Brian Murphy

Hello everyone and welcome to our third-annual Note to Self awards. For those not familiar, this is our way of highlighting the newsworthy in the world of professional sports. So without further adieu, let’s hand out some Selfies.

The “What, Ed McMahon wasn’t available?” award goes to the Cleveland Cavaliers for repeatedly pairing forward LeBron James with over-the-hill veterans during his six-year career.

For those who haven’t heard, the Cavs have acquired Hall of Fame center Shaquille O’Neal in exchange for the corps of Ben Wallace, Sasha Pavlovic, the 46th pick in tonight’s NBA draft and half a million dollars.

Pairing Shaq with King James is a great idea … if this is 2004. But bringing in a 37-year-old Shaq to try and help a good Cleveland team reach championship level is nothing more than a pipe dream. James is 24. If you want him to be happy and feel like Cleveland is the only city he ever wants to play for, then maybe - just maybe - the plan should have been to surround him with other young, talented players who can grow into a true team together.

After 17 seasons, the Shaq we see now is a shell of his former self. Sure, he was an all-star last season for the Phoenix Suns and the Eastern Conference isn’t as good as the West, but O’Neal isn’t a guy who can’t bring his “A game” every night anymore. He has to pick and choose which games he’s going to go all out for and on other nights … he’s a waste of a roster spot.

The Cavs are gambling that this desperation move pays off and that O’Neal is the missing piece to bring James his first NBA title. Sadly, the more likely scenario is that after this move fails miserably LeBron will fully realize that Cavs management is never going to figure out the right way to build a championship-caliber team and start house hunting in other cities.

While we’re on the subject of the NBA, let’s hand out the “Kramer from Seinfeld“ award to Los Angeles Lakers superstar Kobe Bryant.

Okay, let me see if I get this straight. Pretty much since day one Bryant has been a moody diva/terrible teammate. He won a few NBA titles with Shaq Fu early on, but once the big man was traded out of L.A., Kobe had been unable to recapture basketball’s holy grail.

Bryant reaches his low point after a 2003 trip to Eagle, Colorado, and words like “rape” and “sexual assault” are suddenly attached to the supposedly happily married superstar. Endorsements are terminated, public opinion is at an all-time low and there are even rumors that maybe everyone involved would be better off if Kobe was traded by the Lakers and given a fresh start elsewhere.

Fast forward to this year and the Lakers, led by Bryant and a solid supporting cast, are able to win another championship. Kobe finally wins a title without O’Neal and suddenly the world loses its damn mind. Stories about Bryant suddenly being a great person and even better teammate make the rounds in what can only be considered revisionist history and even more absurd – some folks begin comparing Bryant to the great Michael Jordan.

Look, Kobe was great when paired with Shaq. Just like Michael Richards was great playing “Kramer” on Seinfeld. Bryant faced adversity when he (allegedly) did things to a 19-year-old hotel employee that she wasn’t “comfortable” with. Richards’ life became more difficult when he decided racial slurs were the answer to combat hecklers. Bryant leading the Lakers past an in-over-their-head Orlando Magic team doesn’t suddenly make him the second coming of M.J. or even a good teammate. It simply means that during that series, he was on the hotter and better team.

Using this logic, am I to believe that if Terrell Owens led the Buffalo Bills to a Super Bowl victory this year he’s suddenly a changed man? Nevermind his extensive resume and history of ridiculousness, if T.O. gets a ring he’s suddenly a classy, and driven winner? Nonsense. Assholes can be winners too.

The “Hey Madonna, no one cares about you anymore. Please just go away” award goes to the soon-to-be Minnesota Vikings quarterback Brett Favre. She can adopt/steal 500 kids from third-world countries and no one will like her. Favre can toss the football around with every high school kid in America and no one will be happy to read another story about him. In a perfect world these two could run off together (with the paparazzi and Peter King) to anywhere far, far away from here.

The “Peer pressure isn’t always a bad thing” award goes to baseball commissioner Bud Selig in hopes that he follows Donald Fehr’s lead and heads off to enjoy retirement. Fehr, who for more than 20 years served as the executive director of baseball’s players association, represents a black eye for our national pastime – with steroids, skyrocketing salaries and a canceled World Series on his resume.

