Outside of the In-Crowd – Goodbye 2009, Part 3: The best of the year
Courtney Enlow |
2009 was pretty awful, speaking personally.
Big things happened (I lost my grandpa; almost lost my cousin in a truly traumatic way). Little things happened (my iPod was stolen). Medium-sized things happened, things that were big, but not as big as the aforementioned family tragedies (My dog died at 19 years old; I wrecked my car). So it’s easy to see the ugly.
But not today, gentle reader.
This week, prepare to only see the best (with a healthy smattering of the best of the worst). Life goes on, and as the year draws to a close, we can look back. We lost a lot, but hell, we gained a show about singing and dancing high schoolers, and that’s something.
Let us now commence…
The Best of the 2009
Best Movie
Inglourious Basterds
Most Enjoyable Movie
(tie) Star Trek and The Proposal
Probably Best Movies of the Year But I Haven’t Gotten Around to Seeing Them Yet
The Hurt Locker, Moon, District 9 (I had a rough year and didn’t get out a lot. Obviously.)
“I Liked It, Maybe Even Loved It, But It Could Have Been Better If the Soundtrack Hadn’t Been Terrible and the Sex Scene Had Been Less Awkward” Movie
Watchmen
The Notebook Award for Most Tears Per Second of Film
Up
Movie that Seriously Fucked Me Up After Watching It
Antichrist
Best Album
The Raveonettes, In And Out Of Control
Best Song
“Two Weeks” by Grizzly Bear
Song that Has Been Stuck in My Head and My Only Solution is Removal of Said Head
“Waking Up in Vegas” by Katy Perry
Guilty Pleasure Song
(tie) “Fallin’ for You” by Colbie Caillat; the song above
Song That’s Basically the Doctor Who Theme
“Uprising” by Muse
Best TV Episode
“Right Place, Right Time,” How I Met Your Mother
Best TV Moment
Pierce tripping on Mexican Halloween in Community.
TV Show that if it Gets Cancelled In 2010, So Help Me, I’ll Crack Some Skulls
Community. Seriously. Watch this show. It’s awesome.
The Wire Award for Beloved TV Show I Haven’t Caught Yet
Glee
Show I Haven’t Watched Much This Season, Only to Have the Finale Ruined for Me, WTF
Dexter
Best TV Quote
“I need you to be awesome. Can you be awesome?”
– Chuck to Captain Awesome, Chuck
“A book hasn’t caused this much trouble since Where’s Waldo went to that barber pole factory.”
– Tracy Jordan, 30 Rock
“This circle represents people who are breaking my heart. And this circle represents people who are shaking my confidence daily. And where do they overlap? Cecilia.”
– Marshall, How I Met Your Mother
Spectacularly Terrible SNL Host, Maybe the Worst Ever
January Jones. Oh Betts.
Best Ad Campaign
The Levis “Go Forth” campaign
Ad Campaign That Makes Me Want to Kill a Puppy
Those goddamn cheerleading/rapping Gap ads
Girlcrush
Mélanie Laurent
Mancrush
Matthew Goode
Ebola
Death. Seriously. At this point it’s not a hacky joke comment. Everyone died this year. I’m pretty sure I died this year.
Internet Crush
Whoever’s responsible for STFU, Marrieds and STFU, Parents because those sites are both genius.
Heartbreaker
I don’t give a rat’s ass about Tiger Woods, but his main hooker also had an affair with David Boreanaz, who allegedly called her from the delivery room while his wife was giving birth. David Boreanaz. The love of my life from age 14 until … well, August when that story broke. I’m still not over it. I mean, I can only tell myself that Angelus did it because the curse was lifted again so many times.
Most Devastating Moment
It doesn’t happen until December 26, but saying goodbye to David Tennant as the Tenth Doctor on Doctor Who will be the hardest television moment of all time as far as I’m concerned.
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Recipient of the prestigious “I hope the movie Open Water happens to you” award
Chris Brown. Fucker.
Really Horrible but Often Hilarious War
Okay, so like I said, I don’t give a shit about Tiger Woods because I don’t watch tennis, but at press time, we are up to FOURTEEN mistresses. Not just one night stand affairs. Proper long-term girlfriend mistresses. I know Gatorade dropped him, but he’s showed so much stamina, they could really only benefit. I can see the ads now … Electrolytes – they’ll let you bone half the country in a three year period. Note: Does not prevent general chaffing and itching.
Best Thing that Ever Happened to Life Ever
Adam Lambert. Everyone just deal with that.
See you after Christmas, my pumpkins, when I’ll tell you what you should have liked more this decade. GET EXCITED.
Courtney Enlow is a writer living in Chicago and working as a corporate shill to pay the bills. You can contact her at courtney@hobotrashcan.com.
1) See those three movies you didn’t get around to seeing. Amazing.
2) I think “Vampire Weekend” is one of the best things to happen to music this year.
3) “Community” is so goddamn funny! Thank you!
On why Troy should play footbal:
Jeff: It’s in your blood.
Troy: That’s racist.
Jeff: It’s in your…soul.
