Brian Murphy

This is a tough time of year. Not only does society expect you to come up with resolutions that you’re supposed to keep (like remembering where your gym is actually located), but chances are you’re still broke because the economy sucks and you had to buy gifts for everyone you’ve ever met – including relatives who only show up around Christmas time ever year.

It’s no wonder that drinking and suicide rates are at their highest this time of year. Making matters worse, 20 NFL teams just ended their season. So, chances are, you’re stuck watching games involving teams you don’t actually care about from now to the Super Bowl.

So, in an effort to keep you from ending it all or hitting the bottle, I’m going to attempt to find the silver lining for all of the NFL teams that didn’t make the playoffs this year …

New England Patriots – Head coach Bill Belichick and his band of cheaters got what we in the business call a big dose of karma, with coverboy Tom Brady being sidelined for the year just eight plays into the season.

But hey, look on the bright side, thanks to the Brady injury, the world finally learned why backup Matt Cassel has been able to collect a paycheck for all these years. Not only can he hold the hell out of a clipboard, but he’s actually a pretty solid quarterback. Luckily, we just found that out in time for Cassel to become a free agent and head elsewhere.

Dallas Cowboys – The media’s consensus preseason pick to win the Super Bowl not only failed to qualify for the playoffs, but internal strife continues to be an issue. Terrell Owens hates that Jason Witten gets the ball thrown to him more. Roy Williams hates that he’s not a bigger part of the offense. Tony Romo hates that Jessica Simpson can’t come on road trips with him anymore.

But hey, look on the bright side, in years past the Cowboys made the playoffs only to lose in heartbreaking fashion. Instead of having to see hundreds of replays of Romo botching a snap with the game on the line, there’s no signature moment to serve as the stomach punch. Plus, since Romo passed out in the showers after getting knocked around in Philly, the Cowboys finally know who, between Owens and Witten, is Romo’s go-to guy.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Hey, look on the bright side, at least you’re not the Detroit Lions.

Chicago Bears – Another year with solid defense and mediocre offense. Another year of subpar performances by whoever is lining up at quarterback in Chicago.

But hey, look on the bright side, at least Brian Urlacher is charming in those deodorant commercials.

New York Jets – You spent a ton of money on free agent acquisitions and traded for Brett Favre only to fall apart at the end of the season and get eliminated by Chad Pennington. You know, the guy you kicked to the curb.

But hey, look on the bright side, now you’ve got an entire offseason of “Will Brett retire or not” to look forward to. So at least you got that going for you, which is nice.

Arizona Cardinals – What? They actually made the playoffs?!? Come back next week and I’ll try to make the pain go away Arizona.

Houston Texans – Hey, look on the bright side, Steve Slaton is definitely a legit running back and no one can call taking Mario Williams over Reggie Bush a bad move anymore. Plus, the bar’s been set so low for so long in Houston that just winning once a month is still socially acceptable.

New Orleans Saints – Hey, look on the bright side, you’ve got Drew Brees, the modern day Dan Marino. You know you can’t win a Super Bowl with him, but he’s still fun to watch. I look forward to watching him in the remake of Ace Ventura.

Washington Redskins – Hey, look on the bright side, Rock Cartwright had a helluva year as your kick returner. Of the dozen areas you need to upgrade, at least you know he’s dependable.

Denver Broncos – Hey, look on the bright side, the Broncos finally realized that the team was cursed as long as Mike Shanahan was still the head coach because Denver openly cheated to win back-to-back Super Bowls by circumventing the salary cap. With Shanahan gone, you might actually be able to win again someday down the line.

Buffalo Bills – Hey, look on the bright side, at least you’ve now got both the Buffalo and Toronto markets in your corner. That’s twice the potential for heartbreak.

San Francisco 49ers – Hey, look on the bright side, at least you just signed Mike Singletary to a new five-year contract, ensuring that we’ll be treated to five more years of stories of the erratic coach dropping his pants and calling out his own players for selfish reasons. Who doesn’t want more of that?

Green Bay Packers – Hey, look on the bright side, at least you lost without drama queen Brett Favre dragging you down.

Jacksonville Jaguars – Hey, look on the bright side, at least the face of the franchise, Fred Taylor (and his groin) called this the worst team chemistry-wise he’s ever been a part of. That’s what we call making memories.

Oakland Raiders – Hey, look on the bright side, at least Al Davis died years ago. Oh wait. Nevermind.

Cincinnati Bengals – Hey, look on the bright side, at least the team played well enough down the stretch to ensure that Marvin Lewis will be back for another year of underachieving and in-fighting in Cincy.

