God hates me

Have you ever had one of those days? You know, the ones where you just know that every force out there in the universe is working against you? You do, right? You know how bad those days suck. It sucks even worse when you have a few of them strung together, either back to back or sneaking in once every couple of weeks or so. Well, I'm having one of those lifetimes. More often than not, I wake up in the morning with a sense of dread, with a feeling that something is about to happen that just will not make my next few days go smoothly at all. Granted, they are never catastrophic things, like death, dismemberment or in-laws coming for an extended stay. No, mostly it is those things that are not disasters in the grand scheme of life, but are so fucking annoying (and not easily remedied) that it makes me want to just jump off a bridge. (But with the way my luck is going, I'd probably miss the water completely.)

Let me elaborate on what's been going on. It seems like once I have a handle on something in my life, or that my life is going quite well, something happens that fucks it all to high hell. Take my computer, for instance. The two regular readers that I have will remember when my hard drive ate itself and I didn't have a computer for a few weeks. Really makes surfing for porn difficult when your only connection to cyberspace is when you're at work. Especially when work is a law firm with the most cutting edge technology on the market today that monitors your every keystroke when you're online. (I'm not kidding. You get notices about these things when they hire you.) So no long hours on MySpace or HotFinnishRockstars.com for me while at work. (Note: HotFinnishRockstars.com doesn't actually exist, but that doesn't stop me from surfing for it every so often. Maybe I should buy that domain name …)

Well, last night, during another major thunderstorm, our house got hit by lightning. Thank goodness the house didn't blow up, but it did kind of zap a few fuses. So we lost power for a bit, had to reset digital clocks, reprogram the satellite dish, live without air conditioning for a few hours, blah blah blah. We decide to head upstairs and reset everything in the office. We check everything. All the electronics in our little office work just fine. The printer works; the camera docking station works; the speakers turn on. Things are looking good! We go to turn the computer on, and NOTHING!!!! What the fuck??? Don't tell me the computer doesn't work AGAIN!! That's when my husband notices that the modem and the gizmo that goes to our Internet phone are fried. Literally. They smell like a barbeque gone wrong. So his theory is that the surge protectors worked for all the electronics in our house, but somehow a surge went through the cable lines and jolted the modem, gizmo and the computer. Well, that's just peachy. Now lightning is getting selective on how it wants to fuck with me. Why couldn't it take out the satellite instead? World Cup Soccer is over, so I could care less about TV right now. But why, for love of all things that are holy, did my computer have to go tits up on me AGAIN????

This kind of thing happening to me isn't anything new, but it's reaching new heights of stupidity. I don't know how much more I can take of something like this happening. Why couldn't the lightning have picked a different expensive electronic item to screw with? I need a new refrigerator. Maybe it could have gone after that instead. It would have given us a great reason to go out and buy a nice shiny new one. But that's just not good enough. It had to go and fuck with the one thing in my house I love more than my cats and my husband, of course. Although I guess I should be happy that I don't leave vibrators plugged into the socket. It would have sucked to loose those too. I can't have both of my avenues of fun taken away from me at the same time.

So where does this leave me? Well, it depends on what the damage report is with my computer. The going theory is that the surge might have tripped some sort of fuse within the computer and shorted it, but that it is supposed to happen that way so the rest of the computer stays safe. I'm hoping to high hell that's what happened. Another theory is that it shorted out the motherboard, which I can also live with. I just don't want to loose all that shit on my hard drive again. When the computer was repaired the first time, we wasted no time downloading our song library again, which is almost 3,000 songs worth. I had just rebuilt my gallery of hot Finnish rock stars. And, I had one hell of an article for HoboTrashcan that I was going to touch up before I sent it off to Joel, but now I can't access it. My usual reason for getting my articles to Joel late are because I'm on the computer, I decide to go online for a bit on a break, and I get distracted by shiny hot men in tight pants and eyeliner. Then my writing at that point has gone to hell. So, I guess I'll have to submit that one for the next issue.

I feel like Dante from Clerks. I'm definitely having a Dante day. The funny thing is, I started out this rant convinced that God hates me. Now I'm not so sure. The more I look at the situation, the more I'm convinced he doesn't hate me, but I must just amuse the shit out of him when this crap happens, kinda like watching a hamster running in a hamster wheel, and it trips and then gets spun around a couple of times before getting ejected from the wheel. Yeah. That MUST be it. *sighs*

Marie has absolutely nothing witty to say here today. Why don't you send her some love to pick up her spirits before she sporks someone poor dumb bastard to death in the lunchroom today. Contact her at poisongirl@hobotrashcan.com.