A Million Universes – An end of summer pop culture extravaganza

Nicole Alexandria

There is so much that I don’t understand about pop culture that I don’t understand, that I sort of find the whole thing fascinating. But there isn’t anything the media likes to do more than beat a dead horse into the ground. Now that the end of summer is approaching, there are a few things I would greatly appreciate if the world would stop talking about.

1. Why does everyone think to this day that Jennifer Aniston is a victim?

Ahhh the greatest divorce in modern pop culture. Brad (who after watching one episode of My Big Gypsy Wedding I was completely convinced should have won an Academy Award for his performance in Snatch) was stolen away by the great seductress Angelina (who is mostly hated for being able to give an “I will do things to your penis that is only seen in Japanese Hentai” vibe). Jen if nothing else came out of the ordeal looking like a wounded bird … and god damn if America doesn’t like a damsel!

But lets think about this for a second. Post breakup, her dating record hasn’t been too squeaky clean. There was Vince Vaughn, a known ladies man at the time, but everyone needs a rebound. Okay Jen. Then there was Jon Mayer. Hmmm … the same Jon that has a song condemning him sung by a very young country pop tart? Next up! Gerard Butler – a.k.a. “The great Scottsman” – who you can’t help but love even though he probably gave you herpes. And now there is Justin Timberlake, who allegedly left his long time partner to be with Jen. Clearly she has a thing for “Bad Boys”. Maybe, just maybe, Brad just decided he didn’t fit that bill anymore.

2. Pippa Middleton isn’t going to happen.

America seems to not understand that there are some people in this day and age that don’t want and or need to be on a reality show. By all accounts the media is attempting to make Pippa a star just because she looked hot in a dress one day, forgetting her newly acquired very old money ties. With the likes of Paris, Kim and the ladies of the Housewives series bombarding our media every day, we forget that money doesn’t always come attached with a constant need for attention.

3. Everyone has an irrational extreme hatred of summertime TV.

Every year I see post, tweets and gripes mourning the loss of regularly scheduled television. As far as I can tell, as long as you have cable, summer tv in some respects is almost better then normal scheduled shows for one reason only: it recognizes that its ridiculous and embraces it. Every Sunday I spend the day watching summer TV shows on demand with my mother, and honestly it’s just great. There isn’t a facade that any show I’m watching is great writing and thus concentrates solely on making the experience enjoyable. (I would argue Rescue Me and Breaking Bad are the only two exceptions to this rule this summer. Go ahead and argue me in the comments section if you disagree.)

Shows like Franklin and Bash seemed to be stemmed out of the simple idea of “How can we show two guys sitting around naked in a hot tub and make it watchable? Make them fun-loving lawyers!” Or Royal Pains as another example seems to be based out of “How can we make a show about the over-indulgence and excess of the Hamptons while still giving it a soul? A doctor who works pro-bono! Eureka.” What you are presented with is simply an hour of entertainment, that isn’t any less unrealistic then any CSI or House episode.

4. January Jones is a bitch. Why do you care when the much superior Christina Hendricks is on the same show?

Of course she is a bitch. She probably hasn’t eaten in 15 years. Why is she even a thing? Especially when Christina Hendricks is more or less perfect. Let’s all talk about her instead. And by talk I mean let’s all put our heads down on our desk, close our eyes and pretend to be pillowed by the warmth of her ample bosom. There is more then enough that we can all share.

5. Ok Go does not make genius videos.

I saw Ok Go live about 11 years ago when they opened up for The Vines. I was particularly excited because their shirt for sale was awesome. Upon them going on, I wanted to return said shirt. They were so terrible that people actually started laughing at them mid performance. I gave their videos a chance, but honestly the only thing really great about them is that they still make them. It makes me want to find the closest young child I know, show them the new Muppet’s video for the sole purpose of being able to say “You know when I was a kid, we used to spend hours – Hours I say! – watching music videos. You kids today don’t know what being passionate about music is until you stayed up until 4 a.m. watching the box.”

Alright pop culture! It’s a new school year. Let’s start fresh and keep it classy.

Nicole Alexandria is off doing cool things like a boss that you probably never heard of while not giving a single fuck all day every day. You can contact her through Facebook.