Good and evil

Since the beginning of time, there has been a lot of debate about the nature of good and evil. Religions over the centuries have debated the true nature of man and have sought to define morality. However, in the past week, two prominent figures have stepped forward and given their own take on what is good and what is evil.

The first is Pope "Eggs" Benedict XVI (or, as I like to refer to him, "Not John Paul"). The pope gave a speech last week at Regensburg University (presumably dressed in one of his pimped out robes and cool hats) on reason and faith in the West. Now, many great public speakers will tell you the best way to warm up a crowd is to start with a joke. But, the pope decided to break the ice a slightly different way. He began his speech by quoting a discussion between a 14th-century Byzantine Christian emperor, Manuel II Paleologus, and a Persian scholar about the truths of Christianity and Islam.

The pope said, "The emperor comes to speak about the issue of jihad, holy war."

"He said, I quote, 'Show me just what Muhammad brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached.' "

Now, this may surprise you, but apparently some Muslims are pretty upset by his comments. Who knew that the people who were ready to riot over a Danish cartoon's depiction of Muhammad took their religion so seriously?

In an effort to smooth things over with the Islamic community, the pope issued an apology. He said he was "very sorry" that people were offended by his remarks, which is actually the way most celebrities in the public eye do their apologies as well - it's the old "I'm sorry you were offended," not "I'm sorry for what I said." He even tried to justify his remarks to some extent.

"This quotation, unfortunately, was misunderstood," Benedict said. "In no way did I wish to make my own, the words of the medieval emperor."

"I wished to explain that not religion and violence, but religion and reason, go together," he added.

All in all, I give the pope a lot of credit for his apology. It takes a big man to admit when he's wrong - especially when that man is infallible. His apology isn't as good as Mel Gibson trying to save face after making anti-Semitic remarks and calling a female police officer "Sugartits" during a drunken escapade, but he gets bonus points since he is the leader of the Catholic church (and since he drives such a sweet car).

The other man who has expressed his views on good and evil is Venezuelan President Hugo Chávez. Chávez definitely wasn't quoting any 14th-century emperors when he said yesterday that President George Bush is "the devil himself." Now, I knew that George Bush didn't care about black people, but I was unaware that he was actually the devil incarnate.

"The devil, the devil himself, is right in the house. And the devil came here yesterday," Chávez said in a speech to the UN General Assembly. He then made the sign of the cross and, speaking at the same podium Bush had spoken from the previous day, added, "Right here - and it smells of sulfur still today." The comments actually drew some laughter and applause (although I'm sure Bush wasn't laughing when someone explained it to him using small words later in the day).

Chávez went on to bash US foreign policy and encouraged other nations to join in "the birth of the new era, to prevent hegemony and prevent further advances of imperialism." He even gave out a book recommendation to us ignorant Americans - Noam Chomsky's Hegemony or Survival: America's Quest for Global Dominance. Unfortunately, unless the book is featured on Oprah's Book Club, I doubt most Americans will end up taking Chávez's recommendation.

Still, I applaud both of these men for taking a look at good and evil and sharing their thoughts with all of us. Then again, I've always been a sucker for a good speech.

However, while I really dig Pope Benedict's and President Chávez's interesting comments, I'm a little disappointed with their showmanship. Both of them wasted their best material at the beginning of their speeches, then continued on with the rest of their prepared material. Everyone knows that you save the best stuff for the end. Had they saved their killer lines for their finale, I think they could have even taken a page out of the Chris Rock playbook and dropped the mic at the end.

"The devil, the devil himself, is right in the house. And the devil came here yesterday. Right here - and it smells of sulfur still today." Scattered laughter and applause. "Thank you, thank you. You've been a wonderful audience. Make sure to tip your waitress." Thud.

Random thought of the week:
So apparently a woman in D.C. said that rapper DMX is the father of her son and DMX responded by saying the woman raped him. "I mean, you know, that might sound like some bullshit. No man has ever been ... you know what I mean, like never? Is that the only thing in the world that's not possible?" DMX said. Now, some of you may laugh and think that DMX must have created this lie to hide an affair from his wife, but considering this is the same guy who rhymed the word "friend" with itself twice in a row on the track "A'Yo Kato," I just don't think he's creative enough to make something like this up.

Joel Murphy is the creator of HoboTrashcan, which is probably why he has his own column. He also has some really hot friends. You can contact him at murphyslaw@hobotrashcan.com.