Hobo Stu

Hello everyone,

It’s been a busy week here on HoboTrashcan. In case you missed the announcement, to celebrate the site’s five-year anniversary, we brought back five defunct site features.

Personally, it’s been a lot of fun to stroll down memory lane and to revisit with these great former contributors. I can’t help but feel a little misty eyed when thinking about it now, but that may be because Ned Bitters got pepper sprayed at the Hobo Headquarters office party and, since I was next to him, a little bit of it ended up in my eyes as well.

I hope you all have been enjoy the festivities as much as we have. If there were features that you really enjoyed seeing again (or ones you thought were missing), please let us know.

Also, make sure to check out our newest feature, Joel and Lars’ Box Office Preview.

Happy anniversary, everyone. Thanks for five great years.

Here’s what’s new on HoboTrashcan.com this week:

Chicken and Milk
Jeremiah Wentz’s unique photo comic, which originally ran on the site from November 2007 to September 2008, returns with two brand new installments this week.

Just Friends – Nicole 2010
Our editor-in-chief Joel Murphy has a lot of hot women resting comfortably inside his “friend zone.” When HoboTrashcan first began, we showcased those friends. This week, the feature returns with the lovely Nicole.

Note to Self – Why your team won’t win the Super Bowl 2010
With preseason officially underway, football fans across this great nation are convincing themselves that this could be their team’s year. Brian Murphy returns to the site to explain why they’re wrong.

Overrated – Local pride
Before Aaron R. Davis moved in as HoboTrashcan’s resident curmudgeon, there was Ned Bitters. Bitters returns to the site this week to take local pride down a peg.

Tales from the Road
In the early days of the site, we would post a monthly outdoor photo in a segment called Tales from the Road. This week, professional photographer Neil Greenberg helps bring that segment back.

Box Office Preview – August 27, 2010
Trying to decide what movie to see this weekend? In an all new feature, Joel Murphy and Lars breakdown the five new films hitting theaters today and recommend the one that they believe is the safest bet.

Murphy’s Law – Things that piss me off 2010
What do Sonic, Jimmy Fallon, Channing Tatum, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia and that ridiculous Nissan Cube have in common? They all piss off Joel Murphy.

Outside of the In-Crowd – Spencer Pratt, you magnificent bastard
Most people assume Spencer Pratt is a worthless douchebag, but could he actually be an evil genius? Courtney Enlow investigates in this week’s column.

Positive Cynicism – I’m not dumb enough to enjoy Family Guy
When he bashed The Family Guy, one counterargument Aaron R. Davis didn’t expect to hear was that he was too intelligent to enjoy the show’s humor. Davis responds to this “personal attack” this week.

Hobo Radio 146 – Ben Stiller is getting Ratnered
When you think of great actor/director combos in Hollywood today, you might think of Johnny Depp and Tim Burton, Leonardo DiCaprio and Martin Scorsese or Tom Hanks and Steven Spielberg. But a new actor/director powerhouse has been formed and Hollywood may never be the same – Brett Ratner and Ben Stiller.

- Hobo Stu

Hobo Stu’s Weekly Recap is also available as an email newsletter. To sign up for the newsletter to ensure you never miss an update, send an email to newsletter-subscribe@hobotrashcan.com.

[Editor's Note: To celebrate HoboTrashcan's five-year anniversary, we are bringing back five defunct site features for one week only. Check back every day this week to be overwhelmed with nostalgia.]

Dupont Circle is known for its colorful characters, and this gentlemen was no different. After he spotted me taking this picture he told me his story, which included being in the Pink Berets (Special Forces, of course) under George H. Bush. He received a dishonorable discharge by the former President for failing to complete his mission: invade Canada.

- Neil Greenberg

Click the photo to enlarge. Tales from the Road originally ran on HoboTrashcan from August 2005 to March 2007 and was originally done by Hillary Dempster. For more of Neil Greenberg’s work, follow him on Flickr and Twitter.

Today we debut a new feature – HoboTrashcan’s official Box Office Preview, which breaks down the new releases hitting theaters this week. Joel Murphy and Lars share their thoughts on each movie, then pick one film to recommend (using the classic “If a gun was pointed to my head and I had to watch one of these” method).

View trailer

Centurion Director: Neil Marshall Writers: Neil Marshall Stars: Michael Fassbender, Dominic West, Olga Kurylenko, Noel Clarke MPAA Rating: R Synopsis: A splinter group of Roman soldiers fight for their lives behind enemy lines after their legion is decimated in a devastating guerrilla attack.

