Down to The Wire

I suppose I could just say nothing. I could keep quiet like a pretentious snob decked out in Abercrombie and Fitch sipping his soy mocha latte in some trendy coffee bar listening to an obscure underground indie band on his iPod, content in the knowledge that I am cooler than you because I've discovered something great that you've never heard of. But I like you nice people too much to do that to you, so I'm going to let you in on the secret ...

The Wire is the best show on television.

Now, I'm sure some of you are surprised by that (and some of you are probably wondering, "What is The Wire?"), but it's true. It is the best show on television today. Now, my word alone should be enough to make you rush out and buy the first three seasons on DVD so that you can get caught up to season four, which debuts this Sunday on HBO, but in case you need some more convincing, here are 10 reasons why this show is better than anything else out there:

1. It's not your average cop show. Too often, this show gets lumped in with CSI, Law and Order and every other lame "cop drama" out there. But, unlike those shows, The Wire actually dives deeper in an effort to show every gritty and sometimes gruesome detail of the Baltimore drug scene. It's not just about cops, it's about the drug dealers, the poor kids caught up in the drug game, the crooked politicians who turn a blind eye to it and, in season four, the inadequate school system. And unlike those shows, everything isn't wrapped up in a nice little bow at the end of the hour, which leads me to ...

2. Season long story archs. One of the best features of the show is also one of the most intimidating for new viewers. This is not a show you can just pick up and watch one episode of. Each season unfolds like a novel, with all of the pieces being set up in the first few episodes (which can admittedly be a little slow), leading up to an amazing season finale.

3. Anything can happen. Most shows try to create tension and convince you that their main characters are in danger, but deep down, you know that they won't kill off their most bankable stars. That's why when Christopher freaked out on The Sopranos and waved a gun in Tony's face, he got away with a slap on the wrist when he should have gotten a bullet in the head. The Wire isn't afraid to pull the plug on their major players. The writers follow the rules of the street and let the story flow naturally. That's why they killed a major character at the end of last season (I've left out the name of the character for those of you who haven't seen the show and might be swayed to go back and watch it, but suffice to say, it was one of the biggest names on the show).

4. Continuity. One of my biggest pet peeves is when a show lacks continuity. Not to keep picking on The Sopranos, but that show tends to have tons of loose ends that never get tied up. I'm still waiting for the Russian from the "Pine Barrens" episode in season three to show back up after escaping from Christopher and Paulie.The Wire, on the other hand, is so good at continuity that they bring up little things from previous season. Point blank - everything that happens on the show matters.

5. It's a show for smart people. Nothing against Deal or No Deal, Acccording to Jim or The Blue Collar Comedy Tour, but it's refreshing to have a show on television that forces you to pay attention and is actually intellectually stimulating.

6. It takes place in Baltimore. Now, I realize that for most of you this probably isn't a big deal, but since I live relatively near Baltimore, it's really cool for me. Most shows these days are either set in New York or Los Angeles, so it's exciting to see Baltimore getting some love. Sure, the show portrays Baltimore as a corrupt city overrun with drugs and crime, but at least they aren't talking about all of the STDs. Besides, who doesn't love der Bawl'mer accent, hun?

7. Omar. Without a doubt, one of the most interesting characters on television. In a way, he is a modern day Robin Hood. He robs drug dealers, but uses some of the money to help out the less fortunate in the city (who, in turn, help hide Omar when the drug dealers come looking for revenge). Omar is such an intimidating bad ass that he walks around the streets of Baltimore carrying a sawed-off shotgun while whistling "The Farmer in the Dell." Everyone is afraid of him ... and, oh yeah, he's openly gay. Gay, gay, gay. So gay that when his boyfriend was killed by the Barksdale crew, he said, "That boy was beautiful," while choking back tears. Lets just say that there isn't another character like him on television.

8. McNulty. He's an Irish cop who drinks too much Jameson, so obviously I'm going to love him. But he's great for many other reasons. On the one hand, he is a fantastic cop. He's incredibly dedicated to his job and has a knack for detective work. McNulty is probably the most talented police officer on the show. But he's a train wreck. In his pursuit to solve a case, he'll burn every bridge he has to, pretty much sabotaging his career in the process. Plus, in every season, you can count on at least one classic episode where he'll get sloppy drunk, fuck anything that moves and screw up his life in some spectacular way. Plus, in season two, he actually had a threesome while doing undercover work at a brothel. What's not to love?

9. Every season might be it's last. While a certain mob show that I promised to stop picking on could afford to spin it's wheels in season six and end with an incredibly lame Christmas episode, The Wire is forced to treat every season like it's their final one. As a fan, you keep your fingers crossed each offseason in the hope that HBO will renew the show. That means when the show does get picked up for each addition season, viewers legitimately get that "Christmas day" feeling. It'll be devastating when the show finally does get cancelled, which makes fans enjoy it more now.

10. Jimmy Fallon isn't on it.

Random thought of the week:
So Suri Cruise is actually cute and not at all deformed? How incredibly disappointing.

Joel Murphy is the creator of HoboTrashcan, which is probably why he has his own column. He also has some really hot friends. You can contact him at murphyslaw@hobotrashcan.com.