Well, the guy sitting on the other side of the table during all of those travesties was Selig. And if baseball is ever truly going to get past the Steroid Era, then Bud needs to move on to the next chapter of his life as well. Baseball needs their Roger Goodell, someone who can change the culture overnight and whip that league back into shape.

And finally, the “Stick to your day job” award goes to baseball/football announcer Joe Buck, for thinking it was a good idea to have his own talk show on HBO. It wasn’t.

Brian Murphy is an award-winning sportswriter who also goes by the name Homer McFanboy. Contact him at murf@homermcfanboy.com.

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Brian Murphy

The USFL. The XFL. The WHA. The ABA. The WNBA.

What do each of these leagues have in common? For one reason or another, they each failed in their attempts to provide an alternative to one of the “Big Four” professional sports leagues.

And while the United Football League isn’t scheduled to begin play until this October, we can go ahead and add them to the list as well. For starters, the league will have only six teams – located in Las Vegas, New York, Orlando, San Francisco, Hartford and Los Angeles. So far, they have announced four head coaches to run these teams. They are Jim Fassel, Ted Cottrell, Jim Haslett and Dennis Green.

Fassel hasn’t been a head coach since 2003. And while he won more games than he lost in the NFL, he’s been unable to get another head coaching gig because of a reputation of womanizing and boozing (two characteristics that go well together in many professions, just not coaching).

Cottrell is a 62-year-old who has coached since 1973. Unfortunately, he’s never been given the opportunity to be a head coach. And unfortunately for him his first (and likely only) chance will come in a league that’s irrelevant.

Haslett won 10 games his rookie year in charge of the New Orleans Saints. He never won double digit games in a season again. His last two years coaching in the NFL (with New Orleans and then St. Louis) he went 5-23.

Green is who we thought he was. And by hiring him, the UFL let him off the hook.

So if you’re a masochist or a fan of shitty football and plan on tuning in to the UFL this fall, please cheer for the New York franchise. At least they gave an opportunity to a deserving candidate.

Honestly, if the UFL wanted to build itself as a viable alternative to the mighty juggernaut that is the NFL, they’d be wise to do their research and model their business plan after the Kontinental Hockey League. Formerly known as the Russian Superleague, the 24-team KHL is quietly becoming a league worth following.

Here’s a crash course on the KHL – 21 of the teams are based in the Russian Federation with the remaining franchises located in Belarus, Latvia, and Kazakhstan. Russian teams are not allowed to sign more than five foreign players and can only use four foreign players per game. Also, foreign goaltenders have a limit regarding total seasonal ice time. All of this encourages teams to build locally, which is always a good thing.

But when teams do go outside the Russian borders to find talent, they’re aiming high. In 2008, when Jaromir Jagr became a free agent for the first time in his career, he opted to sign with Avangard Omsk of the KHL for a reported $10 million a year (tax free). Sure Jagr is now 37 years old and isn’t the same player he was when he and Mario Lemieux led the Pittsburgh Penguins, but he’s still one of the biggest names in hockey. Getting him to play in your league provides instant credibility.

Alexei Yashin, Andrei Nikolishin, Darius Kasparaitis, Ben Clymer and Ray Emery are a few other names from NHL seasons past who spent last season in the KHL. We’re not talking about stealing away someone like Alex Ovechkin or Evgeni Malkin in their prime, but rather cashing in on name players on the down side of their career to make your league noteworthy.

And honestly, if I’m the NHL, I’m definitely noticing the KHL. If they ever get to the point where they can steal away a top-tier player in his prime, that’s when you worry. But for now, when they’re content to raid players typically 35 or older, then let them have at it.

For a team like the New York Rangers, who continually overpays for free agents, the KHL could be a blessing in disguise. When your payroll is maxed out and you’re stuck paying some over-the-hill forward five or six million a year, then you should pray at night the KHL gets involved and bails you out.

While the Washington Capitals are run by much smarter people than the Rangers, this offseason has been packed with stories involving their aging free agents contemplating playing in Russia. Since the season ended for the Caps, Sergei Fedorov, Viktor Kozlov, Donald Brashear and now Michael Nylander have all been linked to the KHL. While the first three are all free agents, who are able to make the move if they see fit, Nylander remains under contract.

