Not my average Monday

I talked to Sean online briefly, and then mentioned I had to get going because I was going to have dinner with Christin. We, Sean and I, had a nice time hanging out together last week since it had been a little while since the last time we had gotten together and he seemed disappointed when I said I had to go. I felt I should say something, so I invited him to come along with us. This was before I realized that Christin ran into Derek while waiting on me outside my apartment. Great, I thought to myself, lets see how many other guys I've slept with that we can invite along to dinner with us. At the restaurant, we're seated and waiting on Sean when Derek decides to question me about the late guest.

"So tell me about your new man," he says.

"He isn't my man," I tell him and go back to staring inside the mason jar of sweet tea that was put before me.

"Well, he's something. So tell me about him."

"He's kind of an asshole." I left it at that.

Sean arrived and took his seat next to me and I could tell right away that Christin liked him. And, as if I needed his approval, Derek commented to me later that Sean seemed like a cool guy. We ate quickly and then Sean asked me if I'd like to accompany him to a Beer Store in nearby Ohio, so Christin and I tagged along.

On the way, he spoke of beer, imported beer, with affection. He went on and on about the qualities and taste and what I should drink and what was the wrong choice and I was reminded of Patrick Bateman talking about his love for Phil Collins. He seemed excited at the opportunity to pick out a beer for me he was sure I'd love and settled on some wheat beer with a name I can't remember how to spell or pronounce today.

On the way back home, Christin asked if we could stop somewhere to get some Budweiser and he nearly made her walk the rest of the way to my apartment.

On the stop for Budweiser, Sean runs into a guy he knows from the Army and he mentions that he made some mead and was anxious for Pete to try it out. Dan, a muscle bound rugby player at Marshall, joins us back at my apartment where we sample the mead and listen to 90s rock. The four of us throw back the beer and mead at ease and Christin and I talk about how cute Sean is out of his earshot while he and Dan talk of population control. Dan's phone call from his girlfriend proved to be entertaining in that I witnessed a hulking slab of meathead make kissy noises over the phone so he could stay out a little later.

Things first started to get tense when Zan stopped by with a bottle of whiskey and plenty of attitude. She and Sean did not hit it off, needless to say, since they are both overly opinionated and have a hard time letting others talk. She left us by saying"Later losers" to the guys and Sean didn't hold back his dislike for her once she was out the door.

"You're cool," he said to Christin. "The other girl is a cunt." Geez.

Christin left around midnight and it was also around then that Dan decided he needed to walk the block and a half back to the Citgo to get cigarettes. He mistook my bedroom for the bathroom twice, and Sean had to chaperone him to the bathroom both times; standing outside the door asking if he was okay.

"I have to walk with him to get cigarettes," Sean explained to me. "He's wasted. You understand, right?"

So while it would have probably been a better idea if Sean went himself, he tried wrestling Muscles into the right path out the door instead. Who knew a big guy could be such a lightweight? Fucking Adventures in Babysitting, man.

Twenty minutes had passed and I looked outside my window to see if I saw them coming up the alley when I noticed the two of them standing out there with a third party. Curiosity got the best of me, so I walked outside, barefoot. Dan was illustrating how tough of a guy he really is by picking a fight with a bum who was choosing a dark spot behind the dumpster for his bed. Sean was doing his best to hold Muscles back, even though he was outweighed by about 60 lbs. He looked out of the corner of his eye and noticed me.

"You," he pointed at me. "Go back inside. Now!"

"Don't talk to me that way," I said. "You can't bark orders at me."

"Do you see what's going on here?" He walked over and grabbed my arm and led me back to my apartment as if I were a little girl. "Go to bed," He said. "I'll be there soon."

I felt him crawl into bed with me soon after. I could sense his bad mood and he sensed mine, but he pulled me to him anyway and we embraced, then kissed. My clothing was removed awkwardly while I removed his and he moved his strong, lean body closer to mine. He covered my neck in kisses, moving down to my chest while I moaned softly. Despite our attempt at passion, it just wasn't working for me. My body was being stubborn and although his efforts were nice, my own personal waterworks was on strike. I almost felt bad, but then I felt his penis resting against my leg. His lack of arousal was just as apparent as mine.

He moved away from me and sat Indian style on my bed, looking me over.

"This isn't going to work, is it?" He asked.

I frowned. "What? Don't give me that look. You aren't into it."

"You aren't either." I watched him dress in the dark.

"This night went sour," he put on his shirt. "I didn't want it to, but it did."

"What can I do?"

"Well you might wanna think about investing in lube," he says.

"I never have problems getting wet."

"You do now," He said.

"I wouldn't talk much, Mr. Limp Dick."

He put on his shoes and grabbed his keys.

"You can stay here, ya know," I told him. "You've been drinking. I'll sleep on the couch."

"Sounds lovely, doesn't it? Perfect ending to your night. I get your bed and you take the couch. No thank you, I'll go home." He walked down the stairs, then turned around. He sighed then started back up the stairs. Sean motioned for me to come over to him and he pulled me into his arms as he hugged me and kissed the top of my head.

"I guess more than anything I don't want you to regret asking me to hang out with you tonight." He walked back down the stairs and left my apartment.

I went to bed thinking of another person I would have rather had here. Intimacy would have came with ease and then I could lay in his arms all night talking about everything under the sun, besides imported beer. My heart is always in another place.

This is why I don't date.

Tashina Savage would much rather have Internet boyfriends than a real life boyfriend. At least if they are getting on your nerves, you can just block them on your buddylist. Email her your screen name at sundaysgirl@gmail.com.