The five people I met in Vegas

I didn't really plan on going to Las Vegas by myself. I had plans arranged with some family members, but life got in the way for them, and they had to postpone their trip.

By the time that happened, I had arranged time off from work, received dispensation from my wife to go and mentally prepared myself to shed most pretensions of maturity for three days. With the free plane ticket burning a hole in my pocket, I decided to just go by myself, regardless of how weird other people might find that.

The way I saw it, many of the things I wanted to do in Vegas didn't require any company. I could sit in the sports book and complain about football teams with just about anyone around. So that's what I did.

Of course, when you have all that time to yourself, you tend to notice a lot more than you normally would. So, with apologies to Mitch Albom, here's a little piece on The Five People I Met In Vegas.

Poker Room Douchebag: When I play cards, I like to have fun. I hate guys who think they are some World Series of Poker champion and sit around with their hat pulled down and a pair of sunglasses on inside a dark room. We're playing $2-4 Limit, you jackass. But on my second night in Vegas, I had pretty much run through all my energy. I got up early, ate a really shitty breakfast buffet, watched football and trolled the downtown casinos for a long time. When I got back to the Imperial Palace - my home base for the trip - I just wanted to play a few hands of poker before I went to bed.

But Poker Room Douchebag was having none of that. He declared to each new person who sat down at the table that they had no choice but to take part in lively conversation. I'm a contrarian at heart so even though my natural instinct is to run my mouth non-stop, I barely said two or three words the entire time. Just because I wanted to piss off Poker Room Douchebag.

Poker Room Comedian: When only 11 other people decided to play in the nightly poker tournament at Imperial Palace, I had a feeling I would regret getting into the action. Then, the Poker Room Comedian sat down. He knew pretty much every person in the room so I had a feeling he'd end up with my entry fee in his pocket by the end of the night. I figured the money would help compensate him for the jokes he kept telling and the way he kept pretty much everyone interested in the game. In fact, he was the polar opposite of the Poker Room Douchebag, who came off like he was trying to sell you a cell phone or time share. The Poker Room Comedian just seemed like a guy you would like to have a few beers with. And, even though I didn't win the tournament, neither did he, so I got all the jokes for free.

Mr. Big-Time Blackjack: I always scout out the cheapest blackjack tables wherever I go. The game always has it out for me, so I figure I will lose my money as slowly as I can. I sat down at a table downtown and played $5 per hand pretty much the whole time. Sometimes, I bumped it up to $10 when I felt really lucky. The guy next to me did the same thing, but his buddy played anywhere from $25 to $500 per hand. And he made fun of the other guy for betting so little the entire time. Luckily, he said nothing to me because I didn't want to point out that he was staying in a hotel that only cost about 40 bucks a night, so he really shouldn't try to play the big shot role.

Loud Hawaiian Sports Book Guy: We get it, dude. You have money on lots of games. You have some exotic bets. And, yes, you definitely called that play perfectly. No, I have no idea what they are doing. Yes, you should have placed that bet that looked horrible at the beginning of the game, but makes total sense now in the fourth quarter. No, I'm not going to stay here and watch the Hawaii game because I'll probably want to kill myself by then.

Morning Drinking Giants Fan: Dude, the drinks are about eight ounces. And they don't even fill them all the way up. And you know that she won't give you another free one unless you are done with the last one. So don't wait until ... YEEEEEEEEAAAAHHHHH, ELI ... she's coming with your new drink to even ... WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, COUGHLIN???? ... begin to drink the Screwdriver that she ... YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! ... brought you 10 minutes ago.

When I left for a trip to Vegas all by myself, I wondered how much fun I would have. Thanks to the people around me, I found myself fully entertained the entire time. And that's not even getting into the lady at the airport using her cell and Blackberry at the same time and the dude on my flight who was wearing white ankle socks and light blue Crocs.

Brian Shea is probably enjoying a beer in his basement right now. You can contact him at columns@regularguycolumn.com.