Anyone who watched Washington last season knows the team would love to move him, but that Nylander has a no-movement clause in his contract. So the second highest-paid forward on the roster (behind Ovechkin, but ahead of talented youngsters such as Nicklas Backstrom and Alexander Semin) was essentially paid to ride the pine the second half of the season and the playoffs.

Even though he has two years remaining on his NHL contract, it would be best for everyone involved if the Capitals and Avangard Omsk could work something out. Nylander can try to get his groove back playing alongside Jagr one more time and the Caps can have financial flexibility to set them up for sustained success.

Sure, the KHL is trying to become legitimate competition for the NHL, but those running NHL franchises would be wise to use the situation to their advantage. The way I see it, if you’ve got an over-the-hill player rotting away on your payroll, the KHL would love to have him. Think of it in terms of a yard sale. You get rid of your garbage and pick up a couple dollars in the process. Things might change down the road, but for now, this is a good thing.

Brian Murphy is an award-winning sportswriter who also goes by the name Homer McFanboy. Contact him at murf@homermcfanboy.com.

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Brian Murphy

Unless the Orlando Magic can return to the formula that has worked thus far, the Los Angeles Lakers will be capturing yet another NBA championship. And when they do, magically Kobe Bryant will be looked at as a wonderful teammate/person/competitor/etc. because he finally earned a ring without Shaquille O’Neal on the roster. Yawn.

The Detroit Red Wings are set to win their second straight Stanley Cup championship this Friday night, besting the Pittsburgh Penguins for a second-consecutive season. They’ve been the better team all season long and throughout this series, but the league needed the Finals to go seven games in hopes of capitalizing on a wonderfully exciting season. Whatever.

I’d mention baseball, but honestly it’s the New York Yankees and the Boston Red Sox again. Been there. Done that. Unless the Washington Nationals can set the record for most losses in a single season, there’s not much worth watching this year.

But that doesn’t mean all hope is lost in the world of professional sports. No, not by a long shot. In just over a week all the major names will return to the scene of one of the most exciting events of 2008. That’s right, Tiger Woods and friends are set to return to the U.S. Open and you’d be a fool to miss out on the action.

For those who need a refresher, last year’s U.S. Open was straight out of a movie. For starters, Woods was grouped with Phil Mickelson and Adam Scott meaning the top three golfers in the world were all basically facing off head-to-head. And although the biggest names in the sport were the focus coming into the Open, it was Rocco Mediate who came from nowhere to challenge Tiger. While Mickelson and Scott faded, Mediate continued to turn up the heat on Woods, who was clearly not 100 percent.

Trailing by one stroke on the final hole, Woods drained a 12-foot putt for birdie to force an 18-hole playoff with Rocco. A one-legged Tiger went on to win the U.S. Open, his 14th major championship of his career, but that would be his final act of 2008. Two days later he had surgery on his left knee and that was that for Woods.

Eight long months later Tiger returned to action and since that time we’ve seen a new side of Woods. It used to be that Woods was simply better than everyone else and when he’s on there’s no use for anyone else to show up. But if Tiger wasn’t playing his best golf … well … that’s when the rest of the field had a chance to take home a trophy. Well, since his return, Tiger has two wins – the Arnold Palmer Invitational and the Memorial Tournament. In both instances Woods headed into the final day of the tournament trailing and yet battled back to claim victory.

At the Arnold Palmer (which is also a delicious beverage, by the way), Woods trailed Sean O’Hair by five strokes heading into the final day. Tiger shot a final round 67 and made a 16-foot birdie putt on the final hole to defeat O’Hair by one stroke.

At the Memorial, Woods found himself in a similar situation, trailing by four shots after three rounds. This time he shot a 65 in the final round, including two consecutive birdies to end the tournament as he continues to rewrite the story on Tiger Woods.

Out of 67 PGA career victories, only a handful have been of the come-from-behind variety. But twice already in this young 2009 season Tiger has done just that. He’s already better than anyone who ever played the game, and now he’s clearly improving the one weakness in his game. He’s showing guys that just because he falls behind early doesn’t mean he’s out of the hunt.