Cleveland Browns – Hey, look on the bright side … um … uh … no one got a staph infection in Cleveland today. I think.

Seattle Seahawks – Hey, look on the bright side, at least you’re not the Detroit Lions.

Kansas City Chiefs – Hey, look on the bright side, at least Herm Edwards is still the best quote in the NFL’s coaching fraternity.

St. Louis Rams – Hey, look on the bright side, you’ve got a great draft pick.

Detroit Lions – Hey, look on the bright side … okay, I got nothing.

Brian Murphy is an award-winning sportswriter who also goes by the name Homer McFanboy. Contact him at murf@homermcfanboy.com.

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Brian Murphy

Here’s hoping Washington Redskins middle linebacker London Fletcher wasn’t wearing any valuables yesterday, because he got robbed.

Of course, if I know Fletcher as well as I think I do, there’s no way he was wearing anything flashy. That’s simply not his style, which is probably why the 11-year veteran has never received a Pro Bowl nod.

While it’s true that the NFL’s version of an all-star game is completely irrelevant, it still would have been nice to see Fletcher finally get the recognition he deserves. Since the first moment he arrived in D.C., Fletcher has been the heart and soul of this defense (which, by the way, is routinely ranked in the top 10 in the league).

Even though he’s been dealing with a foot injury for some time now, there’s zero chance of Fletcher actually missing a game … or even a play. Don’t take my word for it, listen to Fletcher’s boss.

“If you listen to my wife, she said I’d have to be in the hospital, strapped down to the bed,” Fletcher said. “Not just in the hospital, but actually strapped to the bed.”

In the violent world of the NFL, where everybody is banged up to some extent during the season, Fletcher is always there. In fact, Fletcher has played in 133 consecutive games and you better believe he takes that streak seriously.

”If I feel I can go out and help the team win, then I’m gonna do my all to be out there and play,” Fletcher said.

Not to take anything away from the four Redskins players – running back Clinton Portis, fullback Mike Sellers, tight end Chris Cooley and tackle Chris Samuels – who were voted to the Pro Bowl, but if only one person from the burgundy and gold was sent to Hawaii, it should be Fletcher.

He’s currently got 118 tackles, which is fifth best in the NFL. But more importantly, he’s the one player on the entire Redskins roster they can’t afford to play without. Even during this recent losing streak, when more than a few people are wondering which Redskins players have given up on the season, Fletcher refuses to mail it in. While still dealing with a lingering foot issue, he’s managed to rack up 32 tackles in the last three games. If that doesn’t show the true type of player he is, then nothing will.

And besides, one of the guys who got the nod ahead of Fletcher, San Francisco linebacker Patrick Willis is listed as an outside linebacker on NFL.com. How is he getting voted to one of the inside/middle linebacker slots over London? And do I need to mention that four players from the anemic Redskins offense made the Pro Bowl, but not one player from the team’s perennial top-10 defense was chosen?

I don’t want to make personal attacks on Willis or anyone else that made the Pro Bowl roster. The purpose of this post is simply to say that if ever there was someone who truly deserved to be honored for his talented and dedication, it’s London. The guy has more tackles this decade than any other linebacker in football. In fact, he’s got 200 more tackles than Baltimore Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis, who is automatically voted to the Pro Bowl each and every year.

After sitting quietly for more than a decade, Fletcher finally had enough. When local media asked for his reaction to being left on the outside of the cool kid’s club yet again, Fletcher didn’t hold back.

“I don’t know if it was because I wasn’t a first-round draft pick, I don’t do some kind of dance when I make a 10-yard tackle, I don’t go out and get arrested. I believe in playing the game the way it’s supposed to be played,” Fletcher told a group of reporters Wednesday.

“You line up each and every week, each and every play and you go out and get the job done,” Fletcher continued. “You look at my body of work and I’ve done that for 11 years. But because I’m not going out causing a lot of controversy, holding a private meeting with the coordinator saying this, this and this, causing a lot of strife on my team, I don’t garner a lot of attention. But when you turn the film on each and every week, each and every play, I’m gonna show up. That’s what I do. My career has been Hall of Fame worthy. But some coaches and some players get caught up in the hype reading the newspapers or listening to some national TV game as opposed to watching the game with no sound. It’s some BS. I put myself up against anybody playing the position, anybody.”

Shots at drama queens like Terrell Owens are great, but Fletcher saved the best line for last.

“To have it happen, year after year after year after year, you can’t tell me … an eight-time alternate, c’mon man,” he said. “That’s a trivia question. I’m the Susan Lucci of the NFL.”

