You know, sometimes your faith in humanity is called into question. You believe that no matter what, people will wrong you, that you’ll be hurt. That your feelings don’t matter and will be stepped on by all who walk past.
But then, something happens. Something beautiful. People make the right choice. People do the right thing. People do something so beautiful that you are moved and your faith is restored, perhaps more now than ever before.
This has happened to me twice in the past four months. Once during the November election, and again this past weekend when He’s Just Not That Into You and Confessions of a Shopaholic were completely crushed by Friday the 13th.
Yes we can.
Look, I know the reviews have been less than favorable, but I have not had more fun at a modern horror movie than I did seeing Friday the 13th. Just the right amount of 80s cheese, complete with gratuitous nudity (topless water skiing anyone?) mixed with today’s fancy and awesome death scenes. Plus it had a message I can stand by: if you are a blond college douche, you will get a fucking arrow through your skull.
Don’t be sad, you $20 mil worth of ladies (and cuckolded gents) who went and saw HJNTIY against my will. I’m not here to tease. I’m here to help. I think you need some real romance in your life. With that (and inspired by a Facebook note by my good friend Dan [that may or may not have been inspired by my post last week, in which case this is inspired by ME]) …
The Six Romances That Will Change Your Life
(Note: So-called classic shitshows like Love Story will not be included, because it should not be a classic love story when you spend the entire movie rooting for the chick to just die already)
6. Joel and Clem, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
The relationship between Joel and Clementine was quite probably the realest I’ve ever seen. And that’s not to say that movies are unable to capture love realistically, because they are. I mean, look, there’s five more on this list alone. But something film for some reason has a difficult time capturing is a real fight and a real breakup. I’d never seen a movie that actually showed fights anyone actually had until this movie. This movie showed love for what it really is. When it’s good it’s beautiful. When it’s bad, it’s devastating. And all you want to do is forget.
5. Harry and Sally, When Harry Met Sally
You’ll see a pattern on this list, no doubt. And that pattern is my own personal affinity towards love stories that bloom from friendship. Few things are more precious than watching two people find love with someone that already knows all the secrets you’re supposed to hide from the people you date. And the characters are so great. Sally is difficult without being crazy. Harry is funny and still has actual emotions that aren’t glued on at the end. It’s pretty sad how rare both these things are.
4. Zack and Miri, Zack and Miri Make a Porno
If you haven’t seen this movie, you’re no doubt confused. As I said, I have an affinity for love out of friendship. I also have an affinity for Kevin Smith because I am typical and if you’ve seen Chasing Amy, you know no one writes declarations of love like this man. This spot goes to Z&M because when they actually give in and take that step (under strange and public circumstances, to say the least) you get the sweetest love scene ever produced. I have some quibbles with the movie itself, but they’re all cast aside by our heroes falling in love while “doing it” (though let’s face it, they were in love already) and Zack’s confession while Miri’s in the bathroom. That’s friendship, and that’s real love.
3. Wesley and Buttercup, The Princess Bride
The quintessential storybook romance from a movie that is a parody of storybook romances. TPB did what countless fairy tales and Disney movies could not; it knew what it was. It lovingly teased the genre while giving said genre arguably its best entry. Wesley and Buttercup’s love was the one every little girl wanted, but the movie being what it was reminded you that it would never happen because it was fiction. And honestly, that’s a healthy dose of reality for an eight year old.
2. Inge and Olaf, Sweet Land
This little known indie is my favorite movie of all time. I saw it alone at Chicago’s Music Box Theatre my senior year of college and I was completely transfixed. I generally explain it to people as a quieter and more subtle The Notebook, but that’s not at all fair to this movie or to Inge and Olaf (though I loves me The Notebook and you will shut it). As these two characters slowly and innocently fall for one another, like two children instead of two betrothed adults, you’ll realize you’ve never seen this kind of romance on-screen. That said, I had another favorite movie for my entire life before I saw this movie and it had its own lovelorn twosome …
1. Lloyd and Diane, Say Anything
If you’ve been reading this since March of last year when I started, you’ve heard more about my desperate love for John Cusack and my idolization of Lloyd Dobler than you thought the stereotypical woman in her mid-twenties could muster. Enough’s been said about these two that I can pretty much shut up about it by now. But I won’t. Lloyd Dobler ruined me, made me better and generally changed me. For better or for worse.
Courtney Enlow is a writer living in Chicago and working as a corporate shill to pay the bills. You can contact her at firstname.lastname@example.org.