Aaron R. Davis

Last week, Blogger changed its user interface. The “new” Blogger has actually been around for a few months — I’ve been using it since around mid-January — but this week it went official and changed everyone over automatically.

As with anything online, the change immediately began a gigantic bitchfest of people on Blogger griping about having a new interface. Just like they do every time Google changes the Blogger interface. They rend and tear and gnash their teeth, they swear that this is the worst thing that’s ever happened in the history of Google decision-making and then they get used to it and eventually defend it as the warmest, most comfortable-est friend they have when it comes time to bitch about the next set of changes Google makes to Blogger.

I find it all a bit silly. Not just because, personally, I like the new Blogger interface, but also because most of the bitching is just an immediate reaction to not being able to find the drop down menus and comparing that to something completely outsized like having to relearn English or the sudden change of the alphabet. But really, come on, it’s just something you’re comfortable with and you’re irritated that you have to spend the couple of minutes navigating the new button placement. That’s really all it is. Someone didn’t come into your house and knock down a wall for better chi flow or some bullshit like that. It’s just a new screen.

Seriously, if it’s that big a change in your life to get used to, maybe you just spend far too much time online and need to go over to Livejournal or some other FREE service that you use for FREE and totally at Google’s discretion. Eat some fruit and take a walk and gain some perspective. And don’t write things about how you aren’t going to blog anymore because then it just makes you look like a reactionary whiner when you do.

I said some of this on my Blogger this weekend, and immediately got angry comments from people who should know better. Now, because I’m actually very polite (I just play a grouch on the Internet), I didn’t name anyone specific, because I didn’t want to call out one or more persons and embarrass anyone. I just wanted to say that I found the displaced rage hilarious because, once again, this isn’t the Tower of Babel, this is putting your blog tags in a sidebar and actually making it less of a hassle to put a link in your text. But nonetheless, there were colleagues who felt my amusement was directed at them personally and tried to take me to task for not being understanding enough of their frustrations. (One person, who I like a great deal, told me that he thought I should be able to appreciate the disruption and irritation of arbitrary, random, pointless changes in one’s environment; the fact is, I do appreciate such disruptions, but this seems like even less of a disruption than moving a TV show from Mondays to Thursdays. Are people actually annoyed with me for not finding it that big of a deal?)

(Oh, also ironic is that none of the people who commented on my post were actually people I was annoyed with for whining about it … None of those people actually read my blog. I do think it’s funny, though, that the people who commented apparently recognized themselves in my words, which kind of says maybe they knew they were whining about it a little …)

So I don’t know; am I overreacting or underreacting?

Here’s where I think I’m mainly coming from: last week, I had to make the decision to put my beloved pet rabbit to sleep. He was approaching nine years old and rapidly deteriorating. When you have an animal and you put so much love into it — and that love is returned unconditionally — he becomes a part of your family. To suddenly lose all of that is something you can never fully prepare yourself for. Now he’s gone, but I still feel like I see him out of the corner of my eye, or I expect him to run around the corner, or I hear a noise and think it’s him … Hell, I even realized today that I still leave the bathroom door open a crack in case he comes nosing in, because he always hated when he didn’t know where we were.

My bunny being gone is a major change. That is a true disruption to my environment. I had to end the life of a loved one because he was in pain and his body was giving out on him. I feel a pain and sadness that has yet to go away.

I don’t want to play the dead pet card — and I didn’t, because it seemed classless to do so — but it’s hard to get worked up right now over a change to the Blogger interface, which is less of a disruption and more of a brief hassle. Pain in the ass? Sure. But life-changing event? Get a grip.

I didn’t play the dead pet card because, honestly, I like to think that I’d still find the bitching pretty stupid even if I wasn’t grieving. Because I’ve been using it for months and it took me less than an afternoon to master it. And this is coming from someone who still can’t figure out how to use Photoshop.

Come on, guys. Your home didn’t suddenly start filling up with water. Your ceiling didn’t cave in. You didn’t just discover that you were actually adopted. You just couldn’t find the “edit” button at first.

Not to be a dick, but I find the conflation of those things completely hilarious.

Aaron R. Davis lives in a cave at the bottom of the ocean with his eyes shut tight and his fingers in his ears. You can contact him at samuraifrog@yahoo.com

Hobo Stu

Hello everyone,

For some reason, Ned Bitters keeps giggling and offering me brownies today.

Every time I ask him why. he keeps asking me if I know what today is. And I tell him, “Yes, it’s Friday,” which only causes him to giggle even more.

What’s so funny about Friday, anyway?

