A real life Charlie Brown

The San Diego Chargers were the cream of the crop in the National Football League last season.

They had the best regular season record in the league, at 14-2. Their running back, LaDainian Tomlinson, set a record for most touchdowns in a single season with an astounding 31. Linebacker Shawn Merriman led the league with 17 sacks, despite playing in only 12 games. Quarterback Phillip Rivers made fans forget about the team's previous signal caller, Drew Brees, by earning a trip to the Pro Bowl in his first season as the team's starting quarterback. In fact, a league-high 10 Chargers earned a trip to Hawaii to play in the annual all-star event.

All of this mounting evidence might lead fans to think that nothing but sunny skies and smooth sailing are on the forecast for the foreseeable future in San Diego. But sadly, that's not the case because the Chargers couldn't "leave good enough alone."

By now, everyone knows that the Chargers elected to let head coach Marty Schottenheimer go – even though they announced their intentions to keep him once their season ended. The organization will pay Schottenheimer $4 million to stay home next season because he and general manager A.J. Smith didn't get along. Apparently the issue reached a boiling point when four of Schottenheimer's assistants (Cam Cameron, Wade Phillips, Rob Chudzinski and Greg Manusky) left for positions with other teams. Marty was okay with it, the team was not.

With the bar set so high, one would believe it would be of the utmost importance for the Chargers to be wise when selecting the 14th head coach in team history. But that person, much like the Chargers, would be setting themselves up for huge disappointment. In fact, get used to those words Charger fans – you'll be hearing them quite often now that Norval Eugene Turner is calling the shots.

Trust me when I say you'll long for the days of "Marty Ball," 5-13 postseason record and all, sooner rather than later. That's what a season or two of Norv will do to you. Don't take my word for it, ask any Redskins fan. Never before has an entire fanbase openly cheered during their rival's head coaching search. But that's what happened when word broke that the Dallas Cowboys were seriously considering hiring "Uncle Norv" to be the ring leader of the circus in Big D. After suffering through seven seasons of watching Turner's ‘Skins self destruct in painstaking fashion, Redskins fans nationwide were downright giddy at the prospects of seeing Cowboys owner Jerry Jones make the same mistake.

Remember QB Gus Frerotte celebrating a touchdown against the New York Giants by head-butting a wall? Or how about WR Michael Westbrook sucker punching teammate Stephen Davis and then beating him senseless during a practice for insinuating that Westbrook was gay? That's just a year in the comical life of Norv (1997, for those scoring at home). And we haven't even mentioned the Oakland era. The man is a great offensive coordinator, but he's in way over his head doing anything more than that.

I'll be the first to admit that Schottenheimer is not the easiest guy in the world to get along with – after all, he's the only person in my 12-year journalism career to walk away from me during an interview. (That's a story for another day). But Marty can control a football team. He's a military-type disciplinarian who gets the most out of his teams because he doesn't mind confronting a player when he gets out of line. Hell, some might say he enjoys it.

If Merriman failed a drug test and linebacker Steve Foley got shot by an off-duty police officer on Marty's watch, what is this team capable of when a passive, wet-noodle like Turner is running the show? The sky is truly the limit.

And I haven't even mentioned their coaching records. Schottenheimer's career regular-season record is 200-126-1. Turner's record is 58-82-1. Marty wins 61 percent of the time. Norv's teams win 41 percent of their games.

Everyone points to Schottenheimer's post-season failures, but at least his teams actually get there. Norv has guided a team to the post season exactly once in nine tries, in 1999, and they lost in the second round. For those who aren't familiar, Norv's Redskins "pulled a Charlie Brown" that year, and botched a snap on a fieldgoal attempt in the closing seconds to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. Maybe that's why Norv should have been hired as the Cowboys head coach – at least he and Tony Romo have that in common.

Brian Murphy is the 2005 Defense Department's sportswriter of the year. And he still doesn't know what the hell he's talking about. Contact him at murf@the5holes.com.