Troy: That’s racist.
Jeff: It’s in your…eyes?
Troy: That’s gay.
Jeff: That’s homophobic.
Troy: That’s black.
Jeff: THAT’S racist.
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//Best TV Episode
“Right Place, Right Time,” How I Met Your Mother
Best TV Moment
Pierce tripping on Mexican Halloween in Community.
TV Show that if it Gets Cancelled In 2010, So Help Me, I’ll Crack Some Skulls
Community. Seriously. Watch this show. It’s awesome.//
A hearty “AMEN” to these three categories.
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I love the list, and totally agree with you about trying to let go of Doctor Ten. I can’t imagine how hard I’m going to cry when David leaves.
But best ads for those Levi “Go Fourth” things? Really? I hate those commercials. With a fiery, burning passion. I hate them so much I want to punch everyone involved, including the old guy doing the old voice overs. But that is just my lame opinion.
Seriously, though, you might be the first person I contact after watching The End of Time. Such tears…such tears.
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I watched Inglourious Basterds (I really hate that they spell it that way) and probably should have expected as much gruesomeness from Tarantino and Roth. GAAAH! Still enjoyed the movie though. Community is the best thing to happen to tv since Arrested Development.
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“Ad Campaign That Makes Me Want to Kill a Puppy
Those goddamn cheerleading/rapping Gap ads”
I seriously have to change the channel when they come on or I start doing break dance moves and spouting off sale prices.
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Re “heartbreaking,” you shouldn’t be. There is no proof that DB had an affair. Simply an anonamous statement by some hearsay “source” published in the worst tabloid rag in the country, “Star.” There has been no confirmation by Uchitel or Boreanaz, so until that happens I wouldn’t believe it. And I am very tired of people posting stories about this as if it is fact and not the gossipy rumor that it is.
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How many lines of coke did Tarantino do off of Laurent’s belly before he gave her the part?
Seriously though, she was awesome.
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Hey there…just found your blog via a link at Calvin’s Canadian Cave of Coolness.
Love your list. Thx for the heads-up on Up; I did hear it was a bit of a weeper, but I didn’t realize how much.
And if Community does in fact get cancelled, you can start by cracking the skulls of the hostages I will have taken. That is the funniest damn show on TV right now.
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I agree with Adam Lambert, Inglourious Basterds, Chris Brown, Up, The Proposal (I love Betty White so much it hurts sometimes), and this statement: “Community is the best thing to happen to tv since Arrested Development.” – Jewish Carpenter
District 9 was fantastic, but it gave me a wee bit of motion sickness. Overall, though, the story equals fantasticness and the little baby alien is very much adorable.
And I agree with the Gap commercials. Except that the Kit Kat mouth noises commercial are that kind of annoying times a thousand plus gross. I will never eat Kit Kats again.
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Hahahaha, I love that HIMYM episode, good choice.
Best Album: Tie between Raekwon’s “Only Built for Cuban Linx II” and Marissa Nadler’s “Little Hells” (Seriously, I want to make love to her voice and make little half Mexican-half Soundwave babies).
Best TV show: Tie between Mad Men, Breaking Bad, and Friday Night Lights.
Best New TV shows: Community, Eastbound & Down, Southland, Delocated, Modern Family and Tosh.0
Best TV Moment: Dennis revealing his D.E.N.N.I.S. system to the gang on It’s Always Sunny.
Best Movie: Inglourious Basterds
Best Romatic comedy: (500) Days of Summer
Best Sci-Fi film: District 9
Best Satire: In the Loop
Best Super-hero movie: Watchmen
Best Movie that No one I know has saw so I can’t really talk about how good it is to anyone: Sin Nombre
Best Horror: Drag Me To Hell
Best Comedy: Black Dynamite (I almost sh*tted my pants laughing while watching the fight scene at the pool hall)
Best baaada$$ flick: Gomorrah
Best kid’s movie but really for the growns ups: Where the Wild Things Are
Best use of comedians I appreciate: The Informant! and Big Fan
Best use of comedian that starts to annoy me after about 17 seconds but I still appreciate: World’s Greatest Dad
Honorable mention: I love You, Man, Up, The Hurt Locker, Zombieland, Rudo y Cursi, Moon, A Serious Man and The Maid.
Worst thing to happen: Andy Hallett, from Angel, passing away this year. For realzy, David Boreanaz wouldn’t have gotten in that mess — allegedly — if he did what I do when I confront a critical moral choice (i.e., tug on my WWLD* bracelet and rest assured at my proper decision).
* WWLD = What Would Lorne Do?
Happy New Year.
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Sorry Court for being so late reading this but year end has been a little hectic. Once again I can’t comment on a lot of your choices because I haven’t seen or heard of a lot of them but the “Really horrible but often hilarious war” was really funny. You should pitch that ad campaign to Gatorade as I think you may be on to something. As far as Tiger and that absolutley gorgeous wife of his, I can only shake my head at the stupidity money and fame seems to bring out in men. This guy had to be fiercely private since the time he had away from the TV cameras on weekends had to be spent figuring out how to cover his ass.
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