Everybody loves Kobe

If you’re a sports fan under the age of 44, you probably missed the most impressive personal achievement of your lifetime Sunday night. While you were watching the Seattle Seahawks and Pittsburgh Steelers win their respective conferences, Kobe Bryant of the Los Angeles Lakers was busy scoring 81 points in a single game – the second highest total in NBA history.

Not since Wilt Chamberlain scored 100 points against a pitiful New York Knicks team back on March 2, 1962 in Hershey, Pa., has a player dominated an opponent as thoroughly as Kobe did during L.A.’s 122-104 win.

"I've seen some remarkable games but I've never seen anything like that before," said Lakers coach Phil Jackson, who just so happened to have played against Chamberlain back in the day, and coached Michael Jordan not too long ago.

In 42 minutes played, Bryant truly put the “shooting” in shooting guard, as he made 28 of 46 of his field goal attempts, including seven of 13 of his shots from three-point range. In addition, he hit 18 of 20 free throws.

Kobe finished the first half with 26 points. He scored 27 points in the third quarter, and then found his groove in the fourth quarter – toasting the Raptors “defense” for another 28 points. Meanwhile, Toronto scored a total of 41 points in the second half against the Los Angeles Bryants. Let me try to put this in perspective for those who may not realize what Mr. Bryant did to the Toronto Raptors.

As noted, Bryant scored 81 points. The Washington Wizards (entire team) scored 82 points the same night in a loss at home to the Memphis Grizzlies. Only 24 hours before Kobe’s hostile takeover, the Orlando Magic beat the Sacramento Kings 83-79 … IN OVERTIME! These two teams needed an extra frame, and the Kings still couldn’t outscore Kobe.

In fact, seven times in the last week, a team has scored 81 points or less. Taking it one step further, 29 teams have scored 81 points or less since Jan. 1. People actually had the stones to question Kobe after he elected to sit out the fourth quarter of blowout win against the Dallas Mavericks a month ago. Because Bryant had scored 62 points in three quarters people felt he owed it to himself and to the fans to try and score as much as possible. I bet no one in Toronto thinks we should tell Kobe to try harder next time.

My theory is that Kobe Bryant not only knows that the entire country views him as a ball hog, but that he actually embraces the roll. Why fight it? Instead of pouting and refusing to shoot for a game or two, he just goes out every night and tries to single-handedly win ballgames. Why should he care what you think?

And here’s the kicker – Kobe is right. The American public is too dumb to remember they hate him. After all, this is the land of “What have you done for me lately?” Bryant just scored 81 points, and left the floor as the hometown crowd chanted “M-V-P! M-V-P!” Who cares about what happened in a hotel room in Vail, Colorado?

But the focus of this column shouldn’t rest solely on the spectacular game Bryant had. No, the Toronto Raptors deserve a few paragraphs too. Call the Raptors the Washington Generals, to Kobe Bryant’s one-man Harlem Globetrotters show. I realize that the Raptors came to L.A. with a 14-26 record, but let’s just say that we haven’t seen this much abuse dished out since the Ike Turner reality show was cancelled.

For the game, Kobe Bryant outscored the five Raptors starters combined (81 to 80). The next highest scorer on the Lakers Sunday night was point guard Smush Parker, who finished the game with 13 points. In the third quarter, while Bryant was outscoring the Raptors 27 to 22 mind you, the rest of the Lakers roster scored three baskets. So you tell me – how did Toronto continue to let Bryant humiliate them? Do what the Seattle Seahawks did and put four bodies on the superstar if you need to – I mean, Kwame Brown couldn’t score 20 points if you gave him a week.

If this game were in Toronto, I would have expected Maple Leafs left wing Darcy Tucker to drop the gloves on Kobe or something. Someone should have attempted to send a message to him. How could the Raptors players make eye contact with head coach Sam Mitchell during time outs? Hell, how could they look their wives in the eye that night after the bitch slapping Kobe delivered? If I’m part of the Toronto Raptors ownership group, I’d cut at least five guys on the roster. I don’t even care if NBA player contracts are guaranteed – these pansies need to know this is not acceptable.

This is why there’s only one Canadian basketball team. All the tough guys in the country are already playing hockey.

Brian Murphy takes umbrage with the new football-style Pepsi cans. The “laces” are on the same side of the can you drink from. Any football fan (or Ace Ventura fan, for that matter) knows that the laces have to face out. Contact him at murf@the5holes.com.