Review
  • Writing
  • Sex scenes
  • Dakota Johnson
  • Jamie Dornan
2

Summary

Release Date: February 13, 2015

Director: Sam Taylor-Johnson

Writers: Kelly Marcel (screenplay), E.L. James (novel)

Stars: Dakota Johnson, Jamie Dornan, Jennifer Ehle

MPAA Rating: R

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Fifty Shades of Grey is by no means a good film. It is, however, a new ending away from being a fairly solid Lifetime Original Movie about an abusive, stalker boyfriend who tries to kill the young college girl he seduces.

The film, which is based on the bestselling series of novels that were originally conceived as Twilight fan fiction, centers around the romance between college student Anastasia Steele (Dakota Johnson) and successful entrepreneur Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan). The two meet when Steele is tasked with interviewing Grey for her school paper. Grey becomes infatuated with Steele, buying her lavish gifts and spending most of his free time showing up at places where she is. (Seriously, for a business mogul, he seems to have an abundance of free time to devote to stalking a college girl.)

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Their budding romance faces a huge roadblock in Grey’s sexual desires. You see, he has no interest in a normal romantic relationship. Instead, his particular kink involves getting women to sign nondisclosure agreements and sex contracts consenting to being his submissive in his “red room of pain.”

This romance is problematic for many, many reasons. The most glaring is that Steele enters the relationship a virgin who has no idea what she wants sexually. She has severe reservations about being a submissive. Steele spends most of the movie refusing to sign the contract while Grey uses a combination of emotional manipulation and bribery to attempt to talk her into it (through a series of lavish, romantic dates – the one thing he claimed to be unwilling to do when they first met, but agrees to do because she’s so special and is changing him, allegedly).

Another glaring problem is that the film demonizes Grey’s desires. At one particularly eye-rolling moment, Grey explains to Steele that he is “fifty shades of fucked up.” The film goes on to justify these desires with a troubling backstory involving a prostitute biological mother and a predatory friend of his adopted mother who recruits him into the BDSM lifestyle at the age of 15.

This would be a great backstory if they were trying to make the aforementioned Lifetime Original Movie. The combination of Grey’s tragic upbringing, his sadomasochistic proclivities and his stalkerish tendencies are the perfect cocktail for a terrifying dream guy turned villain who terrorizes our poor heroine. And Jamie Dornan seems to think this is the movie he’s in, since he plays Christian Grey with a creepy emotionless detachment that mirrors Christian Bale’s performance as Patrick Bateman in American Psycho. (Seriously, his face never expresses joy and he spends most of the film randomly showing up in locations he knows Anastasia will be. It’s bone chilling.)

But this isn’t supposed to be a horror movie. It’s supposed to be sexy.

And speaking of sex, it’s surprising how vanilla and unsexy those scenes are in the film. Despite all of the various accoutrement in Grey’s “red room of pain,” book writer E.L. James and screenwriter Kelly Marcel seems to think BDSM is nothing but light spanking, having your wrists bound with gray neckties and having peacock feathers rubbed against your stomach.

Which wouldn’t be so terrible if the two parties involved at least enjoyed it. But Anastasia is horrified by all of the BDSM activities and Grey demonizes himself for them. (Seriously, after their encounters he retreats to the living room to shirtlessly play morose songs on the piano to properly brood.) Everything about their relationship is upsetting. Yet apparently we are supposed to be rooting for the two of them to get together, which is baffling to me.

It would probably help if the two at least had good on-screen chemistry. Or if Jamie Dornan was in any way charming. But, as is, you are just left wondering why we should be rooting for these two to get together when even Anastasia isn’t convinced.

To her credit, Dakota Johnson does the best she can with the role. Anastasia Steele feels like a well-rounded and compelling character. (Though one that seems overly fond of biting her lip, which is no doubt a symptom of this story originally being Twilight fanfic.) I found her charming and cared what happened to her. Of course, because I liked her so much, I found myself hoping that we’d flash forward to a future where Anastasia was older and wiser and looked back on the time a creepy older businessman seduced her as a folly of her youth.

Maybe I should just write my own fan fiction with a happier ending. It could be box office gold.

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Written by Joel Murphy. If you enjoy his reviews, he also writes a weekly pop culture column called Murphy’s Law, which you can find here. You can contact Joel at murphyslaw@hobotrashcan.com.