I will definitely miss this show, I’m happy that they have given us 91 episodes of this quirky, fun little show. It will certainly live on in my DVD collection for years to come.

Joel Murphy is the creator of HoboTrashcan, which is probably why he has his own column. He loves pugs, hates Jimmy Fallon and has an irrational fear of robots. You can contact him at murphyslaw@hobotrashcan.com.

Man on a Ledge Release Date: January 27, 2012 Director: Asger Leth Writer: Pablo F. Fenjves Stars: Sam Worthington, Elizabeth Banks and Jamie Bell MPAA Rating: PG-13 HoboTrashcan’s Rating:

Man on a Ledge is by no means a good movie. It is, however, a fairly entertaining one.

Borrowing heavily from the 1998 Samuel L. Jackson movie The Negotiator, the film stars Sam Worthington as Nick Cassidy, a police officer facing a 25-year jail sentence for a crime he didn’t commit. However, instead of taking a room full of people hostage, Cassidy climbs out onto the ledge of the 21st floor of a hotel and threatens to jump off. Playing the Kevin Spacey role of the police negotiator who believes the wronged cop’s story and decides to help him is Elizabeth Banks as Lydia Mercer. Cassidy requests Mercer by name, knowing that she is haunted by a case one month earlier in which she failed to talk a police officer down from a bridge.

Cassidy was convicted of stealing a $40 million diamond from ruthless businessman David Englander (Ed Harris). Nick uses his ledge stunt as a distraction to draw attention to himself while his brother Joey (Jamie Bell) and his brother’s girlfriend Angie (Genesis Rodriguez) break into Englander’s vault to find the diamond, which Cassidy believes never actually left the premises.

By adding the diamond heist element and by giving us a flashback to Nick’s prison escape, the film finds ways to keep the action moving while Nick is perched up on the ledge. Not that the scenes on the ledge are boring. Director Asger Leth chose to put Worthington and Banks on the actual 21st story ledge of a New York City hotel, which undoubtedly added an extra level of realism to the performance and gave Leth the ability to get some really captivating shots. Any of you with a fear of heights will definitely get that queasy feeling in the pit of your stomach several times throughout the film.

The performances are mostly solid too, which helps sell the film. Worthington and Banks have a good chemistry and their scenes together work well. Harris unfortunately isn’t asked to do very much, but he makes the most of the scenes he’s in by chewing just the right amount of scenery. Titus Welliver, Anthony Mackie and Edward Burns are all really enjoyable in their supporting roles. The only two weak links are Bell and Rodriguez, who give underwhelming performances. (Leth does his best to distract you from this by having Rodriguez show off as much cleavage as humanly possible in all of their scenes together.)

The story is fairly formulaic and every “surprise” twist is easy to spot a mile away. Still, it all works well enough until the end. The climax of the film, however, is a complete mess. The story falls apart and no matter how much suspension of disbelief you are willing to apply, the films gives you an ending that is in no way believable. Even overlooking the completely unrealistic action movie hijinks that ensue in the end, the resolution itself makes little sense when you stop for even one second to think about it.

The film also has two flaws in its design that it struggles to overcome. First, since Cassidy is an escaped convict and has no hostages, the police don’t really have a compelling reason to let him stay out on the ledge threatening to jump off and creating a huge spectacle. The film is fairly successful in handling this problem in two ways. Number one, Cassidy checks into the hotel under a fake name and wipes down his room for prints, so it takes a while to positively ID him. And two, once the police know who he is, Nick has Mercer on his side keeping the tactical unit from swarming in and forcibly removing him from the ledge.

Unfortunately, the film never really finds a way to address the second problem, which is Nick’s overall plan. Cassidy has his brother break into Englander’s vault to find the diamond, proving Englander had possession of it all along. But why would anyone be convinced that Cassidy and his brother didn’t simply plant the diamond in Englander’s vault in order to clear Nick’s name? A jury didn’t believe his story once, so why would anyone believe him now? The film never really addresses this. The most frustrating thing is that there are actually several outs they could have used to overcome this problem, but writer Pablo F. Fenjves failed to utilize any of them.