Lars’ take: It’s interesting to see Romans as the underdogs. Also, Neil Marshall also has a track record of a) being good at writing in a specific genre and b) picking really, really hot foreign chicks to be in his movies. Plus, it has McNulty (Dominic West).

Joel’s take: I think this film could be good and it probably is watchable and enjoyable, but it just all seems done before. Even with the slant of having the Romans be the underdogs, it still feels like a knockoff of films like Gladiator and 300.

View trailer

Flipped Director: Rob Reiner Writers: Rob Reiner & Andrew Scheinman (screenplay); Wendelin Van Draanen (novel) Stars: Madeline Carroll, Aidan Quinn, Penelope Ann Miller, John Mahoney, Rebecca De Mornay, Anthony Edwards, Kevin Weisman, Callan McAuliffe MPAA Rating: PG Synopsis: Two eighth graders start to have feelings for each other despite being total opposites. Based on the novel Flipped by Wendelin Van Draanen.

Lars’ take: It’s going to suck. The only positive is John Mahoney. I always enjoy when he’s on the screen. That’s just me trying to say something positive about Flipped.

Joel’s take: Speaking of unoriginal, is there any idea more played out than a coming of age story set in either the 1950s or 60s? It’s the same story with the same backdrop and same music you’ve seen a thousand times before.

View trailer

Going the Distance Director: Nanette Burstein Writers: Geoff LaTulippe Stars: Justin Long, Drew Barrymore, Ron Livingston, Jim Gaffigan, Kelli Gellar, Rob Riggle, Jason Sudeikis, Charlie Day MPAA Rating: R Synopsis: A romantic comedy centered on a guy and a gal who try to keep their love alive as they shuttle back and forth between Chicago and Los Angeles to see one another.

Lars’ take: As far as romantic comedies go, I think this one’s a winner. I think it will be totally watchable. I wouldn’t be embarrassed to tell someone I was taking my girlfriend to see this movie.

Joel’s take: I think Drew Barrymore has been picking interesting roles lately. Plus, this film has Charlie Day and Jim Gaffigan in it, which gives me hope. I like them as the comic relief and, judging from the trailers, this film seems like it actually gives them funny material to work with.

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Brian Murphy

[Editor's Note: To celebrate HoboTrashcan's five-year anniversary, we are bringing back five defunct site features for one week only. Check back every day this week to be overwhelmed with nostalgia.]

Ladies and gentlemen, it’s time for the seventh-annual “Why your team won’t win the Super Bowl” column. So head to Las Vegas and put money on it – this is why your favorite football franchise won’t get it done one this year.

Arizona Cardinals – Okay, wait – your gameplan was to let Anquan Boldin walk away and then make Matt Leinart your starting quarterback? That’s your idea of putting your best foot forward?!? Come on, son. You’re not even trying.

Atlanta Falcons – The Falcons are coming off back-to-back winning seasons for the first time in franchise history. No pressure.

Baltimore Ravens – Purple camouflage.

Buffalo Bills – Ask the Maple Leafs the last time a team who willingly plays home games in Toronto won anything.

Carolina Panthers – The Panthers have one player worth a damn in their passing game – four-time Pro Bowler Steve Smith. How did he spend his offseason? Breaking his arm playing flag football.

Chicago Bears – Great idea putting Mike Martz and Jay Cutler together. I mean, these two have always been willing to set their egos aside when facing adversity, right? They’re definitely a match made in heaven.

Cincinnati Bengals – Stockpiling washed-up Dallas players who couldn’t win anything meaningful when they were Cowboys sounds like a great plan. What could go wrong?

Cleveland Browns – Because LeBron left.

Dallas Cowboys – Admit it, the thought of Jerry Jones watching two other teams play in the Super Bowl in his dream stadium is too awesome to cheer against. He’d cry after reading this, if his face was capable of showing emotions.

Denver Broncos – Everyone loves an athletic quarterback who can keep defenses guessing, right? Wrong. Mike Vick and Vince Young were better college players than Tim Tebow and how many Super Bowl have those two won?

Detroit Lions – The Lions’ hopes and dreams will come crashing down when Jahvid Best refuses to take the field against the Redskins in October because he’s still afraid of cornerback Kevin Barnes.

Green Bay Packers – The Packers gave up a league-high 51 sacks last season. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that their starting tackles are a combined 137 years old.

Houston Texans – Last season marked the first time in franchise history that the Texans finished a season with a winning record. Let’s give them a little more time before we rush to invite them to the grown-ups table, okay?

Indianapolis Colts – The sooner the Colts season is over, the sooner Peyton Manning can dedicate his time and energy to whoring out for any commercial Snoop Dogg isn’t available for.

