We scan the top newspapers and websites to bring you all of the important news of the day. Then we convert the newspapers into hobo blankets or funny hats.

Here are today’s Hobo Headlines:

• Why do we get the feeling that the Bush administration will magically find bin Laden right before the election?
  Frustrated with the lack of leads in their search for Osama bin Laden, U.S. and Pakistani officials plan on using the unmanned but lethal Predator drone spy plane to try to locate him. They have been unable to uncover any reliable information about his whereabouts since 2001.
  [Washington Post]

• It would make more sense if they claimed he was talking about McCain – that guy would look terrible with lipstick.
  Yesterday, Barack Obama addressed McCain and Palin’s attempts to separate themselves from President Bush by saying, “You can put lipstick on a pig. It’s still a pig.” The Republicans tried to spin it to sound like Obama called Palin a pig and asked for an apology.
  [U.S. News]

• It couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy.
  U.S. officials are beginning to speculate that North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il may have serious health problems and may have recently suffered a stroke after he didn’t show up at the country’s 60th-anniversary celebration yesterday. The U.S. is worried that his failing health will make it difficult to proceed with negotiations to dismantle the country’s nuclear arsenal.
  [Wall Street Journal]

• Scientists won’t be happy until they kill us all.
  International scientists have successfully launched the Large Hadron Collider, a particle-smashing machine that they hope will recreated the conditions of the Big Bang Theory. Critics are worried the experiment could create tiny black holes that could swallow the entire planet.
  [Reuters]

We scan the top newspapers and websites to bring you all of the important news of the day. Then we convert the newspapers into hobo blankets or funny hats.

Here are today’s Hobo Headlines:

• But will it be a total recall?
  California’s prison guard union will seek a recall of Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger because the Governator ordered a pay cut for its members. Of course, Schwarzenegger vs. a gang of irate prison guards sounds like an awesome setup for a movie.
  [Reuters]

• O.J. II: Electric Boogaloo
  Jury selection has begun in O.J. Simpson’s armed robbery trial in Las Vegas. Clark County District Court Judge Jackie Glass told jurors, “If you are here and think you are going to punish Mr. Simpson for what happened in 1995, this is not the case for you.”
  [LA Times]

• Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
  John C. Dvorak of PC Magazine thinks that in Microsoft’s new commercial, Bill Gates and Jerry Seinfeld might actually be talking about kinky sex.
  [PC Magazine]

We scan the top newspapers and websites to bring you all of the important news of the day. Then we convert the newspapers into hobo blankets or funny hats.

Here are today’s Hobo Headlines:

• The government is in charge? Now it’s really time to start stockpiling canned food and ammunition.
  The U.S. government took control of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac yesterday. The government hopes to expand the pool of money available for home loans and to stop the drop in housing prices.
  [LA Times]

• Americans love Tina Fey.
  John McCain has seen a bounce in his poll numbers after the Republican convention and he now leads Barack Obama 50% to 46%.
  [USA Today]

• It must be the hair.
  Nicolas Cage’s Bangkok Dangerous was number one at the box office this weekend, making $7.8 million. It was the slowest box office in five years – the total weekend gross was $66 million.
  [NY Daily News]

• Bridget Moynihan’s voodoo doll finally pays off.
  Golden Boy Tom Brady’s left knee was injured yesterday in the New England Patriots season opener against the Kansas City Chiefs. He will undergo an MRI today to determine the damage, but there is speculation the injury may be season-ending.
  [ESPN]

We scan the top newspapers and websites to bring you all of the important news of the day. Then we convert the newspapers into hobo blankets or funny hats.

Here are today’s Hobo Headlines:

• Maybe he should have gone with the “Can you smell what the Mac is cookin’?” speech he delivered to all of his McCainiacs in the WWE a few months back.
  John McCain gave a bipolar speech last night at the Republican National Convention, claiming that teaming up with Sarah Palin allowed him to be a political outsider, while also playing up his over 25 of service in Congress and taking shots at Obama’s lack of experience.

  He also said, “Let me just offer an advance warning to the old, big-spending, do-nothing, me-first-country-second crowd: Change is coming,” which could have been aimed at many of the Republican politicians in the room with him. Also, according to The New York Times, McCain’s speech was “offered in a monotone as he stood before a solid-color backdrop that flicked from green to blue. The reaction was far more subdued than it was the night before for his running mate, Ms. Palin.”
  [The New York Times]

• This might be a good time to start stockpiling cans of soup.
  The unemployment rate in the U.S. reached a five-year high in the month of August. News of the unemployment rate has caused the stock market to decline this morning. Yesterday, the Dow Jones dropped 344 points as investors began reacting to “negative jobless claims data and disappointing retail sales figures.”
  [CNN Money]

• It can’t be any worse than Ghostbusters 2.
  Because Hollywood won’t rest until it has bled every last dime from our 80s nostalgia, Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd, Harold Ramis and Ernie Hudson will be reunited for a Ghostbusters sequel, which will be written by The Office‘s Lee Eisenberg and Gene Stupnitsky.
  [People]

We scan the top newspapers and websites to bring you all of the important news of the day. Then we convert the newspapers into hobo blankets or funny hats.

Here are today’s Hobo Headlines:

• And her role as a beauty pageant contestant is comparable to Obama’s time in the Senate.
  Vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin spoke last night at the Republican Convention, taking shots at Barack Obama and claiming that her experience as a mayor of a small town was comparable to Obama’s work as a community organizer “except that you have actual responsibilities.” Earlier in the night, former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani told the crowd that Palin “already had more executive experience than the entire Democratic ticket.”
  [Bloomberg.com]

• God needed an animator. And apparently, he also needed Don LaFontaine to do the voicework.
  Animator Bill Melendez, who also voiced Snoopy in the Peanuts cartoons, died at the age of 91. He worked on the Disney films Pinocchio and Fantasia and through his production company, he worked on 70 Peanuts TV specials, four movies and hundreds of commercials.
  [AssociatedPress.com]

• No word on whether or not Mr. Socko stuck with the WWE.
  Mick Foley announced yesterday that he did not renew his WWE contract, making him a free agent in the wrestling world. He said he has signed a short-term deal with TNA Wrestling and plans to spend more time doing film and television work, volunteering and writing his fourth wrestling memoir.
  [Via a press release issued by TheGillespieAgency.com]