Ann Marie Weinert
[Editor’s Note: Aaron R. Davis is busy watching Camp Rock 2, so this week we bring you a guest blog post by former HoboTrashcan columnist Ann Marie Weinert. Since leaving the site, Ann Marie has become a burlesque dancer, so this week she kindly shares a funny story and a few photos from her new career.]
Texas Burlesque Fest was a wild ride this year. I traveled with my old pal Pearl Pistol, and we had a grand old time. I got to spend a lot of time with folks like Lydia de Carllo and Viva La Muerte, while just barely missing some other folks who I keep wanting to spend time with (like Tomahawk Tassels, damn it!).
It was great. For whatever reason, our hotel lent us someone to drive us around the city, practically at our beck and call – so that really cut down on taxis! I got to duck into some 6th Street bars, shop on Congress (numerous times, with dwindling amounts of actual “shopping” happening), see the bats on the Congress bridge and naturally – I also got to perform.
I was in the Saturday night show, and it went really well. I was feeling cool as a cucumber when I was upstairs getting dressed. My costume was perfect, my fans were fluffy and I was gonna rock it. I walked down the stairs to the stage about 30 seconds before I had to go on and there was this WHOOSH of hot air that hit me in the face. Not good when you are wearing a pair of panties that are essentially taped on (because they are so little).
I mounted the stage and I was killin’ ’em with my new fan moves (courtesy of the one and only Barrett All). I dropped my panties, I dropped my dress and I was wearing just pasties and a merkin when all of a sudden, I realized my merkin was slipping off in the back! I pushed it back in place at the last minute for a toosh reveal, but felt it slip again when I was doing a semi-front reveal.
Then all of a sudden, the thing was dangling between my legs, and I still had 45 seconds left to my act (talk about relativity – that’s actually *quite* a lot of time when you are on stage, having a wardrobe malfunction).
So I felt it dangling and I knew I was fucked.
So I reach down.
Grabbed the portion of the merkin that was hanging between my legs.
And ripped that fucker OFF!
NEVER have I ever heard a crowd lose their shit in a bigger way. They could see it slipping all over and I think it was a huge relief to them when I just yanked it off! And it matches the song, since technically, it says I don’t wear no panties!
Anyway, that night I got more compliments on the act than I ever have … but that doesn’t mean I’m going to keep performing it that way!
Ann Marie Weinert is a burlesque dancer who performs under the name Red Hot Annie. She can currently be seen in Rollin’ Outta Here Naked: A Big Lebowski Burlesque. For more Red Hot Annie, check out her official website.