Jacksonville Jaguars – For all we know, they might win it all. It’s not like anyone goes to Jaguars games or anything.

Kansas City Chiefs – I don’t care if Romeo Crennel, Charlie Weis and Matt Cassel kidnap Tom Brady and force him at gunpoint to play for the Chiefs – that team isn’t finishing above .500 this season.

Miami Dolphins – Because LeBron showed up.

Minnesota Vikings – What aspect of Brad Childress’ coaching career is supposed to inspire confidence in Viking fans?

New England Patriots – I’ve asked this before and no one has a good answer for me – what exactly have the Patriots won since they got caught cheating and had to start playing by the same rules as the rest of the league?

New Orleans Saints – Kim Kardashian gets with Reggie Bush. The Saints win. Khloe Kardashian gets with Lamar Odom. The Lakers win. Kim Kardashian dumps Reggie Bush. You see where this is going.

New York Giants – The Giants are stacked at running back and receiver. Too bad their quarterback is too dumb to remember his helmet when he takes the field.

New York Jets – After being dumped by the only team he’s ever know (the Chargers), LaDainian Tomlinson responded by getting the Jets logo tattooed on his calf. Not smart. We all know rebound relationships never last.

Oakland Raiders – Because Jason Campbell hates playing for a winner.

Philadelphia Eagles – Of course you have no need for the most successful quarterback in your franchise’s history. I mean, the guy only got you to the NFC championship game four times in a decade. Why keep him around? Nicely done, morons.

Pittsburgh Steelers – Ben Roethlisberger has openly tried to sabotage his playing career with a motorcycle and loose women, and still the Steelers do nothing. Next step? Cooking crystal meth in his basement.

San Diego Chargers – Norv Turner.

San Francisco 49ers – Vernon Davis. Brian Westbrook. Michael Crabtree. Alex Smith. One of these things is not like the other.

Seattle Seahawks – Because Pete Carroll was so successful his first time coaching in the pros. Or his second time, for that matter.

St. Louis Rams – Forking over $78 million to an injury-prone rookie. What could go wrong?

Tampa Bay Buccaneers – The Buccaneers are so irrelevant that they’re floating rumors about a possible trading for disgruntled defensive lineman Albert Haynesworth just to remind people Tampa still has a team.

Tennessee Titans – I honestly don’t think the Titans have much of a chance this season, but I’m not saying another word about them for fear that LeGarrette Blount takes a swing at me.

Washington Redskins – Since 1992, the Redskins have never won a playoff game without Vinny Cerrato on the payroll.

Note to Self originally ran on HoboTrashcan from August 2005 to August 2009. Brian Murphy is an award-winning sportswriter who also goes by the name Homer McFanboy. Contact him at murf@homermcfanboy.com.

Similar Posts:

• Note to Self – Why your team won’t win the Super Bowl 2008
• Note to Self – Why your team won’t win the Super Bowl 2007
• Note to Self – Why your team won’t win the Super Bowl 2009
• Note to Self – Why your team won’t win the Super Bowl 2005
• Note to Self – Why your team won’t win the Super Bowl 2006

• Introduction
• HoboTrashcan’s anniversary
• Ratner and Stiller
• Pee Wee Herman
• Lars and Joel Time
• “Morgan Freeman’s Selected Filmography” by Yellow Ostrich

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When you think of great actor/director combos in Hollywood today, you might think of Johnny Depp and Tim Burton, Leonardo DiCaprio and Martin Scorsese or Tom Hanks and Steven Spielberg. But a new actor/director powerhouse has been formed and Hollywood may never be the same. Brett Ratner and Ben Stiller are teaming up to make Tower Heist.

This week, HoboTrashcan’s powerhouse duo, Joel Murphy and Lars, share their thoughts on Ratner and Stiller teaming up. They also discuss the rise and fall of Pee Wee Herman, who is one the verge of a comeback with a successful stage adaptation of his old show under his belt and a Judd Apatow-produced movie in the works.

Was Pee Wee Herman falsely accused? Why does Lars make bank tellers uncomfortable? What is a NQBS? The answers to these questions and more are in this week’s podcast.

Hobo Radio is the official podcast of HoboTrashcan, brought to you by The Podcast Network.

Similar Posts:

• Hobo Radio 143 – A little less conversation, a little more action
• Hobo Radio 135 – Everybody hates Ratner
• Hobo Radio 124 – Going highbrow
• Hobo Radio 142 – Oliver Stone sucks at life
• Hobo Radio 145 – Lars finally peaks