He could always buy a ticket

You've all heard the news by now, Baltimore Orioles first baseman Rafael Palmeiro was suspended for violating Major League Baseball's steroid policy. Less than five months after he stood before Congress, pointed his finger and said "I have never used steroids. Period," Palmeiro become the biggest name in baseball to ever get caught using the drug.

So once he was caught, Palmeiro stood up and took his punishment like a man, right? Not a chance. He said he must have ingested something - a supplement, vitamin or food product - that caused him to fail the drug test. Whatever it was, he said, was in his body on accident. I know you're dying to hear which over-the-counter drug it was then, so you can be sure to avoid it the next time you're walking down the vitamin isle at your grocery store. Well, ladies and gents, Raffy was caught using stanozolol - the same drug that caused sprinter Ben Johnson to be stripped of his gold medal in the 1988 Olympics.

If there were a chart ranking all the different types of steroids, this would be at the top.

"He didn't take that by accident," Duke University pharmacology professor Cynthia Kuhn told the Baltimore Sun days after the suspension. "I don't think you can even take stanozolol by accident."

And that is why, I can say with 100 percent certainty - Rafael Palmeiro will not make it to the Hall of Fame. Well, technically he could buy a ticket and go pay the place a visit, but that's the closest he's going to get.

There's a better chance that scientists will figuring out how to bring back Hall of Famer Ted Williams, whose remains have been suspended in liquid nitrogen at Alcor Life Extension Foundation in Scottsdale, Ariz., since the former slugger's death in July 2002.

And that's because, simply put - there is zero chance of Palmeiro being voted in by his peers. Voters feel that those enshrined should be held to a higher standard (remember Pete Rose?) So as soon as that drug test came back failed, so did any chance of Raffy making it to Cooperstown.

You see, Palmeiro was far from a lock to make the Hall of Fame prior to his failed drug test. Supporters will say that Palmeiro earned his place earlier this year, when he joined Hall of Famers Hank Aaron, Willie Mays and Eddie Murray as the only men with 3,000 hits and more than 500 home runs.

But there were many people who felt that Raffy wasn't Hall of Fame material before the word steroids was forever tied to his name. They say that during his 18-year career, Palmeiro has never been the best player on his own team. In Texas, Pudge Rodriguez and Juan Gonzalez were the stars. In Baltimore, Cal Ripken Jr. and then Miguel Tejada were the players opposing teams had to game plan for. If there were a "Hall of Good," then Raffy would be a card-carrying member. But this is the Hall of Fame. Sorry about your lucky, Raffy.

You know what makes me the angriest about all of this? That now we have to listen to former baseball player and current moron Jose Conseco. You see, it was Conseco's book, titled Juiced: Wild Times, Rampant 'Roids, Smash Hits, and How Baseball Got Big, that called out Major League Baseball. The man went as far to say he had personally injected steroids into the buttocks of former teammates in the bathroom stalls of baseball stadiums.

Canseco was the first person to ever use the words "Palmeiro" and "steroids" in the same sentence. He said that when they were both playing for the Texas Rangers, he knew for a fact Palmeiro was "juicing." He even went as far as to say that former Rangers owner, and current president, George W. Bush knew that Palmeiro used steroids.

But everyone just laughed it off and chalked it up to Conseco trying to make a buck. Before the book, Conseco was selling "spend a day with Jose Conseco" on eBay. After the book, he's found another 15 minutes of fame. Conseco became the star of a VH-1 reality show and appeared on any TV show that would have him to promote Juiced. With Raffy failing a drug test, we all have to take a step back and prepare for the unimaginable - Jose might, for once, know what the hell he's talking about. For those wondering, Conseco is already planning on writing a second "tell-all" book.

So now baseball find itself at a cross roads - no longer can they just pretend that everything is perfect, and that no one has ever used steroids. Any ounce of credibility Major League Baseball had is long gone. I mean, you know things are bad when more people believe Jose Conseco than MLB - which is why Palmeiro's peers will hold him accountable for all of the backlash the league has faced in regards to steroids.

Come to think of it, the Hall of Fame voters aren't Raffy's peers. His peers are all the other cheaters (see: Giambi, Jason; Bonds, Barry; and anyone else who apologized, but wouldn't say what they were sorry for). If his peers had a vote, then surely they'd use it to put Palmeiro in the Cooperstown because their day of reckoning isn't far behind.

Brian Murphy is not the sorry excuse for a writer on ESPN.com. Seriously, that guy is ruining this perfectly good and wholesome Irish name by continually spitting out mindless drivel and blowing Philadelphia in general. They boo Santa Claus for Christ's sake - why talk good about them? From hence forth, the other guy shall be referred to as Evil Brian Murphy - or "the suck." Screw that guy.