Don't pity the fool

Kobe Bryant announced on a radio show this week that, because of mounting frustration with management, he wanted to be traded from the Los Angeles Lakers. A few hours later, the bi-polar son of "Jellybean" seemingly had a change of heart and backed off of his earlier demands.

Welcome to a day in the life of the soap opera that is Kobe's World. Some people may forget, but Bryant's always been a diva and drama queen. Let's not forget, we're talking about someone who, as a 17-year-old, refused to play for the team that drafted him and forced the Charlotte Hornets to trade him to the Lakers back in 1996.

Instead of being grateful for the chance to jump from high school to the NBA, he pulled a John Elway and threatened to take his ball and go home. I don't want to get too far off subject, but why even have a draft if a player can just refuse to play for the team that picks him? So I'll admit, I've never been a big fan of Bryant.

But it looks like my first impression of Kobe was pretty accurate, because over the last decade, he's continued to do what he wants, when he wants (just ask the people of Colorado). Like any great story, you need to build it up a little bit, so it hurts more when the lead character comes crashing down (and possibly even hurts inside).

From 2000-2002, the Lakers won three consecutive NBA championships with Phil Jackson running the show, and Bryant and Shaquille O'Neal on the court. Life was good. But Kobe started to hear the comparisons to another shooting guard, some guy named Michael Jordan, and apparently convinced himself that he didn't need to be in the shadow of the Shaq any longer.

Regardless of how he tries to spin the story, three years ago Bryant went to management and basically gave an "either he goes or I go" ultimatum about O'Neal. And the Lakers front office decided at the time it was better to bank on the young, more athletic Bryant, rather than the aging giant, O'Neal. Right then, at that very moment, Kobe had them eating out of the palm of his hands. The Lakers, from that moment on, were his team, and his team alone.

On June 18, 2004, it was announced that Phil Jackson would not return as the Lakers coach, with whispers immediately pointing the finger at Bryant, claiming he convinced Lakers owner Dr. Jerry Buss to boot the Zen Master. Less than a month later, Shaq-Fu was shipped to Miami for Caron Butler, Lamar Odom, Brian Grant and a future first-round draft choice. There would be no doubt, from this point on, who the star in this show was – the Lakers would win with Kobe, and Kobe alone.

And while he's turned in countless individual performances, including the 81-point game and averaging 40 points per game for an entire month, he is still a one-man team. So when a true "team" like the Phoenix Suns, the Dallas Mavericks or the San Antonio Spurs comes to town for a seven-game series the ending is predictable. The team advances, while the individual is left wondering what went wrong. Call it basketball karma.

It wasn't all that long ago that a story involving Bryant and his Lakers in the last week of May actually involved playing basketball games. But those days are gone. Now the headlines this time of year involve Kobe being a pain in the ass (in and out of Colorado), and his frustration over the Lakers inability to build a championship-caliber team. I'm sorry, but this doesn't all fall on the general manager, Kobe. You made your bed, now lie in it (preferably without the white girl).

Do you know how many playoff series the Lakers have won since they traded Shaq? None. We all know that the Miami Heat won their first NBA title last season, thanks to O'Neal and his new sidekick, Dwyane Wade. But we're not even talking about championship trophies; we're simply focusing on advancing past the first round of the playoffs.

Even the Washington Wizards and Golden State Warriors have won a playoff series over the last three years. I mean, anyone not named Tracy McGrady is capable of stealing a series every now and then. But not Kobe. Not these days. And in pure diva fashion, it's not his fault – blame management.

Bryant isn't a teenager anymore. Next season will be his 12th in the NBA, and he'll turn 29 this fall. So I can understand looking around at a locker room full of players like Kwame Brown and Smush Parker and realizing the Lakers are a long way away from returning to their glory days. He can see the writing on the wall. Bryant wants better players in his surrounding cast, as long as he gets to be the one to pick them. Over the last couple seasons, he's lobbied for the Lakers to acquire anyone from Carlos Boozer to Jason Kidd, but for the first time in his life (not counting one night in Colorado), someone told him no.

We all know drama queens don't like to be told no. And for those scoring at home, Bryant signed a seven-year contract the day after Shaq was traded out of L.A., so he's around for the long haul. But even that plays into his attention-whore tendencies. Kobe is the only player in the NBA with a full no-trade clause, so he gets final say. And while Bryant is still owed more than $88 million over the next four years, he can terminate his contract after the 2008-09 season. Again, these are things that appeal to divas like Kobe.

But let me spoil the ending to this story – Kobe Bryant isn't going anywhere. He just likes the attention. The Lakers aren't going to trade him, and he isn't going to opt out to sign with a nobody town like Milwaukee or Utah any time soon. This is the same as when he winked and smiled at the Clippers, making them think they had a chance to sign him as a free agent or when he changed his jersey from #8 to #24 – it's just another headline for Bryant, and another chance to deflect attention away from actual basketball games.

I say let him stay out in L.A., and continue to languish on a team with no other talent. It's a win-win for everyone. He continues to whore attention, and everyone else continues to enjoy the show.

Brian Murphy is the 2005 Defense Department's sportswriter of the year. And he still doesn't know what the hell he's talking about. Contact him at murf@the5holes.com.