Brian Murphy is an award-winning sportswriter who also goes by the name Homer McFanboy. Contact him at murf@homermcfanboy.com.

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Brian Murphy

Here are eight things I know about sports:

1. It really is all about the money.

Free agent pitcher CC Sabathia, by all accounts, wanted to play in California for a National League team. That would lead one to believe he’d either end up in San Francisco or Los Angeles, provided they offer him an acceptable contract offer. So where’s CC going? To play for the New York Yankees, of course. Sabathia has agreed to the largest pitching contract in baseball history, worth more than $160 million over seven years.

Desperate to be relevant again, the Yankees opened up the checkbook and basically told Sabathia “You write how much it’ll take to get you in pinstripes.” And while Sabathia was one of the biggest names in free agency, he’s also easily the biggest body – weighing in at 300 lbs.; so let me ask you, was this a smart move for the Yankees? Handing over $160 million to an already morbidly-obese pitcher who will be 35 years old when this deal is done? I’m not a Yankees fan, but wouldn’t it have been smarter to acquire Johan Santana a year ago, since he’s half the weight and twice the pitcher?

So enjoy your new pitcher Yankees fans, especially in two or three years when he’s too fat to make it to the pitching mound and has to be converted to a designated hitter.

2. Basketball general managers have no accountability.

How long was Isiah Thomas allowed to run the New York Knicks into the ground before someone finally noticed? And the same scenario is currently playing out in Minnesota with Kevin McHale and the Timberwolves.

The Timberwolves fired coach Randy Wittman after starting the season 4-15. Apparently no one was supposed to notice that Minnesota’s talent left the day Kevin Garnett was shipped off to Boston, so Wittman was blamed for not turning his junior varsity team into a championship contender, even though it was McHale who gave Garnett away for a bag of peanuts.

I don’t have anything against Washington Wizards general manager Ernie Grunfeld, but to fire coach Eddie Jordan when Grumfeld was the one who built a team that hasn’t gotten any better in the last three years is a joke. Every other team in the Eastern Conference has improved over the last couple seasons while the Wiz are still waiting for Gilbert Arenas to get healthy and banking on a team of soft jump shooters who don’t play defense to magically beat legitimate championship contenders. Good luck with that.

3. Mike Vick will play in the National Football League again.

How many second chances did Pacman Jones get? He sucker punched the security guard who was hired to babysit him and people still found a way to make excuses for him. Those people who despise Vick for his cruel treatment of animals need to understand that some owner out there is going to take a chance on him and we will see the controversial quarterback playing on Sundays again sooner rather than later. He might be converted to a wide receiver or asked to come off the bench, but Vick will be around – probably running the Wildcat formation for the Dallas Cowboys as soon as he serves any suspension that the commissioner hands down.

4. Hockey is back.

Having superstars like Alex Ovechkin and Sidney Crosby is great. Having competitive teams in markets like New York, Boston and Washington helps even more. Networks like ESPN can try to bury hockey all they want, but the sport is officially back to “top four” status.

5. Golf is nothing without Tiger Woods.

The two biggest names outside of Tiger are Phil Mickelson and Michelle Wie, neither of which has ever been confused with being clutch. Unless you’re a diehard golfer or you tune in to see Wie not make the cut in yet another men’s tournament or Mickelson’s latest meltdown, you’re simply don’t care until Woods is back in action. Fair or not, that’s just the way it is.

6. The Ultimate Fighting Championship is here to stay.

The only way I could see the UFC running into trouble is if president Dana White goes all “Vince McMahon” on us and lets his ego destroy the company. Having his fighters sign their life away or be fired in order for the company to make money off of their likeness is petty. The UFC’s sole focus should be about putting together the best fights possible. If that means working with a non UFC fighter like Fedor Emelianenko, then put your ego aside and make it happen. Your fans deserve it.

7. The Heisman Trophy is meaningless.

Sure, I could have just said that college football still needs a playoff format and have been done with it, but the truth is the biggest trophy in collegiate sports is a joke. Colt McCoy of Texas, Sam Bradford of Oklahoma and Tim Tebow of Florida are all fine players, but here’s my issue – they’re all quarterbacks. In fact, since 2000 seven out of the eight players to receive college’s “most prestigious” award have been quarterbacks.

You mean to tell me that across the entire country over the last decade only one non-quarterback was considered elite? Let’s review the names in Heisman Trophy history since 2000: Chris Weinke of Florida State, Eric Crouch of Nebraska, Carson Palmer of USC, Jason White of Oklahoma, Matt Leinart of USC, Reggie Rush of USC, Troy Smith of Ohio State and Tebow last year. Yes, the Heisman is supposed to recognize excellence in college – not which player will go on to be a great professional player. But when the average sports fan wouldn’t recognize Weinke, Crouch or White if they were bagging our groceries then there’s a flaw in the system.