Problematic writing aside, the film is paced well enough that it never really overstays its welcome. While the story ends up being quite ridiculous, it is never boring. If you are looking for a mindless January action film, you probably won’t be disappointed. Though with a few added tweaks to the story, this one could have been a lot better.

Written by Joel Murphy. If you enjoy his reviews, he also writes a weekly pop culture column called Murphy’s Law, which you can find here. You can contact Joel at murphyslaw@hobotrashcan.com.

Even spies have to
deal with the Human Resource Department. On Archer, the ISIS crew is stuck dealing with Pam Poovey, a rotund, dolphin puppet-wielding gossip. Luckily, while Pam herself isn’t much fun to be around, Amber Nash, who voices the outlandish character, couldn’t be nicer and more pleasant to deal with.

Nash, a lifelong Georgia native, got her start on television on creator Adam Reed’s previous show Frisky Dingo. We recently talked to Nash, who had just begun a European tour with her theatre group Dad’s Garage, about voice work, Comic-Con and what’s in store for Pam this season.

Where are you originally from?

I grew up in the suburbs of Atlanta, a little north of the city. My mom’s from Atlanta and my dad’s from the midwest, so I grew up in Atlanta and have been there pretty much my whole life.

How did you get into acting?

When I was in college, I was studying psychology. That’s what I got my degree in. I was going to school and working in restaurants. A friend of mine went to see an improv show and they were like, “You’ve got to go see this because you’ll really like it.” So I went and saw this improv show and I really liked it and I started taking improv classes. This is when I was like 19. I took the classes, then I kept hanging around and taking more classes and bartending at the theater, cleaning toilets and whatever I could do.

I eventually started doing sketch comedy there. They were doing a sketch comedy show at the time. And then started improvising with the theatre and then became a regular and quit my regular job and decided to start acting full-time.

How long have you been acting full-time?

Since 2005.

Before Archer, you worked on Frisky Dingo. How did the voice work come about?

There is another guy that is an improvisor at the theatre I work at – his name’s Christian Danley. Christian is an animator. He was working with the 70/30 guys on Frisky Dingo – or maybe even before that, he was working on Sealab, I think. So some of the guys – actually Matt [Thompson] and Adam [Reed] – knew that Christian came from an improv theatre and would come and check it out.

So I guess they had seen me in an improv show and when Frisky Dingo was being created, it was actually a different show from what it became. The original idea was something very different. I think it was more of a family. So they were looking for a teenage girl. They had me come in and audition because they knew that Christian knew me, and I was totally wrong for it. It was not at all something I would have done. So they were like, “Well, you’re not going to play this part.”

Then the show ended up becoming something totally different. When the character of Val popped up, they asked me to come in and read for it. I did and they liked it. I think actually on the first episode, Val might have been voiced by a different actress. I’m almost positive. So they had me come in and do Val later for the rest of the series.

Once that series was over, they took a big break and they really weren’t doing a ton of stuff anymore. When they came up with the idea for Archer, they actually had me come in and I guess I was doing pick ups for something – they needed me to do something. And they were like, “We want you to look at this.” The first time I saw what Pam looked like, they had Pam’s head on the screen, but she was delivering a line that I had recorded as Val. It was pretty much the same voice, it was just a little different because it’s my voice, you know?

They were like, “This is what we want you to do for this new show.”

Where does Pam’s voice come from?

Val is just my total regular voice. And then Pam’s is just a little bit different. And so the voice is actually when I tell stories as my mother, that’s the voice I use when I’m talking as my mom. And it’s kind of midwestern and my mom’s not from the midwest. So my mom doesn’t actually sound like that at all. It’s actually me when I’m making fun of my mother, that’s the voice I use.

When you record your lines, you just go in a booth alone and record them, right? You never actually interact with the other actors.

No. The good thing for me, because everyone else is in LA, is that I actually get to go in and I’m in a booth and outside of the booth is Adam and then another guy named Casey. So I get to actually interact with them instead of just being on the phone with them.

So yeah, when I go in it’s just me in the booth. They don’t even read the scene with me. I usually just deliver the line three different ways and if I’m not getting it right, Adam will be like, “Well think about it like this” or “Try it like this.” For all the lines I have in an episode, usually it only takes 30 minutes. It’s the best job in the world.

