Year of the Dog

The thing that I tell you now It may not go over well And it may not be photo-op in the way that I spell it out But you won't hear from the messenger, Don't wanna know 'bout something that you don't understand, You got no fear of the underdog, That's why you will not survive. - "The Underdog" by Spoon

Most people are idiots. And it really shouldn't come as a surprise when I say that because if you've left your house today, chances are you've already crossed paths with an idiot. And even though the sports world is simply a microcosm of the rest of our society, I honestly believe there are more idiots in and around sports than anywhere else.

Some "look at me"-type former player on "the Worldwide Leader in Sports" says the 2007 NFL season is all about the New England Patriots, the Indianapolis Colts and no one else and the idiots think "well, they said it on TV so it must be true."

While it might not have been easy to prove last weekend, there are 30 other teams in the National Football League and most of them (well ... except the Miami Dolphins) are playing highly enjoyable football.

Morons hear those same talking heads mention the word "parity" as if it's a disease plaguing the NFL like crotchless panties on Britney Spears and they immediately go, "Well, if these former Dallas Cowboys players thinks it's bad, that's gotta be the case." (Speaking of Dallas players and Britney Spears, how many Cowboys fans felt good when the story broke about franchise QB Tony Romo getting a lapdance from the artist formerly known as attractive the same week he signed a long-term contract?) But I'm here to tell you, parity is a good thing. I love that fact that each team (minus Miami) has a chance to win any given Sunday.

Look at baseball. Half the teams are mathematically eliminated by the time spring training rolls around. But in football, two thirds of the teams in the league are still optimistic that their team can make the playoffs at the halfway point of the season. Take, for example, the Houston Texans - despite relying on back-up QB Sage Rosenfels, fatass Ron Dayne and a whiteboy receiver named Kevin Walter, Texans fans are already dreaming of the best season in franchise history.

And that's what sports are all about. No one likes to cheer for the favorite - they all want to fall in love with the underdog, which is why Miracle, Rudy and Hoosiers are all must-see sports movies and a non-sports film like Superbad can be so universally loved. It's much easier to cheer for a socially-awkward nerd and a penis-obsessed fat guy trying to get laid before they graduate from high school than it is to root for Bill Belichick and the Patriots to go 16-0.

That is why I can proudly state that I didn't watch a single play of the Pats-Colts game last weekend. Why support two teams no one wants to win when there are so many more intriguing storylines this season? Like the Detroit Lions, who have gone 24-72 the last six seasons. The nation laughed when Lions QB Jon Kitna guaranteed a 10-win season (probably because the team had done so just once since 1994), but things are different in Detroit now. With a 6-2 record, the Lions are tied for the fifth best record in the NFL. Read that again. Teams like San Diego, New Orleans, Chicago and Baltimore are all looking up in the standings at Kitna and company.

And they're not even the best subplot of the 2007 season - that honor goes to the Cleveland Browns. The last time the city of Cleveland won a championship was back in 1964, when the Brownies bitch-slapped the Baltimore Colts 27-0. We're talking about a city famous for being on the wrong side of three things during my lifetime - The Drive, The Fumble and The Team That Moved To Baltimore.

But this season, led by QB Derek Anderson, the Browns are the most exciting team in football. This is a team that on draft day traded their 2008 first-round draft pick to the Cowboys so they could select quarterback of the future Brady Quinn. At the time, those same asshats I love so much on ESPN said, "This is a great deal for Dallas. Cleveland's pick next year will be in the top five." Thanks to Anderson, who lost the starting quarterback job to Charlie Frye before the season started by, no joke, a coin flip, the Cleveland Dawg Pound has reason to cheer for the first time in recent history.

While the country was slurping New England and Indy, the Browns and the Seattle Seahawks were playing in the game of the week. Down early 21-6 at home, the Brownies battled back. For the first time in a long time, the Browns didn't panic. That's because with running back Jamal Lewis, tight end Kellen Winslow II and wide out Braylon Edwards the tools are there to keep up with any offense in the league. And Peyton Manning might get attention, but Anderson has outplayed him this season (17 touchdowns to 14). I'd tell you all to tune in and watch the most enjoyable Cleveland team since the Major League movie franchise, but they're never on TV. So continue to watch as the networks force feed the Patriots and Colts down your throat each week - on Sundays I'll be happily rooting for the underdog.

Brian Murphy is the 2005 Defense Department's sportswriter of the year. And he still doesn't know what the hell he's talking about. Contact him at murf@the5holes.com.