You must be joking

I am a big Batman fan - probably too big. I read the comics when I was a kid, and watched Batman: The Animated Series religiously. I even watched the cheesy Adam West Batman series, with all its "Bops," "Whams" and "Ka-pows."

I have seen every Batman film on opening night. When I was in fifth grade, I took the first girlfriend I ever had to see Batman Returns the day it opened. I was at a family reunion when Batman and Robin was released, and I practically had to beg my dad to sneak me away from the festivities so that I could keep the streak alive. I even went to see the Halle Berry Catwoman movie on opening night, just because it was kind of like a Batman movie.

Through all of the years and all of the different incarnations of Batman, one thing has remained consistent - I've been disappointed. I loved the first Batman movie with Michael Keaton and Jack Nicholson (and I still think it's the best film so far), but I was disappointed they killed The Joker in the end. I liked Batman Returns (even if I was a little distracted by the fact that I had a cute girl sitting next to me that I had no idea what to do with, and my parents were somewhere in the back of the theater keeping an eye on us) but thought it wasn't nearly as good as the first movie. Batman Forever officially shifted the franchise into a cheesier, over-the-top tone, which I thought was a big mistake. And, Batman and Robin, well, frankly, that movie never should have happened (someday I'll write an angry nerd column about how they completely misused the Bane character).

I was happy that they decided to reset things with Batman Begins. I'm a big fan of Christopher Nolan's work, especially Memento, and I loved the casting of Christian Bale as Batman. Unfortunately, I was disappointed by that film as well. It was almost as good as the original Tim Burton Batman film, but I thought the first half of the movie dragged on too long (it took him half the film to actually be Batman, for Christ's sake) and worst of all, I thought the fight scenes were terrible. They were too closely cropped and Nolan kept cutting away to different angles at a rapid pace, making the fight scenes spastic and impossible to follow. But I still mostly enjoyed the film, and liked the direction they were taking my beloved childhood idol.

However, it seems that I may be in for more disappointment. Latino Review, where I go whenever I'm seeking the Latin perspective on all films, is reporting that Heath Ledger has been offered the role of The Joker in the next Batman film. Yes, Heath Ledger - the gay cowboy.

I am completely baffled by this move. I don't know what sort of drugs you have to be on to pick Heath Ledger as The Joker (but they are probably the same drugs that convince you to get Topher Grace to play Venom in the next Spider-man movie). It's just such a strange decision. There's nothing about Heath Ledger that makes me think he can pull off playing the signature villain in the Batman franchise. I mean, off the top of my head, I can think of plenty of better actors to play the role:

Jack Nicholson. I know that these new films are supposed to be a reset and aren't actually connected to the previous Batman movies, but whoever got cast as Joker was going to be compared to Nicholson anyway, so why not just give him the part? He did an absolutely perfect part playing the role in Batman. Plus, to my knowledge, he never starred in a gay cowboy movie.

Robin Williams. He was actually one of the people rumored to be in contention for the role and I think he would have done a good job with it. I realize there is a risk he might have gone too over-the-top with the role (like Jim Carrey did with The Riddler), but he's actually a great actor (Patch Adams notwithstanding) and can play a villain well. If you don't believe me, check out Insomnia (another great Nolan movie).

Mark Hamill. Another one of the people rumored to be considered for the role. Plus, Hamill actually did the voice of The Joker on Batman: The Animated Series, so he's already familiar with the role. Plus, he did a great job in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back playing Cocknocker ("Why do they call you Cocknocker?").

Cesar Romero. Wait, he died back in 1994. Although he'd still probably give a more animated performance than Heath Ledger. Zing!

Anyone. That's right, literally anyone in the entire world would have probably been a better choice than Heath Ledger. Even Angelina Jolie could have done a better job (after all, she certainly has the lips for the role).

I guess it doesn't matter though. Because even if Heath Ledger serves up a big steaming pile of suck, I'll still be there on opening night to suffer my way through it. Oh well, it can't possibly be any worse than Batman and Robin.

Random thought of the week:
Is anyone else starting to think that Suri Cruise is slowly becoming Bigfoot? People keep claiming to have seen her, but there is still no photographic evidence.

Joel Murphy is the creator of HoboTrashcan, which is probably why he has his own column. He also has some really hot friends. You can contact him at murphyslaw@hobotrashcan.com.