Not exactly a jury of my peers

If I ever snap and end up on a rooftop in my bathrobe picking off people with a high powered assault riffle GTA style, I only hope that when I go to trial, Eleanor Cook and Ray Hultman are both on the jury.

You may be wondering who Eleanor Cook and Ray Hultman are. They are far from household names – but they are hoping to change that very soon. Cook and Hultman were two of the wonderful jurors that found Michael Jackson innocent of all charges in his recent molestation case. Both are now hoping to cash in on their 15 minutes of fame by writing tell-all books about the ordeal. The twist? Cook and Hultman now say they think Michael Jackson is guilty.

"No doubt in my mind whatsoever, that boy was molested," Cook said on MSNBC’s Rita Cosby: Live and Direct.

Yes, you are reading that correctly. Cook really did say that there was no doubt in her mind whatsoever -- or, to put it another way, she believes Michael Jackson is guilty beyond reasonable doubt. If only she had been in a position to do something about it.

Both Cook and Hultman seem to blame the other jurors for the verdict. In fact, they are very upset about the way things turned out.

Hultman said, "The thing that really got me the most was the fact that people just wouldn't take those blinders off long enough to really look at all the evidence that was there."

"They ought to be ashamed. They're the ones that let a pedophile go," Cook preached.

This was all followed up by the pot, who came out to badmouthed the kettle for a little while.

Obviously, the question becomes, if Cook and Hultman thought Michael Jackson was guilty, why didn’t they actually try to convict him?

Well, for anyone worried that our justice system might be flawed, don’t fret – they had a good reason. When it became clear to them that everyone else thought Jackson was innocent, they just decided to just go along with them. You know, why rock the boat?

Honestly, I was a bit taken aback by their mentality. We have always been taught that our vote counts and one person can make a difference. It just kills me that they thought Jackson was guilty, but just didn’t care enough to argue their point. It’s not like someone’s life hung in the balance or anything.

Maybe my perception is warped after years of watching courtroom dramas on television and in movies, but I like to imagine that a jury is actually sitting in their private room pouring over the evidence, trying to find that one missing link that will put all of the pieces together. I’d like to think the jurors are actually having spirited debates. Didn’t Eleanor Cook and Ray Hultman ever watch Runaway Jury? John Cusack was able to swing the jury his way and he didn’t even have play "In Your Eyes" on his giant boombox.

While the two failed to act like the protagonist from John Grisham’s book, it’s certainly not stopping them from writing their own books. What possible revelations could these books offer? What makes them interesting or unique? Two slackers didn’t stand up for what they believed in because it was easier not to. Who wants to read that?

Do they think they are just going to cash in on Michael Jackson’s name? If so, I have sour news for them – even Jackson can’t manage to cash in on his name anymore. His recently released greatest hits CD only sold 8,000 copies in the U.S. in it’s first week, only making it to number 128 on the charts.

But, I’m sure someone will buy their books. Actually, maybe I’ll go out and get a copy – and then bludgeon them over the head repeatedly with it. With any luck, I’ll get a jury of their peers.

Joel Murphy is the creator of Hobo Trashcan, which is probably the reason why he has his own column. He also has some really hot friends. You can contact him at: murphyslaw@hobotrashcan.com