Here’s what’s new on HoboTrashcan.com this week:

A Million Universes – Mea culpa
Nicole Alexandria has a few apologies she needs to get off her chest this week. “Fat Betty” from Mad Men, the TV show New Girl and Once Upon a Time all receive a rare mea culpa from Nicole.

Positive Cynicism – Geek hipsters
A recent list online entitled “Twenty Things Every Sci-Fi Nerd Should Own Physically and Emotionally” sends Aaron R. Davis into a rant about “geek hipsters” and the nature of fandom in this week’s column.

From the Vault – Murphy’s Law – Gary Cole is the best absentee father ever
Gary Cole has carved out quite a niche career playing absentee dads in both Taladega Nights and Chuck. He somehow is able to make both these character immensely likable while also making them complete sons of bitches. Joel Murphy gives Cole his props in this column.

Hobo Radio 220 – Remembering Dick Clark
Dick Clark, who was a legend in broadcasting, passed away this week. You’ve heard many comprehensive tributes to the man, who had an impressive career that spanned from American Bandstand to a variety of game shows to his New Year’s Rocking Eve, but you haven’t heard the dynamic duo weigh in on the man. And there’s no tribute like a Hobo Radio tribute.

But that’s not all Joel and Lars have to discuss this week. They also get a little morbid and discuss a few other beloved celebrities who are getting up there in age and, to lighten things up, they share their thoughts on some bizarre research into which color vaginas men prefer.

Can Joel and Lars handle doing a graceful tribute to Dick Clark? What’s the one thing Greg always does when the gang gets together? Do men prefer women with red vaginas? The answers to these questions and more are in this week’s podcast.

- Hobo Stu

Hobo Stu’s Weekly Recap is also available as an email newsletter. To sign up for the newsletter to ensure you never miss an update, send an email to newsletter-subscribe@hobotrashcan.com.

Hobo Radio 220 - Remembering Dick Clark [ 1:10:48 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Dick Clark, who was a legend in broadcasting, passed away this week. You’ve heard many comprehensive tributes to the man, who had an impressive career that spanned from American Bandstand to a variety of game shows to his New Year’s Rocking Eve, but you haven’t heard the dynamic duo weigh in on the man. And there’s no tribute like a Hobo Radio tribute.

But that’s not all Joel and Lars have to discuss this week. They also get a little morbid and discuss a few other beloved celebrities who are getting up there in age and, to lighten things up, they share their thoughts on some bizarre research into which color vaginas men prefer.

Can Joel and Lars handle doing a graceful tribute to Dick Clark? What’s the one thing Greg always does when the gang gets together? Do men prefer women with red vaginas? The answers to these questions and more are in this week’s podcast.

This week’s music:

• Intro – “Giddy Up” by Tahuna Breaks
• End – “Mustache” by The Happy Hippo Family

Hobo Radio is the official podcast of HoboTrashcan, brought to you by The Podcast Network.

Joel Murphy

[Editor's Note - This column originally ran on the site on April 20, 2011.]

In my next life, I’m really hoping I come back as a stegosaurs.

But if that doesn’t pan out and I am instead fated to be reincarnated as a child with an absentee father, I really hope my dad is character actor Gary Cole. That guy really seems like he would be the best dead beat dad ever.

In case you missed it, this week on Chuck Cole reprised his role as Jack Burton, Sarah Walker’s conman father who breezed in and out of her life during her childhood teaching her one simple lesson: “Once you know all the cons, you can never be a sucker.” This mentality helped Sarah to excel as a cold-hearted superspy working for the federal government.

But Cole is perhaps best known for playing Ricky Bobby’s absentee father in Talladega Nights. Reese Bobby, a man who enjoys driving fast and doing peyote, gave his son a rule to live by that ended up being the foundation for his entire racing career: “If you ain’t first, you’re last.” (Reese, of course, humorously undermined this advice years later when he told Ricky Bobby: “Oh hell, Son, I was high that day. That doesn’t make any sense at all, you can be second, third, fourth … hell you can even be fifth,” but by that point the lesson had already stuck.)

In both cases, the mix of abandoning his child and giving him/her a maxim to live by helped mold the kid into the person they would eventually become. In a strange way, his terrible parenting was directly responsible for making his offspring awesome.

But there’s more to it than that.

Most absentee fathers on TV tend to fall into two categories – both of which, oddly enough, have been embodied recently by John Lithgow on How I Met Your Mother. Lithgow plays Jerome Whittaker, Barney Stinson’s estranged father on the show.

