Down with the sickness

When it started, I realized the problem almost right away. I was getting sick. Somehow, germs had penetrated the fortress I had built 12 fluid ounces at a time. I had to take action.

I should have known something was coming. We had gone from the 90s in the daytime to the 50s in the evening a couple of days in a row. Whenever we have huge changes in temperature like that, my ass gets totally kicked.

Little by little over the years, I have started to recognize the problem. My sinuses hurt. My throat gets a little sore. I feel so bad sometimes that I don't even really want to drink coffee or beer. Yeah, this can be pretty bad.

This kind of crap never happened to me in the past. I used to have an incredible ability to withstand pretty much anything you could throw at me. When food poisoning ran through my fraternity one year, I was one of the last guys hit hard by it. And I even managed to rally so I could drink the following weekend.

I think part of the reason I had this kind of stamina was the fact that germs don't scare me. Every piece of food with a speck of dirt that I eat makes my immune system one step ahead of the neat freaks.

I used to work with a bunch of them. One person washed ice before she poured a drink over it. I once got criticized for eating a piece of food that fell on the table. Never mind that it was part of my sandwich, and I had been pretty much forced to clean the table before I sat down.

I thought I could handle anything. Then I started getting older and having sinus problems, especially during weather fluctuations. I didn't even get taken down by something manly.

When I started recognizing the usual symptoms a week and a half ago, I did what I always do. Try to get a little extra sleep and drink more water. This usually does enough to make me feel better within a few days. I also called in the big guns when I continued to have trouble sleeping. I used a vaporizer.

Having sinus problems is bad enough for my street cred, but I also have to stick my face in this contraption that boils water so I can inhale the steam to sooth my sore throat.

I am such a bad ass.

I broke down and bought one of these things over the winter when I had a bunch of problems. I felt terrible. I wanted to make up a story about how my elderly aunt needed it so she could go out to Bingo, but no one even asked me a question. They probably laughed at me after I left the store.

So I filled the thing with water, turned it on, then swallowed my pride as the steam did its trick. I didn't feel nearly as bad as I could have because the thing actually worked. In less than a week, I felt 90 percent better. But things kind of stopped there.

Then this stuff happens. I tend to fall asleep on the couch so that my coughing doesn't bother my wife. That kind of gets old after almost a week. The nagging of the cough just drove me insane. It only bothered me for small parts of the day, but that was enough to make me really frustrated.

I tried everything I could, but the thing just kept hanging around. The cough really didn't put that big of a dent in my regular activities. I actually didn't even miss my morning coffee during any of this. I also managed to throw back more than a few beverages at my friend's annual summer party. I hadn't had much to drink since I started to feel bad, but I was glad I could rally for the party, even if I was doubled over in a heap the next morning trying to cough up some phlegm.

I finally broke down and called my doctor. That is a monumental step for me. I'm not afraid of doctors or anything - I just hate wasting their time with stupid shit. I have a cough, not a tumor.

Part of me worries that something else might be wrong since I have had so much trouble shaking this thing. My mother had asthma, and my daughter has "reactive airways," which from what I have read is just a nice way of saying asthma.

I really want to stop having these kinds of problems, but I don't want to face the fact that I might have some kind of asthma. I'm getting closer to 40, have to take cholesterol medication, and have a damn good beer belly. The last thing I need is to have to carry around a damn inhaler.

Then again, hopefully it will make me feel good enough to have a random beer during the week again.

Brian Shea is probably enjoying a beer in his basement right now. You can contact him at columns@regularguycolumn.com.