Box Office Preview – September 10, 2010

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Resident Evil: Afterlife

Director: Paul W.S. Anderson

Writer: Paul W.S. Anderson

Stars: Milla Jovovich, Ali Larter, Wentworth Miller

MPAA Rating: R

Synopsis: In her never-ending quest to protect the uninfected from the undead and the evil Umbrella corporation, Alice, teaming once again with Claire, heads to Los Angeles, which is rumored to be safe from the T-Virus. But getting there unscathed isn’t going to be easy.

Lars’ take: I saw the first two. They were both worth watching. I love Milla Jovovich. She’s been my number one crush since Dazed and Confused. But you’re not getting me into a movie theater paying 3D ticket prices to see this one.

Joel’s take: The first two movies were definitely watchable, mostly thanks to Milla Jovovich, who is surprisingly convincing as a bad ass action star. I never bothered to see the third film. I’m tired of the concept. Plus, the 3D looks very gimmicky – all the shots in the trailer seem like they are set up to take advantage of the extra dimension (people are constantly jumping toward the audience or throwing weapons straight ahead), which will be fun for moviegoers but will ensure the film looks ridiculous when it’s eventually aired in 2D on TNT.

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The Virginity Hit

Director: Huck Botko, Andrew Gurland

Writers: Andrew Gurland (written by) & Huck Botko (written by)

Stars: Matt Bennett, Zack Pearlman, Krysta Rodriguez

MPAA Rating: R

Synopsis: Four teenage friends record their buddy’s attempts to lose his virginity and post the videos on YouTube. The film is shot documentary style with hand-held cameras.

Lars’ take: I feel like this is going to start getting really redundant, but for now I’m still a fan of hand-held documentary style movies because I think it opens a film up to a lot of new possibilities and keeps things a little more down to Earth. Having said that, this idea is so tired and played out. I couldn’t care any less.

Joel’s take: I find it so strange that as a society we are obsessed with watching awkward teenage boys lose their virginity. It’s an entire genre. When you step back and think about that, it’s very bizarre. We are so repressed about sex in general, but we can’t seem to get enough of these types of films. I’m tired of it. I’ll save you some money and give away the ending – the kid has a few hilariously uncomfortable hiccups along the way, but in the end he loses his virginity (most likely while his creepy friend stands in the corner taping it all).

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I’m Still Here (limited)

Director: Casey Affleck

Stars: Joaquin Phoenix

MPAA Rating: Not Rated

Synopsis: Casey Affleck chronicles Joaquin Phoenix’s bizarre transition from well-respected actor to unstable and unshaven rapper in this strange documentary.

Lars’ take: I wish this movie was a person so that I could punch it in the face. Joaquin Phoenix is a pretentious son of a bitch who overacts and is unwatchable. And now this is a movie about him talking about how awesome he is. Go away. Just please go away. Stick to your failing rap career so I don’t have to watch you anymore.

Joel’s take: I’m still trying to decide if Joaquin Phoenix legitimately had some kind of breakdown and decided to become a rapper or if this is the greatest Andy Kaufman-esque performance piece of the modern era. Part of me is waiting for the day where he comes out clean shaven and laughs at us all for buying into this. Maybe Jerry Lawler will even attack him during his next Letterman appearance. If it is all an act, I’ll give him some credit for creativity. But I still have no interest in seeing this.

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The Romantics (limited)

Director: Galt Niederhoffer

Writers: Galt Niederhoffer (novel and screenplay)

Stars: Katie Holmes, Anna Paquin, Josh Duhamel, Malin Åkerman, Candice Bergen, Adam Brody, Elijah Wood

MPAA Rating: PG-13

Synopsis: As an incestuous group of friends reunite for Lila Hayes’ wedding, problems arise between her and her maid of honor, Laura Rosen, who once dated her fiancee. Their conflict and the emotions it brings to the surface put the entire wedding in jeopardy.

Lars’ take: I don’t care how quirky your music is in your trailer or how pretty the people are in your movie. I don’t care that most people in this cast have done something good in their career. I don’t want to see this. I feel like I’ve seen it before and I didn’t like it the first time. It is nice to see Candice Bergen again though.

Joel’s take: In looking for something nice to say about this movie, I came up with two things: 1) It’s nice to see Adam Brody getting work and 2) There’s a chance Anna Paquin might get naked.

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Bran Nue Dae (limited)

Director: Rachel Perkins

Writers: Reg Cribb, Rachel Perkins and Jimmy Chi (written by); Jimmy Chi, Kuckles, Patrick Duttoo Bin Amat, Michael Manolis Mavromatis and Stephen Pigram

Stars: Geoffrey Rush, Rocky McKenzie, Jessica Mauboy, Ernie Dingo, ‘Missy’ Higgins

MPAA Rating: PG-13

Synopsis: An Australian Aboriginal enrolled at a Catholic boarding school runs away in this musical set in 1965.

Lars’ take: I’m usually completely for anything original, but this just doesn’t look original enough. But it looks somewhat unique and it has Geoffrey Rush in it, so I think this thing has some potential. It looks pretty formulaic, but with enough of a twist and a different setting that it might be a cute little movie.

Joel’s take: I think this movie is made up. The trailer is so surreal. When they started singing and dancing in the trailer, I got very confused. Plus, the title is just ridiculous. I might go see this movie just to find out if it actually exists or if this is just some type of prank.

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Legendary (limited)

Director: Mel Damski

Writers: John Posey

Stars: John Cena, Patricia Clarkson, Danny Glover, Devon Graye

MPAA Rating: PG-13

Synopsis: Mike Chetley still blames himself for his father’s death, so his bookish brother Cal decides to join his high school’s wrestling team in an attempt to reconnect with Mike.

Lars’ take: This is everything I hate about movies – an overbearing mother played by an overacting person, a brooding outside-of-the-law brother played by a wrestler, a dorky-looking kid who looks up to him for some reason, a dead father and a magical black guy.

Joel’s take: WWE Films should not be allowed to make movies. They just aren’t cut out for it. John Cena at least looked the part in The Marine and 12 Rounds, but he’s too clean cut and wholesome to play a hardened ex-con. What was his crime – working out too much? Also, what happened to Danny Glover’s career? And how happy is the Academy that they are advertising Patricia Clarkson as an Academy Award nominee in the trailers for this film?

This week’s recommendations …

Bran Nue Dae

It looks somewhat original and since I’m forced to make a recommendation, that’s enough to give it the nod in a mediocre week like this.

Resident Evil: Afterlife

I don’t have high hopes for this film, but I think its at least watchable. It’s not worth paying 3D money to see it on the big screen, but if you feel like going to the movies it’s your safest bet this week.


HoboTrashcan’s Confidence Rating System

Since we force Joel and Lars to make a recommendation each week (using the classic “If a gun was pointed to your head and you had to pick one” scenario), we are also having them rate their confidence in their pick using HoboTrashcan’s patented Confidence Rating System. The system is on a scale of one to five, which breaks down as follows:

  1. Eddie Murphy – Like every film Eddie Murphy has done in the last decade, avoid this movie at all costs.
  2. Nicholas Cage – The movie is most likely awful, but like Cage, there is a chance it may still surprise you.
  3. Samuel L Jackson – With this rating, you don’t know what you are going to get. It could be another Pulp Fiction or it could be Jumper.
  4. Bruce Willis – Like Bruce Willis, chances are the film is good, but there’s always a possibility it’s another Surrogates.
  5. Morgan Freeman – The highest possible rating. The film, like Morgan Freeman himself, is a lock to be entertaining.

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