When Lithgow first abandoned Barney, he was “Crazy Jerry,” a boozing, womanizing roadie who just couldn’t handle the responsibilities of fatherhood, so he hit the road leaving his wife and son behind. This is the first type of deadbeat dad – too self-absorbed and too messed up to take care of his family.

In the present, Barney is attempting to reconnect with his dad, who is now a completely changed man. Jerome has a new wife and a new son and is a completely responsible father with a boring job and a fondness for weekend fishing trips. Until Barney shows up on his doorstep, he has pretty much buried his past and has pretended Barney doesn’t exist. This makes the abandonment sting all the more for Barney – he can’t understand why Jerry can do this with his new family, but couldn’t do it with him and his mom. This is the second type of absentee father – the one who left his family for greener pastures and has trouble looking back.

Somehow, Cole’s characters never come across as either one of these extremes. Yes, he tends to be self-absorbed and carrying his share of demons, but it’s never quite as dark as on other shows and he never abandons his kids quite as dramatically. He wants to be a good dad and be involved with his kids, but knows that in the long run his wanderlust and need for adventure will cause him to leave the kid behind and hit the road once more. He also knows that the kid is probably better off spending the bulk of his/her time with a more responsible parental figure.

When he is in town, it’s always exciting. You never know what you are going to get with him, but you know it will be fun. Perhaps he’s going to show up at your school and give the best Career Day speech ever. Or, he’s going to send you door to door selling Girl Scout cookies as part of your very first con. (Future con lessons from him will allow you to have an adorable moment where you teach your stuffed animals the shell game.) Or he might just make a scene and get kicked out of an Applebee’s. Whatever the case, I guarantee it will be a day you remember forever.

When his kids become adults and he once again tries to reconnect, things get even more fun. If you’ve lost your mojo and need a little guidance from dear old dad, he’s going to put you in a sports car with a deadly cougar or help you plan a last minute wedding as part of an elaborate con. And afterwards, chances are he’s going to get kicked out of another Applebee’s.

What’s most engaging about Cole is how endearing he is. Is he a bad father? Yes. But it’s impossible to stay mad at the guy. In Talladega Nights, you are totally rooting for him to reconnect with the family. And on this week’s Chuck when Sarah found the piggy bank full of cash left for her on the bed, it was an incredibly touching and powerful moment.

So if the stegosaurs thing doesn’t pan out, I’m pulling for Gary Cole to be my deadbeat dad in my next life. We can have so many wonderful adventures together and he can help me achieve my dream of one day becoming a rock star ninja cowboy. I just pray the universe doesn’t misunderstand and accidentally make him my boss instead. I don’t think I can handle all of those damn TPS reports.

Joel Murphy is the creator of HoboTrashcan, which is probably why he has his own column. He loves pugs, hates Jimmy Fallon and has an irrational fear of robots. You can contact him at murphyslaw@hobotrashcan.com.

Aaron R. Davis

Recently, I came across an item called Twenty Things Every Sci-Fi Nerd Should Own Physically and Emotionally. It was a list by one genre fan of the things that make a “real fan” and “entitle you to your very own Sci-Fi Nerd Badge.” Cute idea, I thought, and I did some commentary on it on my personal blog. My basic comment on it was that I thought it was too concerned with endless whining about a certain set of clichéd fan disappointments (the Michael Bay Transformers movies suck, the Star Wars Special Editions suck, the Prequels suck). I don’t care for the idea of defining my character or my level of fandom by what I’ve been disappointed in, because I can get over my disappointments in a movie with a modicum of what I want to call rational maturity. I refuse to be the kind of geek who is still upset that a movie didn’t deliver in the way I hoped it would. Why be defined by your disappointments when genre has become so incredibly mainstream that you can pick and choose instead of having to watch some piece of garbage just because most science fiction movies are crap that goes straight to video, like in the late eighties?

I also didn’t like that the list was mostly about passive consumption instead of active fandom. I’m 35 and I’ve been a science fiction fan for as long as I can remember (helps that my mother was one, too, and made me sit down and watch Cosmos with her when I was four). Surely there were other people who were also part of mailing lists, especially in the days before the Internet. Or guys who had to really scrape to have a decent Dungeons & Dragons group to play in (something I never had, though the few times I played they were fun, even when my best friend’s sister was throwing dice at me). There was nothing on the list about at least having to travel to the few comic book stores you could find just to track something down, back before we could just steal comics online with a minimum of effort, and only one item that involved actually reading a book. Seriously, when did fandom start leaving literature behind entirely?

Those were my problems with the list: too much about disappointment defining you, too much about being a consumer, no interest in shared experience or reading.

