Married? More like buried!

A smart woman once told me that marriage is when one cool person commits themselves to an annoying person, and they join together to become one giant "suck." Now, it just so happens this smart woman is one of the only single friends I have left, and that's probably one of the reasons I consider her definition of marriage as valid. I suppose to those that do not know us personally, it could sound as though we're a little bitter by the fact that all of our friends are married and we're left to fend for ourselves in this great big world as single women. Or that we're upset because it's taking us so long to find our Mr. Right's, and we're ready to give up on the whole idea and take up adopting cats. That's quite untrue, however. I can speak for her and myself when I say that the reason why we hate the institution known is marriage, is because it has taken away our best friends.

Growing up, I always had a tight knit group of guys and girls that I considered my best friends. We had all been hanging out with each other since we'd been 12 and vowed to each other that's how it would always be. I realize that with age change occurs, and people go their separate ways. Despite all of that, I always looked forward to holidays and long weekends when I could go back to my hometown and visit with my old friends. That is, until they started getting married. When it comes to my friends, marriage has been the goodbye to friendship and the hello to, "Yea, I guess I have to call them." It's hard for me to comprehend how people I used to consider as being so cool, suddenly started to suck once a ring was placed on their finger.

There are a few possible explanations as to why my friends have lost cool points since getting hitched. I'm sure a lot of it has to do with what Hank Williams, Jr. wrote about in his song "All My Rowdy Friends," but that's not just it. Something more significant is with their spouse, my friends have joined together to become very, very annoying couples.

First, there is the couple who can't breathe without telling the other one that they are going to. I adore my friends Jack and Linda, and I was actually friends with the both of them separately before they got together and decided to get married, so I have a deep respect and admiration for the two. I do not like them as a couple, though. My friend Jack had always been my favorite guy to hang out with. He was never a trouble maker when he hung out with the guys, and he was most definitely never considered a "male slut" by any means. Linda, on the other hand, seems to think that the minute she lets him out of her sight, he will become just that.

This past summer, Linda went to the beach with her family leaving Jack behind for a full week to tend to himself. He didn't do much aside from playing poker with the guys, but one night they managed to talk him into going out to a bar with them. I went along with them, and I can honestly say Jack did nothing but have a good time and Linda had no reason to worry. It was a few months later, when Linda was online and looking at Facebook, that she noticed a mutual friend had posted pictures of the night Jack had gone out, and he was included in several of these pictures. A huge fight erupted between the two of them. Linda was furious that Jack had gone out without telling her. So to strike back, Jack made her delete her MySpace account because "if I can't see who you are talking to at all times, I don't want you doing it."

This all seems a bit unhealthy to me, and it really makes them unbearable to be around. If Jack goes to the store to get beer without telling Linda, she is sure he is doing something he shouldn't and if Linda goes to the mall without telling Jack, all hell breaks loose. Why should this sound like any fun to me?

The second couple has become what me and my friend Christin refer to as "the show-off couple." This is a couple that we love dearly, but it is becoming harder and harder to be around them because everything always has to be about them. We can't go anywhere with the two of them getting into an argument in public. One of them runs off to their car to pout, while we're left in the middle trying to get them to make up. It's even worse when going to their house. They will invite you over and then argue with each other about what a mess the place is going to be and who is going to have to pick up. That of course, only makes me feel awkward because I feel as though I wasn't wanted there in the first place. Or I'll be invited over to have a few beers, and then have to listen to my friend argue with her husband about how he drinks too much. When they aren't arguing, they're making out in front of everyone, so it's hard to choose which is easier to deal with, really.

The last couple is probably the least annoying of the bunch, due to the fact that my friend seems to have snagged a husband who is as equally as cool as she is. My only fault in the two of them is that they act as though marriage is an exclusive club and that I'm not as cool because I've never been invited to join. This particular friend will call up all of my other married friends and invite them over so that they can all look at each other's wedding photos.

Then, she will make it a point to call me up and tell me about it, adding, "I feel bad that you aren't married because you missed out on a lot of fun." Then there's the "Oh, I've been happy before, but nothing like the happiness I felt on my wedding day. You wouldn't understand, of course. It's the best day of your life. I hope you'll be able to experience it someday."

It's almost as if she feels as though I'm not a whole person because I'm on my own.

I miss the days of hanging out with just my friends. I'm happy that they have all been able to find their true love, but I'm sad that they seem to have fallen out of love with me. There's never any time for them to do things without their husbands/wives. It's almost as if they have used marriage as an excuse to be boring. I'm tired of hearing, "We can't do that, we're married, ya' know". I'm a firm believer that when "I" becomes "we," you have lost all sense of your identity. Isn't it possible for those that are married to still keep their own personality intact as well? What do I have to do to get my friends back?

Or perhaps, I have a lot to learn. I'm so far from being married that I can't even begin to say what is the proper way to behave when you have made the big commitment, but I can say that if marriage is anything like what my friends have made it out to be to me, I want no part of it. I like my simple life of having a beer when I want to, staying out 'til four in the morning, flirting with every guy in site and taking pictures of my cleavage instead of wedding photographs. Not everyone gets their fairytale wedding and their happy endings. Some women don't get married, ever. I'm convinced that I'm one of those women.

If I weren't such a bad girl, I'd be a perfect nun. Crazy cat lady, here I come.

Tashina Savage tears up every time she listens to Bosephus singing about his rowdy friends settling down. If you're as wild as she is and looking for a new BFF, email her at sundaysgirl@gmail.com.