Sunday Tiger has always been able to step up his game in the clutch, but this is another level. At this point, no lead is safe – especially if the guy leading at the time is a no-name who will falter on the final day with Tiger hot on his heels. Tiger is hitting more fairways and playing with as much confidence as we’ve ever seen. While nothing is guaranteed at the U.S. open, you really have to like Woods’ chances to repeat.

Folks wondered how the surgery would affect Woods. While there’s still plenty of golf left to be played this year, the early verdict seems to indicate that Woods is back, and sadly for the rest of the pack, he’s better than ever.

Brian Murphy is an award-winning sportswriter who also goes by the name Homer McFanboy. Contact him at murf@homermcfanboy.com.

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No one else will say it, so I will – I’m glad LeBron James stormed off the court after his Cleveland Cavaliers fell to the Orlando Magic in the conference finals.

No, I’m not advocating poor sportsmanship. And yes, I do think he made a mistake by not taking a few extra seconds to show respect to his opponents in defeat. But here’s my point – King James has been in the public eye since he was 16 and has never come even remotely close to controversy.

Well, if you want to nitpick, there’s the fact that James somehow ended up driving around town in a Hummer back in high school and folks wondered how that magically arrived in his driveway, but nothing ever came of that. Otherwise, until last week, LeBron had been seemingly flawless both on and off the court.

Think about it, most of the other big names in professional sports, especially in basketball, have found themselves on the wrong side in the court of public opinion at one time or another. You’ve got Carmelo Anthony thinking he’s on The Wire by appearing in anti-snitching videos, Dwyane Wade has the same rare disease that Nelly does and has to wear a band-aide on his face at all times and Kobe Bryant … well … let’s just say he’s not allowed to visit Colorado without a chaperone.

And then there’s LeBron. Seriously, when have you ever heard anything about the guy off the court? What do we really know about the guy away from the game of basketball? He’s a young man who is worth as much as any athlete not named Tiger, and yet, he also manages to keep a low profile. James avoids situations many young athletes find themselves in (could you ever imagine him pulling a Plaxico Burress and shooting himself in the leg at a nightclub?) He has a small circle of friends that he trusts and keeps his distance from everyone else.

I mean, when folks run their mouth about him, LeBron doesn’t even have to respond. Remember when DeShawn Stevenson tried to get into James’ head a while back? Yeah, it wasn’t LeBron who responded. It was Jay-Z who handled the situation by throwing together a diss track called “Blow the Whistle” designed to put the Washington Wizards’ guard back in his place. That’s when you’ve officially reached the next level, when you don’t have to concern yourself with your opponents because the biggest name in hip hop is happy to take care of them for you.

But back to last week. After a season in which it was considered a foregone conclusion that the Los Angeles Lakers and the Cavaliers would dispatch all other opponents and battle in one of the most anticipated Finals matchups in recent NBA history, the Orlando Magic had other plans.

LeBron averaged 35 points (tops in the league), 9.1 rebounds and 7.3 assists per game (fourth best) in the playoffs this postseason. He averaged 38.5 points, eight rebounds and eight assists while playing no less than 41 minutes per game during the Orlando series. This young man did everything he could to singlehandedly try and bring Cleveland a championship. Unfortunately, that was ultimately his downfall.

During a highly enjoyable series, Dwight Howard and friends were able to turn Cleveland into a one-man team and suddenly Cleveland, a league powerhouse throughout the regular season, was reduced to LeBron and four stiffs who shrank in the clutch. He brought it. No one else from the Cavs can say the same.

So did LeBron show a level of immaturity by walking off the court as if he’d like to take his ball and go home? For sure. But I’m willing to give him a pass and chalk think experience up to a hard lesson learned. This just shows, for the first time in James’ young career, that he’s human. He made a bad decision that he’ll learn from and in the long run, he’ll be a better man for it.

He knows that if he’s willing to sit down in front of the press after hitting a game-winning shot earlier in the series, then he also needs to be there when his team is on the losing end. I have little doubt that the superstars from seasons past like Magic Johnson or Larry Bird reached out to James after his walk off and told him what he needed to hear. And being such a student of the game, I can also safely assume that hearing that message from those legends will not fall on deaf ears.