Apparently the disappointments for others were that they felt left out.

Now, this one I find ironic, and honestly not in a funny way. Most of us, at least if you’re my age or over, have had the experience of being totally marginalized because of our nerdy interests. I remember once being told by some gleeful idiot in junior high who caught me drawing a picture of Thor in history class that “Comics are in!” because of the recent Batman movie, and I wanted to punch him in the face. Who was this ass, who would have made fun of me the year before, to tell me that the comics I’d been reading for years were suddenly “in”? By that point, my interests (along with my lack of interest or ability in sports and my being overweight) had already made me a withdrawn outcast, the last thing I wanted was some schmuck telling me that I now had some kind of approval for interests I was going to have with or without him. It was actually a pretty decent lesson in how the approval of the mainstream is superficial, capricious and totally meaningless.

But I think probably every fan, regardless of age, has had the feeling of being marginalized even with genre fandom. And that’s the thing that I find unforgivable. Have you ever tried to be part of a fan group, like a mailing list or a message board, only to have someone lecture you on why you’re not a “real” fan of something, or how much smarter they are than you, or how your opinion is idiotic? It’s happened to me on a number of occasions, and it’s why I stopped participating in fan groups when I was in my twenties. Because who wants to be around people like that?

I think, on the one hand, it’s good to know right away that just because people share your interests doesn’t mean that they can’t also be petty, boorish loudmouths with an unrelenting drive to prove to everyone within virtual earshot how smart they are. But on the other hand, do these people ever have any idea how many fans they’re unmaking? And when you see someone whining about how their favorite show was canceled because it never had enough viewers, and then doing their best to push people away from ever being an active fan of that show with their childish know-it-all-ism, it’s truly a moment of clarity. That’s when you realize that there are people who will marginalize themselves as much as they can just to have something they feel, in their minds, is truly theirs. They don’t want to share the experience; they just want you to know that you can never love it as intensely as they do. And when it comes to the recent mainstreaming of genre, they’re probably scared of losing their special self-given status.

It’s basically geek hipsterism. I’ve been seeing it for a long time. I once read a particularly irritating article on Robert E. Howard that was titled “My Favorite Author Is More Obscure Than Yours.” I’m still not sure what’s supposed to be so self-congratulatory about that. Is it a contest? What do you win? What is it that one loves so much about themselves when they’ve got almost no one else to talk to their favorite author about?

The other form of geek hipsterism, and this is what some of the comments showed on my post on my personal blog, is the “I was there first” declaration. Some people thought the list was pointless because it was so obviously made by someone around my age or a little younger. Now, some people just pointed out that they were a bit too old for some of the list items, and opined that they would’ve had other outward shows of geekdom because they were born a bit earlier, like having a Six Million Dollar Man doll or waiting in cinema lines to see Star Wars. But some of it had this air of “This list and all your experiences don’t count because you weren’t physically old enough to watch Battlestar Galactica in its original run!” (Which I did, except I was four at the time.)

That’s almost worse than the self-marginalization to me. It basically says that no one can be a true nerd but “me,” provided whoever is saying that was simply born at an earlier time. And that seems like a desperate stab at relevance, misguidedly brought about by insulting someone for being younger than you. There’s a difference between “Well, bear in mind that I was watching The Twilight Zone when it was originally airing” and “You’ll never be a true science fiction nerd unless you saw Godzilla, King of the Monsters in its original theatrical run.” When I see that, I just want to counter with “You’ll never be a true fan unless you were at the first Hugo Awards” or “unless you saw A Trip to the Moon when it was originally released in 1902.” Because, seriously, when it comes down to penalizing someone for being a wannabe because they’re younger than you, what the hell is the determination anymore?

Look, I know there are people who really want to hold on to their geek cred, especially since genre is so mainstream now, but once it starts making you look like a petty ass, do you really think it’s doing you any favors? If you’re defined by your disappointments, if you refuse to accept another person’s experience of geekdom because of their age, if the only reason you interact with other geeks is to remind them that you love something more than they do or you know more about it or that you were there when Peter David and Todd McFarlane had their debate over Image Comics, then you’re not a very good geek, but you’re a great cranky old shut-in.

Geek is a state of mind, baby. It’s not owning something, it’s not being angry at George Lucas, it’s not having an out of control ego, and it’s not where you shop. It’s about loving something and living it, regardless of approval or fashion or levels of acceptance. It’s living geek.

Live geek and prosper. Grok me?

Aaron R. Davis lives in a cave at the bottom of the ocean with his eyes shut tight and his fingers in his ears. You can contact him at samuraifrog@yahoo.com