Miami’s vice

I want to talk about my buddy Allen for a minute. He’s a nice guy – and very easy going. If you met him, you’d like him. Other than his unnatural feelings for Bon Jovi songs, he and I have always been good friends.

So when I woke up on President’s Day to the news that Miami Dolphins running back Ricky Williams is facing a yearlong suspension for failing a league mandated drug test, I thought of Allen. He’s been a diehard Dolphins fan since day one. Unfortunately for him, day one came after the 1972 perfect season. In his lifetime the Dolphins have been to the Super Bowl twice, and lost both times. As far as Allen knows, the closest Miami has come to winning the NFL’s biggest game was in the movie Ace Ventura: Pet Detective.

Back to Williams. You should remember that Ricky is back in the NFL after he initially retired in July of 2004. He walked out days before training camp and the Dolphins fell apart – losing their first six games and finishing the season with a 4-12 record. You should also remember that he’s tested positive for marijuana three times and was forced to serve a four-game suspension when he returned to the NFL last season following his one-year retirement.

If a player fails three drug tests, they tend to draw more attention to themselves. So, under the NFL’s substance abuse policy, Williams can be called upon to take 10 unannounced urinalysis tests per month. When the phone call comes in Ricky has four hours to show up and pee in a cup. So he either no-showed or outright failed another drug test – either way could earn him a yearlong suspension.

While first-year Dolphins head coach Nick Saban was willing to give Williams a second chance last season, it was pretty much a foregone conclusion that he was not in the team’s long term plans. Miami was looking to trade the flaky running back sometime this offseason, and build the offense around running back Ronnie Brown. Most experts would tell you that the Dolphins are a legit quarterback away from being a playoff team again. I guess drafting one with the pick obtained by trading away Williams isn’t an option anymore.

I like to think of Ricky Williams as the Prince of the NFL. Think about it – Ricky burst onto the scene and quickly made a name for himself as one of the premiere running backs in the league. Williams won the Heisman Trophy, the Maxwell Award, the Walter Camp Award and the Doak Walker Award following his senior season with the Texas Longhorns in 1998. He was such a “sure thing,” that New Orleans head coach Mike Ditka traded away every pick in the 1999 draft just so he could select Williams.

Prince, with The Revolution and then with The New Power Generation, came out with two of the biggest albums (1999 and Purple Rain) of his generation. Then, he changed his name to some strange symbol in 1993 and things went downhill from there. Now he’s to the point where he refuses to play his earlier work because it’s “too racy.” Nevermind that those racy songs are the only reason anyone knows or cares who Prince is. That would be like Ricky deciding he didn’t want to be a running back anymore because he scored too many touchdowns as one. He’d rather be a special team player, so he’d be out of the spotlight. Anyway, where was I …

Oh, right. The Miami Dolphins. They were a team with a bright future. A team that ended the 2005 season with a six-game winning streak and fans like Allen could only expect things to get better. Now, it looks like Williams couldn’t even head out the door quietly and let Miami continue to move in the right direction. Just like an after-school special, Ricky’s drug habit has caused an entire team to waste away at least two seasons.

I’d tell Allen to give up on the NFL for a while and to focus on baseball, but he’s an Orioles fan. And Peter Angelos still owns the team. Maybe sports just aren’t for you, big guy. At least you’ve still got Bon Jovi …

Brian Murphy wishes Bode Miller would shut the hell up. Contact him at murf@the5holes.com.