Damn you, Brock Tanner

I'm not sure I ever thought this day would happen, but I'm tired of sports. I honestly think I need a break. Too many of the other sections in the newspaper have crept into my pure and innocent world of sports.

If you follow sports closely enough, you're sure to see your fair share of professional athletes who end up in the police blotter. That's nothing new. But it's as if the baseball/steroids hearings have opened Pandora's box and we've passed the point of no return. Politics and sports are tucked so tightly in bed together that I'm surprised Dan Snyder and Condoleezza Rice aren't having an affair.

You see, the biggest news item in the world of professional sports doesn't involve anything on the field. Nope, the sports universe currently revolves around the NFL's collective bargaining agreement issues. I know you turn to me for insight on all things sports related, but please forgive me for refusing to devote every waking moment of my life to breaking down millionaires and billionaires bickering over how to divvy up their overabundance of cash.

So, following a Super Bowl that sucked (and officiating that was even worse), we get a pissing contest between commissioner Paul Tagliabue and player representative Gene Upshaw. You don't get to hear your team talk about which free agents they're interested in or how they might spend their first-round pick in the draft – you're forced to hear empty rhetoric from lawyers that would make Chicken Little blush. The NFL players and the owners can't come up with a new plan, and it'll be the fans who lose out. Trust me, regardless of the sport, it's always the fans who lose in the end.

Take the Washington Nationals fans. Our nation's capital longed for a professional baseball team for more than 30 years. Major League Baseball knew how badly the city wanted a team, so any time a city balked at building a new stadium, whispers would surface that the team might be forced to relocate – possibly to D.C. They were never a serious candidate in baseball's eyes; they were just a leveraging tool used to stronghold various cities to build new ballparks. That was obvious when baseball opted to make the Expos split their home games between Montreal and Puerto Rico in 2004. If D.C. got a team what would we do the next time a city didn't want to build a new ballpark?

Well baseball did give Washington a team, and I bet many Nats fans wish they didn't. One year after the Nationals came to town the team is still without an owner and fans have no clue when Bud Selig and pals are planning on getting around to selecting one. Then there's the stadium deal. If the league and the D.C. city council (a pack of morons I cannot discuss without having a Darrell Jackson-level seizure) don't stick to their agreement on a stadium deal then the team most likely would move to a new location.

In the meantime, fans have to settle for attending games at the rundown RFK Stadium. That because watching the Nats on TV is next to impossible thanks to a lawsuit involving Comcast Cable and Baltimore Orioles owner Peter Angelos. You heard that right. Baseball not only doesn't have an owner for the Washington franchise, but Angelos basically owns their cable television rights. Oh, and if having issues with the owner, stadium and TV rights isn't enough, there's the lawsuit involving the trademark of the name Nationals. So any jerseys or other apparel fans may have purchased last year might have to be junked if the courts rule baseball doesn't own the name and the team has to change it. Tell me again why people should put any effort into loving this team?

Outside of Washington, baseball is just as screwed up. Everyone was getting "excited" for the World Baseball Classic ... that is until our government tried to say who could and couldn't play (see: Cuba). And I'm not even getting into the players and how they decided to play for which country. I mean, yes I am Irish. But if I were to participate in the Olympics, it wouldn't be on Team Ireland. That's why the only baseball that makes me happy these days involves Harry Doyle as the announcer and Pedro Cerrano at the plate. That "Wild thing" – he makes everything groovy.

In NASCAR you had Tony Stewart sounding like a presidential candidate talking out of both sides of his mouth the week of the Daytona 500. He went on and on about how bump drafting and aggressive driving was eventually going to kill another driver, and then was in the middle of two major incidents during the race. He didn't seem to mind the "rubbin' is racing" mantra as he sent Matt Kenseth's car sliding through the infield grass, did he? I guess he meant NASCAR should do something about aggressive driving after Daytona.

Things are getting so bad in sports in general that I must remember to be thankful that the president never owned any of my favorite professional sports franchises. I mean, at least I got that going for me. So I'm turning off the television and staying away from the sports page. No sports talk radio and no message boards. I'm swearing it all off and I’m not coming back ... until March Madness begins.

Brian Murphy has got a lovely bunch of coconuts. Contact him at murf@the5holes.com.