As someone who does improv, does it make a difference to you not being able to interact with other people? Was that challenging to adjust to at first?

At first, it was different and Casey, the other guy who is there, would read me in so I would have something to react off of. I used to definitely do it that way because I wanted to have that interaction with somebody. At first, I would just stand in front of a microphone and talk. But then, I got a really good note from a friend of mine. He was like, “Move your hands. Act. Do what you would do if you were on stage.” So now in the booth I’m just like wacky and crazy and I move around so I can actually get that voice to sound right.

At first, it was definitely a little weird as an improvisor. Now I’m used to doing it. And a lot of times, Adam will be like, “Just try some stuff” or “Make something up” or “Say what you think Pam would say.” I actually get to improvise lines pretty regularly. He’s really good about it. He enjoys having actors do that.

How was the character of Pam originally described to you?

I think they described her as “the HR lady that everybody hates.” When I went in for the first record, that was what I was going with. Everybody kind of hates her and everybody kind of mistreats her. I think that’s how it kind of was at first and then the characters changed a bit. The overweight HR lady that everybody hates. And I didn’t even know that she was bisexual at this point. I think that came out later.

How would you describe the character to people now?

I think I would still kind of say the HR lady that everybody hates, but the thing about Pam is that I think now if she wasn’t there, people would really miss her. She’s like the person that everybody enjoys being mean to or fucking with. She’s like their little sister.

And there’s been times in episodes where I’ve been like, “Oh wow, somebody actually really cares about Pam.” In their own weird way, they’ll say something that’s like, “Oh, they actually really care about her.”

And she doesn’t give a shit. That’s what I love about her is she will do absolutely anything and everything. I think that’s why I get to say some of the most ridiculous things in the show because she’s the character that has nothing to lose.

Pam does get some great lines on the show. What is it like to read through the script and think, “I’m actually going to be saying that”?

I don’t think there’s ever been a time when I’ve been scared to say something or like “Oh my god, I don’t know about this.” I think Adam is so funny and his sense of humor is so different from what you hear on television today. I’m actually surprised by the amount of stuff he gets away with. That it’s actually on television is pretty amazing to me.

I know my parents don’t like watching the show. It’s way too dirty for them. But other than that, I really have no concerns for the kind of stuff Pam says. I’m always like, “Yeah, that is great.” I’m really lucky to have such hilarious lines I get to deliver all the time.

What’s in store for Pam this season? Can you give us a preview?

I don’t want to give away too much. I don’t know what I can say.

She gets into a little bit of a relationship. That’s all I’m going to say. Not like a real relationship, but she gets tangled up in something. [Laughs.]

Being in Atlanta, how often do you actually interact with the rest of the cast. We know you did Comic-Con together, but how often do you do events like that?

We do events pretty regularly. I’m going to see them in March. We did an event in November in New York at the Paley Center. So maybe five times a year, maybe a little bit less. But things like Comic-Con we do fairly regularly. Comic-Con’s the big one, of course.

The first time I met them was at Comic-Con. Then we did different appearances after that. Some people are always there, then other people – like Jessica [Walter] is busy sometimes, so she can’t be at all of the things. But everyone is really amazingly nice.

I was very nervous at first because all of these people are pretty big time actors. You know, everybody’s famous and there’s like, “Who’s this person from Atlanta? Who’s this girl?” But everybody’s so amazingly nice. Judy Greer is so nice and Chris Parnell is like the nicest guy on Earth.

What was it like doing Comic-Con?

It was pretty amazing. I was pretty nervous at first, especially when I did my first one because I was like, “Oh my god, I don’t know what to expect.” And we were backstage being walked to our panel. We passed some of the cast from True Blood and I totally geeked out because I’m a huge True Blood fan. Like, what a nerd.

It was very surreal to me because I was with all of these celebrities and it was crazy being backstage and seeing other celebrities. But the great thing was that I know Adam really well and so whenever we do something like this, I know that I can count on Adam. Or if I want to have a drink, Adam will go with me. So I had a buddy with me.