No one is perfect. James, at just 24, is allowed to make a mistake. As long as he learns from this, then he’ll be just fine. Next time he knows he’s got two choices – either win or be more gracious in defeat.

Brian Murphy is an award-winning sportswriter who also goes by the name Homer McFanboy. Contact him at murf@homermcfanboy.com.

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While there is much to like about the summer (long days, better weather and the prospect of exotic vacations) there is one obvious drawback to this time of year – there’s never anything worth watching on TV.

Because the networks conspire to force folks outside to be productive or some such nonsense (those bastards), we’re stuck with reruns and reality crap that I wouldn’t force my enemies to suffer through.

The reason I bring this up in a sports column is because this is where things currently stand for the NHL playoffs. After a wonderfully exciting season and an even better Stanley Cup playoffs, we’re now left with the one finals matchup no one wants – the Detroit Red Wings versus the Pittsburgh Penguins.

Nothing against these two obviously talented teams, but this wasn’t exactly the greatest series in the history of hockey when these same two teams faced off a year ago. Let’s be honest here – no one outside of those two cities is jazzed at the prospect of a repeat, and yet, that’s where we are. The only story line even remotely different from last year to now is Red Wings forward Marian Hossa, who left Pittsburgh during this past offseason to get paid in Detroit.

But really, is that enough to get casual sports fans to tune in? Uh … no. And really, it’s probably not enough to even get hockey fans (outside of Detroit and Pittsburgh) to watch more than the highlights, which is too bad. Like I said, this season has been a renaissance campaign for the NHL. It’s too bad this is how things played out.

Conversely, the NBA is firing on all cylinders these days. After a so-so season in which everyone assumed it was a forgone conclusion that the L.A. Lakers and Cleveland Cavaliers were a lock for the finals, things haven’t gone exactly according to plan.

When they’re not battling the WWE, the Denver Nuggets are actually fairing better than to be expected against Kobe Bryant and friends. Ever since Chauncey Billups came to town, the Nuggets have turned into a bona fide team. No longer are Carmelo Anthony and Allen Iverson seeing who can jack up 30 shots a game first. Instead, everyone now has a defined role and (for the most part), they’re able to remember that working together is much easier than five individuals all looking out for themselves.

And when Kenyon Martin isn’t e-feuding with Dallas Mavs owner Mark Cuban, he’s actually making things happen on the court. While the WWE was embarrassing itself trying to make fun of the Nuggets owner (a guy who most folks had never even heard of before all of this), Martin was making things happen on Monday night, posting 13 points, 15 rebounds, two blocks, two assists and zero turnovers in Denver’s 120-101 route of L.A.

Even if the Nuggets fail to close out the Lakers (they’re now down 3-2 in the series after the Lakers’ 103-94 win last night), they’ve already given us some of the most enjoyable basketball games of the year. And I’m not even sure if it’s possible, but the Eastern Conference finals have been even better than Denver-L.A.

It seems that every single game that the Cleveland Cavaliers and the Orlando Magic play has at least half a dozen can’t miss moments. The series already made history when the first two games were decided by just one point, but that’s only part of the story. Seemingly every game ends in dramatic fashion, whether it be a LeBron James buzzer beater or Dwight Howard simply taking over in overtime. I don’t want to take anything away from Kobe or ‘Melo, but King James and Superman are providing must-see TV every time they step on the court.

Without a dog in the fight, I just hope this series goes seven games. Not since Michael Jordan and the Bulls were throttling the rest of the league have I enjoyed watching a basketball series I have no emotional investment in this much. Just when you think won team has got a game all wrapped up, the losing team battles back and somehow steals a victory in the final seconds.

In the end, it doesn’t matter which of the final four teams advances. Denver, Los Angeles, Cleveland and Orlando have already provided us with more than enough excitement to help us pass the time until the fall when football and TV shows worth actually worth watching return to our lives. Anything from this point on is gravy.

Brian Murphy is an award-winning sportswriter who also goes by the name Homer McFanboy. Contact him at murf@homermcfanboy.com.

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