Health care-less

There are often news items that seem very important to large numbers of people but are of little consequence to me. Watching very concerned media types deliver reports of this-or-that issue often render me non-plussed to the point of unconsciousness. I don't have any investments on Wall Street so the "Market Watch" segments go in one side of my brain and out the other, and I just want to pummel that Mad Money guy.

Having been blessed with decent health over the years, the great health care debate has, like many others, gone largely ignored by yours truly. I've always chosen the cheapest insurance option offered by my employer because that's all I ever needed; nothing more than the occasional $5 co-pay for the necessary physical, or the odd penicillin prescription for certain unmentionable indiscretions (just kidding, honey).

That was until now. See, I got this hip thing going on.

A few years ago, I was in a dead sprint when something went snap in my groin. All of a sudden, I could barely walk. A visit to my then insurance provider, Kaiser Permanante, enlightened me that something went snap in my groin (Kaiser always did employ the best and brightest) and I should swallow a bottle of Tylenol 3 over the weekend and call them in the morning.

Surprisingly, this did not cure my condition. A nagging pain developed, and a return trip to KP several weeks later proved largely fruitless. It appeared that an arthritic condition had developed, and there was nothing they could do. Get in touch with a bottle of Aleve, try exercising and run along now.

In the years that have since passed, I have learned to live with the omnipresent pain that has spread throughout my entire right hip and lower back.

However, the pain has recently become much worse to the point where, after nine holes of golf, I can barely walk. And since I'm in the golf business - not to mention the fact that playing golf is the number one form of enjoyment and recreation I experience - this is a major problem. So I finally decided to do something about it. I asked my doctor about Lipitor.

My doctor said, "You don't have high cholesterol. Why the fuck are you asking me about Lipitor?" So I told him about my hip instead, and he referred me to an orthopedic specialist. In the meantime, I went to a chiropractor to see if she could do something for the pain. Why not? It only costs me a $5 co-pay per visit; chump change when you consider that the visit helped me walk up a flight of stairs without pain for the first time in years.

Then came the bombshell. My insurance wouldn't pay for it, or anything else relating to my hip. Why? Because it's a pre-existing condition. That's correct - any injury or ailment that I incurred prior to getting on my current health plan is simply not covered, and any treatment for said condition will not be paid. I have to wait until July, when I will have been on this current plan for one year. Then, they'll pay for it. In the meantime, I'll continue to walk around with a limp and lose income from (a) not being able to participate in golf lesson demonstrations and (b) paying for medical insurance I can't use.

In other words, I get the privilege of paying $100 a month in insurance for medical benefits, and my very legitimate insurance claim - the only health irregularity I have - is denied coverage, and I suffer as a result. Remind me why I'm paying them, again?

This is with the most expensive, wide ranging policy available. I always thought Blue Cross/Blue Shield was the best. If so, the worst insurance company must require their unfortunate victims to visit a medicine man, employing a drill press to bore holes in his patient's heads, thus releasing the evil spirits and stopping the headache.

Since I began writing this article, I underwent my first physical in quite some time. In a stunning irony, I actually do have high cholesterol. Much to my surprise, this is not considered a "pre-existing" condition, even though it must have been building for quite some time, and the insurance company will be more than happy to pay for the drugs that my doctor recommends I swallow. Not to get into a "drug companies make money not be curing people, but by making drugs to alleviate their symptoms" article here, but it does give one pause.

As pissed off as I am about the state of my own insurance, I remain thankful that I have it at all. The US Census Bureau reported that, as of 2005, 46.6 million Americans have no health care whatsoever. This constitutes about 16 percent of the entire population of the greatest country in the world.

On the surface, this fact seems incredible. Shouldn't the United States of America take better care of its citizens? Shouldn't there be a nationwide program to collect the tired, huddled masses yearning to get well?

Considering all the problems that an uninsured populace causes, one would certainly think so. After all, the number one source of personal bankruptcy in this country is unpaid health bills. Fifty percent of the uninsured owe money to hospitals, so one would assume that the medical industry at large would drop much of what they are doing and push like hell to get insurance for all. Forget any altruistic motivation - their bottom line depends on it! Uninsured children are substantially less likely to receive medical attention for severe medical needs. Cancer victims without coverage are less likely to receive surgery, chemotherapy and radiation treatment. Heart attack sufferers with no insurance are less likely to get the treatment they need. The mortality rate for those without health insurance is twenty-five per cent higher than insured persons. This situation creates a vicious cycle; those without insurance are sicker than the rest of us, so in turn, they can't get better jobs, and because they can't get better jobs they can't afford health insurance, and because they can't afford health insurance they get even sicker.

So when I started looking into how all this could be, I discovered that health care is an unthinkably huge and complicated issue, with no obvious root cause on solution. For instance, America spends more per capita - by a long shot - on health care than any other country worldwide. Yet, we have the highest infant mortality rate of any major industrialized nation. According to the World Health Organization, the US is ranked 37th overall regarding its total health care system. Curious to know who is number one? France. Dreadful, hated France.

Countries such as Singapore, Morocco, Columbia, Chile and Costa Rica – Costa Rica? – all kick the US's ass in total health care. In case you're thinking of moving to Canada for their cheap drugs, remember that those Mullet-wearing Rush fans only get the 30th best health care in the world.

My plan for improving the US health care system involves a simple three-step program:

1. Improve efficiency. If the US is spending more per capita than any other country in health care, then logically, something horribly inefficient is going on. Hire one of those efficiency experts that companies do when then need to cut the fat from their organization, and follow their recommendations.

2. Stop the "health care is communism" nonsense. For some reason, if you were to ask the average red-stater, "Is the US is the greatest country in the world?" the answer is a resounding "Hell yeah buddy!" But if you suggest that there needs to be a universal health care system run by the government – which is just the type of thing that a government should do (you know, protecting its citizens and all) - the you're a raving, Stalin-loving pinko. Stop it! If you are a true patriot, then you want what's best for this country. And what's best is health care for all.

3. Make McDonalds illegal. That's right. Half the reason everyone is so damn unhealthy is because they eat crap. Replace McDonald's and every other fast food chain with fruit stands, and we wouldn't need all those doctors and drugs.

So that's it. Pretty realistic, huh? We'll all die waiting for it. In the meantime, I'll limp around like a sideshow freak.

Evan Redmon is a manager of a public golf course in Washington, D.C. and writes a few things about stuff sometimes. Contact him at evanredmon@yahoo.com if you really want.