But then once I got to know everybody, everybody’s so gracious and just wants me to have a good time. The first time when we were at Comic-Con, I think we were going in to do a panel and you’re being kind of wrangled by people and you’ve got security with you and there’s so many hundreds of people there. I looked at Chris and I was like, “I don’t know what’s going on.”

And he goes, “Nobody does. You’ll be fine.”

Do you see yourself staying in Atlanta? Does it become a challenge as you move forward with your career to be based in Atlanta or are you just happy doing Archer and working with your improv group?

What I would really love is to be able to stay in Atlanta and do more work, but the problem is is that if you live in Atlanta, you can’t get an agent that can get you other television work. I got all the work that I have on television now by myself. I didn’t even have an agent help me do that.

I’ve been trying. I want to get a good voice agent and be doing other television and film and stuff. I think I’m going to maybe have to move, which is kind of unfortunate because I really love living in Atlanta, it’s a really cool city. There’s a lot of films being made in Atlanta now because they passed a tax cut bill and so there’s a lot of films being produced there.

But if you’re an actor in Atlanta, you can’t get hired as anything other than a small part because they hire everybody out of New York or LA. So I feel like I almost have to leave Atlanta at some point, which is too bad.

Right now you are out of Atlanta doing a European tour with Dad’s Garage Theatre. How did that come about?

This is our second European tour. We did one in 2009 at the end of the year and this is our second one. We’re just touring an improv show and we’re teaching along the way. So we’re either teaching every day or we’re doing shows. We start in Germany, so this is our first stop here in Berlin and we actually leave tonight to go to Norway.

So how long is the trip?

This time it’s about three weeks. Last time we did five weeks. It kind of depends on what we can get booked out here.

Do they have a similar sense of humor or is there a culture barrier at times?

No, it’s actually pretty different. I think they enjoy it because we’re American. In Berlin, there are many, many English speakers. We have a lot of people who are German and speak English who come out. One of the things we do because it’s an improv show, we tell the audience if there’s ever a time that they don’t understand something, they can just shout out: “I didn’t get that” and we’ll go back and explain what we were talking about so that they understand what we are doing, especially if it’s a reference to something totally American or Southern or whatever.

Does that actually ever happen?

It happened once I think in our last show, so it happen like once maybe every three or four shows. Because a lot of times they’ll be like, “Maybe I didn’t necessarily get that one thing, but I understand what it means in the context of what’s going on.”

How often do you work with Dad’s Garage? Is it a regular gig for you?

It’s pretty much what I do with most of my time because they do shows three nights a week. We do scripted shows there too. So depending on if it’s a scripted show or an improv show, I’m there at least once a week. But for this, I’m touring so I’m out of town. I do shows at other theaters too, so I won’t be there if I’m doing a show somewhere else. But yeah, pretty much a lot of my time is taken up by doing shows at Dad’s.

What would you be doing for a living if you never got into acting?

Before I started acting full-time, I was actually a counselor for trouble teenagers. What a weird transition. I would probably be a counselor. Or I’d probably go back to school and be doing therapy of some kind.

That is a big leap to go from that to acting.

Having a degree in psychology is actually really beneficial to working with actors because actors can be very difficult sometimes. I’ve found a lot of parallels working with actors and working with trouble teenagers.

Tell us something most people don’t know about you.

I don’t have a lot of time for hobbies, but one of the things I absolutely love doing is decorating cakes. My first job in high school was I worked for Baskin-Robbins and I would make ice cream cakes. I was the cake decorator. So whenever somebody has a birthday or if I have time, I’ll make some ridiculous cake that I’ve got to say is pretty well decorated. I’m not an expert by any means but I really enjoy decorating cakes.

What does the future hold for you?

I’d love to do voice work on another animated show. And I’d love for Archer to keep going. I think it’s really hit an amazing stride and I think it’s such a hilarious show that I hope it stays on the air for a while. And I’d love to do live work because that’s what I do regularly in theatre. I’d love to do some live-action stuff for television.

Interviewed by Joel Murphy. Archer airs Thursday nights at 10 pm on FX.