8. If you listen to Colin Cowherd, I don’t like you as a person.

Really, this one is self explanatory.

Brian Murphy is an award-winning sportswriter who also goes by the name Homer McFanboy. Contact him at murf@homermcfanboy.com.

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Brian Murphy

National coverage is currently fixated on all things Plaxico Burress – did he really use the Ron Mexico-style alias “Harris Smith” after accidentally shooting himself while at a nightclub? Did teammate Antonio Pierce try to help cover the whole thing up? Did Burress rob his New York Giants teammate Steve Smith at gunpoint? (Okay, maybe I got that headline confused, but you get the point).

At any rate, there’s not much chance any of the major sports networks or outlets have had time for anything other than all-Burress all the time, which is really too bad, because the rest of the nation is missing a really juicy story coming out of the National Hockey League.

Dallas Stars forward Sean Avery created a nice little controversy this week thanks to his not-so-subtle comments made during a morning practice session before the team’s game against the Calgary Flames.

“I’m just going to say one thing,” Avery started. “I’m really happy to be back in Calgary, I love Canada. I just wanted to comment on how, it’s become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds. I don’t know what that’s about, but enjoy the game tonight.”

For those not familiar, Avery was referring to Flames defenseman Dion Phaneuf, who is dating Avery’s ex-girlfriend Elisha Cuthbert, of 24 and The Girl Next Door fame. In response to his comments, the NHL suspended Avery indefinitely for “conduct detrimental to the league or game of hockey.”

A 2007 poll of 283 NHL players found out that Sean Avery was easily the most hated player in the league, earning more than 66 percent of the votes. He’s been accused of making racial slurs against opponents, accused of making fun of a hockey player diagnosed with leukemia and is generally viewed as an asshole in and around league circles.

He’s also the guy who last season was standing in front of New Jersey Devils goalie Martin Brodeur waving his hands and stick around like a jackass – prompting the league to create the “Sean Avery Rule” the very next day, a rule that cracks down harder on unsportsmanlike conduct (specifically, waving your hands and stick in a goalie’s face like a jackass). So needless to say, he’s not going to ever be considered the teacher’s pet with the league office.

But here’s the thing – the NHL completely dropped the ball on this one.

If Avery knowingly attempted to injure Phaneuf during a game because he’s with Sean’s ex-girlfriend, then fine. Suspend him for as long as you see fit. But that’s not the case here. Avery got sent home for as long as the league sees fit for simply running his mouth. What Avery said definitely qualifies as “poor taste,” but to suspend him for being an asshole is wrong.

I wish I could take credit for this, but Puck Daddy over at Yahoo! Sports suggested to me at the Washington Capitals game Tuesday night that if anyone was going to take action against Avery it should have been his employer, the Dallas Stars. If owner Tom Hicks suspended his player for embarrassing the franchise, it sends the proper message that Avery was in the wrong for putting himself over the team. But when the league is the one handing out this punishment, it comes across as petty and vindictive.

If it were up to me, I’d have let Avery play against Calgary. Think about it, every time he stepped out on the ice he’d have been a marked man. Phaneuf is a stand-up guy and a budding superstar for the Flames, and his teammates surely would have had his back against Avery. Keeping Avery out of that game was probably in the league’s best interest – preventing what very well could have been an ugly on-ice incident. But from a personal standpoint it would have been great to see all of Calgary lining up for the chance to finally shut Avery up.

And if he did somehow manage to survive Calgary, there’s zero chance Avery would have made it back to the states intact. No one – I repeat NO ONE – badmouths Jack Bauer’s family and lives to tell about it. So call off your dogs, NHL. Remove the suspension and let Avery believe he’s once again a free man. As soon as he hits the streets, Jack Bauer will handle the rest.

Brian Murphy is an award-winning sportswriter who also goes by the name Homer McFanboy. Contact him at murf@homermcfanboy.com.

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Brian Murphy

In honor of Thanksgiving, we decided to take a moment to point out why we love sports, so here’s a handful of reasons to try and explain why we dedicate so much time and energy to the world of pro sports.

