Nicole Alexandria |
When I was very young my mother wanted me to be cultured. Being the 80’s, the Internet and on demand television wasn’t accessible, so my mom would often get creative in her efforts. Namely, she would have me watch movies no child in their right minds should ever be forced to watch (even if the message they convey is important). For example, I was six when I watched the Color Purple. I also remember particularly enjoying Amadeus, although I appreciated the actor’s laugh far more then the music showcased.
Later on in life, I had a conversation with my mom about the appropriateness of the content of these films. She told about when I was in first grade and a visiting priest came to our parish. He spoke in front of the class and asked around to see if any of the munchkin-sized students could identify what race he was. Most people said Hispanic. Or Native American. Or Black. Until he called on me. I said he was from India. When asked how I knew, I responded: “My mom made me watch Gandhi.” She was never more proud.
As you can probably tell, I didn’t really have a normal childhood. Amongst other things, my parents are recovering hippies. This manifested in their parenting namely in that there are certain filters or normal social norms that I didn’t know existed. For instance, any particular need for pants. Despite the vastly odd decision to send me to Catholic school for 12 years, it was apparently far too late to instill any sort of guilt in me. I would often attempt to provoke the nuns. All four years I hung a Chippendale’s poster in my locker and by senior year I was telling the nuns my goal in life was to own a chain of male strip clubs before retiring on an island with my own Speedo-wearing cabana boy.
My parents weren’t completely boundary-less. There were many things I wasn’t allowed to watch. However, looking back a lot of those restrictions seem to match up with television shows they didn’t like to watch themselves. For example, when the show first came on I wasn’t allowed to watch The Simpsons, but I was allowed to watch Married with Children, which was on the same night. To make it even better, I was allowed to watch The Tracy Ullman Show, which the Simpson’s premiered on, but not the actual show itself. I wasn’t allowed to watch Beavis and Butthead, but I was allowed to watch The State and Kids in the Hall.
Now, I was allowed to watch things in the 80’s that were undeniably questionable. But entertainment for children and teenagers has become far more conservative, so you have to ask yourself: are we really doing any sort of service for these kids by keeping them so naive? The world is a cruel, harsh, harsh place. People suffer. Everyone doesn’t get a happy ending.
I’m not recommending that people should have their young kids watch The Color Purple. Or Amadeus to send them the message that on of the most revered musicians of all time could die poor, sick and hated. But is all the princess shit really a services to them either? Gently presenting kids with the notion that sometimes bad things happen to good people seems like better parenting than feeding them fairy tales where the endings were changed to keep everything sanitized and happy. It would better prepare kids for the reality of life instead of raising entitled adults who are surprised they aren’t whisked away on a magic carpet to a better life. Or even for the kids who end up having those castles and happy endings to understand that all don’t have that chance. And sometimes you can work hard and slave away and never reach that great American Dream. This basic understanding would eliminate half the political debates in Congress at minimum.
Also, maybe we wouldn’t have a so many child actresses kept innocent so long that they go bat shit crazy when they grow boobs and turn into pop stars who dance in their underwear with stripper poles on stage. The 80’s were a particularly great time in movie history because there were so many boobs. In pretty much everything. From Phoebe Cates’s ridiculously perfect breasts to the shower scene in Sixteen Candles to the great tits reveal in Just One of the Guys. The found a way to explain that breasts are pretty fucking great, allowing girls to mature into adolescences without hiding their existence. As you can tell from the current careers of Miley and Britney, kids find out anyway.
Lighthearted movies used to have major themes in them to brace kids or teens for the darker sides of life that everyone at some point has to face, while still managing to keep things fun. Footloose showed a rebellious pastor’s daughter in a domestically violent situation which was resolved when she stood up for herself and moved on to someone who cared about her and not her ass. Sixteen Candles showed the consequences of teenage drinking – in that if you drink too much you will lose your hot boyfriend to a ginger and sleep with a nerd. Shit, even in Stand By Me you learn that a potential consequence of pissing off the older town bully is that you might get stabbed or get your ass kicked like in the Karate Kid.
The kids today have High School Musicals. Completely polished fairy tales without any raw or grit.
The reality is that if you don’t show kids how to live, they’re going to find out on their own. I had a fair more exposed childhood then most. I have a degree, a job, an apartment and a dog. The majority of time I’m even happy. The kids will be alright.
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Nicole Alexandria is off doing cool things like a boss that you probably never heard of while not giving a single fuck all day every day. You can contact her through Facebook.