We are thankful for the Atlanta Falcons, Baltimore Ravens, Miami Dolphins and Washington Redskins all taking a chance on a first-time head coach instead of hiring some big name college coach or a retread who’d already been fired two or three times from other NFL jobs. These four franchises rolled the dice and risked public backlash by hiring previously unheard of men named Tony Sparano, Mike Smith, John Harbaugh and Jim Zorn. Now Miami is 6-5 (after finishing 1-15 a year ago), while the other three teams are 7-4. In a copycat league like the NFL, this should be enough to teach franchises (not run by Al Davis) to do their homework and make smart decisions instead of trying out someone else’s trash or the next Steve Spurrier.

We’re also thankful for the league’s rushing title race, which features three very enjoyable running backs – Washington’s Clinton Portis (1,206 yards), Minnesota’s Adrian Peterson (1,180) and Atlanta’s Michael Turner (1,088). All three are amazingly talented and all three have very different styles that make them special. Turner is nicknamed “The Burner” because of his breakaway speed. While everyone’s talking about LaDainian Tomlinson possibly losing a step, his former backup is showing that he’s always been good enough to carry his own team. Peterson reminds me of Hall of Famer Barry Sanders because every time he touches the ball there’s a chance for greatness. The kid can end up on SportsCenter damn near every time the Vikings hand him the ball. And Portis, well … he’s our mancrush.

He’s 5-11 and 205 lbs., which means he’s built like Brian Westbrook of the Philadelphia Eagles. The only difference – Portis relishes the chance to deliver punishment. He’s deceivingly strong and more than once this year has knocked out a defender when blocking on a play when his team called someone else’s number. Sure he’s on pace for a career high 1,754 yards this season, but watching him away from the ball is something every diehard football fan should love.

Finally, we’re thankful for commissioner Roger Goodell. Once he fixes the current problem with rookies earning more than $20 million guaranteed before ever playing one down of professional football, he’ll have tackled every issue one can reasonably expect this early in his tenure. But he’s already more successful than some former commissioners simply because he demanded football players and organizations be held accountable for their actions. Watch when (not if, but when) Dallas Cowboys cornerback Adam “Pacman” Jones screws up again. He’ll be banned from the NFL. Think that won’t send a message? And if he suspects teams are enabling their players, like Cowboys owner Jerry Jones with the whole Pacman debacle, then Goodell will hit them where it hurts too. Teams will lose draft picks or huge chunks of money until they step up and police the sport as well. That’s good news for folks who love the NFL. Not so much for the inmates who once ran the asylum.

We’re thankful that the New York Yankees were passed down from George Steinbrenner to his son Hank. For comedic value alone, keeping the sport’s biggest team in the Steinbrenner family is great. While George knew a thing or two about baseball, his son clearly does not. But he’s just as mouthy and as hardheaded as his father, which creates “must-see TV.”

We’re thankful for Oakland A’s general manager Billy Beane, who continues to churn out talent on a budget. While some teams like those in the New York, Boston and Los Angeles markets simply throw money at free agents who are developed elsewhere, Beane continues to be the industry standard while growing his own. And when they become stars and demand hundreds of millions of dollars, he trades them to the highest bidder, keeping his farm system stocked to repeat the process. Other teams may try to duplicate it, but no one else can do it quite the way Beane does.

We’re thankful for the ongoing New York-Cleveland drama involving LeBron James and his eventual free agent status. For those who missed it, when the Cleveland LeBrons came to Madison Square Garden this week James was cheered for every time he touched the ball. Why? Because Gotham city is convinced he’ll be a Knick as soon as he’s granted parole … er … free agency from Cleveland. So you’ve got two well known fanbases essentially trying to out-cheer each other to show King James who loves him more. How great will it be when he disses both of them to go play for Jay-Z’s New Jersey Nets?

We’re thankful for the emergence of players such as New Orleans Hornets point guard Chris Paul and Utah Jazz point guard Deron Williams, who are doing their part to try and make the team aspect of professional basketball popular again. No true basketball fan ever loved watching eight guys stand to the side while Kobe Bryant tried to take his defender one on one. Having guys like Paul and Williams make highlight-worthy passes night in and night out gives the rest of the guys on the floor a reason to check into the game and a reason for casual fans to tune in each night.

We’re extremely thankful for Washington Capitals sniper Alex Ovechkin and Pittsburgh Penguins star Sidney Crosby making it acceptable to love hockey again. One is the best goal scorer in the game. The other is a selfless leader who loves to set up his teammates. Both are breathtaking players who force networks like ESPN to show hockey highlights when they’d rather just have an extra five minutes of talking heads yelling over each other. For that reason alone, out of everything on this list, that’s what we’re most thankful for on this special day. Cheers.

Brian Murphy is an award-winning sportswriter who also goes by the name Homer McFanboy. Contact him at murf@homermcfanboy.com.

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